My boyfriend left me for a 16 year old

Former Member

I'm still really struggling.

Former Member

Suggests to me that he is a bit of a weirdo. You're deffo not the one with a problem, it's him.


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Former Member

I know. I could cope with losing my boyfriend, but finding it harder to cope with losing my best friend in addition to finding out about this.

Former Member

Its ok to be struggling but, as MrG says, it's him that's the weird loser not you. Better off rid. In time you'll feel that too:-)

Former Member

I had a partner who cheated on me with and left me for someone well younger... which tbh is really weird
but learnt your well better off without! if someone can do that no matter what age the other person is then they ain't worth your love

Former Member

yellowseahorse wrote: »

I'm still really struggling.

*hug* being left for someone else, younger or otherwise is really horrible. With time, it does get easier. It's no reflection on you, or the person you are at all.

Former Member

There is something quite creepy about a grown man going for a 16 year old so maybe you've had a lucky escape....

I think its quite common for guys in relationships to have their head turned by younger girls.

It's also quite common for them to think the grass is greener on the other side and later find out that it really isn't.

Former Member

Hmm. She was always in the background too and I had friends of his warn me about the crush she had on him.

But I've cut contact with him. It was a hard phone call, but he didn't really give me a reason to stay in touch. I let him know that he still meant something to me and for him to take care of himself, and I wished him the best of luck with uni etc. He was angry and then upset but agreed it was probably for the best.

I know I'm going to crash later and regret this massively. I just hope with the support of my friends I can get through this the other side.

Andy

Seahorse, it sounds like you dealt with it in a really good way. That must have been a difficult phonecall but it sounds like you gave him a dignified goodbye. I know it will suck, but there's some good ideas from other people on how to deal with it - http://www.thesite.org/community/reallife/voxpops/howdoyoudealwithabreakup

Stay happy and let us know how you get on.

Andy

Former Member

youve done well. Thats brilliant damage limitation. Yes it will hurt, You cant get away from that, but cutting contact will make for an immeasurably quicker and easier recovery than having your face rubbed in him and his child-girlfriend.

Former Member

Thanks. I still google her twitter account which is like hitting self destruct over and over again, but I'm hoping I'll learn soon.

Former Member

Definitely his loss.

How did you find out that he was dating this 16 year old? Damage limitation is good but make sure your friends know and respect the need to not talk about him/spread gossip back to you.

Former Member

Yeah, he must be a bit weird to run off with someone still in their school uniform. If she's been hanging around in the background sounds like it's more to do with him massaging his own ego. Leave them to it, doubt it will last long anyway and then he'll feel like a tit.

Former Member

clementine_the_tangerine wrote: »

Definitely his loss.

How did you find out that he was dating this 16 year old? Damage limitation is good but make sure your friends know and respect the need to not talk about him/spread gossip back to you.

He told me. And he deleted all of my friends (and me) from Facebook so I think it'll be OK.

Former Member

ahh what a knobber

lots of tlc to you *hug*

Former Member

Have you thought it might be worth blocking her on twitter, stops you inadvertently wanting to go for a look?


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Former Member

G-Raffe wrote: »

Have you thought it might be worth blocking her on twitter, stops you inadvertently wanting to go for a look?


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I've blocked her. I was never following her in the first place - however if I go on her profile I can still see all her tweets. Makes no sense really.

Former Member

Take a step back and think of what you're doing, getting obsessed over the tweets of a 16 year old. I don't mean it to sound harsh, I'm saying it just so you can see it and how silly it sounds. You have done nothing wrong, so it is bound to feel weird about how you are feeling considering you are the one person out of the three of you who has done nothing.


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Former Member

yellowseahorse wrote: »

I've blocked her. I was never following her in the first place - however if I go on her profile I can still see all her tweets. Makes no sense really.

ah that's annoying. would you be able to block the web address on parental controls if find yourself getting tempted? i just tried looking at mine to see if it worked and apparently i am not administrator and cannot do it. rude

Former Member

I'm hoping I'm mostly over looking at her tweets.

Laying awake wondering whether I've done the right thing I really did want to stay friends because we had a lot of fun together, fun we could still have as friends. If say in 3 months time I feel ready to start building a relationship with him again he may want nothing to do with me because I've been so mean by cutting contact

Former Member

yellowseahorse wrote: »

I'm hoping I'm mostly over looking at her tweets.

Laying awake wondering whether I've done the right thing I really did want to stay friends because we had a lot of fun together, fun we could still have as friends. If say in 3 months time I feel ready to start building a relationship with him again he may want nothing to do with me because I've been so mean by cutting contact

It's not mean to cut contact with someone who's left you for someone else. It's perfectly reasonable.

Former Member

you have done the right thing. it's not possible to go from a relationship that didn't end too well to just friends in the blink of an eye. wait until you've both moved on (not relationships moved on, just in a different bit of life with a different frame of mind) before maybe trying to initiate some contact. he probably won't remember in a few months or more how angry/upset he is now.

**helen**

You've definitely done the right thing yellow - it can be scary to take control of a situation if you're used to letting others call the shots, but try not to lose perspective - you're the one who has been hurting and you've mentioned he's the one who has deleted you and your friends from FB. All that you're doing is self-preserving and creating space for the two of you - that's not being mean, it's being mature.

Former Member

If he's trying to spin it as you being "mean" then that says more about him than you. You need the time and space to grieve and move on and talking to him all the time won't allow that. If you try and maintain a friendship now you'll feel hurt every time he doesn't reply to a text. And, worse, you'll get your hopes up if he is kind.

The mature thing to do is to give yourself the breathing space. If he's worth staying friends with then a few months won't make any difference. I actually suspect that you'll not actually be bothered in a few months.

Former Member

agree with all of the above. if he cant see that you are acting maturely then he needs to grow up. i know you're hurting but i wanted to let you know how well i think you're doing. keep looking after yourself

Former Member

*hug* Thanks guys

Former Member

Ahh, it's the little things - like logging onto my Xbox and being greeted with his profile.

Despite the things he did to hurt me, he was an awesome friend and looked after me and listened when it really mattered. He was there to sit through every psych appointment with me and take me to my limited therapy sessions. He even sat with me for hours helping me revise a couple of times. It doesn't matter how many times someone tells me he's a dick, I still miss him. I can't believe we've gone from talking nearly every day to not at all. I miss my best friend.

Former Member

I split up with my boyfriend of a year quite recently and, although I've moved on from the relationship side of things, I do really miss our friendship. He was very supportive too, but for various reasons it just wasn't going to work out, and that is so hard to come to terms with when you do really get along with someone.

I don't really know what advice to give... I'm still trying to figure that one out for my own situation too but I wanted to send you some hugs *hug*

Former Member

I think when you miss someone you focus on the good times not the bad, regardless of the balance between good times and bad. Its natural. Even the most abusive relationship has plenty of highs (not that yours was, but you know what I mean). It's normal to remember the good times and miss him.

All I can suggest is you think about the times he hurt you too. Get the perspective from that.

Former Member

Blergh. I feel so so crap I already didn't really like myself, and this just shows how crap I am.

Former Member

yellowseahorse wrote: »

Blergh. I feel so so crap I already didn't really like myself, and this just shows how crap I am.

You are not crap at all. He chose to be a grade A oxygen thief and do this, he didnt have to. You are a good and lovely person.