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Self Harm Awareness Day - Expert Special on coping tips and distractions

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Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    yey Sam :D

    :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there, it sounds like you've been having a really rough time. No distraction techniques will ever be the same as hurting yourself, so there is a degree of will power that comes in to recovery. You talk a lot about the harming and the impact it has on your life, but nothing about what made you start in the first place - try spend some time reflecting on the first time, and what how you felt to make you self-harm. Understanding how you feel before, during and after you harm will play a crucial part of your recovery. You can do this, and there is NOTHING wrong with being honest - your parents ask because they want to know. Take care.

    Thanks.

    I think it's a release, and a non-fatalistic means of my attacking myself/ expressing self-hatred, in a way. Inevitably, I've kept doing it because of how I feel after.

    I started because I'd just had enough -I was sick of being poorly treated by people.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Also, are we allowed to share websites? Because I know a couple that might be helpful, they're online diaries, where you can write whatever you want, and the only person that sees it is you. There's also one where as well as a diary, you can track how happy or stressed (or whatever other things you want to track) you are each day. :) I find it pretty helpful, and it's good for ranting or venting.
    Hi JustSomeone - feel free to share something that helps - we can take a look and make sure it's ok for everyone - but sounds like it might be something useful for others :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hello, so I am 13 and I have self harmed, I haven't done it really badly but I am worried I will get worse, I have 2 people to tell but they are also friends with my brother and I'm worried they will tell him, and I don't want my family to know.and I also feel that if I tell I will bring them down and I am worried they will think it isn't too bad and think I'm doing it for attention, I really want to tell them but I don't, it's confusing. And they might tell people, and also I'm worried it will scar. I don't know when to tell the people and If I will. I need help. And how do I distract myself?

    Love from,
    Blackveilbrides

    Hey there, it sounds like you're really mixed up. What would be bad about your parents knowing? Telling people can be incredibly hard but it's amazing how much people who care will want to try and help and understand. Take a step back and see if you can begin to understand how and why it started - how you were feeling and how the harming appeared to make you feel better. It depends on how you harm as to whether it will scar, but remember scars are forever and learning to accept them will be a part of your recovery. Take one day at a time, and take care.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I was disappointed. I have social anxiety (among other things) and it made me mad because I'd put in so much work to let her help me and then she gave up on me too. She didn't say she'd find anyone else, I just went in for my session and she sent me away, saying that she'd reevaluated my issues and decided she didn't feel like she was able to help me. The problem with me finding another counselor is the fact that I'm very shy; the thought of meeting somebody new and telling them everything that's wrong with me scares me more than anything. I've tried finding an online counselor but the only ones I've been able to find have been expensive, and I can't pay for anything because, obviously, my parents can't find out. I've been waiting for everything to 'get better', which is what people tell you will happen when you share this sort of thing, but it's just not getting easier. I'll check out the childline website, thank you.

    Good luck - ChildLine is free, and you can ask for help with any problem. There are also message boards where you can share your thoughts with other young people. There are also pages of information that you can read, and links to other places where you can get help. There are other free services too, so don't worry about having to pay to get help.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Even online, with people i'm never going to meet, i was worried about posting about my self harm. I have a Tumblr but people at school know the URL so i made a new one but i'm too self conscience to post anything on my mind just incase. This was such a big step so i'm just thanking all of you who have been supportive, i was so nervous about doing this. I never expected people to be so understanding, least of all people who've never met me. I've kinda always expect people to judge and none of you have. I know i'm not all of a sudden gonna stop but now i know i've always got a refuge. Actually crying my eyes out cause you people are just wonderful :)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there, it sounds like you're really mixed up. What would be bad about your parents knowing? Telling people can be incredibly hard but it's amazing how much people who care will want to try and help and understand. Take a step back and see if you can begin to understand how and why it started - how you were feeling and how the harming appeared to make you feel better. It depends on how you harm as to whether it will scar, but remember scars are forever and learning to accept them will be a part of your recovery. Take one day at a time, and take care.

