I have no body now

TheNightmare

My uncle has just phoned me up saying that, and I just didn't say anything about it—just listened to what other stuff he had to say. He rang me saying my cousins have just graduated from university and then proceeded to say that I'm "a waste of space." To make things worse, he said I'm "a letdown to this family." It's not just that I'm a waste of space but that I'm a letdown too. I knew already I was a letdown to my family, and to be honest, he's just speaking the truth. I just wasn't expecting him to say it.

He said it because my cousins have just graduated, and I didn't go to university. I never wanted to go to university, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I just wasn't expecting him to call and say that. I can understand his perspective—like, someone has graduated, and I'm not even working at the moment. But I've spoken to him about how I've felt like a failure and behind in life, etc. He still said it, though. I thought he understood stuff and wouldn't say anything like what he's said to me.

I do feel like a disappointment, but this has just confirmed that I am one. My other family members aren't necessarily positive either; I can get criticized by them too. I thought my uncle was someone who was happy with my journey to getting into work, but it doesn't seem that way. I'm thinking now, is my journey that good? I've got the motivation to search for work, got support to get on a program to get further support towards getting into work, and am applying to jobs. I have done confidence-boosting courses and have needed a lot of help doing all that. Is that actually good progress, considering I am not actually working yet? I want to get into work soon, and I still believe I will.

It's just been a bit of an up-and-down week in terms of mood. I had an issue at my appointment on Monday, so I was stressed for the next couple of days after that. Then getting amazing support here made me feel positive. I posted yesterday about my goals and what I want in life, so maybe I was feeling a bit of positivity. But this morning, my uncle just called, saying I'm a letdown.

I'm also just going through job hunting too, and I'm seeing rejections and not hearing back, so that's not easy. It's been so up and down; it's so hard to manage. I just had a little cry after getting that call from my uncle, just put my head in my hands after he hung up because everything has been so tough. I have a fear of not getting sorted long-term or even permanently too.


I'm thinking what I could do now, do I apologise for being a let down and ask why he feels that way then ask him realistic stuff that I can achieve that would make him happy? I think that would be good but also I have to live live for me and achieve what I want to achieve like it's my life. I know I'm not where I want to be at the moment myself though.

sinead276

I'm sorry to hear about the things your uncle has said - it doesn't sound nice at all.

I just wanted to be the opposite voice and tell you that you aren't a letdown or dissappointment. For example, university isn't for everyone. and it's what is best for you that matters. You're on your own journey and path to a job and career, and from what it sounds like, are making all the right steps to get there. You are putting in the effort and doing all you can - which is absolutely enough.

I know the rejections from job hunting can be disheartening, but what matters is you don't give up. You'll eventually find the breakthough you want and it will all fall into place. Everyone's life goes at different paces - what matters is that you are happy and do what YOU want to do.

Try not to be too disheartened by your uncles words, and remember you are on the path to where you want to be. Youre absolutely not a letdown.

Sending hugs
Sinead

TheNightmare

Thanks a lot @sinead276 , I'm going to reply to later in more detail as im just busy atm.

Maisy

I just wanted to echo what Sinead has said.

University isn't for everyone. And even those that do go to university and graduate don't necessarily end up working in the field that they studied. Some can't get professional jobs, while others realise they want to change career or not use their degree at all. Some people might've worked really hard for their degree only to feel burnt out at the end and would prefer a less stressful job. Just because your cousins have degrees, it doesn't mean that you are not good enough or that you're a let down (I promise you, you are not a let down!). It just means that you are on your own journey, and that's okay. Everyone is different and does things at different rates.

I'm really sorry to hear that your uncle said those things to you. That's bound to be upsetting, especially when you weren't expecting him to say that (more so since you opened up to him before at feeling like a failure). Of course, it's difficult that you are looking and applying for work, while your cousins have graduated. But it doesn't make what your uncle said right or okay.

All progress, no matter how big or small, is good. You've done really well to get into a program to help you find work, as well as having previously applied for jobs and done courses. You might not have got a job yet, but look at all the things you've done so far. You're in a better position now than before. And if you hadn't taken all these steps, you would probably be in no better position at all.

Sometimes people just don't understand. It sounds like you had a real positive moment when you were thinking of your goals and what you want from life, and it's a shame that the phone call with your uncle spoiled your mood. It's hard, but try not to let what your uncle said get to you. I'm also wondering if there is anyone else in your life that you trust to talk to about how you feel? Since your uncle doesn't seem very understanding, it might be better to talk to someone who is a bit more understanding, instead.

