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Alone..*mentions s.h*
*BananaMonkey*
Posts: 5,462 Part of The Furniture
Hi...
Really dont think this thread is gonna make any sense. But I need to get everything out of my system. I feel pretty alone to be honest
I have been back on my meds for 3 weeks. Well this week is my 3rd week.
I have been feeling very up and down and my moods have been really all over the place. Couple of nights ago I harmed and then for the nights up to today I have relapsed quite a lot. I know that my meds will take a while to settle down, but since I came back on them I have noticed lots of things differently since I was last on them. (used to be on the same meds)
I do want to stop harming I just can't
it helps, when I do it I dont think about things in my head for a while and it makes me feel better.
I have to act happy cos of work and I just cant do it anymore.
Have also been feeling really paranoid recently and alot worse tonight. Feel like people hate me and dont want me around. Maybe it is better for everyone else if I just disappear.
I hate myself. Like everybody else hates me.
I have an appointment at the doctors soon, cos my meds will run out. But I am scared to tell her how much I have been struggling.
I cant do this anymore. Pretending I am fine is draining me.
I just want to be okay, even for just a day.
Sorry.. and thank you for taking the time to read this.
Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
Really dont think this thread is gonna make any sense. But I need to get everything out of my system. I feel pretty alone to be honest
I have been back on my meds for 3 weeks. Well this week is my 3rd week.
I have been feeling very up and down and my moods have been really all over the place. Couple of nights ago I harmed and then for the nights up to today I have relapsed quite a lot. I know that my meds will take a while to settle down, but since I came back on them I have noticed lots of things differently since I was last on them. (used to be on the same meds)
I do want to stop harming I just can't
it helps, when I do it I dont think about things in my head for a while and it makes me feel better.I have to act happy cos of work and I just cant do it anymore.
Have also been feeling really paranoid recently and alot worse tonight. Feel like people hate me and dont want me around. Maybe it is better for everyone else if I just disappear.
I hate myself. Like everybody else hates me.
I have an appointment at the doctors soon, cos my meds will run out. But I am scared to tell her how much I have been struggling.
I cant do this anymore. Pretending I am fine is draining me.
I just want to be okay, even for just a day.
Sorry.. and thank you for taking the time to read this.
Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
" And everywhere I am, there you'll be, your love made me make it through, oh I owe so much to you "
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
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Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Make sure you're honest with your gp when you go to the doctors.
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Have you got any distractions? Just do anything you can even if its the most random thing. At some point you could try rationalising it all in your head, it helps to make it less severe next time round I find.
Yeah I have wrote a list of distractions down, so just gonna work my way through them. I feel bit better now, just had a bath with a lush bathbomb so bit more chilled out.
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
How are you doing today? I'm sorry to hear about what's going on at the moment, it sounds like an awful lot, but massive prompts on being able to right this thread, I know it was quite difficult to express what was going on, but you've done an amazing job of that here! It's great to see you taking reasonable steps, and it sounds like recovery is something you really want, which is a fantastic goal!
It can be such a pain when you're readjusting to medication, however, it's taking it one day at a time, but remembering to take them on a regular basis.
It's also a positive to know you're not just ready yet to stop self harming, often with self harm, you have to want to stop, to get somewhere, but again, it's about taking it one step at a time, and gradually getting there, do you know what else helps in the moments when you're struggling? Did you even give any of the Mindfulness activities on the app you suggested ago?
Being in an environment where were surrounded by kids and really don't have the option to be sad, can be rather intensifying. How is the work environment? How are you managing it?
I think you're making a judgement about everybody hating you however, I've said it before, were human, we have people who without doubt will hate us, but then we've got really close friends, and general friends, like yourself and Baa Ram Ewe! Not sure how you are with the kids in your care, but I'm sure you have the occasional one that looks up to you
It's been mentioned in the past, have you considered writing and expressing your feelings down on paper to show your GP, and express a bit more about what's going on, it sounds like you feel rather alone with this, but you've taken a massive step by reaching out on here! - What's your relationship like with your GP? I know it can be difficult opening up to your GP at times, especially if you don't have any form of trust between yourselves.
I'm sorry to hear about the paranoia to, it can be such a pain differing your judgements from your own paranoia, and again it can be overwhelming when it comes to dealing with it all at once, however, CBT, a cognitive therapy, which allows people to change the thinking and behaviour might be worth looking in to, it's a therapy offered to many people, and has a 90% success rate! - But it would be about making time for weekly support while also balancing it with your job. Being able to rationalize irrational thoughts.
However, you're not alone, do keep reaching out on here, I remember you mentioning you used to be in online counselling, hows that going?
