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Number- 6. I think it’s a 6, I know feelings are individual and everyones different. But I feel like I often rate myself too low. Even-though I want to be happy I feel like I’m actively making things worse.
Why isn’t it higher? I’m not sure, it should be higher I know that. There’s this horrible sick feeling that’s been lingering the past week, I’m struggling to ignore it today. I feel heavy and all slow, everything I say feels clumsy. Ive been a nuisance lately. I keep thinking about things I do almost to the point where I feel like I’m watching myself which probably doesn’t make a lot of sense. This is really pathetic but I just want my mum to go to bed so I can just deal with this instead of holding it in. Trying to keep up with conversations is tiring even simply listening. I feel like I need to pace back and forth. If I went to bed first she’d get suspicious, I’ve just got to hang on a little longer. I want to talk to someone in person, even just cry and let out but that’d be selfish. So many people have been nice but I don’t want to start taking advantage. I suck at bottling things up but as soon as I let them go I can never stop thinking about ungrateful and weak I must seem.
Why isn’t it lower? There’s some amazing people around me. My dogs sat on my lap and he’s very comforting.
What can I do? I can’t really focus long enough to do anything right now. I might end up texting a helpline I hope I don’t, I really hope I can ride this out on my own. I’ll try and watch a film as a distraction.
Happy Monday all, big hugs wishing you all the best, you’re all awesome people.