What are your thoughts on group chat?

The Mix

Hey everyone,

For chat break week, we'd love to hear your feedback on group chat as a whole. As well as being able to use the feedback form which we'll be monitoring through the week, we thought it would also be good to get a group discussion going in this thread.

Your feedback can be about anything from the way sessions are structured, moderated, the general vibe or atmosphere, the schedule, the software, etc. The possibilities are endless.

One quick thing before you start getting your thoughts down: any negative feedback about specific members or specific moderators should be sent in via the feedback form. If you want to provide positive feedback about someone, that's fine to go here.

So, without further ado...

What do you like about group chat right now, and what would you change (if anything)?

Millie2787

I love how supportive everyone is in Support chat and how the Mods in GC always know how you cheer you up with randomness especially jan 🤣

I think it would be nice if the Mods and I think @Abigail would agree that if they were trained a little in Young Carers ? 

Abigail

I think it would be nice if the Mods and I think @Abigail would agree that if they were trained a little in Young Carers ? 

I agree. I've been here a while and sometimes with the support i just go round in circles as by the time I've explained what my job how it impacts me its the end of the chat. Some of the mods bless them really are trying

I know Alice has really learnt a lot recently along with Grace, Aman and Imogen.

The knowledge there getting is just personal and not for everyone so what support i feel I need is far different from @Millie2787 

Cool to see Italia coming out of the busy nest she has made for herself (Sorry terrible easter pun) and find her way into the light chats. 

Speak soon
Abi

Jellyelephant

I love chat overall. It helps me lots when am going through bad times and knowing people care really helps. Also it is somewhere I feel part of the community and is nice to speak to people. I think it has got a lot better in terms of peer support happening more now. Opening round is annoying though and too long. Also I can’t use chat with my phone data only WiFi for some reason. Spam annoys me tho

also mike should be fired 

Joking lol

Dancer

WWW (What Went Well:) Clear rules, plenty of support, amazing mods, great laugh in general chat, amazing opening and closing rounds in support chat and new members welcomed.

WDGSW (What didn't go so well:) Not enough mods for support chat- it can get ridiculously busy and sometimes people don't get heard, sometimes a lot of swearing or arguing  (totally not me,) mods sometimes spoken to unkindly and sometimes photos don't work.  

Shaunie

Kasa2103 said

WDGSW (What didn't go so well:) Not enough mods for support chat- it can get ridiculously busy and sometimes people don't get heard,

Mods arent the only ones who can listen to people. It should mostly be members. So i personally dont think lack of mods is a problem at all  🙂

Abigail said:

I think it would be nice if the Mods and I think @Abigail would agree that if they were trained a little in Young Carers ? 

I agree. I've been here a while and sometimes with the support i just go round in circles as by the time I've explained what my job how it impacts me its the end of the chat. 

But cant train them in every single subject that affects people. Dont need knowledge to just listen to you plus mods aint the only ones to support people😊

 Ah so sorry i didnt come on this thread to reply to replies lol i hope i dont come across as rude. I just like to add my thoughts / discuss 😊



And my opinion is i love chat!!!! 😊😊 and great place to go for support and to be listened to. And mods are great and members and nice place to go to to vent about your days stress. Though maybe some rules need to be a little bit more clearer.  

Edited because i can never tell if my tone of vioce in a text comes across as rude. I hope doesnt seem rude

Millie2787

Shaunie said:

Abigail said:

I think it would be nice if the Mods and I think @Abigail would agree that if they were trained a little in Young Carers ? 

I agree. I've been here a while and sometimes with the support i just go round in circles as by the time I've explained what my job how it impacts me its the end of the chat. 

But cant train them in every single subject that affects people. Dont need knowledge to just listen to you plus mods aint the only ones to support people😊

 Good Point @shaunie I think i meant more just a general awareness Of what a YC and YAC which literally Just a definition along with the 2 sides of physical and emotional caring, Not like full blown Every situation that could possibly happen and here's what they could do to help, Because i remember when i first started Using Support chats i found it abit daunting that i had plucked up the courage to talk about things but only to be asked What that specifically Is can be daunting and i guess i just want to reduce that for other YC And YAC that might come on later down the line , especially as There working on making there services for accessible for young carers in case you haven't see the questionnaire thing that pops up at the top of the page, That's one of the things i know  some of the wider team are working on.
 A lot of the time when i'm talking in SC when i start off i don't direct what i'm talking about to a specific Mod bu if they engage with me what i'm talking about that's when my comments become more Aimed if that makes sense.

Ahh i hope this doesn't come across as bitchy i definitely don't intended it to lol

Aidan

I'm gonna be honest/blunt but I hope it never comes across as rude or seems like I'm targeting anyone specifically as neither of these is the case.

