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Struggling as usual :(

Former MemberFormer Member MiniposterPosts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
in Health & Wellbeing
I haven’t posted on here for ages cause honestly I’ve been struggling so much. I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot and the SH has gotten worse and it’s out of control. I feel so alone and just never seem to have an okay day anymore. I feel like I want to give up but i don’t know anymore :(
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Comments

  • RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    Hi Butterfly23,

    Sorry to hear how your feeling at the moment it sounds really hard. Well done for reaching out on here it’s a great step. Do you have any support around you at the moment?

    When we feel like this it can often lead to us not wanting to do anything, how do you feel about doing everyday things at the moment? Is there anything which you are enjoying doing?

    Your not alone and there are loads of people feeling the same way and also loads to help you. Keep talking your doing great.

    Rayofhope 🌈
    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    @Rayofhope no I don’t have any support at the moment and there is nothing that I’m enjoying at the minute
  • RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    I am sorry to hear that you don’t have any support, is there any support which you would like to be able to get?

    It can often feel that we don’t enjoy anything when we are feeling down. Is there anything you used to enjoy lots?

    Rayofhope 🌈
    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    @Rayofhope no I don’t want any support and there’s nothing that I used to enjoy
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 64 Boards Initiate
    Hi Butterfly23,

    Sorry you're going through this rough patch right now but it's really good that you're opening up and wanting to talk about it, you'll find that you're not alone in the way you're feeling and many are going through the same thing.

    You mentioned how you never have an okay day anymore and that you want to give up, it can often feel like nothing is getting better when we're struggling and that there is no hope, however it's important to remember how temporary some of our problems actually are and how in the bigger picture they may not matter.

    If you still feel like you have no way of coping with your problems and how you're feelings perhaps you can see your GP for more professional guidance, would that be an option?

    You also mentioned how you have no support around you and it's understandable how that may be tough during times like these, but maybe you could explore some of the options here at the mix? You could join in on a group chat, whichever one that suits you, and share how you're feeling and get some things off your chest. Here's the link: http://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/group-chat

    If not, we're always here at the mix to listen to you and support you- you are not alone.

    -Nish :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    @nish215. I don’t need or want any help so I’m not going to my gp
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    Hey Butterfly, sorry you are have been struggling and feeling suicidal.
    Why do you feel you dont want or need help? surely you feel you need it to have came here? If you have been offered help or if a way to try & get help for how youre feeling - you should get it, cause is v hard to get. Ultimately you have to try to feel better which could mean seeking help.

    You can get better, even if seems scarey,- but we or anyone can't do that for you. but i do realise with how low youre feeling - it is extremly hard -but if you havent even gone to your GP or think you need help - than how do you know you have tried everything-to even think about suicide? you dont want to carry on feeling suicidal so you need help? You want to change and feel better right? just asking cause some people feel is hard to change as they are somewhat comfortable and feel that maybe - feeling better would make them vulnerable to unknown & relapse and think end up feeling more worse before relapse, if makes sense.

    sorry if this came as abrupt or something but just trying to help.

    take care
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    @Shaunie hi, I just don’t want help and I only come on here cause if I didn’t now then I’d be dead by now. I haven’t been offered any support or help because no one knows and I want it to stay that way. I don’t mind feeling this way, I deserve it and I like it so why should I get rid of it all and be happy?
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    do you like feeling suicidal and self harming? sorry just confused?or are you just scared to recover and not comfortbale with idea?
    but no one deserves to feel this way,
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    @Shaunie Idk both :/ it’s hard
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    I dont think anyone likes feeling suicidal and struggling, maybe you just dont know much difference? but think you realise maybe can't carry on either way?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    Idk @Shaunie
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    ah okay, maybe worth seeing your GP about it. Because you said you deserve it (to struggle)...im guessing cause is horrible feeling and think you deserve that and dont like it. or unless you meant you like it so dereve it cause you deserve things you like but yeah, up to you to seek help, and hope you do

    take care.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    @Shaunie. I’m not getting help
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix convert Posts: 132 The Mix Convert
    Hi,

    I understand you say that you don't want help but clearly, you do. Else why would you be posting here?

    You know that we are all here for you x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    @AngellsMe21. This is different
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix convert Posts: 132 The Mix Convert
    Butterfly23 wrote: »
    @AngellsMe21. This is different

    How?
  • AzzimanAzziman Moderator, Community Champion Posts: 2,065 Boards Champion
    Hi butterfly23,

    Sorry to hear how you feel, but you really do deserve help! No one is ever past the point of no return - please keep talking to us!x

    Much love <3
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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 118 The Mix Convert
    edited September 18
    Hey @Past User,
    I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. You have done the right thing posting here :rainbow2:
    Why do you feel like you don't deserve to be happy or to be helped?
    Have you ever considered keeping a diary? You wouldn't have to show it to anyone, it would just be something that you'd do for yourself. Anyone deserves to be helped, despite everything. A diary would be a form of self help and a point to start from.

    If you feel suicidal or want to self harm, please have a look at this page

    https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/what-speak-us-about/i-want-kill-myself

    Feel free to post all your thoughts here :heart:

    - Fran
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    @Fran. Thanks, I’m just a failure and I give into my thoughts so easily :( I have got a diary that I show my tutor every Wednesday but it doesn’t really help me
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix convert Posts: 132 The Mix Convert
    Butterfly23 wrote: »
    [USER="102933"]Fran[/USER]. Thanks, I&#146;m just a failure and I give into my thoughts so easily :( I have got a diary that I show my tutor every Wednesday but it doesn&#146;t really help me

    You are trying to get help, so that's good. If you didn't want help hun, then you wouldn't be doing some of the things that you do ie keeping a diary and showing it to your tutor and posting here on the message boards.

    What makes you feel like a failure?xx
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 118 The Mix Convert
    edited September 18
    @Past User What does your tutor say about your diary? Does your tutor give you any advice?
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    edited September 18
    @Past User. I feel like a failure cause I am one, I self harmed so much last night. I&#146;m pathetic
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    @Fran. My tutorgives me some advice but I don’t open up to her as much as I probably should do cause it’s hard. It was her idea for the diary
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix convert Posts: 132 The Mix Convert
    Butterfly23 wrote: »
    [USER="103008"]AngelIsMe21[/USER]. I feel like a failure cause I am one, I self harmed so much last night. I&#146;m pathetic

    Sorry to hear that. You are not alone, we are here for you, you know this. What happened?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    AngelIsMe21 wrote: »

    Sorry to hear that. You are not alone, we are here for you, you know this. What happened?

    It doesn’t matter
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix convert Posts: 132 The Mix Convert
    Butterfly23 wrote: »

    It doesn&#146;t matter

    Did something happen?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Miniposter Posts: 810 Part of The Mix Family
    AngelIsMe21 wrote: »

    Did something happen?

    No I’m fine
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,681 Skive's The Limit
    you have to take the help as much as you can and be appericative and not be dismissive, otherwise it doesnt help if it feels force (coming from a very suicidal person who gets no offline help) You want help .
    if not then have fun feeling shit.

    take care
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member The Mix convert Posts: 132 The Mix Convert
    Shaunie wrote: »
    you have to take the help as much as you can and be appericative and not be dismissive, otherwise it doesnt help if it feels force (coming from a very suicidal person who gets no offline help) You want help .
    if not then have fun feeling shit.

    take care

    I totally agree with Shaunie x
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