A clean break from family

Former Member · October 2005

xXFaithXx wrote:

Have you ever thought that maybe your family might need some counselling? They probably felt like they failed at being good parents/siblings etc., and it could be a contributary factor as to why they are over-compensating at the moment?

How am I supposed to tell them, "oh wait, could you come with me for counselling?". They'd be very offended. They don't believe in counselling anyway, they think it's modern nonsense. Stiff-upper-lip, that's the way for them. I somehow managed to hide the fact I was going counselling. Only my sister knew that I was attending them, she's the only one I could say anything to at the time. To be honest, I'm not sure they even know about it now.

Former Member · October 2005

I recently learned the hard way to wear my heart on my sleeve, it's excruciating to tell people how you actually feel, and it sometimes hurts, and you feel like a prize prat.

But, is it any way to live the rest of your life not being completely honest or open with yourself or other people around you? You're only half living if you can't express yourself.

They don't have to come with you to counselling, obviously it's a very private thing, but maybe they need to go on their own too? It's really shocking to realise that someone you love doesn't want to live anymore, they probably feel a bit rejected.

Former Member · October 2005

xXFaithXx wrote:

It's really shocking to realise that someone you love doesn't want to live anymore, they probably feel a bit rejected.

I'm not quite clear on what you mean by that.

Former Member · October 2005

Well, when my grandfather tried to commit suicide, I can remember feeling very confused (I was only 14 at the time, so that could be the main reason) I couldn't understand why he wanted to leave this life when there were so many people that loved him in it. It was like he was sticking two fingers up at us all.

In was just how I felt personally tho.

Former Member · October 2005

StarGalaxy. This may sound harsh, but it isn't going to be as harsh as winding up in London having just been evicted from your flat with nowhere but the homeless shelter to go to. Which is a possibility if you cut all ties.

You describe that your family don't help you deal with things, neither do mine. I choose my own college courses, if i skip too many lessons at college and they ring home my mum simply tells me that "College called", with girl problems, life problems and the like i don't turn to my family because they wouldn't help me with them.

Could i live without them? No.

If i moved away and cut all ties, then read the obituaries in the paper and found out my mum had died, i'd be absolutely horrified. It'd make me feel like as a failure as a son. Life isn't like the movies, it ain't all group hugs and games. Sometimes you've got to bite the bullet and understand that your family loves you. More than anything else in the world. You might not be able to see it, but they do and always will, and if you ever get yourself into a huge mess they'll do what they feel they can.

This is the family that has loved, nurtured, paid for and raised you to be the exact person you are today for the past what, 19/20 years? Imagine if you did the same to your son and they just cut all ties.

Just some food for thought. My advice? Wait until September 2006, and go move to a university. That way, you live away from home yet still get to go home and see the family at half terms and the like.

Former Member · October 2005

xXFaithXx wrote:

Well, when my grandfather tried to commit suicide, I can remember feeling very confused (I was only 14 at the time, so that could be the main reason) I couldn't understand why he wanted to leave this life when there were so many people that loved him in it. It was like he was sticking two fingers up at us all.

So, what you're saying is, when I attempted suicide (and this was over a year ago now) that to my family, it may have looked like "aren't we good enough for you?". ?

Former Member · October 2005

Well it may or may not have done, I'm just speaking from my own experience. It was more sadness and faliure to understand why, but there was a degree of anger too. It was a very strange time. I'm off home. Ta ta

Former Member · October 2005

Doofay wrote:

Just some food for thought. My advice? Wait until September 2006, and go move to a university. That way, you live away from home yet still get to go home and see the family at half terms and the like.

One more year? It sounds like an awful prospect. They readily admit they want me out of here. My mum asks me occasionally, "don't you want to move out?" and has told me about some places nearby. I won't discuss this with her, I don't see the point. As soon as she finds out that I'll be moving possibly to London, she'll be mortified. But what am I meant to do - stay here for the rest of my life? I won't have it, neither would they.

Former Member · October 2005

stargalaxy wrote:

One more year? It sounds like an awful prospect. They readily admit they want me out of here. My mum asks me occasionally, "don't you want to move out?" and has told me about some places nearby. I won't discuss this with her, I don't see the point. As soon as she finds out that I'll be moving possibly to London, she'll be mortified. But what am I meant to do - stay here for the rest of my life? I won't have it, neither would they.

What, a whole 11 months? Get yourself a new job and get saving up for uni.

A clean break from family

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