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I don't really understand this
Borderlines need consistency and he is anything but consistent.
That's not true at all. Everyone has their difficulties but that doesn't mean that they are unlovable or can't find someone to be happy with. You will find that person, maybe not tomorrow or next week but you'll find them. It's not worth settling for someone shit because you think they are all you can get. You are better off without your ex, even if he did do what he did because you were too much (which I doubt), that just shows how much he wasn't right for you and doesn't deserve you. Blaming yourself is completely futile.
Everyone needs stability, not just 'borderlines'. It's a basic requirement of a relationship for most people.
Too much for *him* to cope with. Aside from the fact that that's probably nonsense anyway, that is only a reflection on him and your suitability for each other. Someone else may cope spectacularly with you because you're amazing and worth putting in the effort for.
I'm kind of in two minds about everyone saying he's a massive cockbag, because I know how my mentality takes people saying that (i tend to go on a big bleurgh about how I can't even keep a cockbag and so how am I supposed to keep someone nice - yay me!). I don't think it's his fault that he found you difficult to cope with but it's absolutely not your fault either. It just means you weren't right for each other and that's ok.
It just occurred to me (in a rare show of optimism on my part) that maybe he's not responding because he thinks it would give you false hope. That doesn't mean it's the right thing to do, but the right thing to do is often hard to work out in these kind of situations.
I think you need to make sure you keep yourself busy - knit, read, play games. Keep your mind distracted and soon you won't be thinking of him at all.
Love you lots x
Yes, you're quite right. I suppose I meant that it's even more destructive to have someone constantly going off screwing other people if one has BPD. Which is pretty much what this fine specimen of a man did.
Nice people are generally easier to keep though. Because, even if a relationship ends, they do it in a reasonable and a sensible manner. They don't throw their toys out of the pram, screw a random three days later, and then try and say it's because you made them do it.
Sorry to go off on a tangent, aspergers never excuses poor behaviour but they just don't see the impact it has on others. They tend to view things very black and white. Just trying to help you see that IF he is an aspie then he may just not understand the implications of what he has done. Nothing excuses what he did of course, it just may explain his aparrent lack of empathy.
Also it may be what franki says is that he doesn't want to give you false hope. My friend left her boyfriend of 3 years a year ago and he kept trying to stay in contact for months in hope they'd get back together. In the end she just had to give him the cold shoulder because it wasn't going to happen and it's unfair to drag the pain out. My ex also did it to me, it seems cruel but there could be a reason for it. I suppose my end message is to try not and get caught up in it. I'm not sure what things of yours he has but it may just be worth just leaving it and walking away with your head held high (or at least appearing to).
I don't know you but this statement annoyed me.
Putting aside your illness, his illness, and everything else...ultimately we are all responsible for our own actions.
If you insist that you made life very difficult for him, i will say fine, but if he was finding it far too difficult the decent thing to do would have been to be honest about it and leave you.
Not go and sleep with someone else and then blame it on you.
That is the behaviour of someone not so decent, putting it mildly.
It's also his responsibility and his alone. Don't convince yourself that it's your behaviour that drove him to it. Even had you not been ill he would have eventually found another excuse to do the dirty on you. Because it's in his character.
You can't see this because you are still hero worshipping him. One day you will look back and think "what a dickhead". I hope.
So it's been nearly 6 months and I'm doing ok about it I think
I've forgiven him for the things he's done. I understand a bit more about what happened - I know I didn't believe him before, but I truly believe that he didn't cheat on me with this girl, and that he didn't leave me for her. She had clearly been on the sidelines waiting, but I do feel better about it. I still hate her, can't stand the idea of ever seeing them together, but I think that's OK
He has been getting help with his problems and he seems a lot happier and that's really nice to see. He seems to have better ways of dealing with things - and I know that he is deeply sorry for any hurt he caused me. I have my stuff back and when we saw each other it was OK. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss him somewhat. I know it sounds really lame, but I was so in love with him and I did think we'd spend forever together
I'm seeing someone new and I think this experience has affected my relationship with the new guy a little bit, but I'm still hoping that if it's going to work it will do
Thanks for all the help you gave me in this thread