Talking about rape***

Lostsense

Not sure wether or not I really want to post. I wish I could just delete things myself off here.

Write it then delete it.

Yesterday I found out there's actually something called "rape trauma syndrome" (RTS) since then I have been in turmoil is that the right word?:S

I don't know

I can't believe it's an actual 'thing' I didn't know RTS existed. I know there's PTSD but RTS is more specific stages of a rape victim like myself.

I've just wanted to tell someone. I'm feeling a bit shell shocked and overwhelmed by finding out I think. I'm glad I found out don't get me wrong.

I asked myself why a syndrome? It would be important for me to know what syndrome actually means? Syndrome dosent sound right.

I just want to sleep. A coma would be nice or amnesia. Anything just to get rid off this, these thoughts, these whispers, voices. Did he rape my head too?

Former Member

Hi Lost_sense,

I’m really sorry to hear about what you are going through, and you have been really brave in opening up about this. It sounds like you feel confused and overwhelmed about what you have found. How did you feel after posting?

There is a brief explanation here about what a 'syndrome' is, if it helps.

I wonder if you have talked to anyone you trust about this or have a support system in place, for example a healthcare professional you can reach out to for advice and support? There is also an organisation called Rape Crisis who have local centres as well as a helpline.

Keep posting if you feel it helps

Lostsense

Hi,

I don't really know how I felt after posting,

I understand a bit better now why it's a syndrome but syndrome dosent sound right,

I was overwhelmed by what I found out because I didn't know RTS existed.

I'm waiting for an appointment from the CMHT and on a waiting list for counselling through my local rape and sexual violence project.

I have used the Rape Crisis helpline and my local rape and sexual violence projects helpline aswell and them are the helplines I use now.

Thanks for replying 🌸

Lostsense

I've just had a really good chat with RAINN I've had a few chats with them now but today's was definitely the best one I've had with them!

Former Member

Hey .. I havent heard of it that's interesting.
I'm glad rainn were useful how do you feel about the syndrome in itself?

Lostsense

Hey turtle, whats your name? Friendlier to talk to someone using their name.

You haven't heard of what RAINN or RTS?

Erm yeah today's chat with RAINN is probably the most productive chat I've EVER had. I'm at a really low point atm, it dosent help it's monday night, I hate Monday nights because that was the night I was raped 60weeks ago tonight. It's just getting worse, everyday.

Erm I don't like the word syndrome but I understand now why it's a syndrome.

Nikki

Hi Lost_sense,

Sorry to hear you're going through a tough time. How are you feeling today? Good to hear that RAINN have been an immense help to you until your appointment and counselling. You said you felt overwhelmed about the existence of RTS, I wondered if you've had more time to think about it especially after talking to RAINN?

Keep posting here if it helps and we're all here for you

Lostsense

Hi,

Bad night/early hours as it always is especially on Monday nights. I'm feeling much better as to what I was feeling 5hours ago though!

Connected back to RAINN early hours and they helped me ground myself.

Yeah I've had more time to think about it. I'm not so overwhelmed now. It's made me realise I cannot do this on my own. So me and my home support worker are back to the doctors next week!

Lostsense

I don't really want to keep making threads but when I had a CPN she told me to try and write down what the voices say.

I heard a cry about 11pm and right now and what I'm being kept awake by is "they know" that's all just "they know"

Now the other week it was "they're here" who are here.

Who are they?

JustV

Hey Steph,

How are you doing at the moment? Sounds like you're under a lot of internal pressure at the moment, and it must be so unsettling to hear those voices at night. I can't imagine how much it must wear you down.

It's great that you're talking to RAINN and I know you mentioned chatting to Hopeline too, so well done on being able to reach out when you need to. It's not always an easy thing to do by any means.

I noticed you also mentioned sessions with Kooth - how are they going?

*hug*

Lostsense

Hi Mike,

I'm am doing okay thankyou,

Been to the doctors today with my home support worker and the doctor thinks I have epilepsy. Which I'm going to make another thread about because..

Yep I did, I really like Kooth it's alot like Childline from what my cousion shows and tells me. I'm rather jelous that kooth haven't got an Art box 🤔

Lostsense

61weeks ago tonight Monday nights just get harder and harder..

It will just start getting easier close to his release date I just know it.

Lostsense

I'm just adding bits on as and when if it's the same subject I'll keep it under the same thread..

I wonder and this is something that gets me angry..

I am aware that the Samaritans visit prisions.. now, I hate to think that the perpetrator that raped me gets this privilige.

He shouldn't have a mouth to speak!

It has been suggested before to me that this is only available to the less serious crimes.

I think any victim of a serious crime would hate to have this thought that' their perpetrator gets this privilige.

With less serious crimes I can see.

I just wondered if anyone knew more about this?

