Talking about rape***

Lostsense

I don't know yet tbh turtle. Yesterday was only the first session and there's nine more to go. Well you'de assume people would decide after the first two or three sessions if the group isn't right for them. Well the downside is while you take the group you get taken off the waiting list for counselling. So it has left me feeling after the first session is do I need intensive professional rape trauma counselling first and then say this group maybe good in a years time. Like a group member just finished like 6months if counselling prior to joining this group. I don't know if that's what I need to do.

Hope that makes sense

And

How are you?

Former Member

. Hi I can understand how you feel I went to a group also. And similarly I hadn't had counselling and felt similar as other people also had been through. Counseling. But as my group continued I realised the people have such similar issues despite counseling
Hope that you find they group make you feel less isolated that's the big thing that helped me

I'm sorry to hear that you're not so sure but I'm glad it was an okay experience

Lostsense

What group did you go to? This one is called hope and recovery. Evan though all of us in the group has been raped/sexually abused. There's different stories. One girl in the group was sexually abused as a child and there was a mum and daughter aswell. Hopefully in a few weeks I'll connect with a few of them and feel less isolated. It's good to hear that made you feel less isolated! I'm proud of you😊

It just said I wasn't authorised to post in this thread..it's my thread🙄

Former Member

It was for young people who had been hurt I was different to most of them but we seemed to have similar issues.

How is the group and other things going?!

Lostsense

The 2nd session is tomorrow so I can't tell you anymore as the hasent been anymore groups since the last time I posted in this thread. Other things are crap but you know!

Former Member

Hey hope it went well today ? Sorry that other things are not so great

Lostsense

Didn't you see that I said the 2nd session is tomorrow? So I won't know untill tomorrow afternoon how the 2nd session went. Things are tough but we will get through it!

Lostsense

UPDATE:
The 2nd session went okay but I felt the same as I did when I came out last week. Thinking I need face2face counselling first then perhaps after if this course is still going try the course again so that's what I've gone for stopped behind a minute after to tell the facilitators. Can't attend the course anymore but been/will be put back on the waiting list for counselling. She did say it will be Christmas time untill that I'm at the top which is not good but that's what I've decided. I couldn't carry on going to the course while I'm on the waiting list you can't do that at the moment which would of been best but you know. Nothing I can do about that.

Former Member

That's great that you have come to that decision. Have you anyone you can chat to whilst on the waiting list?

Feel free to talk anytime

Lostsense

That's what the facilitators said it's good that I recognised that I felt that is best for me.

I have a few online things I have Kooth which I've just been given a further 6 sessions so another 6weeks which is online chat once a week. I have Turn2me which I think are limitless but they're only booked one at a time, I have mine Monday mornings. Hmm and then I have tomorrow evening and next Sunday evening sessions left of my Themix telephone counselling I'm sad about that..I don't know if they can offer anymore after you've had your 6 with Themix😔 that's about it. All my support is online and on the phone.

Former Member

I'm glad they said a similar thing
How do you feel about online and telephone counseling?
Compared to talking ?

Lostsense

I enjoy Themix telephone counselling because I like the lady I talk to (I don't really like talking on the phone but I'm comfortable talking on the phone with her) I'm sad necause I only have 2 sessions left with her and I like online stuff because I usually don't like talking on the phone (I can't really talk on the phone to the Samaritans). No-one wants to talk to me in person!

Ah anyway..I'm just about to watch girl on the train at the cinema..have you seen it? Or seen it advertised?

Lostsense

Would you Adam and Eve it. There's no seats left for the film! It's only come out this week buy we didn't think you prefer book!

Former Member

Oh no sorry to hear that I hope if you do see it is good .....it is a book I have read some of it
Yeah I like online stuff also so that's great you can still chat to them and for then mean time the mix by then it should be getting closer to when you can start face to face ?.
How do you feel about starting?

Lostsense

Not even seeing it tonight but hopefully I will because on the trailer it looks really good! So hopefully another time! Oh I didn't know there was a book of it! I've only got tomorrow night and next Sunday left of Themix counselling so that's not going to when I start face2face counselling lol. I feel good about starting it but it's going to be weeks and weeks away so I don't need to state thinking about it now.

