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Eating Disorders & Recovery Ask Me Anything (26/02/19- 28/02/19)
TheMix
Posts: 3,112 Boards Guru
Hey everyone,
It's Eating Disorders Awareness Week and we've got a special guest, Ilona, who will be online on Wednesday and Thursday this week to answer any questions you may have about eating disorders and recovery.
Here's a bit of information about Ilona:
Anyone is welcome to ask a question about anything here as long as it's within our guidelines. If you'd like to ask a question but don't feel comfortable posting it here, you can send us a PM and we'll post it for you under our account.
What if I can't make it?
Ilona will be online to answer your questions across two days this week so hopefully this will give everyone a chance to post theirs.
We hope you enjoy this AMA. Post your questions below
Aife & the team
It's Eating Disorders Awareness Week and we've got a special guest, Ilona, who will be online on Wednesday and Thursday this week to answer any questions you may have about eating disorders and recovery.
Here's a bit of information about Ilona:
Ilona Burton is a 32 year-old TV producer and Mental Health
campaigner based in Manchester. From the age of just 7 years old, she began to
show signs of developing an Eating Disorder which gradually worsened during her
teens and early twenties. She suffered from both Anorexia and Bulimia and
after years of living in the clutches of her illness, she was hospitalised for
a total of 12 months and began to explore and challenge the set of rules and
routines that had become so deeply ingrained. Ilona is no longer being treated
for her eating disorder, but doesn't consider herself 'fully recovered' and
believes that speaking honestly and openly about her experiences both past and
present is the best way to help others to understand eating disorders.
Check out Ilona's blog and twitter page (Trigger warning - IIona's blog may be triggering so please only read when you feel able to).
Check out Ilona's blog and twitter page (Trigger warning - IIona's blog may be triggering so please only read when you feel able to).
When is it?
Post your questions in this thread and Ilona will be online to answer them on Wednesday 27th February and Thursday 28th February.
Anyone is welcome to ask a question about anything here as long as it's within our guidelines. If you'd like to ask a question but don't feel comfortable posting it here, you can send us a PM and we'll post it for you under our account.
What if I can't make it?
Ilona will be online to answer your questions across two days this week so hopefully this will give everyone a chance to post theirs.
We hope you enjoy this AMA. Post your questions below
Aife & the team
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Ilona will be online today to answer your questions so there's still time to post yours. If you're not too comfortable posting your questions on this thread, you can send us a private message and we'll be more than happy to post them up for you.
- Aife
I've got a couple questions
What's one piece of advice you'd give to someone that's struggling with their eating?
You mentioned you were hospitalised for 12 months and explored and challenged a lot of your set rules and routines, what was that like for you?
how do i stop caring so much about my family's thoughts when i want to eat on own free will/ without someone telling me to /and is it normal to care so much?
(it draws too much attention to me as is unusual & they get really shocked so i always assume theyre shocked because im out of control & fat & its like theyre thinking "wtff the anorexic is eating without someone forcing her". - Find veryy embarrassing with that sort of attention.)
(sorry too much. Maybe ignore me)
I have a question regarding how to approach a friend who may be showing signs of eating disorders. I cannot tell if my friend has an eating disorder or not, and she refuses to seek professional help because she doesn't believe there is anything wrong with her. However, she constantly talks about changing her body and will go from eating nothing for a couple days, and then binge eating junk food after. What is the best way to show someone concern to such a sensitive subject?
I have a friend who is struggling with there ed and wanted some help. She sent this over to ask for help.
I recently told my mum about my eating issues and Im conflicted in wheter she belives me or not. She sending me quite mixed messages. How do I maybe approach her about it again?
As well, my CAMHS worker has recently asked to start weighing me and when she says it I get quite anxious and agitated - do you have any tips for overcoming the fear of being weighed?
Abi
Also I have friends I met inpatient with anorexia and even though I'm a healthy weight now they're not, sometimes it's triggering... do you have friends you met inpatient? And how did you separate your illness from the friendship if that makes sense? Do you believe you can be friends when you're all at different stages of recovery/relapse?
Thanks for being my first questionee! I have definitely had some questionable and not very helpful responses from medical professionals sadly, but I don't think any of them ever said that it was attention-seeking.
That can't have been easy - to be going through such a struggle and then for someone who should know better to make that presumption, especially with reference to abuse.
Eating Disorders manifest themselves in many different ways and can be a response to many different things, but to call them attention-seeking is very dismissive and if I was in your position, I would consider making a complaint and possibly asking to see a different therapist.
Hope that helps!
Thanks for your questions!
1) One piece of advice - wow, that's a tough one. There are many different kinds of eating disorders and many different kinds of people - so it's never a 'one size fits all' thing.
However, any struggle with food is a reflection of something deeper, some kind of inner turmoil, and even if you don't think it's "that bad" or you think it's something you can manage alone, it's always easier to overcome if you have support. So my advice is to talk to someone you trust - anyone; a friend, a teacher, family member, GP. It can be really difficult and eating disorders are often secretive, but it's much better to seek help before it becomes deeply ingrained - and however you feel, there will be someone who will both be able and want to help you.
