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Being discharged from MH services

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  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited September 2023
    Thank you Lucy and Ed. 

    Yeah does make sense Ed. I think maybe just how i think ah. But want to try and have a phone with her next time if home alone but anxious &  doubt will be able to.

    i was meant to have my last CC appointment tomorrow. But i re arranaged since i have the MH awareness tomorrow. And now will see her 22rd and tbh i tried to get her to say the latest she can lol and because i finishthe PEP group interviews by then so if i think i did bad in that i will be completly honest with how i feel & try not to be discharged - which is unliekly anyway. I have essiensals infor on friday - which is important.  Then i should hopefull have group interviews on 15th so im hopeful i know if i can carry on with training by the 22rd when i see my CC

    The MH awareness was okay. I just felt really young compared to everyone - so trying to make conversation like on lunch-  felt harder when they all talked about kids. & when discussing on tables - i tried to speak but felt like sometimes they didnt want to know me but they would randomly ask me "you alright" sooo many times so maybe i looked v anxious idk. But im not really loking forward to it tomorrow tbh. 

    Yesterday i was getting emails about the Peer Education Program saying that they have changed their training because they have so many new jobs coming out soon that they want the training done as soon as possible & lots of people doing it. - which while reading sounded really hopeful. But i bet id be like the only one they do not want doing it :/. But they said the training was going to be 1 day a week for 12 week. But now it will be 4 days a week for 4 weeks to get it done quicker so people can apply for jobs.
    Post edited by JustV on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 133 The Mix Convert
    Hiya Shaunie

    As always, so impressed with all the things you're getting involved in!

    I used Young Women's Trust myself a couple of years back, so can personally say they're awesome, and definitely not expecting a certain answer from you. Like Ed said, coaching is to help you find what is right for you, not for them to tell you what's right. It's great that you want to try have a phone call with them, but it's also great that they have other options.

    How do you feel about the PEP being quicker?

    I hope today goes okay for you!

    Caroline
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Yesterday was okay 

    today was stressful. They aint doing group interview for PEP anymore because they have so many new jobs that are upcoming they dont have time. So we are doing online application instead which mean more people can sign up and if they like your writen/online application you get 121 interview. We talked through all the training and sounds like a lot. The application needs to be done by the 20th. So i am stressed about the questions in there - DBS stuff idk if something would come up on the enchanced one. And i don’t know who to write as a reference and for the "why do you want to do this" i think i want to write that i like supporting people online which is a peer supoort of way and see the benefits and all that stuff but kinda need help on knowing if i should write this stuff and dk who to write as reference 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited March 2019
    But they did say if you hve criminal thing and it was because of your mental health then would most likely be okay since it would be a bit stupid if youre applying for a job that you need mental health problems and then what is stopping you is something that happened when you was mentally ill.

    But they said some stuff they cant take on. And need to know wont do it now. 

    TW: physical violence 
    I mean i have threaten to stab a police man and have cut a police mans finger so idk.

    It was only last year I hope that doesnt show up on dbs but i think maybe i need to write that that has happened incase would show up?but i will maybe ring them at one point to ask about it as said could ask them. 

    We can have our CC as our refence but i dont think that would be a good idea lol. 
    And primark dont do references

    and there is also an article we need to write about

    [edited by moderator to add spoiler warning]
    Post edited by TheMix on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited March 2019
    So i see my care co ordinator for last time on 22nd

    rape counselling texted me to ask for inital assessment for the 18 th of march ://////////// what does an assessment include ://////i don’t know what to text back. I dont want counselling yet becsuse i was selfish enough to sign up to The Mix counselling and ive been to that for 3 weeks now. And i stil have 5 weeks left with them. Which is helpful and dont want that to stop. And i am also finding young womans trust helpful
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    So I've had my appointment for the assessment with rape crisis. It is the same place I used to see my ISVA so I was a bit conscious that there is a possibility I could see her but didn't think I would and I did see her and it was awkward and it made me more anxious after  

    But anyway the appointment was okay and she was seeing which one would be better for me - counselling or emotional support. I didn't know the difference (even tho she explained lol) so I just said counselling as I thought maybe emotional support means I can't get help from them. But she said she thinks emotional support as I can still get it under their service but it lasts longer and would think i would need longer. So then I was like probably emotional support  

    And then we both kinda said emotional support because counselling is 20 sessions but emotional support lasts until you are ready which sounds really good and I thought everywhere had a time limit but kinda scared that if I have the emotional support I will never want it to end even if I am ready because I get attached to the people.


