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Dog Names?!
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Essential support for under 25s
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:banghead::banghead::banghead:
Right, you've changed your story, you've posted different things and taken everything out of proportion.
Animals for Xmas presents without prior discussion is a BAD idea, what would you have done if you couldn't find it a loving home, quite possibly given it to the RSPCA which then uses further charity resources re homing/caring for it.
Your father clearly did not think it through, this is proven by the fact that of your own omission you CAN NOT look after this animal, this clearly makes it a bad present.
SO now that you gone off on one, being a bit "pissy" and "whiney" clearly proves you're not fit to look after a dog
Soph - your original post was misleading. I also thought he'd just gone out and bought you a puppy. The backstory adds details that make it make a bit more sense. BUT. It was still a bad gift for you. You may have a dog and cat at your parents' house but you don't live there and I assume your dad knows that. It was a little silly of him to assume that your landlord would let you keep it there. However, I wouldn't assume that he knows how unwell you are so I'll just work on the assumption that he thought you could convince the landlord.
That said, he should have spoken to you first. But given the circumstances of him acquiring the dog, I'll let that slide.
Suzy didn't say anywhere that you abandoned it or any of the blanket statements you've claimed that she made. I think she was right to be a little sceptical but ultimately everyone agrees that you did the right thing.
Everyone else - yes, Suzy was right. Yes, Sophie and Em got a little abrasive. That doesn't mean she gets to make patronising and frankly dangerous statements about about people "patting each other's backs" while slicing their wrists. I don't give a flying monkeys who you are or how long you've been here or whether you self harm yourself. Comments like that aren't appropriate on this forum, particularly in this section where there will be people coming across it unexpectedly. I also have thought since the beginning of the thread that she went about saying what she did in the wrong way - it all seemed very distant and infomercial like, something that belonged more in p&d than a thread like this. There are ways of saying what was said that might not have put their backs up.
Obviously Sophie is really sad that she had to give the puppy to another family, but I actually think she made the decision much more for herself than for the dog. I think she'd have looked after it amazingly but that it would have been detrimental to her own health to do so.
TL;DR: shut the fuck up, the lot of you. You're only making shit worse.
You're telling us to all STFU yet you're commenting with you're own opinions like mother superior,
Yes you're comments are correct, in fact you just regurgitated what everyone else said but you have NO GOD DAMN right to tell anyone else to STFU, get off your high horse.
Except I said it in a way that wasn't "OMG SOPHIE YOU'RE SO WRONG TO BE MAD LET ME TELL YOU HOW WRONG YOU ARE BY BEING A FUCKING COCKBAG". You're all getting angry and heated over something which is essentially done and dusted. Just for the sake of getting angry, apparently, since you've just gone off on one at me despite agreeing with me.
And no, I don't have authority. What I do have that apparently you ALL lack is the ability to see it from both perspectives. I know Sophie pretty well so I know that yeah, she took it personally when it wasn't personal. Because obviously she was excited about the dog since she posted about it and all. I also know that were she in a better mental position she would have been able to give it everything it could ever have needed. So having someone repeatedly talking about how dogs are terrible gifts, when she's just had to give it away (and yeah there's a difference between "got rid of it" and "gave it up", because the former has much stronger implications that it was unwanted) because she is too unwell to look after it probably made her feel even worse.
Like I said - Suzy was right. But a bit of sensitivity from everyone would have helped and right now you're all flogging a dead horse.
Oh, and do forgive me for trying to calm the thread down and trying to keep it free from things which are fucking well irrelevant, deliberately inflammatory, and potentially dangerous. And being as I helped to put the guidelines in place which agree with keeping shit like that out of AG, I think you'll find I actually do have an authority on that one.
The only thing about your post which annoys me is your "im going to tell you what to do", its you're superiority complex which annoys me tbh.
Right.
Except that's your opinion. And not one that was relevant to this thread. Sophie and Em weren't the ones who made the thread about thesite dying. I'm on my phone and can't go look while typing this, but iirc, Em actually posted in there with suggestions for the OP.
Even if I were to agree that the boards are mostly used for crisis users these days, that doesn't mean it's ok to make judgmental statements about patting each other on the back - everyone deals with things differently and if that helps them, who am I to criticise? I've never seen anyone encourage or promote self harm, only support one another by telling them it's ok once the deed has been done.
