What are your thoughts on group chat?

TheMix · April 2019

Hey everyone,

For chat break week, we'd love to hear your feedback on group chat as a whole. As well as being able to use the feedback form which we'll be monitoring through the week, we thought it would also be good to get a group discussion going in this thread.

Your feedback can be about anything from the way sessions are structured, moderated, the general vibe or atmosphere, the schedule, the software, etc. The possibilities are endless.

One quick thing before you start getting your thoughts down: any negative feedback about specific members or specific moderators should be sent in via the feedback form. If you want to provide positive feedback about someone, that's fine to go here.

So, without further ado...

What do you like about group chat right now, and what would you change (if anything)?

Millie2787 · April 2019

I love how supportive everyone is in Support chat and how the Mods in GC always know how you cheer you up with randomness especially jan 🤣

I think it would be nice if the Mods and I think @Abigail would agree that if they were trained a little in Young Carers ?

Abigail · April 2019

I think it would be nice if the Mods and I think @Abigail would agree that if they were trained a little in Young Carers ?

I agree. I've been here a while and sometimes with the support i just go round in circles as by the time I've explained what my job how it impacts me its the end of the chat. Some of the mods bless them really are trying

I know Alice has really learnt a lot recently along with Grace, Aman and Imogen.

The knowledge there getting is just personal and not for everyone so what support i feel I need is far different from @Millie2787

Cool to see Italia coming out of the busy nest she has made for herself (Sorry terrible easter pun) and find her way into the light chats.

Speak soon
Abi

Jellyelephant · April 2019

I love chat overall. It helps me lots when am going through bad times and knowing people care really helps. Also it is somewhere I feel part of the community and is nice to speak to people. I think it has got a lot better in terms of peer support happening more now. Opening round is annoying though and too long. Also I can’t use chat with my phone data only WiFi for some reason. Spam annoys me tho

also mike should be fired

Joking lol

Dancer · April 2019

WWW (What Went Well:) Clear rules, plenty of support, amazing mods, great laugh in general chat, amazing opening and closing rounds in support chat and new members welcomed.

WDGSW (What didn't go so well:) Not enough mods for support chat- it can get ridiculously busy and sometimes people don't get heard, sometimes a lot of swearing or arguing (totally not me,) mods sometimes spoken to unkindly and sometimes photos don't work.

Shaunie · April 2019

Kasa2103 said

WDGSW (What didn't go so well:) Not enough mods for support chat- it can get ridiculously busy and sometimes people don't get heard,

Mods arent the only ones who can listen to people. It should mostly be members. So i personally dont think lack of mods is a problem at all 🙂

Abigail said:

I think it would be nice if the Mods and I think @Abigail would agree that if they were trained a little in Young Carers ?
I agree. I've been here a while and sometimes with the support i just go round in circles as by the time I've explained what my job how it impacts me its the end of the chat.

But cant train them in every single subject that affects people. Dont need knowledge to just listen to you plus mods aint the only ones to support people😊

Ah so sorry i didnt come on this thread to reply to replies lol i hope i dont come across as rude. I just like to add my thoughts / discuss 😊

And my opinion is i love chat!!!! 😊😊 and great place to go for support and to be listened to. And mods are great and members and nice place to go to to vent about your days stress. Though maybe some rules need to be a little bit more clearer.

Edited because i can never tell if my tone of vioce in a text comes across as rude. I hope doesnt seem rude

Millie2787 · April 2019

Shaunie said:

Abigail said:

I think it would be nice if the Mods and I think @Abigail would agree that if they were trained a little in Young Carers ?
I agree. I've been here a while and sometimes with the support i just go round in circles as by the time I've explained what my job how it impacts me its the end of the chat.

But cant train them in every single subject that affects people. Dont need knowledge to just listen to you plus mods aint the only ones to support people😊

Good Point @shaunie I think i meant more just a general awareness Of what a YC and YAC which literally Just a definition along with the 2 sides of physical and emotional caring, Not like full blown Every situation that could possibly happen and here's what they could do to help, Because i remember when i first started Using Support chats i found it abit daunting that i had plucked up the courage to talk about things but only to be asked What that specifically Is can be daunting and i guess i just want to reduce that for other YC And YAC that might come on later down the line , especially as There working on making there services for accessible for young carers in case you haven't see the questionnaire thing that pops up at the top of the page, That's one of the things i know some of the wider team are working on.
A lot of the time when i'm talking in SC when i start off i don't direct what i'm talking about to a specific Mod bu if they engage with me what i'm talking about that's when my comments become more Aimed if that makes sense.