    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey Shaunie, sounds positive and really relieved that they are still looking after you for as long as you need <3 how are you feeling about seeing your CC for the last time this week?
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited March 2019
    I am so sad. Just seen my care co ordinator and i am now discharged 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭. We talked about after dischared and im just so sad i wont see her again😭😭😭well unless my peer support work things goes anywhere then i could be workin with her lol. 

    so after discharge i do have chioce of going to their recovery coaching that last 6 weeks. I feel like thats very similar to the coaching from young womans trust which i am finding helpful. I think i only have 2 left from that so may sign up to recovery college coaching.   

    And she also will send me Mind stuff. 

    But what i didnt know if i have abnormalities in my heart- i knew i have low iron but not abnomatliies,  so after discharge i am going to have to keep seeing my gp for check ups for my heart and iron levels. Because The problems in my heart is most likely from Laxative abuse. See my gp on Monday so theyd probs tell me more. But it may not be laxative abuse cause my mum does have a really bad heart condition and is 50 % i can get it

    thought i have been finding it harder to breath so now i don’t know if thats feom that
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited March 2019
    And it was so annoying that she was making out like my depressive symptoms are from anemia and i dont have depression. Um ive not been anemic the whole time ive been depressed

    think I want to die
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    And after our feed back they are making DBT longer than 6 weeks now. Fml so i got the shit service
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I have arrhythmia and sinus tachycardia and anemia. Hopefully i am already dyin
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Omg i am so sadd 😭😭😭😭 i just feel like givng up on life and feel hopeless in feelin any better or getting any way out 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Hugs <3

    I myself would hope you're not dying - you're a good person, valuable, and we care about you <3

    I totally get feeling hopeless and wanting to give up on life and stuff. In my own way of course. You have my sympathy bud :(

    I hope you feel better soon, here for you x
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited March 2019
    Thank you Kathleen. 

    My sister making me do the hovering but i dont have any energy and half crying right now because id rather die 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭i feel so sad😭😭😭😭😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Aww :(
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited March 2019
    I am so sad. I spent last night crying so much and wanting to die. Ive been under mental health system for years so now its really overwhelming & feel like im on my own now and that ive read so much about the lack of funding that im never going to be able to get the help i need back if i was to get really bad again. 

    And I should of never of told my family i have abnormalities in my heart. My dad ended up asking to come to my appointment. He has never even asked how my mental health appointments go. Shows people only care about physical health
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 133 The Mix Convert
    edited March 2019
    Hiya Shaunie

    I'm sorry things are so difficult right now :( Being discharged can be really hard. It sounds positive that they suggested some other places for help though, how are you feeling about that? It's also great that you're finding Young Women's Trust helpful, when is your next coaching session with them?

    I know you know all the contact details for crisis support, but remember to reach out to them if you need to.

    Sending love
    Caroline <3

    Ps. I just wanted to add-as I've been reading through the boards this morning I've seen so many supportive replies you've given-it's so lovely that you're taking the time to support others even when things are difficult for you
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited September 18
    Thank you. @Past User

    just had work and on bus and started crying again when i saw this thread lol how embarrassing. Now i literally have no energy cause too sad, to get off the bus and didnt get off my stop so i am going back allllll the way round lol.

    The people who helped me in mh services said ive come so far but i dont feel it when im thinking about dying 😭😭😭. I guess i have when think properly that this time last year i was barely interest in changing my life and i just kept trying to kill myself.  I knew being discharged would really knock me. Im just scared, and so sad 😭😭😭😭😭😭. And its probably weird that i really want to be able to be a peer support worker so i can end up working with the people who helped because i get attached to people that im that much of a creep to think like that
    Post edited by TheMix on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
    Hey @Shaunie

    How are you feeling today? 

    I've just been catching up on your posts and wanted to say how sorry I am to hear you've been discharged. It's so hard reaching that point when support ends, I can't imagine how you're feeling. I know how much this support meant to you so I hope you're doing okay <3

    It's really positive to hear about the recovery coaching and the assessment with Rape Crisis. Really well done for going, these things aren't easy at all and I hope it wasn't too awkward seeing your old ISVA there. It's great you've got these options and finding the coaching from Women's Trust helpful too. Did Rape Crisis say when you could start with them? 

    I also hope your GP appointment goes okay tomorrow too. It's really brave you felt able to reach out to your family about your results. I hope it helps to have your Dad there with you tomorrow. Let us know how you get on <3
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited March 2019
    Thank you Aife <3

    Is really hard. I've cried a lot since:(((. Thought i mentally prepared myself for it but guess not. 

