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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    What do you mean about Mind?

    Yeah I've had a lorazepam and got promethazine
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Ah nevermind i was guessing you contacted 111 who you can speak to a person who then suggests to go & sit & speak to their people from Mind and be in a safe place. Maybe that is just in some areas.

    Have you taken any of those meds? Hope you get some rest soon
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Oh no I went to a place of safety but was only there half an hour! I never knew mind and 111 were connected. Yeah I just took my meds
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Hope your meds have started to work and youre some what calmer or asleep now
    😊🌸
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Yeah I fell asleep eventually.

    I've got to sort my life out again🤣 I'm gona start by going to wash my hair tonight, I havent showered for ages. Then I'm going to go to the chippy watch hollyoaks and the soaps. Tomorrow morning I've got my first session with Themix's telephone counselling service. Tomorrow afternoon I've got to go into town because I have an assesment to start group counselling (that isnt going to start immidiately). I'm also seeing my support worker tomorrow but not sure what time. I've had that kick in my butt today and I can function again (I hope)😄
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    I washed my hair and detangled it (kind of) been to the chippy and had my tea. Now I'm watching the soaps. I had an umfff of energy and I thought yes I'm not going to hear the voices anymore, I'm not going to self harm anymore🤣 but the voices are back😌 I went 2hours without hearing them though. Urghhhh and the crisis team have left me without any meds he said he was gona call me back but hasent😞 so I'm going to be poorly again tomorrow
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Oh great so someone forgot to sort my meds out for me and they dont have them in stock so I have to go without my meds tonight and without my morning meds tomorrow and then someone is going to drop them of after 3pm tomorrow. So fucking angry with them😠
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Oh for fuck sake got woken up this morning by the ambulance banging and kicking at my door. My mum told them that I said I want to kill myself. I wont be here long then I'll be able to go back home again!😠

    I'm trying to wait for a moment I can escape but they've sent down "security guards" so I cant escape..😠
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    And I'm back at home again!
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Heya lost sense
    How are you doing now
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Not that great😔 thankyou for asking!

    I wrote on my hands yesterday on one side 'do it' and on the other side 'don't do it' as in do it to end my life and don't do it to not end my life and it keeps flipping but the do it is more than the don't so basically I want to end my life more than I don't if that makes sense. I was actually gona tally it aswell like mark on my hand each time I have a thought or feeling to do it and not to do it to see which one happens the most, I might do that. I've got some voices saying that I am weak for not doing it and some saying just do it. A LOT of different voices going on is what I'm saying. Although today I havent had that many dark ones actually funny voices! One of them told me to bring in the table and chairs in that are on the balcony because it's going to rain but I don't have a table and chairs or a balcony! Lmao. So Idk what they we're on about lol. I'm quite sad because I blocked all my family on Facebook because my mum called 999, 111 or my crisis team (I dont know which) when I put something on Facebook so I cant have her on my Facebook anymore or my family because they'll just tell my mum. I also blocked my mums, grandmas and sisters numbers for 2 days I unblocked there numbers this morning and my mum hasent called me at all today so its obvious that she dosent care anymore because she is going to say I pushed her away because I didnt want to see her when I was at A&E. I wonder if thats it now between us. I dont really want to call her myself😞 she probably hates me now evan though I havent done anything wrong. She walked out of A&E crying because I told the nurses I didnt want to see her so she probably thinks that is the last thing she is doing for me evan though I didnt ask her to come. The reason I didnt want to see her is because she called (someone) behind my back and everyone (that knows me) knows not to call people or talk about me when I'm not there and I told her if she was going to do that I would fall out with her forever and she did so I guess that is it. I dont have a mum anymore😢 anyway I'm now with the home treatment team (the crisis team and my cpn didnt think I needed the home treatment team on Tuesday) but I think the RAID team at A&E asked the crisis team to ask the home treatment team to see me because theres an urgent need for me to see someone so I'm going to be seeing someone from the HTT 3 times a week (Idk how many weeks that is for though) which that is going to be a bit of a change because I saw the crisis team everyday over bank holiday weekend but hopefully that means with seeing my cpn and support worker both once a week aswell that means I'll see someone everyday. I guess I'll just take things hour by hour (day by day is abit too long). The dr from the HTT said yesterday that I shouldnt be hearing voices anymore because I'm on 2mg of Risperidone he musent be a very good dr to know thats a pretty low dose. I know people that are on 6mg of it that has taken away some of there voices so I'm 4mg away from the average dose yet. He also didnt get why I keep saying I'm fine but then telling people I want to kill myself and I said it's the voices that are telling me to tell people I'm fine then telling people that I want to kill myself and he was then like ah so your hearing several voices and I was like YES finally! Lol. *hears loud cheers and applouse in my brain*😛 anyway I hope the weekend goes quick because I need Tuesday to hurry up I'm starting group counselling in the morning on Tuesday and then got a med review in the afternoon with my cpn and the dr at my CAMHS hub so I'm hoping his going to up my Risperidone. I need to get it upped so I can go on the depot of it anyway so he needs to do that.

    How are you?
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Sounds like youre getting so mch support! Which is good. Im glad the crisis team are getting involved, in the end.
    Hopefully with all supoort and meds things will start looking more hopeful.


    Your mum sounds like she just really cares. Imo- think you should forgive her at some point. I understand would be frustating. But if you was in her postion & had daught Or felt anyone was unsafe you would also call someone? All sorts of things go out the window when someones seems in danger and that is the only thing important even if she knows you would not like it. She just cares?

    Glad the doctor finally understood you are hearing mutiple vioces. Guess Quite importantt they know that so they know that you may not always be ‘-fine’

    (Just out of interest and may not be helpful for you) -but do your vioces have different personalities aswell and can you tell the difference between all the vioces?

    Im not okay but thank you for asking.

    Hope the rest of your weekend does go okay
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    I don't really feel like it is that much support😞

    Do you mean your glad the HTT are involved☺

    I just spoke to my mum very briefly and I'm so fucking angry! She has got back with Howie not only that his moved back in with her! She's so stupid and so is he! -My mum dosent care about me she wouldnt put men before her own daughter if she cared and she didnt sound like she cared about me on the phone just. I told this story to a friend of mine that I use to live with and she was disgusted at the position my mum put me in between her and Howie and now they're back together😠

    Yeah some of my voices have different personalities (I have DID aswell) my diagnosises just go on and on! Most of the time I can tell the difference between them all apart from when they are all talking/shouting at once or/and I'm in a really bad episode then I can't.

    Why arent you okay?
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Oh really sorry the situation around your mum has made you so angry. -Understandably.
    Im guessing you told her how its making you feel?

    Ah DID sounds really diffcult too:(

    Did you see someone from the home treatment team today?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    No I didnt tell my mum how it's making me feel because then she'll go on about how I made her feel when I didnt want to see her when I was at A &E ect. So it's best to just leave it.

    Nope, someone from the HTT was meant to come on Sunday but they didnt nor yesterday. Ive got an appointment with my cpn, dr and support worker at 2pm and I think the HTT are coming to that though. So I'll ask them why someone didnt come Sunday
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    I'm so fucking angry I could smash my other window right now like I did with the other window last week. They've discharged me again from the HTT (I only saw the HTT fucking once!) I asked the HTT why someone didnt come Sunday when I was told someone would and he said they didnt see a point when they was coming in the meeting today. The dr upped my Risperidone but thats about all that was said😩
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Lostsense, So sorry they discharged you again! But it didnt seem like they was that helpful at all anyway?

    Hope you wont be smashing any windows though!

    Do you think the medication is helping even a lil?
    How are you feeling today? *hug* 🌸
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    You're right they wernt helpful anyway.

    I managed to not smash the other window as of yet anyway! I'm sure I will when I'm next angry.

    The medication is probably helping a little because I havent heard any bad voices yet today and I told the dr yesterday that the voices have been funny and he was like aaah thats positive the medication must be working🙄 but I took the 4mg of Risperidone this morning and my friends that are on it say they take it at night so it works the next day so I might start taking it at night the only problem is I take Promethazine at night, taking Promethazine and Risperidone together isnt probably the best idea + other meds I take at night aswell. So idk. But if its going to work better taking it at night for the next day that is what is making me turn to more taking the Risperidone at night. I could take the Promethazine in mornings instead. Idk I need to try different ways to see which works best for me.