Ahh i hope this doesn't come across as bitchy i definitely don't intended it to lol

TheMix · April 2019

Thank you so much for your thoughts, everyone! This is gold. We're going to sit on this feedback for a bit, mull it over, and get back with some further thoughts soon.

If there's any more feedback you'd like to share or you haven't offered your thoughts yet, please go ahead and do that - we'd love to hear more of these insights.

Mike & the team

TheAprilFool · May 2019

When I used the support chat everyone was really nice and friendly but it wasn't as structured as I expected. I assumed that the moderator would allow everyone to have a turn and that one person would share at a time but this wasn't the case and I found it difficult to find a time to jump in and get support for my own issues while I was trying to help everyone else with theirs.

TheAprilFool · May 2019

Aidan said:

everyone to have a turn and that one person would share at a time
Ah like support circle?

Yeah, but I don't think support circle was a thing at the time I last used a group chat. It's nice to see something with more structure.

TheMix · May 2019

Thanks for your input @TheAprilFool. It's good to hear you found your way to Circle, though it's a fair argument that a bit more structure in SC might help people navigate the session if it's busy.

So, overall it's really interesting to hear the different points of view here, as well as some of the common themes in what's being said. One of the things we've heard fairly consistently (both openly and privately) is that it can feel challenging to get the support you need from SC.

And a few of you have pointed out that the mods aren't solely responsible for that, which is true. Even so, it might mean we can do some work around setting up realistic expectations of group chat. We could also try and reinforce those norms we tried setting a while ago about chat being a place where everyone works as a group.

There are a lots interesting ideas here that we can explore - the structure of group chat, the things moderators are trained in, how we manage busy sessions, and potentially some technical developments we can look at. We're open to messing with all of these things, so we'll take this all on board while we think about ways to improve group chat going forward.

Thank you everyone - it's invaluable to get this feedback. More to come...

Mike & the team

Shaunie · June 2019

I have a rule that you could add. I know ive already messaged you about it. But i think would be good to hear other peoples views;

Im not speaking about a specific time.- there have been a few times this has happened - when someone tells someone to stop speaking about something because they have been triggered.

I think online it can be easier to be rude without people realising it is rude. So picture this youre having a group chat in real life where people get together ; there are rules in place and all. Someone says something thats affecting them - someones like omg stop right there - do not speak about whatever that is because i am getting triggered. I mean thats rude. We should respect what people say and not involve our own thoughts into it. Because we shouldnt have to fear that everything we will say may trigger someone. Cause reality is anything can trigger someone and cant cater to everyones triggers. And can you imagine opening up about something for someone to be like okay stop im triggered. We dont open up to trigger people or to be told to actually stop and no one stops to think about how makes other person feel. Maybe it is respectful to not talk about what people said theyre triggered by. But its also respectful to just not say youre triggered in first place and should leave instead. To not make situation worst cause if we all say we are triggered everytime someone says something in the guildelines its going to cause too much shit.

Shaunie · June 2019

[email protected]

Jellyelephant · June 2019

My view is that although we can’t predict every trigger, if multiple people in chat are finding a certain topic upsetting then we should respect that and think about the groups feelings. It is fine if you say in a respectful polite way to someone and ask them if they mind stopping a certain topic. In some respects I agree like just a daft example if I was talking about my pet rabbit, if one person is triggered by rabbits then that’s unreasonable to ask me to stop.

I do think though its important to not be rude to someone based on their triggers, especially as in previous chats you have also said about being triggered by things...

overall yes yes there are chat guidelines but it’s a group space so we need to just try and all work together and think of everyone’s feelings and how we can make the chat work well for everyone.

Shaunie · June 2019

One person has to mention theyre triggered in first place for everyone else to agree. And yeah im not saying everytime i am triggered to see if everyone else agrees that the person should shut up

Shaunie · June 2019

Also tried hard to not make my comment personal to anyone. Its a general view i have now.

Jellyelephant · June 2019

I’m not making it personal, just trying to point out that if we are going to argue against something it is hard when we have done that thing themselves.

