Home Health & Wellbeing
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨

:'( One year anniversary - feeling low

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
it is Jacks 1st birthday today would of been. i havent been my self today all i wanna do is harm myself and punish my self and be up there with him. i just dont know how im gunna stay around much longer :'(
«1

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey MrsM,

    It's totally okay that you're not feeling yourself, this will be a difficult time for you. Please try and remember that what happened wasn't your fault. I remember you posting about this before and we talked about you getting some support to help you deal with what happened but you weren't feeling ready.

    It sounds like your emotions are still very raw and it can be hard to know what to do with them. Have you been able to think anymore about talking to someone?

    What do you usually do when the urges to self harm are very strong? I wonder if you have any ways of lifting your mood that have worked in the past?

    Big hugs *hug* *hug*
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    but it was my fault if i hadnt stayed with him Jack would of been here now but no i thought of love first instead of my own child. i was admitted to hospital as really really wanted to be with Jack, they now have given me councelling but im scared it feels like im giving in and admitting that he has gone, i dont want Jack to think that at all that his mummy has given up on him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :(:(

    what happened to Jack?

    Would you like to talk about him? x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    i dont know what to say
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    have you ever spoken properly about him to anyone since x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no i havent. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what happened to him?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mrs mcelderry it says in your previous posts you had a miscarriage with a little boy called Neil, who is jack? have you had another miscarriage? if so I'm really sorry :(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    mrs mcelderry it says in your previous posts you had a miscarriage with a little boy called Neil, who is jack? have you had another miscarriage? if so I'm really sorry :(

    Yeah I lost Neil then become pregnant with Jack then lost him.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what happened to him?

    I lost him coz the dad didnt think Jack was his so he started abusing me when I left him it was too late I lost Jack :'(
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :(

    How far along with you?
    Having a miscarriage is hard. Having two in a row must be harder
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    :(

    How far along with you?
    Having a miscarriage is hard. Having two in a row must be harder

    i was 24 weeks on both pregnancies :'( it was hard x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are they looking into why this has happened to you twice???
    like cervix issues?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Are they looking into why this has happened to you twice???
    like cervix issues?
    i have different tests and it has come back that there is something wrong with my body but they wont tell me coz of me feeling suicidal but they did say that i wont be able to have kids naturally but im wanting to prove them wrong. but then again i dont think i can go thru a miscarriage again. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that must be incredibly difficult to deal with.

    Although losing the babies at 24 weeks - If they could just do something to help your body to hang onto the pregnancy even a week or two longer it would really increase the odds of success wouldnt it.

    You do have a legal right to see your medical records though, so it might be worth considering applying to have a copy.

    Did you have mental health issues before your babies were stillborn? Have they offerered you anything like counselling?
    Your GP will be able to refer you for that
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    that must be incredibly difficult to deal with.

    Although losing the babies at 24 weeks - If they could just do something to help your body to hang onto the pregnancy even a week or two longer it would really increase the odds of success wouldnt it.

    You do have a legal right to see your medical records though, so it might be worth considering applying to have a copy.

    Did you have mental health issues before your babies were stillborn? Have they offerered you anything like counselling?
    Your GP will be able to refer you for that
    it is hard, thy did try everything on my 2nd pregnancy with Jack they done all sorts of tests for my body to hold on to him but it didnt work. yeah i know but they said it wont do me any good knowing what they have said, yeah i had mental health issues before but onli very mild but now its worse as u can imagine. they did offer me councelling but me being me i didnt accept as i didnt want Neil or Jack to think i have given up on them or forgotten them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you really need to ask to be re-referred for counselling.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    you really need to ask to be re-referred for counselling.
    i cant tho it will look like im trying to forget my boys. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    to who?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Counselling doesnt make you forget people
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Counselling doesnt make you forget people
    it does councelling is there to talk and forget all the feelings nd who caused the feelings. i cant do that to the boys. its unfair on them. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no it isnt. It cannot do that. That isnt the point of it.

    It isnt brainwashing. It is just a safe non judgemental space to work through your feelings and talk about things. Cry, be listened to. Talk about your grief.

    It sounds to me that you feel your loss is some sort of punishment that you deserve.
    Like you feel by hurting and grieving, that you are keeping your babies with you as long as possible.

    That if you learn to live with it, then theyll really be gone
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    no it isnt. It cannot do that. That isnt the point of it.

    It isnt brainwashing. It is just a safe non judgemental space to work through your feelings and talk about things. Cry, be listened to. Talk about your grief.

    It sounds to me that you feel your loss is some sort of punishment that you deserve.
    Like you feel by hurting and grieving, that you are keeping your babies with you as long as possible.

    That if you learn to live with it, then theyll really be gone
    it is tho, councelling is to let u forget things thats causing the problem and feelings and its admitting defeat i cant admit defeat. x
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what is your plan.
    What do you want?

    Who will be defeated?

    Do you think the babies will know, and that they dont want you to be ok?? Do you feel like theyre still actually here?

    Who is punishing who here, and what for?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    for what its worth, ive had counselling several times, and im still perfectly aware of my problems. Nothing has been forgotten
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    what is your plan.
    What do you want?

    Who will be defeated?

    Do you think the babies will know, and that they dont want you to be ok?? Do you feel like theyre still actually here?

    Who is punishing who here, and what for?
    I want my boys here. If I go to counselling I'm admitting defeat and showing the boys that I'm not strong enough. I want them to see that their mummy is strong enough.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Darling, if the boys were here, then they wouldnt want you to feel this way.

    You need to feel better for yourself and for them, and for any of their future brothers and sisters.

    The punishing yourself needs to stop right now.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    There is nothing in this world that can take your boys memory from you. There isnt a single therapy that will do that, and there is nothing that can fill the void they they have left.

    All counselling would do is give you a space to talk about it. To talk about your boys for the entire hour. To talk about your plans you had for them. What you wanted it to be. What you have lost. How it has made you feel. How devastated. What it means to you. They will never judge you and they will never take your memories and your love for your boys.

    It is important to be able to talk about things and make sense of it all.

    These people might be worth speaking to

    http://www.uk-sands.org/home.html
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Darling, if the boys were here, then they wouldnt want you to feel this way.

    You need to feel better for yourself and for them, and for any of their future brothers and sisters.

    The punishing yourself needs to stop right now.
    they are here just not in flesh if they were here in flesh i wouldnt be like this. i cant stop its my fault i lost them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    it wasnt on purpose.

    you need to start to let go of guilt for things you had no control over
Sign In or Register to comment.