Being discharged from MH services

I hate discharge. but usually being discharged just meant i was going with a different service. like i went from CAMHS to Adult mental health - to adult eating disorders - to Personality disorders. And have relied a lot on them since i was 15. Which am grateful of. But now being completly discharged and im so sad and stressed. I don’t know if i am ready. It was only a few months ago that i kept ending up going in hospital or arrested. I feel bit better at managing crisis maybe bit of DBT helped but i feel like soon if i dont find a purpose to my life i will die

And i get attached to the staff and get so upset just the fact that i wont see them.

But then i don’t know if matters ill try by myself cause...

Maybe triggering

I feel like ive given myself a certain time on when i want to change my life by - meaning i want a better job and to feel purpose or some kind of direction by that time. And i an trying is just hard with no money and jobs i can apply to id hate (just retail ect). And i feel like if i dont by this certain time - i will know ive tried & wont need more help and will know that life isnt for me and feel i may actually kill myself.

I feel like maybe i should tell my CC that but she will think i am saying it tostay under services and that im just an attention seeker so best not.

Im just so stressed i feel a lot of pressure to get a better life. I feel like such a failed kid. And it is embarrassing when i tell people what im doing with my life atm and i cant stand staying like it for much longer.

Feel like just getting no where 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

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Totally get not feeling able to take them

Shaunie said:

Tomorrow ill just buy fizzy drink and catch up on the pills i should of taken. Probs will be fine

Only my take, but I'd suggest you may want to check with your doc before doing that, just in case.

Na think it should be fine but thanks! If take with fizzy drink wont feel it in my throat so much

i feel really bad. I kee picturing his horrible face how i saw it yesterday 😭😭😭😭. Keep tryinng to distract myself but yesterday was triggering. Will go out later on anyway but it doesnt feel safe

Omg im so scared of all support going i had a dream that The Mix banned me.

And now i had email from Rape crisis asking when is best to ring me to talk about support. I emailed back to say i am free today and most times. Im scared that after the assessment they will its not the right support or something bad

Just had my discharge letter 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 v triggering. Fee like theyre overdramatic with my progress because it is a discharge letter

Is like 7 pages long. First part is from CC. Second is from OT. CC wrote about my neglected childhood and abusive relationship. And says "its not suprising that when you experience distress you can implode and present in a way that draws support from emergency services". First i read it as "attention seekr" but then she wrote that idk how to express distress in other ways.as has never been done in family and always been shameful. Which i guess is right and i never thought about how being really neglected does that. IThought being neglect had no lasting affects to me but sexual abuse does but probs wrong then. But said about my risk has decreased....i still think abut ways to die constantly just cause not been with emergancy seevices for awhil

She also wrote down my Old ISVA number for if i would like to take criminal case forward. Which not only really triggering to think about back to that. But i also got really attached to my isva & deleted her number & every contact because knew id be tempted to get incontac cause am a creep. So i feel like keep the letter but crossing all of the part about isva esp her number,crossingit out.

Deleted. Dont deserve support. Pretend dont exist. Thanks

Hey @Shaunie

Aw you really do deserve support

I'm sorry to hear about your discharge letter, I can understand it feeling more real that this support has ended when you receive a formal letter. I hope you're feeling okay. It sounds like there were bits in that letter that helped you think about the impact of your childhood. How did you feel reading through the letter?

I know you mentioned before that you'd like to get some support with how you're feeling so hopefully Rape Crisis can help with that. It's really great they emailed you today I know it's been a little while since your assessment with them. Did they end up calling you today?

Shaunie said:

Tomorrow ill just buy fizzy drink and catch up on the pills i should of taken. Probs will be fine

With your medication, like Kathleen said, we're not medical experts so it's best to double check with your GP if you've missed a few just to make sure you're taking them safely.

I also hope you're feeling okay after what happened yesterday. Remember we're always here anytime you want to talk.

Stay strong Shaunie

Thank you @Aife

rape crisis havent rang me yet. So dk i hope they dont want to say something bad.

I think my medication is making me feel sick so yeah dk what to do anymore.

I am upset ive just finished my mental health awareness corse. (Knew about it from Occuptional therapy) and now i feel im back to having nothing socialable to look forward to which is basically what mental health services was helping me with and occupational stuff. It finished at 2:30 and i didnt feel like i would be so upset about it ending but the people was kind on it- even if they was twice my age ah. But they said theyre going to create facebook group and add everyone. Fml maybe need to change my profil picture before do that since horrible hahah since from ages ago & i dont post much lol and dont update cause scared just used to look and message. Now wish never gave my facebook out lol. But said we should meet up to do level 2

But i bet probs wont happen and maybe id be weird cause im like a kid to them. And an just feeling very lonely and sad.
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Tomorrow am meeting an old friend but really scared about that too.

Just feel like dying is easier

My day out with my friend was good.

But its not stopping my thoughts. My suicidal thoughts are getting really bad.

I think i defenitly know why. But i cant say. Its more of a recent thing. But i seriously dont think there is any way out of it but to kill myself and i cant handle it any longer

TW: medication/overdosing

I did catch up on the ant depressants i should of taken and dk if that was safe but im alive so its probably fine and been taking it since and i don’t know if it is doing the side effect of adding to my suicidal thoughts because i do really bad right now and scared i wont make it for my interview on 16th.