You don't necessarily have to apologise to your uncle. Some things like jobs aren't always in our control, but you have taken positive steps to help yourself. It's entirely up to you whether you ask your uncle about what stuff you can do that would make him happy. But as you said, you have to live for yourself too

TheNightmare

Maisy wrote: »

I just wanted to echo what Sinead has said.

University isn't for everyone. And even those that do go to university and graduate don't necessarily end up working in the field that they studied. Some can't get professional jobs, while others realise they want to change career or not use their degree at all. Some people might've worked really hard for their degree only to feel burnt out at the end and would prefer a less stressful job. Just because your cousins have degrees, it doesn't mean that you are not good enough or that you're a let down (I promise you, you are not a let down!). It just means that you are on your own journey, and that's okay. Everyone is different and does things at different rates.

I'm really sorry to hear that your uncle said those things to you. That's bound to be upsetting, especially when you weren't expecting him to say that (more so since you opened up to him before at feeling like a failure). Of course, it's difficult that you are looking and applying for work, while your cousins have graduated. But it doesn't make what your uncle said right or okay.

All progress, no matter how big or small, is good. You've done really well to get into a program to help you find work, as well as having previously applied for jobs and done courses. You might not have got a job yet, but look at all the things you've done so far. You're in a better position now than before. And if you hadn't taken all these steps, you would probably be in no better position at all.

Sometimes people just don't understand. It sounds like you had a real positive moment when you were thinking of your goals and what you want from life, and it's a shame that the phone call with your uncle spoiled your mood. It's hard, but try not to let what your uncle said get to you. I'm also wondering if there is anyone else in your life that you trust to talk to about how you feel? Since your uncle doesn't seem very understanding, it might be better to talk to someone who is a bit more understanding, instead.

You don't necessarily have to apologise to your uncle. Some things like jobs aren't always in our control, but you have taken positive steps to help yourself. It's entirely up to you whether you ask your uncle about what stuff you can do that would make him happy. But as you said, you have to live for yourself too

@Maisy thanks for all that, I know uni isn't for everyone and I agree not everyone from university turns out successful in the role they want and end up liking their job they aimed for and wish for less stressful jobs. I do wish well for anyone studying at university and I hope anyone reading this ends up happy in whatever they do. I'm on my own journey too and I will hopefully get to where I want to be. Everything you're saying is true and I appreciate you replying to me, thanks a lot.

TheNightmare

sinead276 wrote: »

I'm sorry to hear about the things your uncle has said - it doesn't sound nice at all.

I just wanted to be the opposite voice and tell you that you aren't a letdown or dissappointment. For example, university isn't for everyone. and it's what is best for you that matters. You're on your own journey and path to a job and career, and from what it sounds like, are making all the right steps to get there. You are putting in the effort and doing all you can - which is absolutely enough.

I know the rejections from job hunting can be disheartening, but what matters is you don't give up. You'll eventually find the breakthough you want and it will all fall into place. Everyone's life goes at different paces - what matters is that you are happy and do what YOU want to do.

Try not to be too disheartened by your uncles words, and remember you are on the path to where you want to be. Youre absolutely not a letdown.

Sending hugs
Sinead

@sinead276 can I ask why you don't think I'm a let down or disappointment. I know uni isn't for everyone too, like I was saying to maisy theres downsides and upsides of it, it doesn't always garantee success although I hope anyone who does go ends up happy either way. Everything is tough but I'm trying to fight everything negative and just keep positive. Thanks a lot for replying and being helpful.

AnonymousToe

You’re definitely not a letdown / disappointment. I think that because you’re trying. You’re trying to move forwards and you’ve done stuff at college - I can’t remember the specifics sorry but I know you’re really trying to get a job and all of that. I feel like sometimes the older generations think university is the only successful pathway for people, but it’s not like that really, there are other options. I dont know why your uncle would say that to you, especially if he knows you’re genuinely trying. I’m so sorry.

eylah

your not a let down. your very kind. to me and others. you deserve help & kidnesd. here for you. . your trying your best. that is achievement in itself.

TheNightmare

AnonymousToe wrote: »

You’re definitely not a letdown / disappointment. I think that because you’re trying. You’re trying to move forwards and you’ve done stuff at college - I can’t remember the specifics sorry but I know you’re really trying to get a job and all of that. I feel like sometimes the older generations think university is the only successful pathway for people, but it’s not like that really, there are other options. I dont know why your uncle would say that to you, especially if he knows you’re genuinely trying. I’m so sorry.

@AnonymousToe I really do genuinely appreciate that, thank you so much. University isn't everything even though it's good.

TheNightmare

eylah wrote: »

your not a let down. your very kind. to me and others. you deserve help & kidnesd. here for you. . your trying your best. that is achievement in itself.