Lostsense

My mum pisses me the f off.

Former Member

I'm sorry to hear you're mums annoyed you what has happened?
But you should have some other online support ? Sorry if I'm getting mixed up though.
It can be tough to know you're coming to the end of counseling if you have built up trust with someone . I hope you enjoy the film.
Speak soon

Lostsense

Winds me round my ear. I kid myself saying she's the person that has me carry on breathing!

I have kooth for 6weeks but face2face counselling with the rape and sexual violence project will be like 14weeks from now. So there will be a time that I go for a period with no support without the very little support I have now.

I don't know wether you are understanding what I am saying. Sorry if I am making no sense.

I know how tough it is to say goodbye especially if you have built up trust or connect with the counsellor/worker is very tough. I know that, sad times😔

Former Member

im sorry to hear that i hope that you will be okay during that time definitely come here to talk anytime you need it

Lostsense

I've been given a few more sessions with Themix counselling. I thought she said I could have 6 sessions but it's 8! So I've got 2 more and then she said her senior manager said I can have 12 but suggested I have them fortnightly after the next 2 so it's spread out more so that's good!

I will do and you talk away when you feel you need to!

Lostsense

Ah turtle!! You did close your thread😔

How are you feeling about the case being dropped?

I can't imagine the case bring dropped for the scum that raped me. I feel for you😔

Lostsense

Keeping it under the same thread. Just wanting to let it off..

I can't evan imagine how painful and awful it is to become pregnant from a rape. Luckily I didn't. I say I can't evan imagine but for weeks after I was wondering if I was. I was that close to. So I can imagine but not gone through it. I prawl out in tears just thinking that I could of been and knowing people have had children from a rape. I read such a heartbreaking story from a child that had been born because her mum was raped. So heartbreaking. I've always wanted children but that's one thing he has taken away from me. I wouldn't be able to enjoy sex now let alone a relationship. No way. I talked to a lady on RAINN and her name was Camelia I told her that's a lovely name it would have been for my daughter😢

Former Member

HI lost sense

um it got dropped. dunno i just see him sometimes.

I have never thought about much to do with babies from rape. im sorry to hear about how you are feeling from it but im glad to hear that you are talking to RAINN,

Lostsense

You see him in real life or in your head?

Yep so so sad😢 having to give birth from a rape just awful.

Do you talk to RAINN or have anyone you talk to?

Former Member

in real life.
how are you feeling this week about everythng ?
no i dont chat to RAINN but i have in the past. Im thinking of asking for some support maybe just not sure i deserve it.
sorry

Lostsense

That must be horrible turtle!!

Ofc you deserve support!!

Just a suggestion because things I come across I like to pass onto others I've recently joined a few closed Facebook groups for victims of rape/sexual abuse. Maybe something you can look at?

Hmmm I don't really know how I am feeling just mixed up

Why are you sorry? Please don't say sorry

What have you got to be sorry for

Former Member

Lost sense dw about me but thanks so much for the suggestion I will have a look around and stuff.
Do you feel mixed up over what happened ? Or/and how stuff is right now ?
I always say sorry it's my favourite word😃

Lostsense

Sorry turtle..

Didn't really know what to say I had lost sense I have gained enough sense to reply and don't want to ignore you. I wish there was a like or a hug thing on here so I could of just pressed one of them.

I was very sad you said I don't have to worry about you. I care about you.

I feel mixed up about how stuff is right now.

Okay😌

Former Member

I feel for how things are for you right now have you thought about ways you can help yourself to feel better. I have a bad day box with chocolate, pictures, some new activity like orgami, some quotes i like inside. just helps me through the worst times.

Lostsense

I have a hope box with stuff in but it dosent work.

Primary care keep ringing me and I can't evan manage the phonecall. My whole body is hurting. I feel completely shut and withdrawing. Is there any point in any more words to anybody. All my words are on paper now. I can't evan draw blood. I self harmed but there was no blood because I am not eating or rarely drinking.