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i feel really bad. I kee picturing his horrible face how i saw it yesterday 😭😭😭😭. Keep tryinng to distract myself but yesterday was triggering. Will go out later on anyway but it doesnt feel safe
And now i had email from Rape crisis asking when is best to ring me to talk about support. I emailed back to say i am free today and most times. Im scared that after the assessment they will its not the right support or something bad
Just had my discharge letter 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 v triggering. Fee like theyre overdramatic with my progress because it is a discharge letter
Is like 7 pages long. First part is from CC. Second is from OT. CC wrote about my neglected childhood and abusive relationship. And says "its not suprising that when you experience distress you can implode and present in a way that draws support from emergency services". First i read it as "attention seekr" but then she wrote that idk how to express distress in other ways.as has never been done in family and always been shameful. Which i guess is right and i never thought about how being really neglected does that. IThought being neglect had no lasting affects to me but sexual abuse does but probs wrong then. But said about my risk has decreased....i still think abut ways to die constantly just cause not been with emergancy seevices for awhil
She also wrote down my Old ISVA number for if i would like to take criminal case forward. Which not only really triggering to think about back to that. But i also got really attached to my isva & deleted her number & every contact because knew id be tempted to get incontac cause am a creep. So i feel like keep the letter but crossing all of the part about isva esp her number,crossingit out.
Aw you really do deserve support
I'm sorry to hear about your discharge letter, I can understand it feeling more real that this support has ended when you receive a formal letter. I hope you're feeling okay. It sounds like there were bits in that letter that helped you think about the impact of your childhood. How did you feel reading through the letter?
I know you mentioned before that you'd like to get some support with how you're feeling so hopefully Rape Crisis can help with that. It's really great they emailed you today I know it's been a little while since your assessment with them. Did they end up calling you today?
With your medication, like Kathleen said, we're not medical experts so it's best to double check with your GP if you've missed a few just to make sure you're taking them safely.
I also hope you're feeling okay after what happened yesterday. Remember we're always here anytime you want to talk.
Stay strong Shaunie
rape crisis havent rang me yet. So dk i hope they dont want to say something bad.
I think my medication is making me feel sick so yeah dk what to do anymore.
I am upset ive just finished my mental health awareness corse. (Knew about it from Occuptional therapy) and now i feel im back to having nothing socialable to look forward to which is basically what mental health services was helping me with and occupational stuff. It finished at 2:30 and i didnt feel like i would be so upset about it ending but the people was kind on it- even if they was twice my age ah. But they said theyre going to create facebook group and add everyone. Fml maybe need to change my profil picture before do that since horrible hahah since from ages ago & i dont post much lol and dont update cause scared just used to look and message. Now wish never gave my facebook out lol. But said we should meet up to do level 2
But i bet probs wont happen and maybe id be weird cause im like a kid to them. And an just feeling very lonely and sad.
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Tomorrow am meeting an old friend but really scared about that too.
Just feel like dying is easier
But its not stopping my thoughts. My suicidal thoughts are getting really bad.
I think i defenitly know why. But i cant say. Its more of a recent thing. But i seriously dont think there is any way out of it but to kill myself and i cant handle it any longer
[spoiler and TW added by moderator]
is the suicidal thoughts making me think wont make it. I keep thinking about dying and usualy when i do this - i feel that sometimes i dk if its a cry for help - but its more scary now because i know this definelty isnt a cry for help because i know if i try to kill myself will be wanting to actually die because a cry for help will only ruin my chance of being a peer support worker and wouldnt get me help.
I see my gp Monday for the meds review to see how going. I dk whether to say how suicidal i feel now.
Just keep thinking - dont want to do this anymore
But yeah as can probs tell the peer support worker thing feels imporant to me but feel like will do bad on intervew and get no where with it anyway.
Just feeling really bad. Have work at 12 and i feel so achy and tired and suicidal and a bit unwell physically too:(
but am going to lie to my gp on monday just incase and will go to interview if i havent died by then
edit-( Im safe). Just meant work. Not that anyone cares if im safe or not
thanks for help.
Sorry
should of put on last post i am safe - edited it on just incase