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:'( One year anniversary - feeling low
Former Member
Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
it is Jacks 1st birthday today would of been. i havent been my self today all i wanna do is harm myself and punish my self and be up there with him. i just dont know how im gunna stay around much longer
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It's totally okay that you're not feeling yourself, this will be a difficult time for you. Please try and remember that what happened wasn't your fault. I remember you posting about this before and we talked about you getting some support to help you deal with what happened but you weren't feeling ready.
It sounds like your emotions are still very raw and it can be hard to know what to do with them. Have you been able to think anymore about talking to someone?
What do you usually do when the urges to self harm are very strong? I wonder if you have any ways of lifting your mood that have worked in the past?
Big hugs *hug* *hug*
what happened to Jack?
Would you like to talk about him? x
Yeah I lost Neil then become pregnant with Jack then lost him.
I lost him coz the dad didnt think Jack was his so he started abusing me when I left him it was too late I lost Jack
How far along with you?
Having a miscarriage is hard. Having two in a row must be harder
i was 24 weeks on both pregnancies it was hard x
like cervix issues?
Although losing the babies at 24 weeks - If they could just do something to help your body to hang onto the pregnancy even a week or two longer it would really increase the odds of success wouldnt it.
You do have a legal right to see your medical records though, so it might be worth considering applying to have a copy.
Did you have mental health issues before your babies were stillborn? Have they offerered you anything like counselling?
Your GP will be able to refer you for that
It isnt brainwashing. It is just a safe non judgemental space to work through your feelings and talk about things. Cry, be listened to. Talk about your grief.
It sounds to me that you feel your loss is some sort of punishment that you deserve.
Like you feel by hurting and grieving, that you are keeping your babies with you as long as possible.
That if you learn to live with it, then theyll really be gone
What do you want?
Who will be defeated?
Do you think the babies will know, and that they dont want you to be ok?? Do you feel like theyre still actually here?
Who is punishing who here, and what for?
You need to feel better for yourself and for them, and for any of their future brothers and sisters.
The punishing yourself needs to stop right now.
All counselling would do is give you a space to talk about it. To talk about your boys for the entire hour. To talk about your plans you had for them. What you wanted it to be. What you have lost. How it has made you feel. How devastated. What it means to you. They will never judge you and they will never take your memories and your love for your boys.
It is important to be able to talk about things and make sense of it all.
These people might be worth speaking to
http://www.uk-sands.org/home.html
you need to start to let go of guilt for things you had no control over