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  • AifeAife LondonPosts: 2,222 Community Manager
    Hey Lostsense, I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling frustrated at the moment. I've just edited some detail out of your post to keep things safe for the boards, but we're here if you want to talk to us a bit more about how you're feeling.

    Is there anyone you can talk to on the ward about what happened and how you're feeling at the moment? In your last post you mentioned that you wanted to go outside. Have they let you have leave yet to go outside?

    All the best,

    - Aife
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    They let me have 15 minutes outside earlier on with 3 members of staff LOL I managed to have 2 fags though! Haha. Hopefully I see the dr tomorrow for some more leave but I am pissed off because the dr was going to try me on a different antipsychotic because the one that I am on dosent help at all she said if this one helps I can have it on depot (injected) every fortnight when I leave but she hasent wrote it out in my meds folder😠 so I need to catch the dr again tomorrow. So I will only be given my normal meds tonight😔
  • AifeAife LondonPosts: 2,222 Community Manager
    Hey Lostsense,

    Aw that's nice you managed to have some time outside yesterday. Hopefully they will let you have some more leave soon :)

    That does sound frustrating about your medication, hopefully the dr will write it on your folder today when you see her. If she forgets, do you feel it's something you could talk to her about again and maybe remind her about the new medication she wanted to try you on?

    All the best,

    - Aife



    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    Yeah I wanted to remind her today but apparently the dr isnt on this ward today because its ward round tomorrow! So I have to go another night without trying this new medication😠 I'm so pissed off I much perfer the other ward I was on, the mixed one, there if you didnt have shop leave a member of staff went for me twice while I was there. There not rushing here to do that for me. At the other ward I came from on Friday they didnt give me my fags or my coat so a kind patient has let me have some of her fags/roll ups but I need my own fags and some other stuff from the shop!!!😠
  • RileyRiley Posts: 787 Super Moderator
    Hey there Lostsense,

    Sorry to hear you're feeling so frustrated at the moment that all sounds like really annoying stuff to have to deal with. Did you manage to talk to your doctor in the end yesterday? Here's hoping things get better for you real soon! *hug*

    - Riley
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    I'm really foking pissed off right now. I cant evan leave my room I'm that angry. Someone was meant to be coming to visit me at 6pm but they havent turned up. Ive been really tierd today but waiting for him to come at 6pm. My mum said its terrible promising someone something and then not doing it especially while I am in a mental hospital not that well myself. I want my meds early so I can just go to bed but I feel too angry to leave my room so I have to wait until someone comes and does my next 'check'. The person who was meant to come and visit has just messaged and said he had a funny turn so it will be first thing in the morning. I wana tell him to fok off and block him but I also want the stuff he was going to bring. I'm just too angry atm. + he is prone to lie and fake an illness. His my mum ex partner he says he has cancer but none us believe him so he probably didnt have a funny turn tonight. I blocked him a few days ago so thats probably why he said he would come today and hasent. And now his asking me if I am okay😠
  • MikeMike 🖥️🎧 LandaanPosts: 3,527 Community Manager
    Hey @Lostsense,

    Just jumping in here to say I've edited your post to remove your description of how you wanted to self-harm yesterday. As we've said a few times before, it's really important that we focus on the emotions behind those urges rather than methods used. We'll have to close this thread if the discussion doesn't stay within the guidelines - not something we want to do of course, but just something to keep in mind when coming back to post. :thumb:

    It sucks that your visit didn't turn up, although it doesn't sound like you guys get on too well anyway. :( Is there anyone who might be able to visit that you do get on with? Maybe someone who could lift your spirits as well as bring you some stuff? Dealing with people we don't like, or anyone who stresses us out or wears us down when we're feeling crappy is usually the last thing we need. :rolleyes:

    Keep us posted on how you're getting on - glad to hear you're off the 1-2-1s btw!
    All behaviour is a need trying to be met.

