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and now on that time of writing this i can feel the sickness coming agaim 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭literally awfulbcant even cope. Just want to stop being sick😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😂
Why what's up?
Quick question, are you using your data or have you managed to connect to the WiFi?
ive had this done before but yeah thought it might work differently now & before i was never this sick
my blood tests seem okay atm so think i defo will leave at like 11 but my ecg wasn good but going to repeat it and maybe will need a 24 hour ecg
edit. They did
What's on your mind? X
@The Mix
i just took forever to write my reply. Posted it then I edited over it and it has all been deleted because it said it needs approval. I wrote so much and i cba to explain again.
done this a few times now and then it sends randomly
Sending hugs
really struggling so so bad
I am struggling sooo sooo bad. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭so last night my drip finished at like 11 pm. So i wanted to go but said i cant cause still need my blod tests so can in morning. But i was like na no way im staying take forever to give me my results of bloods. So i jist left but they did take my blood before i left
so i was looking forward to just coming home and back to my own bed with decent sleep nd stuff and just freash air and not being sick. I come home my family barely say two words to me which was upsetting they could of atleast pretended to care like ask me how i was. I was looking forward to my ice lollies but no my sister ate them. (I know sounds small but you know when everything is building up) why would she jusy do that when i am in hosital. I would never do that. I would buy her a treat or something not steal her stuff. I wanted something refreashing so i was pissed off. I go into my room and just see what i used to harm myself. They went into my room t give me my stuff at hospital EG my face wipes. So i was literally just thinking wow they want me to kill myself. What was left was for a reason tho. But they didnt know that. They knew it was what i used. But if was the other type i so would of 100% just done it all over again. Why the fuck would they leave it there. Its like they invited me to kill myself.
got phone call this morning to tell me to go back to the hospital for blood tests. Thought i would give me bloods then go but hate to stay and i was getting so pissed off again. But when my blood tests can back them said my levels are basically nearly back to normal now. But gave me pottasium supplements and meds to settle my stomach. And supoose to get an ECG 24 one at some point cause my ecg hasnt been good since i did what i did
i sent an email to my gp at 6 am saying how ive tried to kill myself twice close together and have been offered 0 supoort & i wrote a lot of suicidal stuff that i will not copy. I made it clear for them to not ring me unless they was going to offer support or meds to knock me out. Ring me and says "hi how can i help". I was pissed off. Put the phone down and then enailed them "I said dont bother ringing me if not going to help me. No one gives a fuck so thanks. Just rang me saying "how can i help" like i havent already explained how i feel so i hanged up. If not going to offer supoort or meds to knock me out then dont bother" plus a lot more suicidal shitt.
ive had a nap since been back but keep feeling like i want to cry but cant cause my family walking around
i feel really light headed and sick but might be from the heat
im literally so fucking fed up of this life now. Everyday is the same fucking shit and nothing is ever going to change. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭i just wasnt IT to stop 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i am safe rn just going to sleep today but i can not even explain how awful i feel 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
i rang 111 cause didnt have much of a chioce. She said she will ring me back in 30 mins but phone call took longer than 30 mins so dk if she will. 111 just asked me a lot of questions and offered me to go to the mind sancutry for a few hours. I said no. Cause for one i wouldnt know how to get there and two i dont have any energy. She said i am on BPD exemplar referall. I don’t know what exemplar means and i don’t know why they keep saying that when my letter just basically said it doesnt exist rn caude of corona
im feeling really sick now and massive headache🤢
First up, sending all the hugs your way, this sounds like an incredibly raw and rough time for you. It may not seem like it, but you are doing incredibly well to keep advocating for what you need both in terms of the changes to how you are feeling, but also the support you need to help you with this. I can hear how tired you feel with this all, however this resilience and strength is also important to reflect on.
It can be difficult to know what others think, and so try not to read too much into how your family are seeming with all this. It's possible that they feel a little unsure what to do, and so there could be some interesting ways to try and nudge them in a more helpful direction. For example, do you think there could be a way where you could write them a letter or find a way to communicate how you would like them to be at times when you are in crisis? Equally, you could send them in the direction of some resources that may give them pointers of what they can do to be more proactive, such as what Papyrus have: https://papyrus-uk.org/help-advice-resources/ - I do realise though, this all takes a lot of energy and strength to be able to do this with people who don't always get things right.
On the post front, we are looking into what happened. @independent_ was right, the spam filter picked up your original post, and seemed to pick up your follow up after you edited it. We are not 100% sure why this happened, however we can restore previous posts if that is helpful. One thing you mentioned in your original post that you didn't in your re-write was the following (hope you don't mind me posting it, let me know if you'd prefer us to take it down.
I would be really interested to explore this a little more, what in particular was driving and motivating these feelings? Is there a way that we can come up with a plan that really helps you feel confident moving closer towards this place, where you feel fully safe and not in a place where you have thoughts of hurting yourself again? This may feel like a long way away, or something impossible to imagine right now, but if we can break it down into small goals and have lots of little things that can help you to distract yourself when things feel too much, it is possible to take steps closer to this possibility. So in that mind, perhaps you can have a think about some of the following questions - also, it may be interesting to hear how others in the community would answer these questions too, as there could be some awesome ideas to borrow:
Preparing for crisis
Future planning
- when you're feeling at your most positive what things do you think about?
- What things in your life, big or small, make you feel hopeful or positive about the future?
- What things could change, again big or small, that will help you to feel more in control of your situation?
- Are their changes you can make to your room, or a place you regularly go to, to help make it feel like a calming or safe space when you need it?
Take your time with these, and there is no rush to answer all straight away, perhaps pick out the ones that you feel most able to focus on right nowFinally, just adding in some places to talk both in terms of crisis options, but also to look for advocacy to help with pushing for the support and treatment you are looking for right now:
Crisis messenger: Text TheMix to 85258 to speak to a trained crisis volunteer
Samaritans: you can call them at any time on 116 123 to talk to someone about anything going on for you
Papyrus - have a helpline for those feeling suicidal on 0800 068 41 41 - open 9am-10pm weekdays and 2-10pm on weekends
MayTree - usually they provide a sanctuary for those feeling suicidal, but because of COVID they are currently providing telephone and email support: https://www.maytree.org.uk/
Advocacy services
Mind can help you find people to advocate on your behalf, this may help reduce the amount of energy you have to focus on seeking the support and treatment you are after: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/advocacy/finding-an-advocate/
Hope this is helpful Shaunie, there are lots of people in the community that care about you and we are all here for you
Ed
I'm a community moderator. I'm here to help guide discussions and make sure Community Guidelines are followed. I can't send DMs, but you can message @TheMix or email community@themix.org.uk with questions or concerns.
louie is looking cute as ever!
thank you @Ed_
its just weird because i have done this similar thing before and had to stay in hospital it was years ago but they acted the exact oppsite lasst time.