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Self Harm Awareness Day - Expert Special on coping tips and distractions
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I'm 16 and i self harm.
I scratch myself with my nails and a needle until it bleeds and i burn myself. Recently i've burnt myself pretty badly with a boiling spoon and it ended up getting seen i i was sent straight to the doctors, i then had to make up this stupid story about how i done it on a kettle which didn't make sense. Since then, its had dressings on it and its healed up apart from the scar. I feel obliged to do it again since it got dressing put on it and that helped it to heal pretty quickly.
I've bitten down my nails but i've now resulted to biting myself.
My mom isn't around and i barely speak to my family. I don't want to whine to my friends about it cause i don't want to burden them with it.
I just don't want to do this anymore
Don't rush into anything, and don't feel worried about your mum coping with it - if you need to help each other you'll figure it out. You might find someone else you can talk to in the meantime - many people don't understand but it doesn't mean they can't help. Someone just listening can go a LONG way to helping - they don't need to know what to say. Good luck!
You should be proud of yourself that you went to get it checked over, that's a very brave step to make.
Thank you
Hi Charlie - well done for posting for support - it's a really good first step. Our experts will reply to you soon
Hey, it sounds like you've been having a really tough time. You don't need to need to tell anyone until you're ready, but I would encourage you to think about it - people may just surprise you, and you may find people who care about you are already concerned about you. Try and take a step back and think about what it is that prompts you to harm - find the triggers, think through how you feel before it happens. Working this stuff out will make it easier for you to describe it to someone, and in turn make it easier for them to help you. Good luck.
Hey there. Do you know why you do it? What made it happen the very first time? Taking a step back and thinking about that will help you understand what makes you keep doing it now. Please consider talking to someone who cares about you - the important thing is reducing and stopping your harming, it doesn't have to be something you do on your own. Take care.
so I started self-harming in May 2 years ago, and was diagnosed with depression & anxiety 2 years ago last January.
I tried it when I first felt suicidal, at the age of 13 (so, 7 years ago) but it didn't do anything. Obviously, now it does.
I take my razorblades with me everywhere I go, they're a safety-blanket for me. Although I think I've only used them out of the house once.
I also pick at my scalp until it bleeds
The trouble I have is I've yet to find a alternate means that helps- nothing can truly mimic the exact feeling it brings- the blood & the pain, and then the pain over the scar when you next have a shower- the closest feeling I've had was when I recently got a tattoo on my thigh (I even made sure to get that below where I cut on my leg, so I can still cut).
I still fantasize about one day cutting too deeply.
My parents have known about it too for a while, but whenever they ask me if I've cut recently, I can't help but be honest, yet this feels cruel. But then I can't stop cutting. I've been dumped because of it, each of my exes have dumped me because I can't handle my depression, but it's the only coping mechanism that I find really helps- it's an expression of self-hatred and frustration at my life.
And when it comes to my triggers, I can't deal with those, because they're mostly to do with seeing romantic couples/ feeling alone- and those feelings are an inevitability when I go outside.
TheSite has some tips on coping http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/copingtipsanddistractions
But also talking about it could help, opening up to somebody about how your feeling I find is the greatest way of coping with it. I know it's hard to open up to somebody, I have been there but you can get through this. Talking online is great cos it's anonymous, and eventually speaking offline is good too, because you can have somebody face to face that you can speak too. GP, family or friends, teacher, etc.
:thumb:
It sounds like you were really disappointed when your counsellor said she couldn't see you anymore. Has she said whether she will find someone else to help you? Maybe it's possible for you to get another counsellor without your parents knowing. It sounds like recently you have been feeling a lot worse. Have you tried contacting a counsellor on-line? You could try looking at the ChildLine website which tells you how you can contact someone now. You can choose to chat on-line, but if you feel like talking on the phone, you can do that too. There are plenty of counsellors who can help you so check it out.
It was bullying that I receive(d) for 7 years that made me do it for the first time, it makes me feel better, relieves all the stress in my life. I would tell someone, but I don't have a good relationship with my parents, and my only friend wont be able to cope with it. I feel I'm too young for it to be taken seriously. As well as just harming I overdose, and sometimes I'm scared it will go too far, but yest I want it too. Thank you for reading this, it's good to know people care.
I just took out a couple of bits on your post which might be difficult for others to read, especially if they are vulnerable to harming themselves. Hope that's ok. Our experts wil be responding to you soon. You might find our extensive self harm section on TheSite.org helpful too
Well done for posting, it can be really hard to open up and ask for help..
Nice - great creative thinking there
Thats a brilliant and lovely idea, thank you for sharing.
I also have a positive wall that works quite well
Hey there, it sounds like you've been having a really rough time. No distraction techniques will ever be the same as hurting yourself, so there is a degree of will power that comes in to recovery. You talk a lot about the harming and the impact it has on your life, but nothing about what made you start in the first place - try spend some time reflecting on the first time, and what how you felt to make you self-harm. Understanding how you feel before, during and after you harm will play a crucial part of your recovery. You can do this, and there is NOTHING wrong with being honest - your parents ask because they want to know. Take care.
It's alright though!
That's great! Thanks for sharing!
Not to worry, we did see what you said, but as a public forum we have to be careful. If you do want to go into more detail, the askTheSite service I linked to is a private space where you can be really open with an expert and they will give you a detailed reply
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01qzdxt
Great job guys.
yey Sam
Hello, so I am 13 and I have self harmed, I haven't done it really badly but I am worried I will get worse, I have 2 people to tell but they are also friends with my brother and I'm worried they will tell him, and I don't want my family to know.and I also feel that if I tell I will bring them down and I am worried they will think it isn't too bad and think I'm doing it for attention, I really want to tell them but I don't, it's confusing. And they might tell people, and also I'm worried it will scar. I don't know when to tell the people and If I will. I need help. And how do I distract myself?
Love from,
Blackveilbrides
I was disappointed. I have social anxiety (among other things) and it made me mad because I'd put in so much work to let her help me and then she gave up on me too. She didn't say she'd find anyone else, I just went in for my session and she sent me away, saying that she'd reevaluated my issues and decided she didn't feel like she was able to help me. The problem with me finding another counselor is the fact that I'm very shy; the thought of meeting somebody new and telling them everything that's wrong with me scares me more than anything. I've tried finding an online counselor but the only ones I've been able to find have been expensive, and I can't pay for anything because, obviously, my parents can't find out. I've been waiting for everything to 'get better', which is what people tell you will happen when you share this sort of thing, but it's just not getting easier. I'll check out the childline website, thank you.
That sounds like a good idea. I might try it, although I'd be worried in case my family found it and asked why I needed a positive book. Maybe I could try and do an online version or something. I'm a creative kind of person, so art really helps me distract myself. It can be seriously therapeutic.
Also, are we allowed to share websites? Because I know a couple that might be helpful, they're online diaries, where you can write whatever you want, and the only person that sees it is you. There's also one where as well as a diary, you can track how happy or stressed (or whatever other things you want to track) you are each day.
The little love.
Yeah we are allowed to share websites,well I think we are anyway.