    I'm feeling okay today. I've just had another tattoo done the medication Risperidone deffinetly helps me function better because I would have cancelled my tattoo today and the group counselling I started yesterday. Today has been an okay day but I dont wana jinx it cause it's only 2:40pm so ask me again at 10pm😂
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Hey ive came to check you didnt jinx it ha. How did the rest of your day go?hopefully youre still okay:)
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    I jinxed it😔 lastnight was a struggle and this morning seems to be aswell😞
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 64 Boards Initiate
    Hey Lostsense,

    Just checking in, how are things with you right now? How are you feeling?

    -Nish
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Not that good😔 feeling suicidal😭
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    edited June 2018
    [Content removed by moderator]
    Post edited by TheMix on
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Lostsense wrote: »
    Not that good😔 feeling suicidal😭

    Phone mum and tell her you're feeling
    *Hugs*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,171 Wise Owl
    Hey Lostsense

    I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling like this. We are here for you and we care about you here. Sending you hugs *hug*

    Can you call your mum as Floxy suggested? Reading through your other post, sounds like she really cares about you too and wants to help you.

    Here if you want to talk :heart: how's your new tattoo?

    - Lucy
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    I'm back at my mums again now until Monday or Tuesday I think but I don't think I want to go back to my own home now because I'm going to want to go to the motorway as soon as I'm back between my 4 walls. I also don't want to move back in with my mum though so idk. I guess I have to go back. I've been at my mums 1 week now apart from 1 night I stayed back at mine. 

    What new tattoo. Sorry I'm lost with my posts now. My newest tattoo is a vintage love heart I had on my arm but that is a couple of weeks old now. I want to get a new one but then each time I'm about to do something like getting a new tattoo or buying some new clothes or evan eating. I just think to myself why I am doing all this because I wouldnt be getting tattoos done, buying clothes or eating when I'm dead.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Hey - sorry to know you don't want staying with mum. Don't you get on with her? She sounds like she cares for you deeply. Have you not a garden or some other room in the house to enjoy? Being cooped up within 4 walls does nobody any good. You should have WiFi in your home.

    Buying new clothes makes for feeling good, but try eating something different. Baking also lifts our mood. Bet your tatts look amazing! :grin: Try and keep positive, and like Lucy I'm always here if you want to talk.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Nah I dont get on with her for living with her permently, I dont think I want that again. Yeah I've got a garden where I live and at my mums but I dont necissarily enjoy going out in the garden. Theres WIFI at my mums but not at mine but I have data anyway. 

    Why try eating something different? How is that going to stop me starving myself. Theres nothing to keep positive about apart from I'm going to die one day.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 0 Just got here
    Lostsense said:
    Nah I dont get on with her for living with her permently, I dont think I want that again. Yeah I've got a garden where I live and at my mums but I dont necissarily enjoy going out in the garden. Theres WIFI at my mums but not at mine but I have data anyway. 

    Why try eating something different? How is that going to stop me starving myself. Theres nothing to keep positive about apart from I'm going to die one day.
    I suggested eating something different to help take the boredom from your everyday munchings even though you may have an eating disorder (I'm not assuming you have, because I don't know you well enough), but we all have to eat something. Even if it's a banana.

    I didn't get on with my mother either, but having to live with her meant living by house rules which though were hardly ideal, I had a roof over my head. Incidentally, I had an ed, but gradually overcame it, and sh. It can be done and through it was terrible at the time, I overcame it all and so can you.

    I believe you can get well, given time. I believe in you and I do it  because I care.
  • JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,612 Part of The Furniture
    Just dropping in to say we've made the decision to close this thread, as it feels like the discussion has moved away from where the thread started. We've also had some concerns about the heaviness of this discussion and some posts creeping over the guidelines.

    Aware we've dropped you a PM about this @Lostsense, but just to say you're welcome to create a new thread and refocus things if you like. :smile:
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.
    The truth resists simplicity.
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