If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
A clean break from family
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
I've hesitated for a long time before posting this. It's an issue which I've been thinking about for quite a while. I've discussed it with some friends, and it's got a mixed set of answers from them.
It's to do with my relationship with my family. Over the last few years, me and depression has really changed the relationship between us all. My mum told me a few months back that after I attempted suicide, my immediate family were always walking on egg-shells, terrified I might try again. No one outside immediate family knows about my attempt, I've never told them. This is just one of the changes. With me starting work and thinking of moving to London, things have not been the same. A lot of changes have been good but not all of them.
I hate to say this, but there are moments which I feel absolutely fed-up of the mere sight of my family. I’ve been contemplating making a clean break from them altogether. In other words, what I've been thinking of doing is moving away from them and cutting all means of contact with family, and never seeing them again. I think the term is ‘estrangement’. I just don't know whether I should go ahead with this or not.
Any replies to this entry will be appreciated.
Stargalaxy, xxx
It's to do with my relationship with my family. Over the last few years, me and depression has really changed the relationship between us all. My mum told me a few months back that after I attempted suicide, my immediate family were always walking on egg-shells, terrified I might try again. No one outside immediate family knows about my attempt, I've never told them. This is just one of the changes. With me starting work and thinking of moving to London, things have not been the same. A lot of changes have been good but not all of them.
I hate to say this, but there are moments which I feel absolutely fed-up of the mere sight of my family. I’ve been contemplating making a clean break from them altogether. In other words, what I've been thinking of doing is moving away from them and cutting all means of contact with family, and never seeing them again. I think the term is ‘estrangement’. I just don't know whether I should go ahead with this or not.
Any replies to this entry will be appreciated.
Stargalaxy, xxx
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
0
Comments
Growing up and moving away and starting a life of your own however is a good idea, this will probably make you and your family closer as you will have the chance to live independently and when you see your family it will be because you want to see them...not because you have to like at the moment.
Even if you feel like you don't want them around right now in a years time or two years time your lifestyle might have changed and you might wish you had never cut ties and by then it could be too late.
I think you just need a break from them and that is totally normal as a young adult you probably just need to spread your wings and get some independence of your own and prove to yourself that you can look after yourself and stuff.
After one particular argument where my parents both accused me of being a drug addict [when at that point in time i had given up drugs] i packed my bags and left the next morning without saying goodbye or even letting them know what i was doing.
I hadnt got anything planned and had no money.Thankfully things turned out ok.I moved into a bedsit and worked fulltime which was ok.But i didnt talk to my parents or let them know where i was for over 4 months.Infact it wasnt until one day my dad saw me in town that he begged me to come home and see my mum that evening.So i did and gradually we built up a relationship again and 2 months after that i moved back home.
Those 4 months were some of the worst of my life so far.But there is no doubt in my mind that if i hadnt left when i did something serious would have happened and we would never have spoken again.
Since moving back in with my parents the relationship has changed so much.i feel so much closer to them and have found great strength from them.
Maybe a break from your family is what you need to help put things in perspective,but dont break tyes completly.
What did your family ever do to you that is so bad that they deserve to lose their son/grandson/etc ??
Everyone gets annoyed by their family, everyone gets sick of living with them at some point. Its why we move out. Theres so need to create un-necessary hurt.
Unless they did something *really* bad (like try to kill you/abuse you/other extreme stuff) then you have no excuse to do this to your family.
Do move away, don't cut ties, do grow up a bit (and I don't mean that in a condecending/irritating way ... i mean that as in learn to live by yourself and without relying on your parents). I suspect you'll find you get on a lot better with family when your not living with them full time!
Remember ... you owe them, big time! Don't be a selfish and spoiled brat about things. If you can't live with them fine move out but don't abandon them
i appreciate that family can be annoying as hell sometimes (i have moments of wanting to push mine over cliffs) but realistically, would you honestly be happy to never see them again??
people normally cut all ties with family after they have done things they can't forgive them for. from your post, all i can see is that yours are a little irritating and very worried about you. what's so wrong about that?
What seems right at this moment in time will soon change in the future.
Thanks for the replies.
Danny, xxx
All I wanna say is that my Mother died in April this year and im never gonna see her again, thats not a nice thought and if I could turn the clock back she would be here today. I know we all have family troubles, you aint alone on that one but try to work at it. Just grin and bear it while you are at home, things surely cant be that bad ?
So what if you move away and cut all ties what is that gonna acheive ?
I remember when I was 16/17 I was a stroppy teenager, I knew everything and I was gonna have the last word. So I left home and never spoke to my parents for quite a while. I never knew what I put them through till i was older and it hit me more when I had my daughter, then I realised moreso what I had put them through.
My advice is if you want to move away then make sure you have somewhere to go. Make that break but please dont dissown the family. Let them know where you are, let them know you are ok but dont turn your back on them because London may be a great place but it can also be very lonely moving to a place as big as this.
You be truthful, tell them you are leaving and off you go....simple.
but dont forget that your family are gonna be pretty worried, they are gonna be wondering where you are, if you are ok, are you in any trouble, if theres any more bombs in London are you dead or alive...............do I really need to continue ?
i can't understand it at all, tbh. i don't see why it's necessary. wanting to get away is fair enough, but couldn't you just tell them you're going away and you want some space, but to tell them you never want to see them again? :shocking:
i just know if i had a child who said that to me i would be absolutely devastated.
Cos she would probably have been shitting herself and if she couldnt have contacted you on the phone she would be phoning every available helpline/hospital to try and find out anything she could.
Just sommat for you to think about but take my hubby (and this is a true story btw) the other day took Daughter to school in the car. He is normally back home by 9:00am, 9:20am arrived and he still wasnt home.........in my head he had been in an accident, was he ok, was Becks ok ? at 9:25 I was just about to phone school to see wether Becks was at school when he walked through the door.....I wont repeat what i said to him.
mothers are born worriers, we just dont tell our family/kids how much though.
what do you expect they would feel?!!?!
'oh, well it's been nice knowing you. have a nice life!' :wave:
:yes: Gosh yeah! You need to think how you would feel if you had brought up a person for twenty years and they suddenly just leave and tell you they never want to be contacted again. Just think of all the stuff your family have done for you.
From what you've said, it's obvious your family really care about you so if you want to get away don't cut all ties with them, just think how they are going to feel. You need to tell them you need your own space for a while and as someone previously said, your feelings towards your family might change if you're not living under the same roof.
I think you need to sit down and have a serious talk with your parents about your feelings, it will be hard but moving away, especially to London is going to be a massive thing and is something that needs serious, serious thought but please don't cut off ties with your family, you are very lucky to have them and you never know when you will need them. Hope you get stuff sorted
But the distance is good, you can see them when you want to and for the period of time you want.
And London can be lonely, but so can everywhere, London is NO different.
Go to London but at least give your mum a call every couple of weeks.
Who ever said it was a big deal?