2) Hospitalisation was a LOT of things! It was hard, but necessary and I honestly don't know if I'd still be here today had I not had that level of round-the-clock support. It's a shame it got that bad and that's why I campaign for greater awareness and early intervention, but for many people, things get worse before they get better.
I struggled in hospital, a lot, but the thing is that everyone around you is going through the same thing and often feeling the same way, fighting the same battle. Through that, you can form close relationships and it wasn't all doom and gloom - there was laughter and terrible karaoke amongst the tears and tantrums!
I'm not going to pretend it was easy, but I would rather have gone through that and be here to travel and work and see my nieces and nephews grow up. It's scary, but worth it.
No problem at all - I hope I can help even if it's just a little!
1) This is a great question. I'm no scientist, but I do know that if you have an eating disorder that can lead to being at a low weight, such as (but not always) anorexia, bulimia, EDNOS or ARFID, weight gain or restoration is usually the first part of treatment before talking therapy. In most cases, that does mean that the body recovers more quickly than the mind. It can take weeks or months to gain weight, but more like months or years to undo all the thinking patterns and behaviours that will have developed. It's extremely difficult to live at a 'healthy' weight while your mind is still 'unhealthy', but it has to be done in order to recover. So yes, it is really quite normal for someone who has maybe been through treatment and gained weight to still feel that they look or feel bigger than they really are and therefore want to lose weight again. It's certainly not easy!
2) Sadly, I would say yes, I do think that even long after treatment and recovery, it is always possible that a person can relapse. I don't consider myself 'recovered', so don't have personal experience of this, but if you imagine it like someone recovering from say alcoholism or drug addiction - they could be sober or clean for twenty, thirty years and then fall off the wagon. I'd guess that it would usually be triggered by something - a lifestyle change, bereavement, money struggles, stress, illness, family breakdown - but unfortunately yes, I do think it's possible and it does happen.
Please don't apologise for anything - it's what I'm here for!
1) I'll be very honest here - yes, I do sometimes miss both being very ill and being in hospital. It's hard to admit because I work so hard to keep myself well enough to function, but I do have that nagging voice in my head that tries to get me to lose weight. I'm much better at fighting that now that I ever was, but there is a weird sort of nostalgia that I have when I look back. If that's something you struggle with, try to focus on what good things you have, or could have now, that you couldn't when you were ill.
2) Families can be really difficult around family members with an ED, but always remember that it's because they care and because they might not know how best to act around you - whether you're eating or not! I sometimes used to use humour to bat off comments - like if my dad saw me eating chocolate from the fridge and would say something, I'd reply: "Well do you want me to eat??" That usually shut him up, but might not be the most effective way of going about it! I think be honest about how you feel - ask them maybe to keep their comments to themselves while you're eating and talk to them about it afterwards, or only mention it when they're concerned. Have a think about how you'd rather they acted, and sit down and talk about that - so that they can help you in a way that you feel beneficial.
Thanks for your question and sorry to hear about your friend. Refusing help is quite common unfortunately - either because the person is in denial about their problem or because they want to keep it a secret and aren't ready to accept that they need help yet - but that doesn't mean you should stop trying.
It sounds like your friend is definitely struggling with food and weight, and whilst it might not be a diagnosable eating disorder yet, it could easily develop into one if it hasn't already - so you're right to be concerned about her. If she's being defensive about it, go easy, but do speak to her and tell her that you have noticed certain and things - be honest, tell her you're worried about her and make sure she knows that you care about her and want to help. Maybe don't suggest professional help straight away, but ease her into the idea by supporting her and then later on, maybe suggest you go to her GP with her. It is really difficult, but if you keep chipping away, hopefully she'll accept your help and you can go from there. Good luck - she's lucky to have a friend like you.
Thanks for your question and I'm sorry to hear that your friend is having a hard time - it's great that you want to help her.
It can be hard for a parent to come to terms with the fact that their child is struggling, especially if it's something they don't fully understand. There is a lot of information for parents and carers on this website: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/ and they also have helplines and forums that could help her support your friend and begin to learn about what she is going through.
With regards to weighing, that's a tough one. I'd guess that her CAMHS worker wants to monitor her weight for physical health reasons - but she should definitely tell them about how it makes her feel. She could maybe suggest doing 'blind' weigh ins, where you stand on the scale backwards so that you can be monitored but without knowing the number - that might help?
I definitely think that full recovery is possible and have met people who have been inpatient who now consider themselves fully recovered, healthy and happy. Do I have the answer to how? Unfortunately not! I don't feel fully recovered myself and acknowledge that my mind is still plagued with eating disordered thoughts - I just don't act on them half as much as I used to. I'm currently slightly underweight but trying to gain rather than maintain - but I admit it's hard.
