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Talking about rape***

13

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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    I want a bottle of vodka and some pills
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    JustVJustV Community Manager Posts: 5,313 Part of The Furniture
    How are you holding up, Steph?

    I can tell things are rough at the moment, and by your previous post it sounds like you feel as if you're hitting rock bottom. :(

    Love the idea of a 'hope box', by the way! That said, shame it's not quite doing it for you right now. Given things sound so rough tonight, do remember that there are people at crisis support services (as well as here) who are willing to listen to you and try to help. I'm aware you're pretty familiar with the services out there so I won't patronise you by naming them, but don't forget that level of support is there. :)

    Can I ask, when you say 'all my words are on paper now' do you mean you tend to only talk to people textually?

    All the best for the rest of tonight, and take good care. *hug*
    The truth resists simplicity.
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Primary care keep ringing me I wish they'de go away!

    I think an intruder is here. I was in the bathroom and heard my door knock but the flat door so someone opened the front door with keys or broke in and someone rang me on a different number to the number primary care has been ringing on. Sat by my door with my hammer now. I'm too scared to open it.

    I text the Samaritans 72hours ago and they have not replied.

    I mean I don't know if I have any words left to say to anyone. It's all on paper for them
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Someone just knocked on the front front door I want them to leave me alone. I have no words for them
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    The police broke in and called me an ambulance now in primary care. I want to go😢
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    I don't want to be in hospital 😢 I come to the toilet and locked myself in. I didn't take that many tablets. I need to self harm
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    I want to run out and kill myself now. This is the end
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    There letting me go because I have an appointment with the CMHT in the morning so I promised not to do anything until I have my assessment with them in the morning. I'm so furious that I've been in hospital I didn't evan take that many tablets.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi Steph,

    Sounds like you've had a really long and tough day since last night. How are you feeling at the moment?

    Whilst I hear that you weren't too happy about primary care contacting you and going to hospital, I think you're doing so great in reaching out and engaging with the support. Hopefully tonight is a bit better for you, and you know where we are, as well as other crisis support if you need to reach out :yes:

    Let us know how you get on tomorrow *hug*
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    I feel really sick. Ive still got my jumper on that I was sick on. I havent cleaned the sick up yet. My belly is hurting. I'm in discomfort. I took less than 10 tablets I feel ashamed that I couldn't take anymore I was taking them and I was just being sick. I took like over 40 tablets my highest overdose and I just can't overdose anymore but the paramedics said taking over evan 1 more tablet is an overdose so they wanted me to go to hospital yesterday to just get checked. I belly wasent hurting then but it is now.

    The CMHT are coming at 11ish.

    The police man evan has broken the flat door lock because he broke in!
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    StephSteph Posts: 448 Listening Ear
    Hi @Lost_sense Sorry to hear that you've been feeling really sick this morning.How are you feeling at the moment? Let us know how you get on with the CMHT this morning too? *hugs*
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    I'm feeling really tierd. I've had a long weekend. I feel like I need to sleep but if I sleep now I'll wake up at like 1am or something.

    The CMHT appointment went OK but I don't think I'm going to get any joy as it was the early intervention team which is for psychosis they said. I don't think I have psychosis. They said they would phone me today if not tomorrow but I'm not very hopeful that anything is going to come out of that because I haven't got psychosis.

    The CMHT where I did live referred me to the early intervention team (I didn't evan know so feel like they're plotting about me now) I'm confused so the CMHT where I lived say I have psychosis. I don't think I have.
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Omg I don't know what happened lastnight but the old lady upstairs just knocked on the flat door to see if I was okay as she knows the police broke in and she was just talking and my head just went really funny and I fainted/fell over. I've slept all night though. First time that has happened. I've fainted before but not like what happened lastnight! My head went really funny beforehand lastnight. Really scary.
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Crisis team are coming to see me at 5pm I think she just said.😕
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Someone else has just been to see me (she was early) writing about me on her Ipad. She just asked how I was. I thought it was 1 of the 3 people who I saw yesterday when she rang me this morning but it was someone else. She asked if I perfered morning or afternoon visits (I don't mind) she said someone else will phone me tomorrow to tell me if someone will be coming in the morning or afternoon. How long will this be going on for? This is the crisis team so they're doing daily visits for now after the assessment I had yesterday? I really don't know😩
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    The lady from the crisis team has just popped round again that I saw yesterday, just 10minutes after I got back from the shop and just as soon as she came I felt really dizzy/still do, I feel like I just need to put my hands over my ears and tell everyone to shutup. She said she would leave me alone and phone me later. She gave me a prescription for 3days worth aswell and she said she's going to refer me to home treatment team now. That's all that was said. She was here like 2minutes. I feel like I need to lie down. I need to go and hand this prescription in and get my tablets I feel too dizzy atm. So I persume after the assesment I had the other day they involved the crisis team and now I'm being referred to the home treatment team.
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Home treatment team coming today.

    Just wondering if anyone actually cares😕
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Home treatment have been gave me lorazepam as PRN and kept my quetiapine the same for now he said he may add an antidepresant aswell once he knows me a bit better. I didn't like them😔 they seem horrible people. They're coming again tomorrow😔
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello🖐

    SORRY YOU WERE RAPED. SO BRAVE OF YOU. BLESS YOU.

    I had Lorazepam whilst I was in hospital.

    I HAD THOSE FEELINGS TOO but

    They might be amazing people.

    TAKE CARE,
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Hi,

    You dont need to be sorry!

    Oh did you? It Feels like I've got a bloody stone stuck in my throat I took a lorazepam a couple of hours ago and got to take a queitapine soon aswell so I hope this stone goes soon!

    Could have a colour of the rainbow with tablets. Blue lorazepam and yellow quetiapine. Just need a red and a orange tablet now.

    It wonders me how tiny some tablets are and I just wonder how they can make a difference how tiny they're🤔

    I know the home treatment team could be amazing the people that I met today I think it's the same people tomorrow but I didnt like them today!
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Need to take my quetiapine now but scared too as I still feel the lorazepam stuck in my throat and I'm feeling sleepy. If I miss my quetiapine they'll have a go at me😌
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    I feel sick sicky sick sick sick yack😳

    May have double booked appointments today oops.

    The home treatment team didn't say what time they'de come round today and my home support worker will be here at 12:30. The home treatment team came at 12:30 yesterday! Ahhhh
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Phewww my home support worker has been and gone!

    Just waiting for the home treatment team now🤔
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    That is no good to me! I need consistency. Home treatment still haven't been round so after waiting in all day and panicking they was going to come while my home support worker was here earlier I rang the number home treatment gave me yesterday and I spoke with the lady I saw yesterday aswell and she said they sent someone else to come and see me today I told her no-one has so she said she would call me back in a minutes it's been like 30minutes now possibly over.
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Home treatment team have been finally and it was differnet people to yesterday.
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi :) im so glad support people are coming how are you finding them ??
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Hahaha turtle!!

    I am sorry I ruined our thread!

    I'm in bed listening to music but I need a wee but there's spiders on the floor stil!

    The home treatment team who come this evening were better people than who came yesterday!
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    Turtle how are you?😌
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    Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hi that's good I'm glad this is a thread for you to express yourself so you haven't ruined anything.
    I hope the home care team continue to help you.
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    LostsenseLostsense Posts: 1,329 Wise Owl
    I've totally gone off the subject off this thread though which involved me and you so I feel like I need to say sorry😌 maybe sorry is my favourite word aswell😉

    Hmm I feel very alone evan though it feels like I've got 100 people around me🤔

    Home treatment team said they can only do up to 6 visits and I've already had 4. I don't know what happens after that🙄


    I'm thinking about you turtle. Anything you want to talk about just type it down.
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