I don't use support chat often so this will mostly about general chat:

Positives:
- mods are usually chatty, have a sense of humour and help lift you out of a bad mood.
- I think chat lasts a decent amount of time and also starts at a convenient time for most people

Negatives:
- Sometimes users in GC don't talk at all, I think perhaps some may be in more than one room or aren't willing to interact and it'd help mods and users to know who to engage with in chat if this weren't the case. Also, some people can be put off when chats look full, when actually the chat may not be and is just populated by users not paying attention to that specific chat.
- users who struggle socially sometimes aren't given enough to work with or any cues to help them interact positively, but I see this being handled well by themselves and mods and by other users most of the time in GC at least

Realising the negative feedback is bigger than the positive- I do hold a mostly positive opinion overall, it's just that critical feedback might be more useful!

Thanks for reading!

The Mix

Thank you so much for your thoughts, everyone! This is gold. We're going to sit on this feedback for a bit, mull it over, and get back with some further thoughts soon.

If there's any more feedback you'd like to share or you haven't offered your thoughts yet, please go ahead and do that - we'd love to hear more of these insights.

Mike & the team

TheAprilFool

When I used the support chat everyone was really nice and friendly but it wasn't as structured as I expected. I assumed that the moderator would allow everyone to have a turn and that one person would share at a time but this wasn't the case and I found it difficult to find a time to jump in and get support for my own issues while I was trying to help everyone else with theirs.

Aidan

everyone to have a turn and that one person would share at a time

Ah like support circle?

TheAprilFool

Aidan said:

everyone to have a turn and that one person would share at a time

Ah like support circle?

Yeah, but I don't think support circle was a thing at the time I last used a group chat. It's nice to see something with more structure.

The Mix

Thanks for your input @TheAprilFool. It's good to hear you found your way to Circle, though it's a fair argument that a bit more structure in SC might help people navigate the session if it's busy.

So, overall it's really interesting to hear the different points of view here, as well as some of the common themes in what's being said. One of the things we've heard fairly consistently (both openly and privately) is that it can feel challenging to get the support you need from SC.

And a few of you have pointed out that the mods aren't solely responsible for that, which is true. Even so, it might mean we can do some work around setting up realistic expectations of group chat. We could also try and reinforce those norms we tried setting a while ago about chat being a place where everyone works as a group.

There are a lots interesting ideas here that we can explore - the structure of group chat, the things moderators are trained in, how we manage busy sessions, and potentially some technical developments we can look at. We're open to messing with all of these things, so we'll take this all on board while we think about ways to improve group chat going forward.

Thank you everyone - it's invaluable to get this feedback. More to come...

Mike & the team

Shaunie

I have a rule that you could add. I know ive already messaged you about it. But i think would be good to hear other peoples views;

Im not speaking about a specific time.- there have been a few times this has happened - when someone tells someone to stop speaking about something because they have been triggered. 

I think online it can be easier to be rude without people realising it is rude. So picture this youre having a group chat in real life where people get together ; there are rules in place and all. Someone says something thats affecting them - someones like omg stop right there - do not speak about whatever that is because i am getting triggered. I mean thats rude. We should respect what people say and not involve our own thoughts into it. Because we shouldnt have to fear that everything we will say may trigger someone. Cause reality is anything can trigger someone and cant cater to everyones triggers. And can you imagine opening up about something for someone to be like okay stop im triggered. We dont open up to trigger people or to be told to actually stop and no one stops to think about how makes other person feel. Maybe it is respectful to not talk about what people said theyre triggered by. But its also respectful to just not say youre triggered in first place and should leave instead. To not make situation worst cause if we all say we are triggered everytime someone says something in the guildelines its going to cause too much shit. 

Aidan

Hey Shaunie!

As far as I'm aware, currently if something (within the guidelines) triggers a chatter, it's that chatter's responsibility to evaluate whether they can continue to use that space productively anymore, and to decide whether they can continue or if they need to leave that space for a while

@The Mix anything about that 'more to come...'?

Shaunie

[email protected]

Jellyelephant

My view is that although we can’t predict every trigger, if multiple people in chat are finding a certain topic upsetting then we should respect that and think about the groups feelings. It is fine if you say in a respectful polite way to someone and ask them if they mind stopping a certain topic. In some respects I agree like just a daft example if I was talking about my pet rabbit, if one person is triggered by rabbits then that’s unreasonable to ask me to stop. 

I do think though its important to not be rude to someone based on their triggers, especially as in previous chats you have also said about being triggered by things... 

overall yes yes there are chat guidelines but it’s a group space so we need to just try and all work together and think of everyone’s feelings and how we can make the chat work well for everyone. 

Shaunie

One person has to mention theyre triggered in first place for everyone else to agree. And yeah im not saying everytime i am triggered to see if everyone else agrees that the person should shut up

Shaunie

Also tried hard to not make my comment personal to anyone. Its a general view i have now. 

Jellyelephant

I’m not making it personal, just trying to point out that if we are going to argue against something it is hard when we have done that thing themselves. 

