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you ok now lovely?
In fact, some engineers are discussing the design of the human body, trying to work out what kind of engineer God is. One says, clearly an electrical engineer, look at the nerves and the brain, it's inspired. Another replies, no, He's a mechanical engineer, look at the muscles, tendons, joints, the whole thing is without peer. Then a third engineer speaks up. No, He's obviously a civil engineer, because who else would be foolish enough to put a waste pipe through a recreational area?
Ok, so that one's a bit within the profession funny, but only up to a point. Chin up princess, we love you.
let me know if there's anything i can do my love x
Congratulations.
It's these small achievements that are actually really huge. Well done sweetie
Sigh.
Wish I wasn't so sensitive sometimes.
Gawd.
*hugest hugs*
I'm going to be around for a bit if you wanna chat for a bit through PM or you can PM me and I'll give you my msn stuff
Everyone is on at me all the time. Its my own fault. I keep making stupid stupid mistakes and I hate myself for it.
Its no wonder people hate me.
Sheesh, if people online hate me then that pretty much explains why I'm so hated offline.
I lead such a pathetic life.
I want to give up so badly.
I've never felt this low.
I feel detached from my own body. Its like watching me do all this to myself. I don't feel in control. I don't feel much. Gawd.
Sorry, I know I shouldn't be typing all this and this place is for better people, people who deserve it. l'm just a waste of space who gets loads of advice but never does anything about it because I'm stupid. I don't deserve help.
I just wanna curl up in a ball in the corner and be left to die. Everybody would be better off without me. All I do is annoy people.
People don't hate you online. People are very frustrated with you online. There is a huge difference. None of us want to see you hurt, dead whatever. However, we are just frustrated that you don't seem to listen or even care.
Then why don't you start doing something about it? Why not start trying to help yourself. If you don't like feeling like this then there are many *many* different things you can do to try and make yourself better. Go to the doctors, seek counselling, go on ADs, stop making excuses why you can't do these things and just do them. Yes, they may not have worked in the past but by trying again and trying different counsellors, ads etc can make all the difference in the world. However, you cannot get by without even attempting to make an effort. *This* is why people are frustrated and feel like a broken record. We care. However, we get the impression that you don't. Which makes us start to care less. What's the point in giving advice if you ain't even prepared to consider it? It's a waste of our time and effort.
People wouldn't be better off without you at all. However, you need to concentrate on getting yourself better now. Do it by phoning the doctors tomorrow at 8am.
You're very welcome
I'm doing alright, I think...
You?
You can't be angry with someone for being incapable, and clearly that's what he is.
Admitedly I've gone far with no cutting. Further than I ever thought I would be able to, but now it all seems pointless. I just wanna cut. I'm fed up. I based it all on him. He told me he would leave me if I didn't stop, so I stopped so I wouldn't lose him.
See the counsellor again on Tues. Not looking forward to it.
Bloody hell- I've even emailed the Samaritans to occupy me, so I don't cut.
What's the point in getting up tomorrow? I don't see any. He's gone. I may as well be.
Without meaning to sound patronizing, this guy wasn't for you. He wasn't as supportive as he could've been and he didn't treat you as well as you needed at the moment.
Break up *are* really difficult, particularly when you are low and recovering from mental issues. They have the potential to knock you right back down to your lowest point. However, I think you are stronger than that at the moment. You are showing that by being pro-active about not cutting - you are finding distractions, you emailed for help, you are talking on here. These are good things. Give yourself that credit.
With regards to the actual break up - yes, it will be difficult and it will be awkward, particularly at work. But try and cut as much contact as you can from him. Trust me, this will help make it easier in the long run. Also, you are young. When you are better you will find someone who will treat you well, love you for who you are, share your problems with you are generally treat you like a princess. Like you deserve. However, you must get better first. And I think you will cope a million times better without this guy.
If you ever wanna chat then feel free to PM me. Due to having very little life at the moment, I'm normally not too far away.
But remember, you are doing so very well.
Of course I don't mind. Anything that I can do to help I shall gladly do / allow.
You know where I am
Unfortunately, for much of this week, I've been getting flashbacks. I’ve never spoken about this on TheSite before, but when I was in school, I was sexually abused. It wasn't by a teacher, a parent, or someone in authority, but by an older pupil. The events weren’t very pleasant, so I don’t want to go into that, but I've been crying a lot this week. Added to the fact things are very testing at work and at home at the moment, and I’ve been like a balloon that’s about to explode.
I've woke up feeling really down yet I was happier last night.
I feel like I'm going up and down like a yo-yo all the time. I don't know whats wrong with me.
Also, TRIED to go swimming with my Mum, only I couldn't do it. I was wearing a tankini top and shorts, but the scars were still showing, I just couldn't do it. Feel so weak now.
When you can start to ignore the scaring, then you can start to walk away from the pain they deal with and cause.