And even if I'm wrong, it's still not cool to put potentially triggering language in an irrelevant thread. Some people choose to stay out of h&wb because they know they could be triggered. If they were to come across your comments it could be seriously damaging. You can say it doesn't matter all you like, but the guidelines weren't formed from nothing. We used real experiences and concerns to build them.
I was also at a seminar on self harm at YouthNet HQ a couple of weeks ago and everyone there agreed that having a safe place on forums like this is really important. Somewhere they can go where they don't have to worry about seeing things they don't want to see.
#LeadersHatOn
If you really believe that TheSite is becoming like that, though, send a message over to Helen or one of the Leaders (I think we're having a chat soon actually) with your reasons for thinking it and I'm sure we'll talk it over because we'd hate for people to see us in that way.
Give it a rest already.
Well if you will act like children.
I've already explained why Sophie acted how she did. But getting self-righteous at her had already been proven ineffective.
I don't have a superiority complex at all. Do you even know me?! I just don't like seeing anyone ganged up on, particularly by people who are more than twice her age in some instances (sorry Slarti, you really are that old mate). It does nobody any good, and how are new users going to feel seeing this thread now? Descending into catfighting, pedantry, and some ridiculous behaviour? All of you (including Sophie and Em, though at least they have age as something vaguely resembling an excuse) should know better. And you know I'm right.
I do have superiority in one sense though - I managed to get through to Sophie in a way that didn't bring her stubborn cow side back out
And if you're really going to get your butt out of joint because I was the only one trying to be diplomatic and stop you all being twats, then you need to take a good look at yourself love. Sometimes people need someone to step up and try and bring order back. What's your excuse for being self-righteous?
They are responsible for their actions, which is why they go to places where they believe they won't find anything that they know might break their resistance to an urge they're already fighting. If we can help just one person fight the urge then I don't give a crap if they're the ones responsible. To me, it's worth doing.
You're free to disagree, but I can pretty much guarantee that the mods will agree with me. The guidelines are there for a reason. You can go on about how subjective the concept of triggering is and that you think it's meaningless, but you know full well that what you wrote falls under that umbrella. The imagery of it is fucking horrible and it makes even me uncomfortable - not even in a triggering way, but I'll be damned if I want that image in my head. If you don't like the guidelines, that's a shame. But they clearly aren't there for your benefit.
But people know there may be triggering things in the support threads so choose not to use them.
I dont know the alternative and im not saying its entirely bad, but honestly, fuck off with the rules about not mention something possibly triggering, when the chances are, any triggeree to it, would probably be "triggered" by someone farting in the wrong direction.
You may not want the image in your head of what i said, but its exactly the image i have in my head when i visit these boards now and many many MANY others
it doesnt work like that. Which of the SHing members of this site avoid those threads?? They dont, they go on it as they think theyre the only ones that understand and can help. It then reinforces the behaviour as normal, and then they have an easy excuse that they read something triggering. They all then start doing it, all message each other about it, it becomes some sort of secret group who all "understand" each other. Just go to "active posts" and see the percentage of posts which are about SH.
I brought up a very valid point in this thread about people giving animals as presents as though theyre objects. Something that is widely discouraGED by ALL the animal welfare charities and with good reason. Call the RSPCA and tell them theyre stereotyping if you must, and then in marches fucking franki patronisingly mansplaining that people should be ashamed of themselves and shpould be more sensitive because the OP is somehow vulnerable or something.
Well if you want people to come to these boards and it to be effective, then you want people to have something to talk about when theyre NOT in the grip of madness and crisis too
Me?
I honestly think though that theyre more damaging than anything, and many people in the middle of a SHing phase WILL go and be on those threads though, so there is nothing really thats protecting people
I have had valid points to make - both of the points ive made are worth discussing, so maybe try and get your head around them rather than attempting to block.
Im not against people talking about and getting support for personal issues. I do have a problem when its at the expense of ALL OTHER CONVERSATION
Franki looked at it from BOTH points of view, which settled the whole thing, but no, you have to be right about everythingggggg. Well baby girl, that's not always going to happen.