    Hey Blackveilbrides - if you haven't seen it already, our article on confiding in someone might help you decide if you are ready to talk to someone and how.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't want my parents knowing because I don't want to worry them.
    I want to tell the friends though but I dont know how to
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Even online, with people i'm never going to meet, i was worried about posting about my self harm. I have a Tumblr but people at school know the URL so i made a new one but i'm too self conscience to post anything on my mind just incase. This was such a big step so i'm just thanking all of you who have been supportive, i was so nervous about doing this. I never expected people to be so understanding, least of all people who've never met me. I've kinda always expect people to judge and none of you have. I know i'm not all of a sudden gonna stop but now i know i've always got a refuge. Actually crying my eyes out cause you people are just wonderful :)

    Charlie, really pleased you have found some support here - please do feel free to stick around on TheSite boards - have a look at the rest of the forums and say hello :) Welcome!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Hey there. Do you know why you do it? What made it happen the very first time? Taking a step back and thinking about that will help you understand what makes you keep doing it now. Please consider talking to someone who cares about you - the important thing is reducing and stopping your harming, it doesn't have to be something you do on your own. Take care.
    OreoCookie wrote: »
    It was bullying that I receive(d) for 7 years that made me do it for the first time, it makes me feel better, relieves all the stress in my life. I would tell someone, but I don't have a good relationship with my parents, and my only friend wont be able to cope with it. I feel I'm too young for it to be taken seriously. As well as just harming I overdose, and sometimes I'm scared it will go too far, but yest I want it too. Thank you for reading this, it's good to know people care.

    Feel free to stick around on the forums OreoCookie for some more support - you can also use askTheSite to ask an expert privately.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't want my parents knowing because I don't want to worry them.
    I want to tell the friends though but I dont know how to

    Your parents already worry about you - it's what parents do! You could try and tell a friend by writing a letter - even sending a text. It doesn't have to be face-to-face, and it's sometimes easier not to. Go for it!
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't want my parents knowing because I don't want to worry them.
    I want to tell the friends though but I dont know how to

    I know you may be worried about speaking to your parents. because they will worry but they will only worry cos they care about you.

    Talking to your friends is a good step, :) It is hard to approach this subject though,and I guess it could depend on how close you are with them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I don't want my parents knowing because I don't want to worry them.
    I want to tell the friends though but I dont know how to

    Some parents can be really supportive, and offer you the help you need. But there's always that chance to take if you tell them or not.

    Have you got a friend you trust a lot? It can be difficult when they first hear what you're doing, but it can be helpful. My friend approached me and told me she self-harmed, and I had been the only one she trusted. She started off with telling me she needed someone to talk to and is struggling and copes in a different way to most people. I offered her that listening ear and I was able to help her through it.

    It really does depend how well you trust your friend. I'd start off by telling them you really need to talk to them, and that you would like to discuss a few things with them.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    OreoCookie wrote: »
    Feel free to stick around on the forums OreoCookie for some more support - you can also use askTheSite to ask an expert privately.

    Thank you for sharing. You can keep talking on these message boards, you can visit us at selfharm.co.uk or contact ChildLine - get used to talking about it online and the courage will come. Take care and stay safe.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,323 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Fostress wrote: »
    Hi JustSomeone - feel free to share something that helps - we can take a look and make sure it's ok for everyone - but sounds like it might be something useful for others :)

    In that case, the websites are http://750words.com andhttp://ohlife.com, they're both very similar, (both online diaries), although on 750words there are more options, and you have a goal to write 750 words each day. Ohlife is much more relaxed, they send you an email and you reply as if writing in a diary, and then your entry appears on the website, although only you can access it. :)
  • **helen****helen** Deactivated Posts: 9,235 Supreme Poster
    Closing this thread now guys as Rachel and Mark have logged out now. Thanks so much for coming online, asking questions and sharing support.

    Take a look around TheSite and its many forums - you may find that some act as distractions and ways of coping themselves! e.g. Anything goes, Travel & Freetime, Sex and Relationships - there's so much to chat about!

    There's also selfharm.co.uk and of course ChildLine for up to 19 year-olds - they have message boards like this as well as one-to-one chat and the phone line.

    Take care :wave:
This discussion has been closed.