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Can anyone relate Ptw

2

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  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey

    I know that you've mentioned feeling as if your family don't care but deep down I think they do, maybe they are scared or maybe they don't know what to do to make things better, so they don't say anything at all because they also don't wan't to make things worse which is completely understandable.

    You're only 18 and you're still young please don't feel like you need to have your shit together because [whispers] most of us still don't ;) and remember you're dealing with some really intense stuff, think of it like a seesaw. The shifts in your moods drop a whole load of rocks on one side, tipping the other side up. so this now means you have to do something drastic to balance out the two sides (in your case self harming).

    I don't think you really wan't to die, I think that you're trying to process everything that you're feeling whilst trying not to be a burden on anyone but you're also trying to communicate to people through actions that you're not okay and that your distress is all real. I know this from reading things you wrote and because I feel like that too sometimes.

    We all make mistakes, even when we don't mean to that's just part of being human :)@Shaunie you're not a bad person or someone that needs to be punished or removed from the earth. You're just someone who's trying to make sense of everything whist trying to cope the best was know how to. Don't be so hard on yourself *hug*

    Ride the waves, that's what I say because it's only temporary and hopefully after they've given you the right treatment you'll have tools to help make things a bit easier for you in terms of coping.

  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Ok well i did post a lot morw then what i just wrote a few minutes ago. But thank you notagain.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Ffs I cant even explain my self .why is it deleting most
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,875,648 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Shaunie wrote: »
    Ok well i did post a lot morw then what i just wrote a few minutes ago. But thank you notagain.


    I'm not sure I understand, what do you mean?
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Yeah everything I write other then thank you. It's not even triggering it is just my thoughts I have around suicide. And i why i think i have to -more then want to. Because youre very right notagain.So please could be added back on
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I will try again -

    I know a part of me doesn't want to die. I can't deny that. But the massive part of me feels like it is something i need to do. It is torture and i feel like it's not fair on me. And tbat may sound selfish because maybe i know down my family care but not enough to affect them like it would mosg people. I dont have many friends so it wont hurt many people. And as selfish as it sounds. My family should respect it, and be happy I won't be living another day of pain and torture.

    And then there's the part where i get fixed plans. And even if i change my mind i I can't pshycally change my plan. Posting this on here makes it another reason for me to do. Because I've said it. I have to now. Otherwise i will feel like I'm seeking attention and feel like a failure and just a joke. O obviously dont think that of other people. How I think of other people and how I feel when it comes to myself is completely different.

    I have no worth. My education is messed up and all i want to do is help people with it. Yet I'm to lazy. And I have been told I can do it, it's just not the right time. I dont see it ever being the right time. I'm useless to anyone.

    I have thought long and hard about this cause it's obviously a massive decision.and i fee like i know my life and what is best for it. And i feel sane to make that decision. I've come think i dont even have any mental illness. I'm just a sensitive soul, who can't live in this world with so much stress and sadness. I cant change that. If im not even ill
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I know it makes sense not to do it. And the closer it gets the more weird it feels. To be included with social plans. And i think - okay that sounds alright. But I'm nor going to be there. Then that's when i start questioning it. But then it's not worth the pain.

    My whole thoughts are consumes by it about 90% and i feel like it will til I just do it. I can barely engage with conversation without looking like I've got the whole world on my shoulders. To stop the thoughts is to carry it out.

    To me it all makes complete sense but also no sense. I really cant put into words how i feel and feel like im not explaining it right. But I'm scared of myself and i dont want to live but do. I'm fucked up.

    I sometimes see myself in the future living a good life. And sometimes i see myself with no life and just stay in bed feeling sorry for myself still. I can't stand the thought of that. So i just dont want anything and not to risk it.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    How do I stop crying so much. It's not normal.
    And how do I sleep properly. It's just making me more want to sleep forever:( there's not many options when I've tried everything else
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you.
    But I think I have no choice now.

    Neither do I expect anyone to believe me on here or take me seriously. Because why would i write it if I completely serious. - maybe when i first wrote it something in tbe back of my mind wanted help. And to find a way to go round tbe plan. But now I'm thinking. It's just for me to make it more out there so i have to do it without fail.

    I also see it this way. - I feel trapped in this world, and if you imagine being in a room with nothing in.- where you don't want to be, because you are so agigated and bored but you had to stay until a few days. Where it would be out of there. You would want to be out of there but still want some support to makw it more capable for your last few days to not feel as shit as they are. And put that concept in to how i feel with life. O want some support to make the last few days bareable.

    But i also want to express or be showing it as NOT an easy way out. Because you're all strong and will get through your struggles. But I am weak and won't. I'm just agitated that im stuck here being bored of life and suffering anf finding no enjoyment. Willing to put a dog down if they're suffering but not a human.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    And if im honest i haven't told services.
    But the last thing that was said to me in hospital is I'm capable for making my own decisions.
    They are right obviously.
    But wont do anything . I dont know about the safety on this site but there is no need to break confidentiality
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • CharlotteCharlotte Posts: 229 Trailblazer
    Sorry I didn't get back earlier. You do have a choice. It can get better and you can have the choice to change it.

    We Believe you and will take you seriously. We don't want you to do it, you did great and you have taken a great step to try and get some help. I hope that writing on here doesn't actually mean that you have to do it, we want you to be able to write on here so you can get more support and just reach out and get it out of your head.

