im at breaking point.

im struggling sm with everything going on rn. i keep blaming myself for my best friend death my dad is agreeing with me to.

my mh is so bad rn bc of everything going on atm. i feel so useless and i have no purpose. i have nothing to live for anymore. ( safe not suicidal ). i am missing my mum sm i was gonna see her but got upset and left bc the hospital she at is triggering for me. idk why im having to deal alone with this bc im struggling sm with it im sobbing rn i cant control myself anymore. i was hoping was getting help when i od but im not. the ed team was supposed to ring me last week but they didnt i feel so let down alone useless. i have nooone i have no friends no family to turn to. i dont know what i do wrong to be hurt sm i don’t deserve thus im so tired and i feel so tired of waking up every day thinking its not getting better. im so lonely 😭. i want better in my life i cant di anything else to get help. im ssfe. 😭😭. i try to do things for others ppl but i dint get it back its breaking me. my heart is so damaged. 😭. im safe.

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having a panic attack.

sending you a big hug @eylah

(and if you're still feeling the effects of the panic attack) - try take a moment for yourself, just focusing on deep breaths and trying to ground yourself into your surroundings and where you are, maybe even try and focus on the things around you.

hope you're okay and remember we are all here for you and support you - you're absolutely not alone

sinead276 wrote: »

sending you a big hug @eylah

(and if you're still feeling the effects of the panic attack) - try take a moment for yourself, just focusing on deep breaths and trying to ground yourself into your surroundings and where you are, maybe even try and focus on the things around you.

hope you're okay and remember we are all here for you and support you - you're absolutely not alone

thankyou im doing breathing exercises bc my chest hurts and im dizzy

.

having another panic attack bc dad has set me off again.

sat here sobbing bc i feel a failure. :’)

you're not a failure, don't worry about that. if you ever need support come to us and we'll listen to your vents.

Hey @eylah just checking in on you this morning to see how u r? Your doing so well and we are here for u.Youbring so much to this community

hope you're feeling a bit better this morning @eylah - and like the others have said you are not a failure at all. we're so proud of you and the strength you have with everything going on, even if you may not see it yourself.

we're here for you

hi thankyou all for replying to me it means a lot im not gd today im rly struggling bc of everything dad is rly getting to me causing me to have panic attacks 😭.

just want peace bc i cant deal with him.

struggling just want peace.

dad just called me a f*cking b*tch bc i am talking abt mum bc i rly miss her

.

jesus christ when will your dad stop berating you? i really sympathise with your situation here.

idk @toffuna101 idk if its bc im talking abt mum so hes angry at me bc he hates my mum.

need to escape this so badly its to much 😭😭 - safe.

i need to go shop but im to scared.

.

im in tears bc im in pain and have to walk there.

dad thinks its ok to laugh bc hes not helping me

eylah wrote: »

Amy22 wrote: »

Also I hope the tests went well and your doing ok I bet that was frightening for you to hear especially if you have been having pelvic pain. The main thing is that the doctors will try their absaloute best to figure out what's going on and will help you all the way . I can imagine having tests must be super challenging and tough for you right now.

i’m just scared bc im to young to have cancer so its terrifying bc i have sm stress atm i rly do not need this on my back bc im so exhausted mentally end physically. thankyou amy.

Its totally understandable as to how your feeling because having those tests especially for cancer can be very scary especially for someone who is quite young as well. It sounds like you have got a lot on your plate right now with everything and that must be super hard right now.

its horrible bc my other blood tests come back abnormal so will see my dr next week but im just so tired.

i managed to go but i fell over bc my foot slipped and i hurt my knee. i feel so stupid

told dad bc i am hurting and he said how many more times am i going to make myself look stupid but he then said im ridiculous and wanting attention but im not bc i cant help falling over. i hate this i hate it.

i hate myself no wonder dad hates my guts.

i want to cry so hard rn.

im not worth anything dad says he hopes never to see me again even though i live here.

you are worth a lot @eylah dont tell yourself that. your dad is really a dickhead and is ruining your self esteem.

just got home from hospital. that was so traumatic

toffuna101 wrote: »

you are worth a lot @eylah dont tell yourself that. your dad is really a dickhead and is ruining your self esteem.

thankyou.

no problem

eylah wrote: »

just got home from hospital. that was so traumatic

How are you doing @eylah? We're here for you if you want to share more about what happened in hospital.

You don't deserve to be suffering this much grief from your dad. It's really unfair and you deserve to be loved and cared for when you're going through so much with your mum, your ex, managing your grief for your friend, worries around your health, and managing your mental health too. We're glad to hear you're feeling safe - remember that if you are ever worried about your safety, you can always reach out to these services below who are around for chat:

Crisis Messenger (24/7) | text THEMIX to 85258
Samartians (24/7) | call 116 123 | email jo@samaritans.org
Papyrus (2pm-midnight) | call 0800 068 41 41 | text 07786 209 697 | email pat@payrus-uk.org
Supportline (hours vary) | call 01708 765 200
Childline | call 0800 11 11

Sending lots of hugs

security were awful he was so forceful getting me back in hospital i feel awful bc of it.

i was in crisis and was sobbing he made me feel shit bc if my past experience.

im fine now.

im sat here sobbing bc im in pain and its rly upset me.

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