I just think its always going going to be hard in a group chat with lots of people who are all struggling. We just need to have some empathy with each other and do what we can to make a group space work

Shaunie · June 2019

Empathy would be to think about how it makes someone feel if you open up and you have made people feel worse/triggered just by saying something on your mind.

Jellyelephant · June 2019

Yes you are right but it would also be to think about how certain topics may be upsetting to others and how you would feel in that position. Everyone needs to think of each other and look out for each other

Shaunie · June 2019

All im saying is the rules should be to take responsiblity for your own triggers. If you think its a topic, no one would like to hear. Then still shouldnt say because it may not be. And we cant predict that and someone has to mention it for everyone to go against someone for it. Its hard enough to stay within guidelines. Let alone staying within guidelines and still feeling targeted. Shouldnt make people upset for speaking and al is i mean.

Shaunie · June 2019

If its a general thing that think will trigger everyone - It would be against the rules to say, if that was the case. Should just being mindful that if its within the rules, its okay and we have read the rule and know what things could be said so then your responsiblity to stay or not. I can't predict things that could trigger other people if its within the rules cause my triggers are different to others. Some stuff are heavy in support chat for some. Some arent. It is what it is 🙃

In my opinion and probably the rules too

Shaunie · June 2019

And also. What is twice as annoying is when you have said it many times before. So even more confused why everyones against you now. When it seems like oh lets pick at everything shaunie has to say today. Then it does become upsetting. And dont want to write this comment as a vent about a specific problem just had to say that if its been said before and was okay then it is a bit questionable about why people are suddnely against it

TheMix · June 2019

Hey folks,

This is a good conversation to be having.

We're always trying to balance freedom of expression and safety of the wider group (on both the boards and chat), so it's good to hear your thoughts on where that balance is. And thanks @Aidan for adding a mod's perspective.

Currently, the general rule is that if it's within guidelines, you're free to talk about it. As @Shaunie said, there is a certain level of responsibility on everyone to be mindful of your triggers and self-moderate when you need to, especially if you're sensitive to things that other people are likely not to be.

Keep in mind though, it's the mods prerogative to ask you to move on from talking about something if they think it's best for the group. Chat mods are trained in keeping groups safe, functional and healthy, and sometimes they will need to ask members of the group not to discuss something that may technically or usually be allowed. If they ask you do to that, you haven't done anything wrong because you've stayed within guidelines.

The important thing is respecting the mods' judgement.

As @jellyelephant said, it's about having empathy for each other and realising that we may need to give a little to make everyone comfortable. The guidelines are just that - guidelines. As well as that, we need to work together (mods included) to make sure we're looking after each other and being considerate of others.

Aidan said:

@The Mix anything about that 'more to come...'?

Good question @Aidan. Not quite, but we're getting there. We haven't forgotten about this discussion and we will get back to it as soon as we can.

Mike & the team

TheMix · June 2019

It's also worth noting that it's totally fine for someone to say that something has made them uncomfortable - everyone is allowed to express that. And again, if they do, it doesn't necessarily mean the person who said the thing that upset them has done anything wrong. As long as you keep yourself within guidelines and following what the mods ask, you're doing just fine.

Mike & the team

Shaunie · June 2019

So youre allowed to say youre uncomfortable. But not allowed to tell them to stop? Is that right?(users

TheMix · June 2019

Shaunie said:

So youre allowed to say youre uncomfortable. But not allowed to tell them to stop? Is that right?(users

Generally speaking, yep. If the mods are aware that people are uncomfortable, they can decide whether to allow/disallow whatever the conversation is. Modding is best left to the mods.

That's not to say people can't decide not to talk about a certain thing if it's upsetting somebody. If what they're saying is within guidelines, they can still decide to stop talking about it if they want to do that.

Mike & the team

Shaunie · June 2019

The Mix said:

Shaunie said:

So youre allowed to say youre uncomfortable. But not allowed to tell them to stop? Is that right?(users

Generally speaking, yep. If the mods are aware that people are uncomfortable, they can decide whether to allow/disallow whatever the conversation is. Modding is best left to the mods.

That's not to say people can't decide not to talk about a certain thing if it's upsetting somebody. If what they're saying is within guidelines, they can still decide to stop talking about it if they want to do that.