I just think its always going going to be hard in a group chat with lots of people who are all struggling. We just need to have some empathy with each other and do what we can to make a group space work 

Shaunie

Empathy would be to think about how it makes someone feel if you open up and you have made people feel worse/triggered just by saying something on your mind.

Jellyelephant

Yes you are right but it would also be to think about how certain topics may be upsetting to others and how you would feel in that position. Everyone needs to think of each other and look out for each other

Shaunie

All im saying is  the rules should be to take responsiblity for your own triggers. If you think its a topic, no one would like to hear. Then still shouldnt say because it may not be. And we cant predict that and someone has to mention it for everyone to go against someone for it. Its hard enough to stay within guidelines. Let alone staying within guidelines and still feeling targeted. Shouldnt make people upset for speaking and al is i mean. 

Aidan

My thoughts are that ultimately, group chat is about the group.

The guidelines are there for the best interests of the group, and that is why @The Mix is always wanting to hear the opinions of chatters about how chat currently works, so that group chat can suit the group as best it can.

It's great for the group for chatters to acknowledge that certain topics you could bring up can be upsetting for others, as well as acknowledging that other people may come to chat seeking support about a topic you or others might find upsetting.

Ultimately, I think no one should ever have to feel like there's a topic (within guidelines) that they are not free to seek support about. I think understanding what to do when a topic is triggering for you can really help group chats flow and make them as productive as possible for everyone involved, and if you ever need clarity on that then feel free to PM @The Mix or ask a mod during a chat

At the same time, feedback about chat is always helpful and our opinions can forge chat into something more productive for us!

Shaunie

If its a general thing that think will trigger everyone - It would be against the rules to say, if that was the case. Should just being mindful that if its within the rules, its okay and we have read the rule and know what things could be said so then your responsiblity to stay or not. I can't predict things that could trigger other people if its within the rules cause my triggers are different to others. Some stuff are heavy in support chat for some. Some arent. It is what it is 🙃

In my opinion and probably the rules too

Shaunie

And also. What is twice as annoying is when you have said it many times before. So even more confused why everyones against you now. When it seems like oh lets pick at everything shaunie has to say today.  Then it does become upsetting. And dont want to write this comment as a vent about a specific problem just had to say that if its been said before and was okay then it is a bit questionable about why people are suddnely against it

The Mix

Hey folks,

This is a good conversation to be having. We're always trying to balance freedom of expression and safety of the wider group (on both the boards and chat), so it's good to hear your thoughts on where that balance is. And thanks @Aidan for adding a mod's perspective.

Currently, the general rule is that if it's within guidelines, you're free to talk about it. As @Shaunie said, there is a certain level of responsibility on everyone to be mindful of your triggers and self-moderate when you need to, especially if you're sensitive to things that other people are likely not to be.

Keep in mind though, it's the mods prerogative to ask you to move on from talking about something if they think it's best for the group. Chat mods are trained in keeping groups safe, functional and healthy, and sometimes they will need to ask members of the group not to discuss something that may technically or usually be allowed. If they ask you do to that, you haven't done anything wrong because you've stayed within guidelines. The important thing is respecting the mods' judgement.

As @jellyelephant said, it's about having empathy for each other and realising that we may need to give a little to make everyone comfortable. The guidelines are just that - guidelines. As well as that, we need to work together (mods included) to make sure we're looking after each other and being considerate of others.

Aidan said:

@The Mix anything about that 'more to come...'?

Good question @Aidan. Not quite, but we're getting there. We haven't forgotten about this discussion and we will get back to it as soon as we can.

Mike & the team

The Mix

It's also worth noting that it's totally fine for someone to say that something has made them uncomfortable - everyone is allowed to express that. And again, if they do, it doesn't necessarily mean the person who said the thing that upset them has done anything wrong. As long as you keep yourself within guidelines and following what the mods ask, you're doing just fine.

Mike & the team

Shaunie

So youre allowed to say youre uncomfortable. But not allowed to tell them to stop? Is that right?(users

Aidan

there is a certain level of responsibility on everyone to be mindful of your triggers and self-moderate when you need to

The guidelines are just that - guidelines

Chat mods are trained in keeping groups safe, functional and healthy, and sometimes they will need to ask members of the group not to discuss something that may technically or usually be allowed. If they ask you do to that, you haven't done anything wrong because you've stayed within guidelines. 

It's also worth noting that it's totally fine for someone to say that something has made them uncomfortable - everyone is allowed to express that

I think this is reasonable

The Mix

Shaunie said:

So youre allowed to say youre uncomfortable. But not allowed to tell them to stop? Is that right?(users

Generally speaking, yep. If the mods are aware that people are uncomfortable, they can decide whether to allow/disallow whatever the conversation is. Modding is best left to the mods.

That's not to say people can't decide not to talk about a certain thing if it's upsetting somebody. If what they're saying is within guidelines, they can still decide to stop talking about it if they want to do that.

Mike & the team