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Help me

SienaSiena Posts: 15,522 Skive's The Limit
in Health & Wellbeing
I’m suicidal
“And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    BrookeeBrookee Posts: 1,327 Wise Owl
    @shaunie I'm so sorry that I'm a bit delayed at reaching you. How are you feeling? Do you feel able to talk about this more?
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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,120 Part of The Furniture
    Hi @Shaunie

    Sorry to hear you are struggling. Would you like to talk about why you are feeling this way?

    If you or anyone else has been affected by any of the topics discussed here, please feel free to contact Samaritans or Papyrus. I have listed their contact below in case anyone benefits from this.

    Samaritans (24/7):

    Call 116 123
    Email jo@samaritans.org

    Papyrus (2pm-midnight)

    Call 0800 068 41 41
    Email pat@papyrus-uk.org

    Hope you are feeling better soon <3
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    Past UserPast User Recovering🥀 LondonPosts: 0 Just got here
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    Past UserPast User Definition of a mental mess and a certified lost cause :) EnglandPosts: 0 Just got here
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    ConnorConnor Deactivated Posts: 508 Incredible Poster
    edited March 2022
    I can only imagine how it must feel dealing with those thoughts Shaunie. It sounds incredibly rough. As others in the thread have pointed out, you're a valued member of the community and you're doing really well.

    If you'd like to talk about it to us, feel free to :) Just know that we're here for you! We also sent you a PM to check in privately too.

    Like people have done above, here are a few places that you could turn to when you need them:
    * If you need urgent help or have any concerns for your health or safety, the quickest way to get help is to call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. 
    *Crisis Messenger - Our crisis messenger text service provides free, 24/7 crisis support across the UK. If you’re aged 25 or under, you can text THEMIX to 85258.
    * Papyrus - If you are having thoughts of suicide, you can contact HOPELINEUK for confidential support and practical advice. You can call them on 0800 068 4141 or text them on 07786209697.
    * Samaritans are reachable by phone and email 24/7. Whatever you're going through, you can call them any time, from any phone on 116 123.
    Post edited by Connor on
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    Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Sending all the love and hugs @Shaunie. How are you doing?
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,522 Skive's The Limit
    Thanks all. Sorry haven’t been active. Feeling really shit. But I had my first counselling session yesterday she was nice. It was at her house. Felt even more awkward. Just don’t know what main things can speak about for 6 weeks.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    La_LaLa_La Posts: 156 Helping Hand
    @Shaunie I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
    I will be sending you hugs and support. :3
    Counselling is a really great step forwards, I hope it goes well! The great thing about counselling is that you can share anything that's on your mind: you can vent, talk about private issues, talk about your hobbies; anything!
    If you need any help or advice, The Mix community is here to help.
    ~ Dreamer ~
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,522 Skive's The Limit
    Well my counselling with retail trust has been canceled. Knew I shouldn’t of said I have EUPD. Have like 40 min phone call and said last sesson on Friday. Said she will speak to my gp but short term counselling could make me feel worse and that I need long term counselling. Well thanks for the false hope

    And thank you all
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    BrookeeBrookee Posts: 1,327 Wise Owl
    @Shaunie That's really frustrating and infuriating to read. I'm really sorry that your counselling has been cancelled. I know particularly around EUPD, there's a lot of undeserved stigma, so I'm really sorry you've been subjected to that, that's completely unfair! Again, I just wanted to reiterate that this isn't your fault at all. I think long-term therapy would definitely be a good route, but like you said, they shouldn't have agreed to have sessions with you if they didn't expect them to continue! I hope your GP manages to find you some long-term therapy that can help you!

    Sending you lots of love <3
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,522 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you. But don’t even get last sessson
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    StephanieStephanie Moderator Posts: 1,084 Wise Owl
    Hey @Shaunie

    Just wanted to check in to see how you are feeling? :heart:

    And to let you know we care about you and we are here for you, sending hugs to you :heart:
                                   "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times if only one remembers to turn on the light" - Albus Dumbledore 

    "Like when I was down you just had that smile that made me feel like everything's worthwhile. Thinking of the day when you went away, what a life to take, what a bond to break, I'll be missing you"

    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,522 Skive's The Limit
    I tried to kil myself yesterday.
    Crisiss team just came to see me. They want to Help me this time. Seeing them again tomorrow 3pm
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,120 Part of The Furniture
    Hi @Shaunie

    Thanks for reaching out to us. I always appreciate how much courage it must take to reach out. I am sorry to hear you are experiencing such a tough time. Please know we hear you and we care about you.