@eylah thank you so much and all that goes to you too.

eylah

TheNightmare wrote: »

eylah wrote: »

your not a let down. your very kind. to me and others. you deserve help & kidnesd. here for you. . your trying your best. that is achievement in itself.

@eylah thank you so much and all that goes to you too.

thank you. dont put urslf down. your very strong. and you keep goin. . be proud of urslf.

sinead276

@TheNightmare - i think it's for the same reasons that @AnonymousToe has said.

You are trying. you're making steps to move closer to where you want to be. you're not giving up and are working towards your goals - no matter how long it takes. you keep going when things seem like they are hard or you feel like you are not getting anywhere. But try and remember even the rejections you get in jobs applications etc. are all leading you one step closer to where you are meant to be.

And I think for that you're not a letdown and disappoinment at all. Don't give up and we're all super proud of you

Sinead

TheNightmare

sinead276 wrote: »

@TheNightmare - i think it's for the same reasons that @AnonymousToe has said.

You are trying. you're making steps to move closer to where you want to be. you're not giving up and are working towards your goals - no matter how long it takes. you keep going when things seem like they are hard or you feel like you are not getting anywhere. But try and remember even the rejections you get in jobs applications etc. are all leading you one step closer to where you are meant to be.

And I think for that you're not a letdown and disappoinment at all. Don't give up and we're all super proud of you

Sinead

Means a lot, thanks so much as always @sinead276

Amy22

Hey @TheNightmare I know exactly how your feeling obviously I don't know your full story but from what I've read it sounds like you are really struggling at the moment especially with finding employment. I have read quite a lot of your posts on here and I can say your 100% definitely not alone in this because for young people at the moment it is so tough and hard to find work and even full time employment. I speak from experience as I am in a similar position your in where I have been trying to apply for jobs and have rejected quite a few times. Rejection is quite common most of the time when applying for work because your first job application will normally be a rejection which is quite sad to think about. However, the thing is with rejection there will be other opportunities and maybe even better ones out there too. Always remember that rejection doesn't mean your not great for the job it's just that they may be searching for particular skill set potentially. But as I say they are just missing out on having a really fab employee working with them. I'd say it can be hard having rejections but I always try not to take it to heart and I tell myself to keep applying. Always keep applying and trying because eventually you more you try a door will open up and that good opportunity you want will come. I know that you have been recently setting yourself some short term and long term goals which is fantastic because it can be great having short goals to do whilst job searching. Goals can also make us feel positive too because it can give us a sense of achievement (I got quite a few goals to do at the moment as well). I also want to echo what everyone else has mentioned here you are not a disappointment and failure, in fact no one is. You have been trying you super duper hardest to do well in life and I can see a good hard working person who wants to do well in life. I just wish others could see this amazing quality in you. I'm always here if you do need someone to talk to and I hope you are doing okay at the moment.

Sending big hugs to you,

Amy22

TheNightmare

Amy22 wrote: »

Hey @TheNightmare I know exactly how your feeling obviously I don't know your full story but from what I've read it sounds like you are really struggling at the moment especially with finding employment. I have read quite a lot of your posts on here and I can say your 100% definitely not alone in this because for young people at the moment it is so tough and hard to find work and even full time employment. I speak from experience as I am in a similar position your in where I have been trying to apply for jobs and have rejected quite a few times. Rejection is quite common most of the time when applying for work because your first job application will normally be a rejection which is quite sad to think about. However, the thing is with rejection there will be other opportunities and maybe even better ones out there too. Always remember that rejection doesn't mean your not great for the job it's just that they may be searching for particular skill set potentially. But as I say they are just missing out on having a really fab employee working with them. I'd say it can be hard having rejections but I always try not to take it to heart and I tell myself to keep applying. Always keep applying and trying because eventually you more you try a door will open up and that good opportunity you want will come. I know that you have been recently setting yourself some short term and long term goals which is fantastic because it can be great having short goals to do whilst job searching. Goals can also make us feel positive too because it can give us a sense of achievement (I got quite a few goals to do at the moment as well). I also want to echo what everyone else has mentioned here you are not a disappointment and failure, in fact no one is. You have been trying you super duper hardest to do well in life and I can see a good hard working person who wants to do well in life. I just wish others could see this amazing quality in you. I'm always here if you do need someone to talk to and I hope you are doing okay at the moment.

Sending big hugs to you,

Amy22

@Amy22
Thanks, for this and support. It means a lot to know I'm not alone and that there's hope in continuing to push forward. I'll keep your advice in mind and keep working towards my goals.