ok what do you lot think?

Former Member

it is just so DAMN annoying this whole anti "nice" guy thing that girls seem to have

i mean any girl who knows me (and these are their words) knows what a great boyfriend i'd make.

I will not cheat (i'd rather die) i'm honest, and I will never pressure a girl into doing anything she doesn't want to do. and apparently (again their words) i'm damn good looking. and that any girl who gets me is very lucky.

- ok then answer me this if these girls are right and I am this real catch that any woman would love to find - why am I 19 and still waitng for my first proper kiss.

what also annoys me is that these girls who tell me all this, are not in the slightest bit interested in me as a boyfriend and yet who always ends up picking them up and getting thier life back on track when their boyfriend screws them over, Who listens to them cry about why they can never meet a nice guy - ME the guy sat right opposite listening to them explain the type of guy they want, the guy who (at least in his opinion) matches everything they say.

it just makes me wonder if there's something they're not telling me in case it offends me that is completely nullifying all these "advantages" i have or even if they are just completely lying just to cheer me up. what do you lot think?

Former Member

U gotta spark it up Malkav.

Girls always wont say funk off ur ugly n smell...well most girls n e way, lol.

U ever asked 1 of those girls who say those things bout u out???
cos thats the first step... If they're saying that bout u it sounds like a come on... Next time some1 says that, just go for the fuck it approach n say well come out with me sometime then...

Or go for the non-rejection way n say it in a joke form like.. hey mayb we should go out then... kinda jokey n mayb out in a laff.. if she say mayb or summing like that say So seriously would ya?

Or go for the damn cocky way(always the best) n say Well as I'm so good u gonna stay over 2night?.

Or the flattery/sympathy style... yeah u might think I'm good but I'd never b good enuff for a girl like u.

Or just grab them n see if they refuse <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif"&gt;

Former Member

it's definately not a come on - trust me on this the one who tells it me mostly is engaged to one of my m8s, and i've never seen any one more in love with someone than her

Former Member

ok so its noty a come on... but u can still use those in have u got n e friends that style <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">... I'm sure she will have

Former Member

There's nowt wrong with the 'nice guy', as long as he's a laugh.

Former Member

Maybe your being too much of a friend to these girls and not showing in any way that you are interested in them.

---

Eyes are the window to ones heart....Tears are the proof that you have one.

Former Member

Originally posted by Turtle:
You really are getting a bit boring... I mean, go and have a rant, fine, but the same one every week?

So what is the problem with wanting to rant about something every week? Problems or worries don't just dissapear over night do they? If you find it boring then don't read them! The ones who want to give him advice can read them. Nobody is forcing you to read them.

Anyway, MaLkAv listen to what daze said. Go for the joking approach. But don't expect instant success! If you really like her then work on her.

Try buying her flowers and send them to her while she is in a lesson so all her friends are there. Put your feelings on the card and hope for the best.

Good luck m8 <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

---

Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people

Former Member

Originally posted by Broken Heart:
So what is the problem with wanting to rant about something every week? Problems or worries don't just dissapear over night do they? If you find it boring then don't read them! The ones who want to give him advice can read them. Nobody is forcing you to read them.

Anyway, MaLkAv listen to what daze said. Go for the joking approach. But don't expect instant success! If you really like her then work on her.

Try buying her flowers and send them to her while she is in a lesson so all her friends are there. Put your feelings on the card and hope for the best.

Good luck m8 <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

i think daze is right aswell.. but do you actually really LIKE any of these girls that tell you this?...
also, buying flowers and sending them to a girl in front of her friends (when they don't really know you, just doesnt work)
it's just too much of a nice thing to do..
(which defeats the object really)..

Former Member

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Former Member

look i knowi should just relax about it more but it's difficult and when you're 19 and haven't found a single girl - yo do start wondering if there's something wrong with you.

