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( mention of sexual assault ). life is so hard atm
eylah
Posts: 4,634 The Mix Elder
tw mention of sexual assault. long rant abt how im feeling rn
everything is just getting to much for me atm and its getting worse then better ik things get worse before getting but its just getting exhausting to point im waking up every day dreading whats next. im going through a lot rn I recently moved into my new flat which has been a awful time so far bc i donr have anyone to turn to im just feeling so alone with my thoughts and emotions its tiring bc im getting no relief from my thoughts and i just wish everything was ok. i am trying to come to terms with when i was recently sexually assaulted by a unknown male but its just agonising bc i reported to police but theyre wanting mr to a statment but bc last time it took 2 and half hours and bc of how much i struggled after i dont think i can physically do it. i know hes on bail so xant harm me but im petrified I rly am. i want to protect other women from this individual but im just being selfish rn and thinking abt myself but its just stopping me from sleeping etc im unable to get it out my head. ive reached out to rape crisis but they werent helpful and i feel like i have noone to turn to the solo officer isnt much help she put in a ppn in but that does nothing. ik im being selfish rn and thinking abt myself but im just rly rly struggling rn. 😭😭im trying my best with not self harming but rn its just so difficult to not to i keep relapsing but i just feel such a constant failure. 😭. ( im safe).
keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you. 🤍
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Comments
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can’t imagine how tough things must feel right now, and it’s completely okay to be struggling. Please don’t be hard on yourself—what you’re going through is incredibly difficult, and you’re doing your best. You deserve support, and I’m here for you whenever you need to talk or lean on someone. You’re not alone in this. Keep reaching out, and take things one step at a time. You matter, and I’m sending you strength.
No problem ❤️
My name is Brianna and I'm a moderator here on community. My heart goes out to you as it seems like you've been through so much lately and are struggling to carry the heaviness of it all. I'd like to state that nothing about your acts have been selfish. It's a rather kind thought that after being assaulted, you think about wanting to protect other women from this person. Kudos to you for having already reported this incident to the police, that takes so much courage and is not at all an easy thing to do. Going through this process is long and tiring so take the time you need to rest, sleep, and do things that bring you warmth and comfort as you're so deserving of it. I wonder if there is anyone who could accompany you (when and if you're ready) to give this statement to the police ? This is not something you should go through alone. While you've shared that you're safe (which is very positive) I can still hear that you're struggling with self harm. I'd like to share some signposts with you that might be helpful for you.
https://calmharm.co.uk/.
www.nhs.uk/live-well/sexual-health/help-after-rape-and-sexual-assault/
Safeline offer a range of free services, providing emotional support and confidential chat for anyone who has been raped or sexually abused - no matter how long ago. They also have an Independent Sexual Violence Advisor team who can provide independent practical support and assistance to anyone considering reporting sexual violence to the police, or has already done so. You can contact their general helpline on 0808 800 5008, Monday, Wednesday and Friday 9am-5pm, Tuesday and Thursday 8am-8pm and Saturdays 10am - 2pm. For the mens only/under 18s telephone helpline you can find out more at www.safeline.org.uk, webchat and email are also available via their website.
I'm aware this is quite a bit of information so take your time going through your options, there's no rush. Keep reaching out and know that you are deserving of feeling safe and supported during this time
I'm also sending you hugs and strength as you go through this
As the others said above, there is safeline which deals which all types of assualt as well as sexual assualt too.
(The other helpline I was going to send a link to is for the charity We are Survivor's but that is specifically for male assualt in general so I don't know if that would be useful to you).
However, I have found some other websites in the mean time for you. I'll put them in a spoiler for you to then access when you need to
https://thesurvivorstrust.org/
https://refuge.org.uk/
https://www.solacewomensaid.org/
https://rapecrisis.org.uk/
https://www.endviolenceagainstwomen.org.uk/[ /spoiler]
Sending you massive hugs right now,
Amy22
You mentioned that you're safe right now, and thank you for clarifying this. How have you been able to keep yourself safe, @eylah ? Is there anything that tends to ground you when the sh urges get loud? If you do feel you need any medical attention this evening too, please know that NHS 111 is an option for advice and support.
It feels like the thoughts of what happened to you are tormenting you right now, and it sounds so frightening to feel like you can't get away from the memories. I know you're saying that you feel selfish, but from where I'm standing, you're trying to come to terms with a horrific event, and the responsibility of other people's safety from the man who hurt you should not have to fall on your shoulders. You're already doing so much, and this is a huge thing to be battling through. You deserve to take the time you need and to decide what's best for you.
I'm so glad you can post here and keep us updated. Sending you the biggest hug, @eylah. You deserve to feel safe in your body and mind
I hear you on this Eylah - it can be so anxiety-inducing when we're sat by the phone waiting for a call, especially a big one like this that will bring up all kinds of feelings. Do you have someone with you today who can support you? I also wanted to ask if you knew what you was going to say, like if you've done any prep or have some notes? This isn't an easy thing to do and you are being so brave for agreeing to make a statement.
I also wanted to echo what @Sian321 said above. You're not selfish Eylah. You have been through a traumatic event and thinking about yourself doesn't make you selfish. You're not a failure either - you're just trying to cope and get through each day.
Please try to be gentle with yourself today
I'm so sorry this has happened to you and I just want to say that regardless of what anyone says or thinks (not that nice people would judge your decision!) you are not any less or selfish for not reporting it or struggling to report some details or anything like that. Reporting it actively forcesd you to relieve the trauma you went through and you're already experiencing so much and struggling with thoughts of harming yourself, so there is no need to think of others right now. The only one to blame for his actions against any potential others would be him.
I hope that the interview goes well, you deserve so much more than what is happenign to you right now and in the past
Just to echo what others have said, you're completely within your right to report or not report this. What happened to you was absolutely not okay, and how you want to proceed is completely your choice. Whatever you decide to do, please don't be hard on yourself, and know that you have a community here that's supportive of you regardless of what decision you take. The main thing we care about is your wellbeing, and being here to listen to you and support you through this
Beyond your contact with your solo worker, I wondered what kinds of mental health support you've been recieving lately? E.g. any support with what it's like to be reliving the memories, or support processing the memories?
If helpful at all, I'll share a few spaces below that might be able to support you with this:
I'm so pleased that you're able to continue posting here, keeping us updated, and asking for support. I can imagine things feel truly hellish right now, and I know it's probably incredibly hard, but try to give yourself as much grace as you can. There is truly no right or wrong way to respond to this, and whatever feelings you're having are valid.
Sending so much care, Eylah