    My mind gets contradicticive one min im like - is is a good thing & i can be indepenant & it was going to happen at some point anyway.  Then the next i feel very reflective & think about all the help ive had from them but not really one of it really helped my mood. I mean yeah maybe it helps my impluses so i dont end up in a&e and i gues thats all they ever really cared about:(. First i was under camhs i only saw a CC there until i was transfered to adults then i did the same in adults MH until i was referred to ED service & had  CAT therapy to be told every single time - my anorexia is for attention. It didnt help one bit - not only because of what he was saying but cause he was male tbh. Then was reffered to PD service to only have DBT and to only learn ways to mask how i feel & better "coping skills" so i dont kill myself. Then occuptional therapy is just telling me i am lazy & that no wonder i feel so shit if i do nothing.

    So basically to them- if you stop self harming and start thinking about better jobs - youve made it. Lol.  I guess is a big deal. But No one cares about how you feel & ive never had help for feeling depressed. 

    So then i thought rape crisis may be able to really help me then... until old CC said about how shit its going to make me feel:( i mean yeah i do know counselling can make people feel worse at start but i think about what happened all the time anyway & i need to make sense of what happened in any attempt to feel less disgusting & i felt like she was really putting me off the idea. The Mix webchat counselling isnt making me feel worse. & Maybe it will put me back into crisis but might not & its either that or ignoring the fact i feel disgusting from it all the time - & rape crisis said they can try to help with that. Not sure when i start that but think maybe soon - they said theyd get in contact with me

    & it  is good to know about their recovery coaching which i may try if my applcation for peer support doesnt go any further. Young womans coaching is helping me- ive had phone calls with them so thats even helped abit with anxiety of phone calls

    But i will be getting prescribed flouxetine because they said its safe for people who in some ECGs - show theyre tachycardic and some show abnormalities in some ECGs. But i cant even afford meds lol:(



    omg lol this message is so long no one will be bothered to read / listen to me now ? ://l


    Post edited by Siena on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • AoifeAoife Community Manager Posts: 3,228 Boards Guru
    edited March 2019
    Hey Shaunie,

    It sounds like you're really going through a tough time at the moment and feeling like you're on your own now you've been discharged. I know it's feeling really hard right now but try not to forget how well you're doing and how much you've achieved already this year. It's really good you're thinking about what support you feel might be helpful and setting things up so you can try some other options. I remember you mentioning that DBT wasn't focusing much on how you're feeling, so hopefully counselling with Rape Crisis will be helpful and it's something you won't have to wait too long for. Sometimes it can take a bit of time to find the right support and taking these steps to try something new is really positive. 

    It's good to hear how The Mix counselling is going as well. Have you been able to explore much about how you're feeling in these sessions? 

    I also just wanted to say that we'll always be here to support you so keep posting here about how everything is going. I know we've linked you to these organisations before, but remember you're never alone and Crisis Messenger are also just a text away if you ever feel you might need some crisis support. You can text THEMIX to 85258 :) 

    Best of luck with your application today and your GP appointment, let us know how you get on <3

    Stay strong <3
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited March 2019
    Aw thank you v much Aife

    appreicate support and glad i still have here <3. 

    I have been able to say some stuff at The Mix counselling is just hard because if i know the support has a shorter time limit find it harder to be more open cause ive realise the more open and honest i get with someone the most i get attached to them. So dont want that to happen. But is helping

    the peer support stuff seems like a massive deal for me and really want that job cause find it hard picturing my self doing somethingg else

    and feel if that doesnt happen id lose at lot of hope and may kill myself which i know sounds extreme 


    my gp appointment was okay. My dad  didnt come which was obvious. But need regular checks cause of the results. Which is annoying cause hate ecgs. 


    Collected my prescription this morning. Scared to take them cause anti depressants have made me feel really sick in the past. And ew just realise how big the pills are 🤢idk if cant swollow that everyday :////

    and i just have no money and own my family money cause i just borrow money i dont have which is so stressful
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,612 Part of The Furniture
    edited March 2019
    Collected my prescription this morning. Scared to take them cause anti depressants have made me feel really sick in the past. And ew just realise how big the pills are 🤢idk if cant swollow that everyday ///

    Swallowing pills is the worst - I feel you on that one. Especially when they're massive and you're like "how am I meant to swallow this whole?..." Depending on how much of an issue it is, sometimes you can split medication up to make it easier to swallow (this isn't always the case though, so best to ask the doctor first). I know some people like to practice with sweets and stuff too.

    It sounds like there's a fair bit of financial pressure on you too, @Shaunie? That can be difficult at the best of times, let alone when family politics comes into it! Do your family mind you owing them money? What kinds of things are you borrowing for, if you don't mind me asking?