With regards to friends from inpatient, it's a hard one and can be very triggering when you have them all on Facebook or wherever and some of them relapse or remain at a low weight. I know that in inpatient you can form really strong relationships - you're basically living together, fighting together, crying and laughing together - and it's a nice idea to be able to continue those friendships post-discharge. The most important thing though is you - what is healthiest for you? Are you friends with your IP friends because you have loads in common and have fun all the time, or is it because you both have had an eating disorder? Quite often I think it's the latter, and now you're not in that place, the best thing to do is to surround yourself with friends and family who know you outside of that. I don't want to sound too negative, but I know that sometimes, people who remain friends after inpatient can (not always, but can) keep each other ill - if one loses a bit of weight, the other will follow and it can end up in relapse and repeat admissions.
Put yourself first, unfollow anyone who isn't helpful and focus on those you love and who love you.
It’s like Deep down I know something’s wrong but there’s still a part of me that wants to say nothing is wrong and it kinda leaves me confused sometimes
( I don’t actually know if that makes any sense lol )
Ilona will be online again today to answer any of your questions. Feel free to post them below or send us a private message with your questions and we can post them up for you
@ilonacatherine Thanks so much for answering everyone's questions yesterday. We really appreciate the time you've taken to answer everyone's questions
We've had a few questions come in from Twitter which I'll post below:
Obviously each person is different, but what advice do you have for those of us supporting pals with EDs? What to say, what not to say?
As a therapist, what is the most helpful thing we can do to aid recovery and what's the least helpful?
- Aife
Here are my responses to the Twitter questions:
1) It's SO HARD to know how to act and what to say, especially if they're in denial or don't want to change. The best pals can do is show that they care and they will listen if and when they're ready to talk.
2) The most helpful I think it to tailor how you speak to someone about their ED and recovery - it has to be individual. I needed blunt honesty with a bit of humour chucked in where appropriate! Least helpful - anything even vaguely dismissive.
Don't worry about making sense - eating disorders don't make sense in many ways so it's often really hard to articulate how you're feeling, especially when you have conflicting thoughts and feelings!
I think you probably know deep down that everything isn't ok - but perhaps you become defensive when you're challenged because you want to carry on the way you are as though everything is fine. Eating disordered thoughts and behaviours are usually coping mechanisms that you use to feel safe, comfortable or in control - so the thought of those being taken away can be quite distressing and it makes sense to pretend there's no issue, even when you know there is. It is confusing so please don't feel bad about this - but maybe try to open up a little bit with your CAMHS worker and begin to pick apart the reasons why you feel mixed up.
I hope that helps!
Was wondering what support did you find the most helpful in terms of getting to where you are now in your recovery? And also, what are the day to day things that you do to quiet the 'ED voice'?
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Did you find it difficult to open up to professionals about it ? Whenever CAMHS ask me about it I find it really difficult to talk to them about it ?
also how long did once you opended up about it it take for you to start receiving support ? It’s been 4 weeks since my worker said she would need to dicuss me at the next MDT meeting and each week when I go back I either get they didn’t have time or someone from CEDS wasn’t there for her to talk to
Thank you! There's been a lot of things that have helped me along the way - most of all I think is the love and support I'm lucky enough to have from my family, friends, colleagues and now fiancé (never thought I'd ever get that far!) The thing that started my shift in thinking was when I was in hospital and my first niece was born - I fell in love with her and wanted not only to be there to see her grow up, but to be a good role model for her too. I now have seven nieces and nephews and I'd do anything for them - I don't want them to see me too poorly or not be able to see them whenever I can. That brings me to the thing that helps quieten that nagging feeling of the ED voice - I try to purposely spend time around my family, especially the kids, because I feel more able to eat healthily and think healthily - not be mention be entertained and distracted - when I'm with them. I'll tell them how much they've helped me when they're older!
No problem to have more questions - it's a good sign that you are doing that and I'm more than happy to help.
It was really difficult at first. Although my ED started around the age of 7, it wasn't until I was about 14 or 15 that my mum dragged me to the GP and I was very reserved about what I told them. For so many years, I told everyone that I was 'fine', and that's quite a normal thing to do but in hindsight I wish I had been able to talk more about it then. Nobody can force you to talk about it if you don't want to, but I would encourage you to be as open and honest as you feel you can - it will help a lot more in the long term.
Unfortunately the waiting times for treatment aren't ideal and it really depends on where you live, as funding and services differ from place to place. I had to wait quite a long time for my second round of treatment after a relapse, but it really does depend on different factors - all you can do is ask I'm afraid!
I know its really late, ive been trying to pluck up the courage all day to type these question. When you first noticed signs of anorexia did you talk to someone straight away? I use beat a lot and there like my 2nd family there nice over there. I manage a lot of my eating disorders on my own as i haven't had the courage to speak out about it, is that something that would be deemed as normal?
Sorry it was so last might and brief.
Abi