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Porn and expectations of sex
BillieTheBot
Posts: 8,721 Bot
Do you think porn, or more specifically hardcore porn and the accessibility of it, gives men/boys unrealistic expectations of sex?
Was talking about it on another site and most people seem to think it does and that because of porn, all young lads now expect hard anal sex, spitroasting and threesomes as the norm, and im not quite sure thats true.
Girls - do you feel under pressure to perform like porn stars do?
lads - do you expect girls to always do wild stuff?
Was talking about it on another site and most people seem to think it does and that because of porn, all young lads now expect hard anal sex, spitroasting and threesomes as the norm, and im not quite sure thats true.
Girls - do you feel under pressure to perform like porn stars do?
lads - do you expect girls to always do wild stuff?
Beep boop. I'm a bot.
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Of course there are exceptions but alot of guys, especially young 15 to 16 year olds, think that women start have multiple orgasms soon as they touch you and cant wait to have you spunk all over your face.
Even the ones who are a bit more realistic pick up 'tips' from porn that are just not the right way to do things i.e. being fingered with 2 fingers straighter than straight like a pnuematic drill.... no thanks!
Anal sex has always been something that young couples do, in the past it was to protect vaginal virginity before marriage and it has always been something 'naughty' and therefore exciting. I think men have always wanted oral sex, and to ejaculate in the woman's mouth; even back in Roman times it was seen as unclean to do this, so the only women who ever did it were prostitutes.
However I think there's an expectation for anal sex to enter a relationship much earlier on, even with a one night stand. I think younger men almost feel like they have to ejaculate over the woman's face, as though that's how it is done. Perhaps the biggest change in the last ten years has been the desire for women (and even men now) to shave or wax all their pubic hair off; it wasn't something that happened so much even ten years ago.
Older people can generally understand that porn is selling a fantasy that can never be fulfilled- you don't see much vanilla porn because you can have vanilla sex at home, and real life sex with a real-life woman is ALWAYS better than having a hand shandy. But you're less likely to explore the more extreme parts of sex, like deep throat oral or harder BDSM, in real life because more women don't enjoy it than do.
I think the biggest issue is that the only sex education that many people really get is through porn. I don't mean putting condoms on cucumbers and understanding what pregnancy is, I mean the down and dirty. When you're a younger teen you want to know what your peers look like naked, and generally you don't see books with attractive people having normal sex. Books at my school were filled with fat old Germans playing volleyball with no clothes on, and that doesn't tell you anything. It doesn't tell you what a clitoris looks like.
There were a few books issued in the 70s from Germany that DID show actual teenagers doing what teenagers do- cuddling, kissing and fingers and tops pretty much- and German teen magazines until recently had sections with naked teens and sex education in them. But they were banned because of the great fear of child pornography. Perhaps rightly so, but it is a shame that the only people showing kids what other naked teens look like are the hardcore porno websites.
The whole youth thing is a bit of a strange one, IMHO. There's such a patholigical fear of anything "child pornography" related (to the extent that one of the childbirth videos we were given had the newborns' genitals pixellated), yet every single porno site seems to focus on "virgin teens". Either that or you're a sad old MILF at 23. And girls spend years desperate to be grown up and a woman, and then the second they get any signs of being sexually mature they wax them off.
It's a real shame, because it means kids don't get the education that they should. When I was 14 I wanted to know that my changing body was normal and I wanted to know what girls my age looked like with no clothes on. A book that showed me that, without the anal hoopla you get with hardcore porn, would have been wonderful but the closest I could get was the Usborne books, which had drawings rather than photos.
But it is no wonder that schools are too scared to show these types of photos. Does anyone else remember the scandal when Robert Winston, in the series "The Human Body", dared to show photos of pubescent teens? Using time delay photography he showed what happened to a girl's breasts and what happened to a boy's penis and testicles during puberty, from age 10 to age 20. Really informative (I was 15 when it came out IIRC) but if a teacher showed that to kids now they'd be sacked before you could say "sex offender".