And yes most of the time i do fancy these girl who tell me this - i usually get told this just after i ask them out. it's just that they don't fancy me or they already have a bf that they are really serious with that i didn't even know about. (obviously apart from the one who engaged to my m8)

i don't expect instant success - i never have done. i've never wanted intant success - i prefer taking my time over a girl - The problem lies however in the fact that now matter how much time or effort you take over it if she doesn't fancy you she ain't going to go out with you- and that is the problem girls just don't fancy me.

Former Member

Originally posted by MaLkAv:
look i knowi should just relax about it more but it's difficult and when you're 19 and haven't found a single girl - yo do start wondering if there's something wrong with you.

And yes most of the time i do fancy these girl who tell me this - i usually get told this just after i ask them out. it's just that they don't fancy me or they already have a bf that they are really serious with that i didn't even know about. (obviously apart from the one who engaged to my m8)

i don't expect instant success - i never have done. i've never wanted intant success - i prefer taking my time over a girl - The problem lies however in the fact that now matter how much time or effort you take over it if she doesn't fancy you she ain't going to go out with you- and that is the problem girls just don't fancy me.

This probably isn't going to be much help MaLkAv but the more people that answer, the more chance you'll have of picking up a little bit here & a little bit there.

I have begun to analyse what I find attractive in men. I realise that it doesn't have much to do with physical appearance.

Confidence is what I find attractive and, I'm almost ashamed to say, popularity. The popularity aspect is a subconcious thing which I have noticed in retrospect. When I look back at the boyfriends I have had, when I met them they appeared to be popular people.

Apparently women look for someone who is like their father and I always disputed that. But, when I thought about it more I realised that there has been an aspect of each of my past boyfriends which is reflected by in father's personality. The one thing which all of them had was enthusiasm, and so I've come to the conclusion that the attributes I find most attractive in men are -
Confidence
Popularity and
Enthusiasm.

I guess this might sound a bit "off topic" and if it is of no use at all, I'm sorry, but I jest felt compelled to write it. I know it's easy for me to say, but don't worry, one day someone will see in you something which they find attractive. Just don't miss it by giving up. <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

j9

Former Member

Hmmm yeah I c what u mean J9, confidence enthusiasm n popularity, not that I find them attractive <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">, ut thinking bout the guys who pull the most girls have those qualities exactly.

I always thought confidence was the main thing, popularity comes off that n enthusiasm I guess is just how much they wanna pull.

Dunno how u get these qualities, but agree with J9 theyre probaby needed n with ur lack of expierience u probably dont hav that much confidence... Mayb just try putting it on, c how that works.

Former Member

Originally posted by Daze:
Hmmm yeah I c what u mean J9, confidence enthusiasm n popularity, not that I find them attractive <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/tongue.gif">, ut thinking bout the guys who pull the most girls have those qualities exactly.

I always thought confidence was the main thing, popularity comes off that n enthusiasm I guess is just how much they wanna pull.

Dunno how u get these qualities, but agree with J9 theyre probaby needed n with ur lack of expierience u probably dont hav that much confidence... Mayb just try putting it on, c how that works.

The enthusiasm of which I speak Daze doesn't have to be limited to pulling. A person can be enthusiastic about anything, it's the basic enthusiasm which catches my attention. I suppose that it demonstrates passion, and a sense of enjoyment of life. I had to analyse it before I realised what it was.

My son is currently the epitome of confidence, but unfortunately he's not popular because he is a little odd. He also has enthusiasm (even if it is often mis-placed). I have "just" realised that it must be the combination which is important and I must endeavour to preserve Ian's confidence when he starts to react to not being poopular.

j9

Former Member

this is the problem - i have neither confidence or popularity - and i can be enthusuiastic about anything you liek but with out the confidence it gets drained pretty quickly.

and as for the popularity - as far as my interests go i'm basically an atypical nerd. except for the fact that i have a hard rock/goth side to me. A combination which doesn't lead to me winning many popularity contests

and with all this backed up by a lack of any kind of experience with women. (if a girl actually ever said yes - i wouldn't have a clue what to do - i'd probably panic and feint) it makes for a deadly combination really.