    I also hope that you are able to get support not to make that last few days bearable but to improve the future and be able to get through life. You can do it, is there any support which you would really like us to help you find?

    We want to help you get through this so you don't do anything and we are here through this and the future, let us know if we can do anything.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you.
    As much as I would like to believe aim strong enough, I'm really not.

    Maybe im just trying to get some acceptance on this to make it easier. I spent most of my time i hospital trying to get people to accept my desicion. They gave me and what they told me stuck with me.

    They ended telling me not to not consider suicide but just let people help me. And purpone it. O have purpone it . I accept that and got discharged. But come to a realisation it's just me. I have a diagnosis of anorexia 2 weeks left od my sessions and on waiting list for DBT. The fact i need more therapy shows im a lost cause.

    I thought I'll try the DBT then. But I was vonviced that the therapy im having now will made everything better. Food was controlling every single part of my life. I'm now weight restored and I'm not rresticting but im still really really sad. That's all DBT will do. I ended up getting convinced I do have EUPD after hours of trying to get a rediagmosis. But all that is going to happen is the same. It will stop my self harming and I'll just still be sad.

    All that is happening is I'm getting better but so worse at the same time. And as weird as ir sounds i feel like im just changing into a really horrible angry person. When my family is trying to speak to me, I can't even laugh at there joke any more and just feel like telling them to shut the fuck up and leave me alone. Yet at the same time I want them to hwlp me. Instead of everything being such a elephant in the room. And I'm suppose to pretend that a few weeks/months ago I wasn't really suicidal and didn't want to die. And im just mean5 to live my life just like that.

    (I dont I expect you to read That)
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    I may be messed up right now. But i think I'd be right to sat you deserve support.

    I've had a shit day. Got my first customer complaint and got sent home. I was to emotional.

    I just want to do it now. But i cant . It wouldn't work and I need the amount of time and In a way it's not traumatic for anyone.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • CharlotteCharlotte Posts: 229 Trailblazer
    Sorry you haven't had a good day, and you not messed up at all.

    I really don't want you to do it, there is a way through this without having to end it and it can get better.

    We are here for you and we will be strong for you. Do you want to talk about anything which has gone on today? Always here anytime.
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Why are my posts being deleted or disappearing ?
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Not about posts being removed no.

    If it's cause it's trigging it's going around the topic and talking about how I feel not details or actions?

    I'm getting so frustrated right now. I can't take it. O feel like im angry at myself for thinking about it so much. Loads of People die all the time, it's apart of life. And we all die anyway.
    I dont know why I'm making such a big deal. -Sorry
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    So this is where my 1000th post has gone 😋

    Shaunie I relate to most of what you say and I'm here for you if you want me to be. Your words strikes such saddness and I am sad that you are sad, that this life is so cruel it makes us feel in so much despair. We are powerful and we can get through this💚💜
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Headstogether😬

    I did use my 1000th post on a good cause indeed! Will I change now and move up from incredible poster as this will be 1001🤔
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    Thank you both. That is really lovely. I didn't think i could smile while crying so much.
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Owww it hasent changed...I thought at 1000 it changed.

    I go to gc and sc everynight anyway unless I stay at my mums and dont take my laptop so I look forward to see you in the chats Aidan!

    If I'm not in the mood either I wont stay in long but anyone can always get in touch with me on here.
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,052 Supreme Poster
    Shaunie, I'm so glad the support given by Aidan, Charlotte and Lostsense has made you smile! We all deserve support and the help you have already received on this thread is really a great thing.

    I'm so sorry I didn't manage to read along with this thread. But the others have said most of the things I was about to... but just remember this. You're so, so strong. You've been through a lot and came out the other side. You did it then, so you can do it again! You really can Shaunie I believe in you!
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,052 Supreme Poster
    Oh... and about the posts.... @The Mix? Can you help with the disappearing posts?
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    What does fanatical mean
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Elleloveschocolate wrote: »
    Oh... and about the posts.... [USER="95867"]The Mix[/USER]? Can you help with the disappearing posts?

    Well done Elle😊
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Aidan wrote: »
    Never mind haha

    The point is, we're here for each other. Right?

    That is right👍
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Haha okay Aidan🤔

    We are all friends here (mostly) but never nasty. Anyway I dont think we should be posting on Shaunies post without her involvement.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Yep mostly but the important part never nasty.

    Goodnight
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,052 Supreme Poster
    Aidan wrote: »
    You should be fanatical Lostsense, no idea why not? I mean, you are fanatical, but you aren't fanatical haha

    I've noticed the titles not moving on after hitting the required post numbers.... Some people have 50 posts and their title is still newbie. Weird.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • independent_independent_ Community Champion Posts: 9,052 Supreme Poster
    Lostsense wrote: »

    Well done Elle😊

    Thank you Lostsense.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • SienaSiena Posts: 15,687 Skive's The Limit
    💜💜💜thank you:)
    “And when they look at you, they won't see everything you've been through. They won't see the **** that turned to scars that began to fade with time. They won't see the heartbreaking things that shook up and changed your entire world. They won't know how many tears you cried or even what it was you were crying about. They won't see how strong you had to be because you had no other choice. What they will see though is how compassionate you are because you experienced pain. What they will see is how kind you are because you experienced how cruel the world is. What they will see is how good you are because you've seen how bad things or people can be. The difference between you and your experiences are who you choose to be, despite everything that could have turned you cold and unkind.You are the good the world needs and the best of us.” ~ Kirsten Corley
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