I've actually run into problems in my own relationship which partly stems from unhealthy views on what's normal when it comes to sex. I'm however not convinced that it's all down to porn but I am not sure every man/boy is able to realise that all this hardcore sex in porn isn't pure joy for real women.
So perhaps in a way it's true that sex ed is lacking and kids are getting more and more information from porn which is not exactly the most realistic of places to get it from.
I will admit that I'm pretty inexperienced in the sex department. I've only ever had one boyfriend and we only did "it" about two and a half times, but as far as just talking to guys goes, I haven't really met any who seem to expect girls to perform like porn stars. They may fantasize about it, and at 13 when they've just discovered porn they might even think that's really what sex is like. I think as they get older and experience things for themselves, though, they start to get a better grasp on it.
And to the comment that hardcore sex isn't appealing to "real" women... speak for yourself. xP
I taught a session a while back (I volunteer for a charity that goes to schools and teaches sex ed) and was so surprised about what a particular group of 15 year old boys thought. Everything they knew was from watching porn, so they had SUCH a warped view, and didn't understand much of the basics. So they thought that a guy pulling out and cumming on a girl's chest was 1) to stop the girl getting pregnant and b) because "girls like that". They didn't understand about how the pulling out method wasn't a form of contraception, and their ideas on girls + sex were really quite weird....
maybe not then
Yes and no.
Boy, despite being mostly wonderful, does insist on wanting me to do stuff like deepthroating (which is fun, don't get me wrong, but I don't think he realises that it's not so easy to do it for long periods of time), or letting him cum on my face (which I haven't let him do, because I'm still getting over my little OH GOD THAT'S SO GROSS OH GOD deal). But for the most part, he knows that he's going to enjoy it more if I'M enjoying it, and so he needs to let me do what I'm comfortable doing, and all of the spitroasting and threesomes and stuff? Nah.
That said, I do shave. Not because I think it's sexier (because stubble rash is TOTES sexy, and stuff), but because I just don't have the patience to trim it and I can't be dealing with blood in my hair when I'm periody, because yeuch. I also seem to acquire boys who become fascinated with the idea of anal sex with me, despite not ever wanting it before with anyone else. I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not...
Whereas I think guys did used to be grateful for fingers and tops, now there's an expectation that the girl, any girl, will drop their knickers as soon as look at them. Guys who are more confident will expect the girl to perform all sorts of weird and wonderful things on them, and be dissatisfied when they don't. Guys who aren't confident will just feel completely depressed when the girl they fancy doesn't start blowing them over a cup of coffee.
Teens don't often have the ability to separate fantasy and reality, that's why marketers target them so much, with a great deal of success. But even those who can understand the difference find it harder when there isn't the perspective. If you're not shown the alternative to the pornified version of sex, you don't have anything to compare porn to. So you think that all sex is like that. And if you're not having sex, or having sex that's mediocre, then there's something wrong with you.
Sex has just become another commodity and, like all marketable commodities, ends up being marketed at kids because they're the most malleable. Nobody got rich by making people feel happy and content.
However, not all teenagers are like that, perhaps we only ever hear about the ones who are. And that's the other problem with this sort of conversation- there's a danger that people who work in sexual health assume that everyone's out shagging away, and people who aren't end up being left to one side without proper advice and guidance. Part of the marketing we do at Freshers Fair is to hand out free condoms and cock rings (we get a load of stuff every year off condom manufacturers for this purpose) and we do it to help the students who are having sex in Freshers Week and I agree with that, but I am unhappy about the implications that it raises that everyone SHOULD be having sex in Freshers Week.
It makes me lament not having a 12" penis. Porn makes it seem that every other guy has one. :crying:
They do. You're the only one who doesn't.
:impissed:
Apart from all of that, the size of some of those men were enough to make my eyes water!
I agree that the main thing porn didn't prepare me for was things going wrong occasionally. The biggest one for me was that with all of the jokes about inexperienced men finishing too early, the opposite problem had never occurred to me (which when you combine nerves and alcohol, is quite likely).