Girl-From-Mars

Malkav... you sound a bit like a friend of mine, we're all kind of part of the "outsiders" as we call ourselves sometime, the weird ones bascailyl who arent friends with the "in crowd" (its very divided at our school.. although if you arent in the in crowd there are a number of groups you're in). and this mate's kind of a goth too with punky spiky hair. he sounds quite like you, hes friendly once you get to know him, and hes actually really caring and nice under the scary image sorta thing.. some peope just think hes weird. he had a girlfriend recently, and was seeing my best friend in school for a few days. that developed after they were friends for the whole 6th form. i know its been said before, and it may not help you since you've said you're friends with all these girls who just want to be friends... but its my opinion that rlationships should just develop of their own accord without worrying about labelling bfriend/gfriend etc. and without going "will you go out with me". mayb ejust going out places as a group, getting to know the person, then if it seems like something's there then going out alone sometime maybe, and taking it slowly. since you're the guy whos friends with the girls, i think that would be more fitting than just the "going out on the pull" sorta thing.

i understand what yo mean about the not knowing what to do if a girl actually DID say yes (if you do the above method it wont be so scary if you get a yes/no answer, as there isnt REALLY a yes/no question). i used to feel like that, and wouldnt go out with anyone, even if i did like them a bit and they asked me, coz i was scared adn my gut reaction was to say no in a rude way like i used to to this weird guy who kept pestering me. that was like when i was 12, 13 ish. ive only had the one relationship (which youve heard alllllll about!), so i dont have bags of experience either. its not a matter of "doing" stuff necessarily, just being yourself and nt changing loads when you start going out with a girl, which is the mistake my punky aforementioned m8 made. the reason they agreed to go out with you, if they did, is coz they like you the way you are, not coz they wanna change you.

but dont worry about not havng found anyone at 19. i can imagine it must be frustrating/depressing... but you either havent found the right girl for you yet, who likes you and fids you attractive for who you are, or you havent gone about it the right way and maybe given out confusing signals. (guys never understand hints, the ones ive met anyway, so if they give out bad ones themselves they often dont notice!!)

so hang in there, it'll all be alright some day <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

ps. sorry for those people with short concentration spans (j9, i mean you!! <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; who dont like long posts, you're just gonna have to ignore them if you dont wanna read them!!

Former Member

Originally posted by MaLkAv:
the fact that i have a hard rock/goth side to me. A combination which doesn't lead to me winning many popularity contests.

Get that side out of u!!! It doesnt lead to popularity n it wont lead to decent girls.
If u listen to it try listening to summing like Deftones or Rage, not Goth shit bcos it leads to well........

Sorry to sound harsh but being a goth is not good, listening to goth music is not got... If u like it u dont, it just reaches ur state of mind n make it worse. Stop listening to it, dress in some bright colors n u'll b fine

Former Member

Originally posted by Daze:
Get that side out of u!!! It doesnt lead to popularity n it wont lead to decent girls.
If u listen to it try listening to summing like Deftones or Rage, not Goth shit bcos it leads to well........

Sorry to sound harsh but being a goth is not good, listening to goth music is not got... If u like it u dont, it just reaches ur state of mind n make it worse. Stop listening to it, dress in some bright colors n u'll b fine

it's sorta true what you're saying..
but, people dress how they like and have thier own communitys and stuff.. it's odd to me and (obviously to you), but i have nothing against that stuff...
but when i go down the street and see someone dressed up (with white face paint and black lipstick), i just look and carry on.. (thinking hmmm.. odd).. but there are other people that beat people up for looking like it...
it just makes me think 'if you're gonna go down the road with everyone looking at you thinking that you're a freak and wanting to kick you in, wouldnt you get the message?' and maybe try and socialise out of your own community...

Girl-From-Mars

liking hard rock/goth music doenst mean you always go round wearing lipstick and nailvarnish and white face paint and just black. its just the type of music, the friends i have who like stuff like that dont wear make up!! (the male ones that is)

and telling someone to NOT like a particular type of music and saying this is why they dotn havea girlfriend isnt particularly productive or helpful, its not just males who like stuff like that, and anyway, you dont have to have everything in common.

and the popularity thing may be true for j9, but like she says, its more the confidence, so not all girls go out with over confident cocky blokes, and many find them annoying.

Former Member

right daze you can shut up because it's obvious you haven't a clue what you're talking about.

Most goth's are actually normal people who have been treated like shit by society. (probably people just like you)

They listen to goth music because they identify with it because it's how they feel inside. it's not goth music that gets you all depressed it's the depression that leads to being a goth.

A lot of my friends are goths and they are some of the nicest people you will ever meet, and all this stuff you hear about the things that they do is utter crap. (yes there are people that do that kind of stuff but they are an extremely small minority that even goths call freaks)

It's obvious that you don't know any goths - and these so called decent girls you talk about are usually shallow as hell and if you ain't drop dead gorgeous and confident as hell you haven't got a chance.

(sorry if this offends anyone and i'm sure there probably are lots of girl out there who aren't shallow and won't screw you over the second someone else shows any interest in them - it's just i've never met any apart from my m8's fiancee)

Former Member

Originally posted by Girl-From-Mars:

and the popularity thing may be true for j9, but like she says, its more the confidence, so not all girls go out with over confident cocky blokes, and many find them annoying.

I don't recall saying that it was more the confidence aspect, and I didn't actually mean confident in a cocky way <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

I meant confident in the way that allows you to like yourself. If you like yourself then other people like you and so the popularity comes from that.

Unfortunately for me, the popularity only has to be apparent for me to fall for the guy & also, unfortunately it's not actually something I have any control over <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/frown.gif"&gt;

I see the enthusiasm as a personality trait & not something that anyone has any control over.

I'm doomed lol

Chin up malkav, you won't be alone forever.

j9



[This message has been edited by j9j9 (edited 15-12-2000).]

Former Member

I got more of a clue than u.
U ask y u cant get a girl, the answer is simple, ur a goth, n all goth girls r butt ugly freaks n depressed, they aint nice girls... Nu wont meet n e normal ones cos u aint normal...

Sort it out, the music n lifestyle is wrong, if u wanna sort out ur girl problem, u gotta sort out the goth problem, then things will follow. U say u like that music cos ur depressed well try listening to good happy music that means summing useful, then u'll cheer up.

U got problems, but theyre all caused by Goth shit, sort it out...

Y do I know, cos I've had friends go down that path, then start slicing themselves n end up trying to commit suicide cos of that shitty music n lifestyle...
It's for idiots, mindless wankers... Sort it Out.

Former Member

Daze, I think you're being way too harsh. I don't think the music and lifestyle lots of Goths have help much either, but from my experience Goths normally get depressed and miserable first for reasons that are nothing to do with the music. Sort those problems out, and the lifestyle etc. normally changes as well.

Also, ranting at MaLkAv like this is really unhelpful, and it's unfair. You don't sound that different to me from people having a go at drug addicts and classifying them and their problems as being all the same, and all down to drugs.

MaLkAv, you just need to go for people you like, let them know you're interested. Flirt a bit with them, that can be fun for you too, see if they respond and if so take it further...

Also, make yourself stand out a bit so that the girl / girls can see you're interested in the same kind of stuff as them. Get involved in discussions when they're talking, go places where they go, do things they do, that kind of thing. I know what you're thinking now, but it's not about being something you're not. In the end it's about connecting with them.

Former Member

Originally posted by MaLkAv:
- ok then answer me this if these girls are right and I am this real catch that any woman would love to find - why am I 19 and still waitng for my first proper kiss.

So are you saying here that you never kissed your ex-girlfriend?

j9

Former Member

I'm not being to harsh, it's true, being a goth is stupid, u ask y u cant get decent girls, well that's y.

If u want top get out of ur state of mind stop fucking around with that dirty shit... Sort it out... stopbeing a goth b 4 u fuck ur life up totally... n when u come back normal, n r still wondering y u cant pull(dubtful), which u cant do becos ur a goth then it might b time to ask, but not when ther's an obvious blatent reason staring every1 in the face

Former Member

In fact fuck it, I cant b assed to say n e more, goths r dirty n the only time I'm gonna come nr them is when my foot 'slips' onto their head

Former Member

Has someone hacked your account daze or are you just trying to piss people off?

