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Self Harm Awareness Day - Expert Special on coping tips and distractions
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So if using a red pen usually helps you, I guess you need something that you can see. Some people find that using a washable tattoo or transfer helps - and as it fades you can imagine the stress going away with it.
Ever since I came to university in September, I've started using self harm as a coping technique. I've been finding it really hard and stressful being away from home/keeping up with uni work I get overwhelmed and before I know if I've cut myself. I've got some people who I'd call friends, but I don't think we're close enough for me to burden with this. I can't talk to my parents, because I know they'd freak out and I don't want to worry them. I've got scars and I'm scared about my parents noticing them when I come home for Easter.
How can I deal with my emotions without resorting to cutting? I really don't want to do this anymore, I feel so weak for doing it.
I've tried covering mirrors with towels so that I don't pick, but I have a huge mirror in my room, so it's a bit hard haha! Also I'm too shy to tell my parents as they're stressed enough as it is, so I need distraction techniques that they won't notice, thanks!
That sounds tough. Feeling self-hatred is very common in people who hurt themselves, but it IS possible to work through. Think of things that feel nice - it might be a warm bath, or getting snug under a blanket in your favourite pj's - doing things that feel nice can really help. Also, try and be your own best friend - if your best friend was feeling about him/herself how you are, what advice would you give them? Keep going, you CAN do this!
Hi funky - first of all, try not to feel weak - it really isn't a sign of weakness - and it's amazing you're looking for support. Have you got a doctor or a counsellor or student support worker you can open up to at uni? You might also find it useful to have a look at this link on meeting health professionals which might give you some food for thought...
I can't stop honestly I've tried lots of things I've even had my best friend hide my Razor but it didn't work I got another one and kept going.
I don't do my arms or anything and when I do its only one or two on the upper arms but I do on my thighs ALOT and the only one that knows is that friend that I mentioned earlier and the reasons I do it is I feel stupid .... to everyone I'm pretty and have friends but I can't help that one day once I get out of high school I wont get into college and I'll become a deadbeat like some people I know... I don't want to deal with growing up to be something I don't want to be I want (more than anything) is to become a forensic scientist but I feel as if I'm so stupid I'm going to end up not achieving that dream and dying alone of depression. I have my razor next to me on my nightstand hidden in a bag. And a friend saw the one or two cuts on my arm the other day and I'm pretty sure he didn't believe my story of my dog scratching me when I was protecting my cat.
Rachel I'm not crazy or ill or looking for attention its just helping me relieve my pain about my thoughts on my mind...
I'm not doing this because I feel ugly on the outside but I feel ugly on the inside... Help me please
I'd give the advice to them which was honest.. and to tell them not to beat themselves up over it, it's much easier than telling yourself that though. It's hard, but I guess all I can do is to continue talking about it and working through it might be the only way.
Hey there. Thank you for posting, Can you work out how this started? What happened the first time? Take a step backwards and see if you can figure that out. You have somehow managed to associate mirrors with pain, and the behaviour sounds as though it's become a real habit. You can try to do something else with your hands every time you see a mirror e.g. click your fingers - the harming it won't happen overnight and will require will power, but try and learn a new association. Good luck!
I never listened to the surgery until I started listening to Dan and Phil. In fact, I was watching Dan's video 'Self-Mutilation' today. I hadn't watched it before, and I was so glad that he picks at his skin too. I was glad I wasn't the only one, although I think it's more of a problem for me than for him.
Hi oncoming storm, our experts will try to have a look at your question but I thought you might also find it helpful to have a look at this link for young people who hear voices.
Yep, it's very hard to take your own advice. Part of overcoming self-harm can involve will power too, and having a renewed determination every day. You can do it.
So for you, the self harm seems to be linked with being away from home, and the stress of the uni work. Before you try to stop cutting, think about what you can do to make being away from home easier to manage. Are you in regular contact with people back home - do you plan for the times when you can chat or meet up with them. Perhaps the uni work stress is making you miss them more. Maybe you can get some help organising your uni work, and remember to plan some time to relax. Do you have favourite ways you like to relax, e.g. listening to music, going to the gym, or something like going to a yoga class can help to de-stress you. When you really need someone to help you, think about who is available to talk to e.g. uni student support services etc.
Hey, telling someone you're self-harming is incredibly hard, especially if you've had a bad reaction in the past. How did you tell her last time? It may be easier to talk to one of her friends and get some support that way so it's not just the 2 of you. Equally, you could try and write a letter and make sure she gets it several hours before you're going to see each other so she has time to digest things. Be brave, if you want to tell her I'm guessing it's because you need/want her help. Good luck!
Thank you! I'm not sure where it started. I've always been pretty self-conscious, I have quite frizzy hair and I never used to wear makeup, so I guess I got bullied a little for that. I didn't think it had affected me that much, but maybe it has, I don't know
It will be hard to find something that will give you the same release. Have you found and coping strategies or tips?
hi there forensicsforever - really well done for looking for support. It sounds like you are taking steps to try and get some help and help yourself - but sometimes you do need some additional support to work through the feelings you are going through. Do you have any friends you can confide in? You might find it helpful to visit your GP who might be able to help you think about how you can get some more help to talk your feelings through. Do you think you might be able to open up to someone you trust?
Hi Kelsieb,
No-one can make you stop - only you can decide if you are ready to try and cope without the self-harming. It can be hard to leave self-harm behind because in a funny way it can make you feel safe and the thought of not having it can be scary. If you feel ready to move on, then start by identifying how you feel before you hurt yourself - understanding how you feel and what makes you want to harm is the best place to start. Take care
I told her just out right, not the best idea. I don't know what to say to her, I have gone to tell her loads of times, and wrote her letters and chucked them away. Cos I felt really nervous,and worried. She has depression herself so I think that's why she acts the way she does. Like with me. I don't know if i want her help tbh cos she doesn't need to deal with this aswell as her own stuff. I just feel like it is something I need to do.
Well done for being brave. You can do this! Good luck.
Hey - have a look at my previous reply. Start by working out how you feel before you cut.
Hi Kelsieb, as Claire says, there's loads of coping tips out there - have you looked at our article of tips for distractions collected together by a group young people who told us what worked for them.
Thank you for the encouragement and advice!
TheSite has a good article on coping tips. http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm/copingtipsanddistractions