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Stalking/Harrassment

Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
I'd really appreciate if people would throw in their thoughts and feelings on the subject of harrassment and stalking.

Do people think that enough is done in this country to protect us/you from unhealthily obsessive people?

I would compare stalking to being burgled, in that a lot of the core emotions invoked in the victim must be very similar. Fear, the sense of being invaded, etc.

Any thoughts on the psychology of people who would stalk, or would willingly invade someone's space, knowing full well that their advances are neither appropriate or welcome?

I would just like anyone who wishes to contribute to throw some ideas in here. I have always set boundaries that I stick by no matter what. If I break up with someone, for example, I will not contact them in any way that they can't ignore. I may email, I may text, I will do neither obsessively. I certainly won't turn up at their door or threaten to do so, not without prior consent at the very least. I won't call them either as a general rule. Obviously there can be exceptions, where there are joint property or custody issues to sort out (neither of which I have had experience of).

I also have boundaries on personal information. Even if I come to hate someone I will not abuse their privacy. I won't distribute information, physical or otherwise, about them.

Surely these are just basic decencies and not anything special?

Please contribute if you can...

Comments

  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I wouldn't compare it to being burgled, unless that burglary was continual on a weekly or daily basis. Stalking can seep into a person's daily life, terrorise them and in some unfortunate cases, kill them.

    The problem with things like stalking etc, is that individual occurrences aren't often enough to warrant police action and the stalkers often know this to do enough, but not too much if you know what I mean? The best person to predict whether a stalker may become dangerous is the person being stalked.
    Any thoughts on the psychology of people who would stalk, or would willingly invade someone's space, knowing full well that their advances are neither appropriate or welcome?

    Narcissistic Personality Disorder
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    go_away wrote: »
    I wouldn't compare it to being burgled, unless that burglary was continual on a weekly or daily basis. Stalking can seep into a person's daily life, terrorise them and in some unfortunate cases, kill them.

    That's a valid point. I guess I was just trying to say that the set of feelings would be similar although the duration and progression of those feelings would certainly make a huge difference i agree.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Yeah, I knew what you were getting at re: violation and vulnerability

    I think an episode of Panorama concerning stalking is still up... Yep, tis here (small warning: there are audio recordings of violence and threats)
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    In what way do you mean "is enough done?" It does depend on what the victim feels is needed.

    I am not going to go into too much information; but I have been accused of harassment.

    There was a case last week where a man was jailed for stalking / harassing an ex. Although, part of me was thinking that maybe if she did certain things, then it would be harder for him...
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Stalking is one of those things where the same actions of the person doing the stalking can be construed by acceptable to some people, and crossing the line to another.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    What worries me is that a lot of the language in the media around stalking is reminiscent of how certain people talk about rape.

    That is, if only the women worked a bit harder at preventing it the poor old police wouldn't be bothered.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    Although, part of me was thinking that maybe if she did certain things, then it would be harder for him...

    Like what? Why should someone change the way they live their lives just so they aren't made to feel uncomfortable by someone else.

    Like piccolo said - this reeks of the "oh, if [girl] wasn't wearing such a short skirt/wasn't drunk/whatever, she wouldn't have been raped".
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    There was a case last week where a man was jailed for stalking / harassing an ex. Although, part of me was thinking that maybe if she did certain things, then it would be harder for him...


    The fact that he was jailed suggests that a jury of peers felt that his actions were excessive too. That's a reasonable barometer wouldn't you say, regardless of anything she could have done. However, like Franki and piccolo, I don't think that is a defence for him anyway.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Like what? Why should someone change the way they live their lives just so they aren't made to feel uncomfortable by someone else.

    In this particular case, she was stalked on Facebook too. It's not that hard to block someone. I wasn't talking about some major decision.
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    Melian wrote: »
    In this particular case, she was stalked on Facebook too. It's not that hard to block someone. I wasn't talking about some major decision.

    It's not that hard to block someone.

    It's also not that hard to make another account.

    And another account.

    And another account.

    See where I'm going with this?

    This is somewhat of a sensitive subject to me at the moment, and someone said, "Why don't you just block any PMs?" to me today. I asked why I should stop everybody on this site from contacting me just because of one person. Why should I have to change MY behaviour because someone else wants to make my life difficult?
  • Former MemberFormer Member Posts: 1,876,324 The Mix Honorary Guru
    I never tell someone to "just block them" without making some effort to speak to the offender first. At least then if they do it again they can get nicked.
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