    Want to join the community champions? Drop @TheMix a message!
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    He came yesterday instead. His not a healthy relationship to have but I like to use him LOL I am being honest. I could say my relationship with my mum isnt healthy as she causes me to self harm and get angry. I had a 3hour leave with my mum and grandma today but I got angry because of something so they called the dr to see if I could still go because I got angry LOL and asked me if wanted PRN before I went! Well I am waiting to see if my support worker and Care Co-ordinator want to come and see me before ward round on Thursday and then come in to ward round with me (but I want to see them first) maybe they could lift my spirits. Im listening to headphones now and I think that is giving me some endorphins (whatever its called) LOL I have no idea why I can have headphones as chargers here are not allowed in rooms but I do have headphones I brought them earlier and they went through my bags earlier. So I am writting in my journal and listening to music right now the only downside is I cant hear whats going on the outside with my headphones in. My mum said I didnt seem happy today and is concerned, she said to me 'I wasent right today' and that from today she dosnt think I will be out sooner than we thought. I dont know why I wasent right today 🤔
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    I'm escaping tomorrow. I'm going to have a taxi outside and going home I hope he drives off quickly because I will have to have a member of staff with me but I dont think a member of staff would be allowed to jump in a taxi with me.
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 939 Part of The Mix Family
    Hi Lostsense,

    Sorry to hear you're going through a tough time there :(. Is there anything you like about the place you are staying? Do you feel that it's helping at all?

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    Nope and nope its not helping being here at all. I found the mixed ward more helpful actually, I thought they moved me because an all female ward would be better (we thought) but I think they moved me because its a bare ward. The longer I am here I am finding it harder and harder probably because I am going longer and longer without self harming in a specific way. If all I get to is home tomorrow so I can self harm and then they find me so be it but I just really need to self harm. I have booked and paid for a taxi in the morning
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    So I am still here😡 they wouldnt let me out because of 'a medical emergency' but my 28days is up on the 5th of a section 2 anyway so they've got to decide what to do pretty soon! Thats if the 28days starts from the date I was admitted to the first ward🤔
  • AifeAife LondonPosts: 2,222 Community Manager
    Hey Lostsense,

    I've just edited some detail out of your previous post to keep things safe for the boards. We've got a thread here that you might find helpful, it gives you some tips about what you can talk about around self-harm :)

    You mentioned that you're finding it harder the longer you go without self-harming. Are they giving you much support to help reduce these urges that you're having?

    That's not too long until they review your section 2. How are you feeling about the decision they've got to make?

    - Aife
    Maybe somethings don't get better, but we do. We get stronger. We learn to live with our situations as messy and ugly as they are. We fix what we can and we adapt to what we can't. Maybe some of us will never fully be okay, but at least we're here. We're still trying. We're doing the best we can. That's worth celebrating too ❤
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    No they arent giving me anything to help reduce the urges.

    I dont know they could say tomorrow in ward round that I can go home at the weekend or they might want me to stay another week. Or I dont think so but they could put me on a section 3. My mum think theyll want me to stay a night at home first so thats why she dosent think I will get discharged this weekend.
  • RayofhopeRayofhope Posts: 152 Helping Hand
    Hi Lostsense,

    Sorry to here that they aren't giving you any help to be able to reduce the urges. Is there anything which you find does help to reduce the urges at the moment?

    Sounds like there isn't anything which is clear about what might happen at the moment. How are you feeling?

    I hope things are ok and you are able to get the support which you need. we are all here for you.
    Rayofhope
    Life doesn’t require we be the best, only that we try our best
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    No nothing is helping me reduce the urges to self harm I just get aggressive and aggiatted.

    Nope nothing is clear until tomorrow. But I think I have done something today which wont allow me to go home this weekend. But lets see tomorrow.
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    So I'm not going home this week because of what I done yesterday. I have got escorted shop leave but what I am really fucking pissed of about is that the dr started me on a new medication last week and she just told me that I told her that it was working great/wassnt working at all but I havent seen her to have that conversation with her I think she needs to be a patient here and not a dr! But because I am the one in a mental hospital she said that I must have forgot😠 ffs I have never said that to her at all. So she has taken me of that 'just after a week' medication takes at least 2weeks to work! And she has left me on the medication that dossnt work at all so I am going to refuse to take that so now I am on no medication. I feel like wripping my skin out I'm that angry😠 next thing I'm gona have my shop leave taken of me because I'm going to self harm
  • RileyRiley Posts: 787 Super Moderator
    Hey Lostsense.

    I'm sorry to hear you're having such a rough time there I hope you manage to get home before too much longer. You said that you're feeling really frustrated when your doctor changed your medication, is there anyone you can talk to there about your concerns? There are a lot of kinds of medications that take a while to take effect but if you feel like it's not working for you at all hopefully they'll be able to help.