Best wishes,
Angel
I don't know what you're getting at but I've got an idea.
I can say what I want, and anyway I don't think there's anything wrong with what I've said so give up.
I am doing okay, bit up and down but after my bath I chilled out a bit more.
I have tried some of the activities on the app, they seemed to help a little bit. With work some days are good and some days are bad I guess it's about trying to focus on the good days.
Yeah feeling paranoid and thinking people hate me is something I am working on I guess. I don't understand why I feel that way, but I always feel paranoid that I am going to lose my job too.
I have a good relationship with my GP she is easy to talk to and I think that after a while of going I will learn to open up to her more, she has an interest in MH which makes it easier too.
Counselling is going okay thank you, I can't go to the next two sessions which kind of sucks but I wont have access to a computer for the next two Sundays at that time.
Thank you so much for your supportive reply lovely
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Right back atcha
Ooo I love Lush, have you tried their Rose Jam body wash?
I know there's sometimes no way to avoid the paranoia but try and just think of the positives, rather than thing 'I'm going to lose my job' try and think positively and come up with reasons why you wouldn't lose your job.. hard worker etc.
If you have someone you can talk to like that then use it whenever you can and don't be afraid to cos it can only be good
You're doing so well
Do one.
Nah not tried that. May have to take a trip to lush I got a voucher for lush for my birthday so in need of new stuff
I understand what your saying about the job thing. I guess I need to work on things in my head.
I am gonna speak to my GP cos I don't really want to say stuff to others cos it just gets twisted, and people have ago at me. I dunno
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Just hard I guess. People who say they care when really they don't.
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
With regards to the cutting it isn't as easy as just wanting to stop. Do you have any other strategies that could work in the same way. I find a routine helps and listening to guided meditation whilst in a hot bath can be quite relaxing. Other strategies some people find helpful are writing, drawing, holding ice onto the area that you want to cut (this can often be painful but isn't a lasting damage on your body like cutting can be), snapping an elastic band on your body, go for a walk, post on here, talk to a friend. There are lots which sometimes work for some people but sometimes they don't. Its good that you don't want to cut anymore and its important not to set unrealistic goals with regards to not cutting and focus on reducing it rather than stopping it completely to begin with. We all have ups and downs unfortunately. Life can be cruel like that sometimes but its all about the support network you have and remembering that things will get better.
Anyway what I mainly wanted to ask was how are you feeling today? Massive hugs *hug* also we definitely don't all hate you! You are such a valued member on the boards and in chat and help people out so so so much.
I am feeling less paranoid today and feeling a lot better.
Just tired its been a really long week at work. I may go to sleep soon I think.
Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Hope you are doing ok. How has your weekend been? Always here if you need a chat and do share what bathbombs you buy. Hope you enjoy them loads :-)
Xx*hug*
Sonia
My weekend has been nice thank you. Yours?
I will defo buy some bath bombs with the voucher cos I am going to manchester soon..
Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Time to act all happy... I don't need people to worry.. I am fine.
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Sorry to hear how low you were feeling last night, how are you feeling today? Mood drops can be frustrating, and often things we just can't control, however, we can act upon that mood drop, and do positive actions to improve our mood, it's just about being effective at the time. I know being rather repetative in what I do daily can have an effect, so maybe it's about mixing it up a bit, you could make a list of behaviours you enjoy, for example, going for a walk, listening to music, etc. When you start feeling your mood drop, or even playing with Emily for a few minutes.
Often in the working enviroement you're in (Working with kids) You're meant to pretty much represent yourself as loving, smiley, etc. Streotypical, I know, but you will had kids that look up to you, and even at a young age, those who worry about you, my baby sister starts crying when my father *pretends to cry*, as adorable as it is, it shows that kids can tell emotion, as well as worry. In a strange way, look up to you to!
I guess it's about asking yourself now, you've thoght about it for sometime, but the option of visiting your GP is always there if you wanted to go, they can offer offline therapy, for example, CBT which would change thinking patterns and behaviour, would you be up to seeing your GP?
Best wishes,
Angel
I am doing okay right now, just hope I can last. Aye I understand what you mean. I have been trying to keep distracted when my mood drops.
Aye I defo agree with children looking up to us. I am going to my doctor on the 27th.. I am unsure about therapy, but only cos of trying to fit it around working. And I don't think it's "me" but not sure. I will mention it to my doctor though.
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
Sent from my GT-I8190 using Tapatalk
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "
" So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing, who can live without it, I ask in all honestly what would life be? Without a song or a dance, what are we? So I say thank you for the music, for giving it to me "
'' It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling "