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It's my bday today so I was excited for that and a few ppl already wished me this early.
I was
I think it's pretty recent past day or few days.
I know people delete save history to save space so it shouldnt be something to worry but it feels different in this context.
And on the app I am if you delete all history you all lose the ability to see them in ur history of messages ppl (flawed app tbh) so its hard to message.
I am speculating a bit tho as to why cuz I knew maybe he feeling bad recently and I left their group (when i was feeling bad) and not rejoin.
I guess it just hurts a bit but yeah i will just try to ignore.
It also makes me less inclined to join back to group even tho I was planning to eventually.
Hopefully i feel better later but I know its just gonna be a meh day. I don't think I will even get gifts but will see.
But having people saying happy birthday at least cheers me up. Every weekend so far has not been terribly good to the point that sometimes I prefer the week even tho I get to do art at the weekend which cheers me up.
I probs would feel a bit better if i didnt wake up so early lool but sometimes its hard to fall back asleep bit too late now oops.
Why isn't it higher - Dad punched me the other day, he didn't mean it but I think it was the heat of the moment. We were both arguing and he just took a swing for me and caught my face. It was only one punch but it knocked me down. I thought it was a one-off but he grabbed me today and I thought he was gonny hit me again. He stopped when I told him he was scaring me but feel like i'm stepping on egg shells around him now just to avoid making him angry.
Why isn't is lower - Ran 8.5 miles today, really wanted to reach that 9 mile mark but my legs turned into jelly. Still chuffed with the 8.5 mile though. The weather has been sooo good, tried to spend as much time as I can outside today. Met up with pals from my old school too
What can I do - Legs are aching so gonna take it easy for the rest of the night and do nowt tomorrow
"The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
"I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous
Because everyone seems to hate me. I feel like I can't even breathe without being in the wrong. I'm grieving a loss, I'm mentally exhausted and I'm self harming more regularly after a long streak clean.
I'm nothing but an unwanted failure.
I don't even know what to do to help myself. I'm currently drinking alcohol and just hating everything about myself
Why isn’t it higher: just feeling really anxious about a lot of different things at the moment. I forgot to take my meds and even now I took them ages ago I still just can’t sleep at all lol.
Why isn’t it lower: I have some great friends. Amazing family. And a wonderful partner who has been right there with me for the past 3 years (dunno how he’s put up with me tbh lol).
What I can do: I might put music or netflix on and give up on trying to sleep because at this point it’s pointless lol
Why isn’t it higher : I’ve woke up very anxious this morning . Work is so painful and so difficult at the moment I’m leaving each shift in tears and just wanting a drink . I very rarely drink but after each shift lately I’ve just been drinking because it’s been so terrible
Why isn’t it lower : I guess I should be grateful I have a job . Lots of people have lost there jobs in the pandemic and can’t find work.
What could I do : what is really like to do is not go to work but I know I can’t do that so I guess it’s trying to stay calm and know it will be over as soon as i start
Why am I not higher - I had a dream which kind of shook me up a little - it wasn't bad as such but it was about my dad. I was ok a construction site with him and I was getting to know him. I learned a lot about him and when I woke up I realised it wasn't real. I've been writing a lot of unsent letters which, although it's been helping a lot, has been tough.
Why not lower - I'm not unwell anymore, the letters have really been helping me, I've been engaging more with my friends and on here. My extension got accepted for my final essay so things just feel okay just now.
How can I get higher - I'm going to get up, dressed and have some breakfast, get washed and brush my teeth. Try to go gentler on myself
Quite possibly the highest I've rated myself on here.
I'm not sure why and I'm not gonna go into it too much but I'll have a think and possibly come back later
Why isn’t it higher: idk tbh. I feel like things have been harder lately, like my brain doesn’t like to shut up and stop the bad thoughts. And I just feel so tired and meh lately.
Why isn’t it lower: I’m getting through, I’m still managing to do what I need to do which I wasn’t before. I had a fun day, I went for a couple of drinks with my sister and her boyfriend and I actually had fun and it took my mind off everything for a while.
What I can do: I wanted to bring this thread back up cause I felt like it would help me to put it on a scale and think about why again. I think I’m gonna make some tea and go watch some awful TV and try to sleep at a decent time.
Why isn't it higher: Exam stress, problems at school and a really hard piece of homework.