    Shaunie said:
    I have been able to say some stuff at The Mix counselling is just hard because if i know the support has a shorter time limit find it harder to be more open cause ive realise the more open and honest i get with someone the most i get attached to them. So dont want that to happen. But is helping

    the peer support stuff seems like a massive deal for me and really want that job cause find it hard picturing my self doing somethingg else

    and feel if that doesnt happen id lose at lot of hope and may kill myself which i know sounds extreme 

    Amazing to hear you've found an outlet with counselling. :) The attachment/time limit thing is super natural, and it's okay to want a bit of a boundary there. That said, do you think you'd regret it if you chose not to open up as much, and then the sessions finished?  Entirely up to you of course, but there might be an argument there for the risk/reward being worth it (even if it means getting more attached, and the end of the sessions being more difficult as a result). In any case, well done for taking the sessions - these things are never easy.

    When will you know more about the peer support role? It's understandable to put a lot of hope in that and you're clearly super keen for it which is awesome (I bet you'd be great), but as Aife said, you've come a long way recently and you are making mega progress. Try not to lose sight of that, and the progress that could be yet to come. :)
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you @Mike

    i am feeling a bit better right now. Trying my best to think positively and feel i am getting somewhere. Just idk. 

    Have managed to take Some of the pills i am meant to but not all & should cause meant to but cant 🤢

    Omg i owemy family so much 😭😭😭😭😭. Idek why. It just all adds up. Like basic stuff addes up to alot when you earn near to nothing & massive stress rn. Cause i dont think my dad can even afford anything anymore cause hes paying for two houses and for us aswell.  so we basically eating nothing now. Lol🙃

    I think maybe would be helpful to open up to the mix counselling as maybe wil make it easier to say for when get help for rape crisis i don’t know and havent heard back from rape crisis yet. 

    And i have intervie for peer support training on 16 which is also stressful cause they know my involement with police - they had my CC as a reference so must not of been that bad of anything in past or now - so anything after this would be my own fault

    but i think my confidence is getting better anyway. Im just so stressed
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited April 2019
    I feel like actual shit. :((((((. Which is annoying because conversation with young womans trust are usually more thinking about occuptional stuff but yeah was too sad to think that much so guess i was probably an annoying person for her today ahh. & we didnt have phone call just whatsapp chat. Had 5 sessions with that which sad about means only have one. But she said if find helpful she does Solution Focused Coaching which not sure what means and dunno of need to pay but she only mentioned v breifly but shes going on hoilday so last one wont be until 2 weeks which is near time have interview. 

    I am just kinda really suicidal today:(. 

    Also finding hard to take anti depressants didnt take it yesterday:/// but antidepressant make my eye pupils massive so i get scared it is actually messing up my brain and around there and that its high dose for my weight. Cause kinda makes me feel generally unwel too  And my sister says my eyes look druggy and more black than blue and makes me look like im constantly scared Which yeah i dont want to look like im on drugs but will try to take today cause its probs only tempopary 
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    OMG I SAW RAPIST. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE and couldnt breath 😭😭😭😭😭. I thought he was at uni in different place 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,938 Extreme Poster
    Hey Shaunie <3

    Really sorry you don't feel good today:(

    I doubt you were annoying to young women's trust at all - it's okay if ever you're too sad to think about stuff, take care of yourself x It's understandable that you're sad about only having one session left. Is it a possibility to take up the focused solution training, and if so would you think about that?


    It's good to hear that you were planning to take the antidepressants today - did you, or are you still planning to?

    Shaunie said:
    OMG I SAW RAPIST. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE and couldnt breath 😭😭😭😭😭. I thought he was at uni in different place 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
    Oh my god, I can't imagine how that must've felt for you:(

    Much love friend <3
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Oh Shaunie I'm so sorry to hear that you had to see him today that must have been so hard. Is that the first time you have seen him since everything happened? I can really relate because I have had a panic attack from just seeing someone from a distance in the past... Terrifying and brings a lot of feelings to the surface so I hope you are okay and sending you all the hugs <3

    How are you feeling this eve? Please let us know you're alright x
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    edited April 2019
    Thank you @kathleen0172 and @Lucy307  - i have seen him before that - out and about before awhile ago but idk it was a shock as well as triggering.  i was thinking i want to go out tomorrow but now cant cause too scared. But he control too much of my life / how i feel so wont let control if go out tomorrow. 

    Since  i just keep picturing his horrible creepy face in exact same way i saw it today which i hope will stop picturing soon because is disusting. 

    Edit - and still cant take the pills:((( i payed for them and thats not even helping with anxiety to take it lol
    Post edited by Siena on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Shaunie said:


    Edit - and still cant take the pills:((( i payed for them and thats not even helping with anxiety to take it lol
    Tomorrow ill just buy fizzy drink and catch up on the pills i should of taken. Probs will be fine
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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