Stop generalising, it's unhelpful. Does MaLkAv sound basically that different to anyone else here? No. So give real advice rather than being rude.

What 'dirty shit' do you think he's doing anyway? If you tell us, maybe MaLkAv can say whether he does or not and we can help him stop doing it...

Girl-From-Mars

Originally posted by j9j9:
I don't recall saying that it was more the confidence aspect, and I didn't actually mean confident in a cocky way <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

I meant confident in the way that allows you to like yourself. If you like yourself then other people like you and so the popularity comes from that.

[This message has been edited by j9j9 (edited 15-12-2000).]

i didnt mean to offend you or misquote you. i was saying several thigns in one sentence really. i meant that not all girls go for popular guys, so ones that arent surrounded by hundreds of m8s looking "cool" still have a chance. and i meant that you like blokes who are self confident, which then results in popularity. and then i over-generalised, not directed at you, but in response to MaLkAvs concerns, that many girls dont like over confident, cocky blokes (what daze was suggesting malkav pretended to be, earlier in the post... or perhaps another post), i didnt mean that you did, i just linked it in with what i was saying.

Girl-From-Mars

Originally posted by Daze:

Sort it out, the music n lifestyle is wrong, if u wanna sort out ur girl problem, u gotta sort out the goth problem, then things will follow. U say u like that music cos ur depressed well try listening to good happy music that means summing useful, then u'll cheer up.

U got problems, but theyre all caused by Goth shit, sort it out...

Y do I know, cos I've had friends go down that path, then start slicing themselves n end up trying to commit suicide cos of that shitty music n lifestyle...
It's for idiots, mindless wankers... Sort it Out.

Daze, you cant just say that someone's lifestyle is "wrong" purely because they like a certain type of music. you might be totally prejudiced about all people liking something that might be construed as being "goth" music (which you obviously are), and it doesnt mean they're all freaks and weirdos, its just music!!
you cannot possibly say that this guy (and anyone else who liks the same music)'s problems are caused by the music he listens to. and by forcing yourself to listen to some repetitive trance music or happy pop s club 7 stuff, its not gonna "cheer you up", its gonna annoy you. i dont like those types of music and i know that if i am depressed its not coz of the music! you might choose music to math your mood.. so what?

let the poor guy listen to whatever music he likes, stop having a go at him and at least try and answer the post instead of talking complete crap like you have been doing, or just dont say anything.

Former Member

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Former Member

Originally posted by Girl-From-Mars:

i didnt mean to offend you or misquote you. i was saying several thigns in one sentence really. i meant that not all girls go for popular guys, so ones that arent surrounded by hundreds of m8s looking "cool" still have a chance. and i meant that you like blokes who are self confident, which then results in popularity. and then i over-generalised, not directed at you, but in response to MaLkAvs concerns, that many girls dont like over confident, cocky blokes (what daze was suggesting malkav pretended to be, earlier in the post... or perhaps another post), i didnt mean that you did, i just linked it in with what i was saying.

You didn't offend me GFM <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt; I just thought you might have misunderstood a little. I detest cocky guys lol.

But I do like guys that other people genuinely like.

I was trying to say to MaLkav that if he likes himself, other people will like him too...at least I think I was saying that. lol.

I don't offend easily, rest assured <IMG alt="image" SRC="http://www.thesite.org/ubb/smile.gif"&gt;

j9

Former Member

can someone find out daze's adress so i can go and smack his face in - it's exactly the sort of attitude like that that causes the majority of problems in this world, because people don't fit in with thier ideas of normal they become scum, - daze what would you think if you know there are goths who think all "trendies" as we call them are scum. - but you have proved with your narrow-mindedness and pig-ignorance that you aren't even worthy to be called scum it's too good a word for you.


and j9 - no, she never let me.