Why isn't it lower: My mum told me a cute thing that happened earlier to do with one of the cats.
What I can do: Listen to music on the bus on the way to school.
"The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
"I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous
Why isn't it higher? I'm exhausted. Holding down 2 jobs at the moment. Working till 8pm.. leaving my house at 7am. I'm looking after my mates kids a lot, on top of several personal things. It's draining me mentally and I'm really having to put a fight at the moment.
Why isn't it lower? Even tho I'm tired and my life is manic at the moment..it feels controlled and I have the ability to say no when I need to
Why isn't it higher - my health conditions aren't playing ball and I'm just so tired. My work is stressing me out and I feel like I've been left to manage everything with that - I'm that person who says yes to helping everyone but feels like a failure to ask for help. Also, my brother is getting married tomorrow and this means he'll be emigrating sooner than we had expected.
Why isn't it lower - well, I'm happy that my brother is getting married and my future sister-in-law is the best. Hopefully it should be a lovely day
Hope you all have a great weekend
Why isn't it higher - I've got a pretty sore stomach, I was so depressed the other day that I went into one of my mute phases. Something I haven't really done in a while. Idk how it happens, but it's like I physically can't get the words out. I'm talking again but it's pretty rough. I've been struggling a lot recently and tbh today isn't an exception.
Why isn't it lower - I've got things to look ahead to. I accepted my offer into one of my two honour courses for next year. I got all As and Bs this semester so I'm so happy about that.
What can I do to make it higher - I'm going to call the Dr tomorrow to try and get some help for my stomach. I need to keep talking about how I'm feeling so that it doesn't build up to the stage that I go mute again. I know it came after months of not being on here and having no outlet. I need to get a good night sleep and hope my stomach feels better tomorrow.
Why isn't it higher: Honestly I'm struggling a lot recently and I'm not sleeping well at all. Coming out of lockdown has been stressful in itself and my meds aren't working as well anymore. I get to a stage where I struggle to feel motivated to change things, like the small amount of routine I had has all but gone in the last week. And it sounds so stupid but it feels like making changes is exhausting. Just feeling down tbh.
Why isn't it lower: I spent some time in the garden with mum today which was nice. The weather hasn't been too bad although it's a bit hot and I'm really not looking forward to trying to sleep tonight in it lol. Spoke to my partner for an hour on the phone earlier, idk how he puts up with listening to my rants but he started his new job last week and it's going really well and I'm so proud of him.
What can I do: I have chilled music on and one of my favourite songs is playing (Everything I do, I do it for you by Bryan Adams, btw). I'm probably going to watch some TV in a bit. Ultimately I do need to talk to someone, probably the GP, but that's scary right now. I find this thread helps it means I have to think about why I feel how I do.
Today I've been feeling really down and depressed. I'm not sure why but I guess it's just with all the shit that's going on in my life rn. It doesn't help with the snidey comments from someone in my life about me not being care experienced and that their experience was worse than mine blah blah. I'm really sick and fed up of them acting like my experiences aren't enough. I shouldn't let this person bother me but tbh it sucks.
I guess I'm not sure how much lower I can get but I feel like there's space to go lower. It was hard to place a number on today because I really try and boost my number higher to appear okay but I'm just not feeling it. My stomach is agony and I really just want my Dr to figure out what's going on with me.
What I should be doing is going to sleep but since my head is racing, here i am. I'm going to pop my phone down soon and listen to classic FM and hopefully drift off to sleep.
After being dropped from my volunteering position I wasn't sure what I was expecting. It's a lot of numbness and a lot of sadness. I can't even look at myself without being ashamed. I'm also generally just an awful person and a horrible partner. I pretty much just hate myself and can't get out of this feeling.
My partner still loves and cares about me, I've got a game tomorrow and things are starting to get back to normal.
I might go for a bath and just chill a bit. We'll see
Just in a really dark place just now. Sorting a load of stuff out and really hurting in the process. Don't have my usual support base and just struggling to talk to people about how I'm feeling. Still waiting for social work to respond to me and going through physical health testing and issues. It really never rains, it pours.
I mean idk I'm just feeling like I'm at rock bottom, not sure what else to do. Not in danger of hurting myself but I'm mentally very low. I want to cry but I can't express it properly.
What can I do? I'm coming on here and talking about things to try and clear my head. Maybe try and make a plan of action. I'm going to have a good night sleep and wake up a little later than usual. I had a shower today to take my mind off everything. I'm just really hurting right now.
Why isn’t it higher: I’m exhausted beyond words. It’s way too hot and I’m just sitting inside feeling sorry for myself. I’ve arranged to go out tomorrow and the thought of it fills me with dread so much that I might cancel, even though I know the friend I’m going with will definitely understand. I know I shouldn’t be complaining but being out of lockdown and having to act normal again suddenly feels very overwhelming. Probably just tiredness tbh. It’s 5pm exactly as I’m typing this and I’ve accomplished nothing today, nothing whatsoever.
Why isn’t it lower: it’s sunny outside and I’m glad it isn’t raining I suppose. I have great people around me.
What can I do: I might watch a bit of the football while I hide in front of my fan. Gonna have a chilled evening I think and try to relax because that’s not easy lol.
Why am I not lower - I'm not too bad, I'm cosy just now and I'm supposed to be going out to see a live performance tonight so we'll see what happens! Feel like I'm getting somewhere with the social work crap and I'm blessed to have my pets.
Why am I not higher - it's that nasty time of the month so I'm a bit crampy, emotional and sore. I didn't have great night sleep and I'm tired. I've been a bit iffy with eating recently tbh so I'm just a bit worn out. I'm also feeling a bit shit about the social work crap. It's very mixed emotions with that.
What can I do to get higher? I'm gonna stay cosy in bed for a bit, maybe stick on an episode of suits and have some pain killers. I'm gonna talk to my advocate once she's back from her annual leave and maybe talk to the head of social work again to see how he's getting on with sorting a meeting with my old social worker.
Why isn't it higher.
Struggling a fair bit at the moment
Why isn't it lower.
Because I'm doing my best to manage how I'm feeling
Why isn’t it higher: I’m tired. So tired. I could sleep all day, all week. And I don’t really know why. Also struggling a lot with back and shoulder pain atm so basically I feel like an old woman lol.
Why isn’t it lower: Today has been better than yesterday. My mind feels a lot calmer than it did a few weeks ago, I mean things aren’t great by any means but they’re better. Tiredness means my sleep schedule is also better. I took Theo for a walk on the beach this morning and it was lovely, so peaceful out there. And had a nice afternoon at the pub with my sister.
What can I do: I’m going to put the TV on, probably watch an ambulance programme or some gogglebox and probably try to go to bed at a reasonable time. Tomorrow I promise myself I will do all the adulting I have been procrastinating today, especially the hoovering. Speaking it into existence. I will hoover tomorrow.
Why is it not lower - I've got myself enrolled in all the classes I need, my house isn't too unmanageable (although it needs some housework doing), I'm blessed with my pets and my bf.
Why is it not higher - my stomach is agony, I'm still not out of bed, it's just so much energy to do anything. I'm hardly eating or drinking and I just need a routine. My hair is falling out again. I have literally no money or much food.
What can I do - I'm gonna make a weekly schedule. Gonna clear the house, drink some water and take some painkillers.
Why isn’t it higher: you guessed it, tired. And I’m in a lot of pain with my back. The only remotely comfortable positions are lying totally flat or standing up completely straight so doing anything at all is proving very interesting. I don’t want to go to the GP if all they’re gonna do is give me painkillers, but there’s probably not much else I can do.
Why isn’t it lower: walking around isn’t too bad so I did manage to dust and hoover finally. There’s engineers outside fitting our village with better internet, think it’ll take a couple of days but then we can get onto BT and hopefully get faster speed, which in a rural village will be fantastic. Just need phone signal next and we’ll be in the 21st century like everyone else.
What can I do: I’m going to get a coffee, go lie down and maybe watch some Netflix.
Why isn't it higher: I go back to school tomorrow and I get my mock exam results tomorrow. Also, my mum is still in quite a bit of pain.
Why isn't it lower: I showered, washed my hair, got dressed and brushed my hair all by 11:30am. I also had a delicious dinner and 2 meringue things.
"The way that I have found the light in my life is through the expressive arts because I know that I will be accepted for the way I am." ~ Me
"I'm going to get strong again and see you soon. " ~ Anonymous