I cant cope with this life anymore

[spoiler and TW added by moderator]

I'm glad to hear you're alive at least lol.

Sorry you're feeling really bad

Are you scared you won't make it due to feeling bad, then (or something else)?

I can relate to feeling like there's no other way out but suicide. Suffering can blind us.

Here for you, stay strong

kathleen0172 said:

Are you scared you won't make it due to feeling bad, then (or something else)?

Thank you Kathleen

is the suicidal thoughts making me think wont make it. I keep thinking about dying and usualy when i do this - i feel that sometimes i dk if its a cry for help - but its more scary now because i know this definelty isnt a cry for help because i know if i try to kill myself will be wanting to actually die because a cry for help will only ruin my chance of being a peer support worker and wouldnt get me help.

I see my gp Monday for the meds review to see how going. I dk whether to say how suicidal i feel now.

Just keep thinking - dont want to do this anymore

Aww:(

So do you feel scared that you're going to kill yourself before the interview, or you'll try but it will ruin your chances of being a peer support worker?

I think telling your GP when you see them on monday would probably be a good idea. How do you feel about the idea?

Keep fighting - and if you're not up to fighting, take things slow. You can and should get through this buddy

kathleen0172 said:

Aww:(

So do you feel scared that you're going to kill yourself before the interview, or you'll try but it will ruin your chances of being a peer support worker?

I think telling your GP when you see them on monday would probably be a good idea. How do you feel about the idea?

Keep fighting - and if you're not up to fighting, take things slow. You can and should get through this buddy

Sometimes when i attempt suicude i think Sometimes its been a cry for help and not actually wanting to die. So yeah i think if i was try to kill myself i would need to die cause would ruin life and not help.(dont have plans - is just why my thoughts are scary me more cause know is seriosu) And scared to tell my gp because with the little chance i have being a peer support worker they do occuptional health check and dk if ask your gp but beig suicidal recently wouldnt look good.
But yeah as can probs tell the peer support worker thing feels imporant to me but feel like will do bad on intervew and get no where with it anyway.
Just feeling really bad. Have work at 12 and i feel so achy and tired and suicidal and a bit unwell physically too:(

Hm yeah:( I get that

I believe you'll get somewhere with being a peer support worker - and think you'd make a great one, while we're at that. I guess I can't gaurantee you'll get to be one, but I'd place my bets fairly high.

Keep us posted on how you're doing. And I hope work doesn't go too bad

Some great words of support here from @kathleen0172.

It sounds like you're placing a lot of hope and weight on the prospect of becoming a peer support worker @Shaunie, and I agree with @kathleen0172 that you've got what it takes to get somewhere with it. Maybe now, maybe another time, but you could be great in a position like that. You display a lot of those skills here when you're chatting to others.

Your health is so important, and getting the support you need (e.g. talking to a GP about suicidal thoughts) is allowed to come first. Obviously I don't know whether needing a certain level of support yourself would bar you from being a peer support worker, but even if it did (however likely), how would you feel about prioritising your health over the role for now? Presumably having those experiences is good for being a peer support worker overall, so it could even make you a better one later down the line.

You've made it clear you're safe right now, which is really reassuring to hear and thank you for clarifying that. If you do find yourself on the edge of acting on any of those thoughts, Crisis Messenger (text THEMIX to 85258) or Samaritans (call 116 123) are always there to help you through those moments. Have you been in touch with crisis support recently?

Take it easy at work, and well done for keeping fighting.

Keep us posted on how you feel.

.

Im so sad 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Aw sorry, see you deleted that.

I do

Though that's not enough I know. But I really do care a lot.

Sending you some hugs, it sounds like you're really not feeling good rn:(

Okay all been deleted now. I am Very sorry. I wasnt too sure if i was allowed. . I was just saying what upsets me. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

It's not your time, is it?

Here if you need me. I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you and hope you feel a bit better asap xx

Thank you. I cry so much when support leaves even if doesnt leave forever. Why does everyone hate me. Im so sad every support is going and going to be left all by myself by end of this year 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭im so sad 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Aww you will never be by yourself, Shaunie.

And I can't imagine anyone hating you. I technically can't promise that some people don't, but in my opinion, everyone who would hate you is bonkers. I think you're really nice bud. And way more people would like you than dislike you. I know it can feel like everyone hates you - it's a horrible feeling:(

I hate me so i wouldnt be suprised and i would hate me even if i was someone else. wish i was a better person. But guess am a fuck up

You're definitely not a fuck up

Thanks @Mike and @kathleen0172

but am going to lie to my gp on monday just incase and will go to interview if i havent died by then

I FEEL AWFUL 😭😭😭😭. Maybe should prepare for interview instead of thinking about ways to die

I'm sorry - we're here for you mate

I give up ,sorry cant do this anymore.
edit-( Im safe). Just meant work. Not that anyone cares if im safe or not

thanks for help.

@Shaunie, are you okay? Reach out if you need to. x

I will probs be okay. Am just seeking attention:(. I do feel awful tho. I just feeel like giving up on work and everything and staying in bed and not doing anything and wait til die. Cant do living anymore so stressful dk what to do. Just sad life

Sorry
should of put on last post i am safe - edited it on just incase

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