    It sounds like you are really stressed at the moment. I was going to say I am glad you are receiving support from a counsellor. However, it would seem they left you based on your diagnosis which must be really challenging for you. I hope you find a counsellor who is supportive and understands your needs!

    I cannot imagine how you are currently feeling having had this happen to you. In the meantime, please remember we are here for you as well as all of the helplines and support groups we have mentioned. I also hope Crisis helps or at the very least listens to you.

    Is there anything we can do to support you in the meantime? How do you usually do self-care? For me, it is listening to music, watching television, colouring, and having warm baths.

    Keep holding on. Sending you huge virtual hugs. We are here for you <3

    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,522 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you @Laura_tigger82
    So many people saw my post and messaged me. And it’s embarrassing. Even people from work. Like omg I’m still alive so this just looks really attention seeking. How do I face work or people again with them knowing what I posted
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,120 Part of The Furniture
    Hi @Shaunie

    I am really glad to hear how many people care about you. It is not attention-seeking, it is a sign that you were meant to stay here with us but you are struggling and currently in a really difficult place.

    I really believe in the phrase "there is always sunshine, sometimes it is just hidden behind the clouds". I hope the sunshine comes out for you again soon. In the meantime though, we are all here for you.

    Work will be okay. Your colleagues will just be worried about you as they want to make sure you are alright and they care about you. It is no different to us caring about you. Things will get better.

    <3
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,522 Skive's The Limit
    I went of a wee and it’s all black??? Um
    And thank you 💜
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,120 Part of The Furniture
    That doesn't sound good @Shaunie.

    If you're not sure, could you please call 111?

    In the meantime, make sure you are drinking lots (preferably water) <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    Ed_Ed_ Moderator Posts: 1,551 Extreme Poster
    Hey @Shaunie - Just adding to what Laura has put, definitely worth getting some medical advice on that one. Calling 111 could be a good shout, or getting an appointment with your GP. 111 should be able to let you know whether it requires urgent treatment or it can wait for a GP appointment.
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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,120 Part of The Furniture
    Thanks @Ed_ <3
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,522 Skive's The Limit
    edited December 2021
    Thanks it’s gone now soo I’ll be fine. Maybe it’s from something they gave me at hospital
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,120 Part of The Furniture
    I am really glad to hear you are better @Shaunie :3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
    I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,522 Skive's The Limit
    I had a good chat with the crisis team. We did DBT stuff and he was actually very good and feel bit better and trying to control my mind.

    But I’ve been suspended from work. Got this email

    kwowfq8odg27.jpeg


    Not sure how to feel about it
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    BrookeeBrookee Posts: 1,327 Wise Owl
    @Shaunie I'm pleased to hear that you've had a good conversation with the crisis team! DBT can be so helpful in understanding what's going on and being able to find ways to cope with overwhelming and upsetting emotions.

    I'm really sorry to read you've been suspended from work, how does it make you feel? It seems like they're doing it to benefit you, and help you access any support, but I understand that because this is so sudden, it can be very upsetting.
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    Laura_tigger82Laura_tigger82 Moderator Posts: 5,120 Part of The Furniture
    I am really glad to hear you felt supported by the crisis team and that DBT went well @Shaunie.

    Oh no, though I am assuming this email is prior to your response earlier confirming that your work just wants to make sure you have all the support in place before you return?

    If so, keep going. Please don't let this tear you down. I have faith in you. They just care about you and want to make sure you are ok. The same as we do <3
    FAQ | How to report a post | How to report spam
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    Lucy307Lucy307 Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey Shaunie 💜 How are you feeling? It sounds like the crisis team are being helpful at the moment, I really hope that continues and they look after you. How have you felt about the email from work?
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,522 Skive's The Limit
    Sorry. Thank you for the support. Am not doing well. Self harmed. I think will definitely need surgery. And really regret it now. I will seek support for it in the morning. I don’t need to right now and can wait. But I really don’t want to. My sister is going through IVF so she really doesn’t need the stress as that can really affect it, which my dad was telling me yesterday. And it’s nearly Christmas so if I see them about it tomorrow what if I have the surgery on Christmas. They wouldn’t do that would they? My family would hate me even more
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,522 Skive's The Limit
    I know it’s late. But I really could do with someone
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,522 Skive's The Limit
    Now I’ve seen things clearer I’ve self harmed over nothing fml. I felt like the whole world was against me and that everyone hates me. But after speaking to people. No one hates me
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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    SienaSiena Posts: 15,522 Skive's The Limit
    Still awake
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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