Lostsense

I've been on the waiting list for counselling with the rape and sexual violence project 8weeks now (this week is the 8th week) but I've just spoken to a lady that runs the social groups/courses/outings at the rape and sexual violence project and on the 1st of October (2weeks Saturday) she is starting a 10 week (I think she said) group/course which is going to be about safety and the way the brain changes after rape trauma (which is exactly what I need) but the poop side of this is she said while you're attending a course you get taken off the waiting list and then when it finishes you get put back on it at the moment (she said they're trying to change this). I didn't know that so I was swaying but she said she thinks this course is good prep for counselling so I agreed, now looking forward to starting it just ashame that It's been 8weeks I've been on the waiting list, another 4weeks I probably would have been at the top. Oh well, the course sounds as though it will really beneficial.

Former Member

Hi steph . that sounds like either way its a win loose almost situation. im in a similar deicison process right now and cant make my choice. but it sounds so positive the course and things definately should go! sorry to hear that you have been waiting for 2 months. i can understand how that feels i was waiting around 6 months for counselling. then stuff happened and i couldnt attend.

How are you feeling about going into a group setting with other people ?

Lostsense

Hey turtle!!

I have been thinking about you!! How is the case going?

What your in the same situation wether to take counselling or a course?

Yeah I am going to the course. Im looking forward to starting it! I wish it was this Saturday! But it's another 2weeks untill it starts! 😔 once I've finished the course I'll be put back on the waiting list, she said the course is good prep for counselling anyway.

Where I previously lived I did have face2face counselling through the local rape and sexual abuse support centre but then I moved so obviously then wasent within there area so found the local rape and sexual violence project local to where I am now was put on waiting list 2months ago but then got told the other day about this course so now I'm not going to have specified rape abuse counselling for ages but doing this course.

Errm I'm feeling ok about going into a group setting. I'm meeting the 2 lady's who running the course 20minutes earlier than it starts and so I'll be the first one there so it shouldn't be too bad. I have found all lady's who have raped or sexually abused very lovely lady's so I'm looking forward to it!

Former Member

I hope it goes okay keep us posted i sorry its still 2 weeks away!

Lostsense

Thankyou and will do 😊

Lostsense

The night that I got raped..62weeks 🌊

Lostsense

😢😢

Steph

Hi Steph, :wave: just wanted to check in with how you're doing today? Seems like its a difficult time for you right now, we're here if there's anything you want to talk more about, you're doing really well to look for some support for yourself here *hug*

Lostsense

Hi Steph,

I keep having funny feelings. It was my arms that was really achy kind of first but lastnight it felt as though someone had there hands around my neck not killing me but torturing me and also felt as though someone's hands were gripping my stomach. It was really painful. I was crying. I would of rather they killed me than torture me. It was Very strange not had that before. Don't know wether it's a side effect of my medication being upped so will mention it to doc on Friday when he phones me and tell him about these strange things but actually very scary. I'm just basically finding it very hard atm aswell😢 Voices are coming back with the same ways they want me to die in alot of detail, not ways that I'de end my life. Very paranoid aswell. I'm looking forward to start this rape trauma course next Saturday though so I look forward to that but it feels along way away 😔

Former Member

Hey Steph,

I've actually been through a very similar experience. I've been raped myself, I know how horrific it is and the after effects. Main difference is that I didn't get help. I was way too scared, especially with all the stigma around being male and stuff. My brother helps me out a lot instead. It's really good that you're brave enough to get help, I really wish I was. Hopefully it should help you to start feeling better and have less scary experiences. Let me know how you're doing and feel free to send me a message

Lostsense

If you haven't already you can still report it I believe and I would encourage anyone to! Male or female. I don't care what sex you're rape is the worsest crime that can be committed in my eyes. I would of rather got murdered than raped. I'm not really getting any help but I do the best I can. Ps cheers. Same to you 😊

Former Member

It's fine, I'm pretty okay with it now, just get a little scared at night sometimes, but I have my brother. I did report it, but they never found the person. It's cool though, I've recovered I think

Lostsense

They didn't find the person? Woooot that's part of the polices job is to trace people

Former Member

Yeah I don't know really, but it's over with

Lostsense

turtle09 wrote: »

I hope it goes okay keep us posted i sorry its still 2 weeks away!

Hi turtle!!

I had the first session in the rape trauma group today bit too soon to say how it was. There was a lot of tears! It's every Saturday for 10weeks. Today was just like an introduction and that and we did alot of grounding today. There was about 11 people, this group is female only. I'm looking forward to the 2nd session.

Former Member

Hi ! thats amazing im so glad do you feel like youu have a lot in common with people ? thats fantastic that you are looking forward to it !

Lostsense

turtle09 wrote: »

Hi ! thats amazing im so glad do you feel like youu have a lot in common with people ? thats fantastic that you are looking forward to it !

Hey ho

I don't know yet..some people made friends just from the first session yesterday. I am a bit "different" to everybody else though. I'm looking forward to the 2nd session as I'm hoping I'll be clear as if I want to carry on with the group or go back on the waiting list for counselling.

Former Member

yeah that sounds great im so pleased do you feel as if you can be honest in the group? thats fantastic though im so pleased i guess how long would you have to wait if you decide the group isnt right ? and im so glad that you said yes to going
is there any down side ? or how has it left you feeling ?
hope all is good