But I can't say it's ever contributed to any body-image problems or unrealistic expectations of women. The only other issue is that positions that look quite good on camera are often pretty shit (or completely unsustainable) when you try them in reality. The one thing I quite like about pornography nowadays is that you're no longer dictated to about what you should find attractive.
Professional porn produced by the industry is obv scripted and fake but most porn out there is amateur stuff with people filming what they would otherwise be doing anyway - so no, I don't think porn gives anyone unrealistic expectations, quite the opposite in fact if you're talking about amateur stuff.
Do I expect girls to always do "wild stuff" - under your definition no, I don't expect that girls always want to be spitroasted or have threesomes, nor would I want to always engage in threesomes or ever engage in spitroasting myself. I think most guys simply want good sex, the same as women - sometimes wild, sometimes not.
Interesting that you suggest its girls who are put under pressure to perform when the male sex, being more easily aroused and satisfied than the female sex, primarily carries the responsibility to perform. Seems to be a common theme these days when it comes to the debate about porn, a theme used to justify sexism by creating a veneer of victimhood.
A very good point. Despite our advancing years, OH turned to me during said porn movie and asked if I (approaching menopause FFS!) was satisfied by his equipment!! :nervous:
i started this thread inspired by a thread on another forum where a lot of the people (women) were pretty much implying that teenage girls were now victims of teenage boys warped views of sex because theyre all addicted to hardcore internet porn and cant tell the difference between that and real life.
I can see to a certain extent that it might be the case sometimes, but i also dislike the patronising of women and the implication that women are passive victims of mens libidos
Why does everything have to be about the 'evil Feminazis' with you? If I didn't know better you were hiding misogyny behind a thin veneer of "what about the men OMFGZ'.
It doesn't matter whether you're talking about men wanting to do things that women don't, or men being responsible for female pleasure, you're talking about an attitude of female sexual passivity. You're basically saying that sex is something that is done to women, rather than something that is done with women. Which is what most people are saying- that porn creates a distorted view of sexual relationships that has little basis in reality.
Objectifying women doesn't just damage women, it also damages men. If you consider women to be a commodity, something that you do sex to, then that's fairly obviously bad for the woman. But for the man it is equally bad, because with commodification comes the attitude that you have to have 'the best'- and of course the best is the one with the peroxide blonde hair, the shaved bush and the plastic tits, rather than the one with the First from Oxford, a high-flying job and a wicked sense of humour. And if you don't have the best then you're not a real man, and you're a failure, and you should just go commit suicide for being such a waste of oxygen.
this. Have experienced this and have had to say " no actually, cumming in my face is not something i find sexually exciting and NO, it will not give me an orgasm"
Likewise with anal, some men see 'virgin' and 'anal' in the porn title and think its a natural progression and they can jump right in and pump away to their hearts content - not realising that it doesn't work like that on a physical level.
Did I mention feminism in this thread?
...no, I didn't. You've merely seen your own feminist views criticised and jumped erroneously to the conclusion that I'm having a go at feminists per se, as opposed a certain viewpoint shared by people who are far from solely aligned to feminism.
How do you know better, do you know me personally?
Can you expand on this? I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here and what relevence it holds to your criticism of what I've posted?
You are denying that men are on the whole far more easily sexually satisfied than women?
If acknowledging that female satisfaction is generally obtained with greater difficulty than male satisfaction and feeling a consequent responsibility to give women as much pleasure sexually as possible is to hold the attitude that "sex is something that is done to women, rather than something that is done with women" then I would agree wholeheartedly.
Except, of course, it doesn't mean anything of the sort.
Men and women both do it to, and do it with, each other. Try having sex with women and maybe, just maybe, you will realise many actually enjoy "having it done to them" and, god forbid, even love getting a good seeing to.
Errr...you do know that women enjoy sex too, right?
This reads like some sort of crass parody.
Well that's just your personal preference, my girlfriend loves taking cumshots to the face :thumb: