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Thanks. Just can't help dwelling on what this means about me. Argh I'm doing such a crap job of moving on.
Before this happened I was struggling - my mental health just seemed to slowly be deteriorating, and waking up each day was horrible. It would get to about 7pm and I would have 'spent' all my emotional energy and end up in bed in bits.
This is really too much for me to deal with. I was struggling through daily life as it was and now I'm just broken. I really don't know what I have left to live for. The pain just won't go away. Things are only set to get worse.... My lack of doing anything constructive for the last 2 months means I'm probably going to get kicked out of uni come January and then I really do have nothing, no routine, nothing.
I wish I was brave enough to do something about it, I'm just so scared of getting it wrong and ending up having fucked everything up but not dead.
I hope things do not look so black for you this morning.
It sounds as though on top of what has happened with your boyfriend you might be depressed. Have you had a look at our Mental Health section on TheSite? Lots of advice useful links to people that may be able to help you take the first step towards feeling better.
We're all here to listen to you as well.
I spent last night with a few friends, and one of them pretty much spent the whole time texting her boyfriend. I know it's horrible to be all bitter and jealous, but I just want people to stop doing things that remind me of what's happened
Yeah I've done all that. It's more seeing something on TV / walking past something / someone saying something if that makes sense. I guess it's just one of those 'it will get easier with time' things
I keep thinking about what if he's no longer with this girl, what if he needs me to be his friend. He doesn't have many friends at all. And I know things are bad for him at the moment. I feel cruel to have deserted him.
This is such a tough situation and you are so strong to get through this *hug*
It seems like not only did the fact that you broke up hurt you, but missing him as he was your best friend has really affected you. It's true what they say that break ups can feel like you have lost the person forever and it's hard to accept this. However it does seem like a good idea to limit contact as this usually helps the moving on. And remember you need to do this for you rather then what he needs from you - putting yourself first here is important.
You say you have the support of you friends which is good, what about family? It can help to call a friend of yours whenever you feel the need to call him - and this can help get rid of the habit of needing to call or speak to him. If you're sometimes feeling very down and want to speak to someone anonymously try calling the Samaritans as they can be helpful in dealing with emotional feelings.
In terms of coping with reminders; it's hard as you say, and takes time. Try to be patient with yourself and give yourself the time to get through this. One day you'll see this and that and he won't even cross your mind - eventually it will feel better *hug*
You're still clinging on to a hope that he needs you, that he's left this girl, that he cannot carry on without you. I completely understand why you are clinging on to this hope, I really do, but you need to see it for what it is. You're still in a place where you want him to need you and you're creating scenarios in your mind where he does indeed need you and you can be his saviour. The truth is, unfortunately, very different. I think you know this in your heart and, with time, you will fully appreciate it.
I don't say that to be mean or unkind, but as a way of showing how you need to move on. If he fucks up his life after leaving you then that is not your concern or your fault, it is his fault. He may fuck it up but he made his choices; he made his bed and he can lie in it.
I think the fact that you are blaming yourself for a situation he created is rather telling. He cut you off from his social life. He did it. The fact that you're there blaming yourself, and that he's someone who's more than happy to blame you, says everything about that man. You said he was "angry" when you said you weren't going to talk to him. Question why: he made that decision when he left you and cut you out of his social life.
All I will say is that to be so concerned about his feelings after he deserted you (which he did, not the other way around) you must be a really really lovely person.
I'm not blaming myself. I know that he created all of this, and we're not talking because of him... but I would hate for him to be suffering alone and have noone to talk to because of me.
There's nothing wrong with wanting someone to be ok. But that's not what you're doing. You're beating yourself up because you've decided he's not ok and that you have caused it.Neither is true.
I haven't decided he's not OK. I said 'what if'. I know I haven't caused it. I only feel bad because IF he does need someone, I've cut myself off from him.
I dont think its that he hates you, as to why he hasnt done these things, I think its because he is a grade A cock.
Read the last few posts.
I don't think he hates you, I just think he has precisely zero empathy or sympathy for your situation. Which is why he's a grade A donkey dong and you are not.
Being a complete buttmunch is not something you've forced him to be, it is something he has chosen to be all by himself. Understanding the difference between the two is the key to moving on.
Why does it matter to you? So you can make me feel even more shit about it all?
HE has hurt YOU. If you hurt yourself too then it won't make any difference to him, but you'll hurt even more. That doesn't make sense. Try to start to heal yourself instead of punishing yourself for someone else being horrible.
It won't hurt forever chicken, and you've got all of us on your side
Thank you
I was quite sensible I hope. I gathered up all the stuff that reminded me of him and gave it to my housemate and got a few hugs from him. I had a shower. I tried to call my out of hours mental health team but got told there was noone in the office
I did have about an hour long conversation with him. Just asked for my stuff back but apparently he's already sent it. And other stuff - just wanted to make sure he's OK. He isn't really. I don't want to go into a lot of detail here but I've made sure he knows that he can always come to me if he has noone else. I know that plan isn't ideal and it probably isn't what I should have done, but hopefully it means I can worry less and so feel less like getting in contact with him. I've deleted his numbers (again - a friend is looking them after for me).
I know I've said this a million times, but it's still true. I could cope with him leaving me, and I think I could have coped with him having left me for someone else. But it's WHO he left me for, and because of WHO means we can't be friends, and because of that... I've lost my best friend. That's just so hard.
It's 2 months to the day today since we broke up, and I honestly didn't think I'd still feel this bad 2 months on. I feel like I've got nowhere. Everything is still so painful. I slept with a good friend and sort of hoped that would make me feel better, force me to move on, realise there are other fish in the sea etc, but it didn't. I just spent a lot of time crying. :rolleyes:
I know how pathetic I sound, and I know that I keep making all the wrong choices. I really HATE that I'm still like this. I really wish it would all go away, but it won't. I know that my friends are going to get fed up of me for keeping on going. I really am trying to move on, but I don't know how. I feel like I'm totally incompatible with relationships. How do I stop the next one ending up like this? Something about me drove him to be like this. Something like this. He was perfectly nice when I first met him. My ridiculous behaviour and stupid self moulded him into someone capable of doing the things he has done. I deserved it. It's all my fault. And unless I can change the same thing will happen again. And I need help to change, and I'm not going to get it.