Mike & the team

Thanks. I agree. Answered why came to this thread

Jellyelephant · June 2019

I think there should be a rule about chat users acting like moderators.

TheMix · June 2019

Jellyelephant said:

I think there should be a rule about chat users acting like moderators.

This is a good point @Jellyelephant. It's been an unwritten rule for a while, but it should be on the guidelines page (looks like we added to the boards ones but not chat).

Good spot.

Mike & the team

TheMix · July 2019

Hey everyone,

Blimey, it's been a while since we updated that and said there would be 'more to come'. Still, better late than never eh.

Here are some recent changes, some based on feedback from you guys:

We made the decision to get rid of moderator avatars

This is to give moderators a little more individuality and character, and to avoid the mod team coming across as a uniform or higher ranked group of people. They're members of the group like everyone else (with a few extra responsibilities) and we want their image to reflect that.

We added backseat modding to the guidelines (see italics)

How do I stay safe in group chat?

All group chats are moderated by a mixture of paid staff and volunteer mods.

Their role is to oversee the group and to make sure that everyone is sticking to the guidelines so the chat remains a safe and welcoming space. Moderators are trained in offering emotional support, listening, signposting (sharing links to resources online) and managing the group. They are not expert advisers and cannot provide 1-2-1 support.

We ask that you avoid sharing any personal contact details in the chat room such as your email address, phone number or social media. It’s okay to share photos of yourself or your pets if you’re comfortable with that, but please don’t share photos of anybody else. Don’t forget that once you post something online, there's no way to stop somebody saving it.

Stepping into the role of a moderator when you're not one is generally not appreciated - it creates friction between community members and it makes the moderator's job more difficult. If you see something that needs mod input, it's okay to give supportive suggestions, but it usually doesn't go well when someone tries to diffuse an argument or enforce the guidelines when they're not a moderator.

Backseat modding has been against boards guidelines for quite a while, but we didn't add it to the chat guidelines when we made that change. It's always been discouraged in group chat but it's now more clearly against guidelines, and something we may consider breaks for if it's a persistent issue.

Confidentiality information was added to the guidelines

Will mods share what I say in group chat with anyone else?

The general rule is 'what's said in group chat stays in group chat'.

If we believe your life is at immediate risk, we may inform emergency services to make sure you're safe. The moderator will tell you if we decide to do this, and we will only do so if we believe your life is at risk. This is extremely rare. You can read more about this in our confidentiality policy.

This information has been in the confidentiality policy for a while, but wasn't explicitly talked about in the group chat guidelines. In the interests of being as transparent as possible with you guys (particularly newcomers who don't know how things work), we decided to include it.

Username guidelines have been clarified (see italics)

How do I choose a username?

You will be automatically logged in as a guest on your first visit, but you can also create an account. If you have an account on the discussion boards, you might want to use the same name to help the community get to know you. Try and stick to the same username once you’ve picked one. It avoids confusion and helps you to settle in and build relationships with the group.You're welcome to use a name that shows how you feel.

If you choose a name like that, depending on what it is, a moderator may ask you to add a different name in brackets. This is just to make sure other members have something they're comfortable calling you by. In extreme cases, you may also be asked to change it completely (e.g. if it uses triggering language) but this is rare.

It was already fairly established that moderators can ask someone to change their username if they felt it appropriate, but it wasn't written anywhere so we decided to add it. Similarly to the backseat modding update, this a move towards making things as clear as possible and away from having unwritten rules or things that are just part of chat culture.

We're working with the moderation team around their input

We've had conversations with you folks on the boards about the role of moderators - that they're not expert advisors or there primarily to give support. But it's important that we also have those conversations with moderators, because we can lose sight of that too.

When we're all reminded of the purpose of group chat and the way it's designed to work, we hopefully have the best chance of everything working well.

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You can use these URL shortcuts any time to give us feedback:

If you need to vent: bit.ly/GroupChatVent

To give more more detailed feedback: bit.ly/GroupChatDetailed

We'll keep beavering away behind the scenes to make sure group chat is the best it can be.

Mike & the team

What are your thoughts on group chat?

Comments

We made the decision to get rid of moderator avatars

We added backseat modding to the guidelines (see italics)

Confidentiality information was added to the guidelines

Username guidelines have been clarified (see italics)

We're working with the moderation team around their input