    You also mentioned before that you tend to get aggressive and agitated from time to time, are there any calming techniques you know of that might help you feel a little less agitated? There are some great articles on The Mix about easy anger management techniques if you'd be interested in reading about them. I really hope things get sorted out for you real soon!

    - Riley
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    I spoke with my named nurse and they have spoken with the dr and the dr has put me back on it. So what was the point in that, in upsetting me and making me angry yesterday. My named nurse didnt say though why the dr said I had a review with her when I never though. Fok it. They arent lowering the medication that dosent work though which is strange. Im just going to start taking half of the one that dosent work at all tonight. I should be my own chemist.

    Ativan (Lorazapam) calms my mind if I take a lot of it but I can take it everyday in hospital but not allowed it when I come out (or only very occassionally).

    Ive only got escorted shop leave once a week starting from Monday I persume but my section ends in a week lol so I might only get chance to go once again😂 I cant see them putting me on a section 3 and my named nurse asked today if I would stay voluntairy after my section 2 finishes I said NO! I wana go home to self harm properly!!
  • Lucy307Lucy307 UKPosts: 939 Part of The Mix Family
    Hi Lostsense

    How are you doing today? Sounds really frustrating to have them playing about with your meds when you feel you understand what works best! Sounds like it would be a good idea to actually have a review - is that something you can request?

    Have you taken shop leave yet, and do you have a date now that you can go home? Sorry to hear that you are still wanting to self harm. If you want to talk about it please do, we're here to listen. :heart:

    - Lucy
    Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    Not too bad. I just feel like this week is going to go really slow like I am just waiting to go home on Thursday or Friday. I'm so agitated, last night was better than the night before though but thats because I had 2 promethazine, I only had 1 the night before.

    Every Thursday in ward round is a med review.

    Yeah -I taken shop leave the day that I got it Thursday and I have requested it again today but the only problem is if I take it today ((If)) I am still here I cant go again until Monday if I go today but I pretty desperate to go today. So I think I will take it today. No I dont have a date yet I can go home, I wont know until Thursday when its ward round.
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    Im really pissed off I gave the staff on the ward the number for my hub and they spoke with my Care Co-ordinator immidiatley a while ago. Now, I have been trying to get hold of her probably every day for 2 weeks. She told the staff that I have been calling a lot, well if she would call me back like all the messages the reception have sent her then I wouldnt keep calling, clearly she knows. The staff have been asking for a while the number to my hub but I havent been giving them it but I did today for some reason (I wish I hadnt now) and now I'm really paranoid because I dont know what they talked about. Thats why I hate people doing phonecalls behind my back. So apparently she is coming to ward round on Thursday so I will see her then but I want to speak to her before then. Why could she call the ward back but not me!?😠

    Ive been to the shop today. I thought if I do have to stay after Thursday/Friday I could ask for shop leave twice a week so if I need to I could go again to the shop over the weekend.

    I feel like I am just waiting for Thursday to come around now. I will be so restless now until then😔
  • TheAprilFoolTheAprilFool Miniposter Posts: 187 Helping Hand
    I used to get compulsions quite a lot when I was younger, I often made strange movements over and over again, felt urges to touch or adjust things, or did things even though they were painful. I grew out of most of them, and now they only occur sometimes when I'm feeling anxious. I also get intrusive thoughts sometimes.
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    So I'm informal now but I have only said I'm staying a week informal and thats ONLY because the dr is starting me on the depot so advised that while I have the kind of 'tester' one to monitor me in hospital while I am already here. I am sure she said she is doing that today😞 but I havent had it yet.
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    Ive just had it 😂 I had to get my side bum out
  • TheAprilFoolTheAprilFool Miniposter Posts: 187 Helping Hand
    How are things going so far?
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    I got the giggles. Because the voices are making me laugh and because I just got my bum out I'm embarrassed lol
  • TheAprilFoolTheAprilFool Miniposter Posts: 187 Helping Hand
    There's no need to be embarrassed :d I'm sure a lot of people have had to do stuff like that.
  • LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,331 Wise Owl
    I know
  • TheAprilFoolTheAprilFool Miniposter Posts: 187 Helping Hand
    I hope everything goes well :)
This discussion has been closed.