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Best Of
Re: sat here crying. tw/
Hey @eylah , thank you so much for your post and for letting us into how you're feeling right now. I am sending you the biggest hug 
The pressure of what you're going through sounds like it's built, and built, and built, and you miss your mum terribly - I hear you. I'd like to reassure you that you never, ever have to apologise for mentioning her here. She was the most important person in your life, and you want to share about her with us - that's an honour, @eylah , and I'm very grateful you do. Your connection genuinely sounds beautiful. And living with the absence of her daily just sounds like the greatest ache. You never have to quiet that grief for us here. It can be loud, and wild-feeling, and we want to listen and to know how things truly feel for you.
Thank you for letting us know you're physically safe. I'm reassured to hear this, though, I hear that the suicidal thoughts are still very loud, and in your message I could almost hear anger or frustration towards them when you said, 'give me a break'. That is so, so valid, @eylah , and feels like a powerful part of you speaking there, saying, let me breathe. Would that be fair to say? I've coped with long-term suicidal thoughts myself at times in the past, and honestly, it was excrutiating. I really want to echo what @TheNightmare has said about just how much energy it takes to get through each day when you've got thoughts of suicide racing round your mind. Living in that life-or-death state of mind constantly sounds beyond draining, and so much strain for your body to be dealing with. So the fact that you're hear opening up, and surviving each day is a huge testament to the effort you're putting in. Everything you're doing is more than enough. You're here, you're surviving. That's huge.
You mentioned that last time you went to hospital the staff there talked to you about a possible section, and this sounds really hard, because I can hear it's left you wary of seeking help from hospital again. That's such a tricky position to be in, esspecially when you're wanting support. Can I ask what those conversations about sectioning looked like at the time, and whether any alternative support options were discussed? May I also ask whether you're still in touch with these staff / that support team at this time?
I also wanted to get back to the part of your message where you talked about struggling with confidence, and in particular, feeling awful about the advice or answers you're giving others. That just sounds so painful, @eylah , because I know how much you care about helping, and how much time and effort you put towards that. These boards make that so, so clear! I suppose I wanted to say that I can honestly relate to what you were saying here - esspecially amongst my friends sometimes when I'm struggling myself, I can become so inhibited and unsure of what to say. It's like my mind goes blank, and then I can feel a bit embarassed for not being more 'helpful'! But I think in those moments its often a sign that I'm really needing some care myself, you know? That I'm needing to be the 'talker' that day rather than the 'listener', or that I can't necessarily hold space for someone else until I've tended to me. And that's totally okay. Your messages of support are always so beautiful to see, and at the same time, if sometimes you don't have capacity, that's so real and human. How does that sound?
I know there other parts of your message I haven't necessarily responded to here, but I just wanted to share those pieces first. Keep us updated if you wish, @eylah . We're here. We're listening. We care
The pressure of what you're going through sounds like it's built, and built, and built, and you miss your mum terribly - I hear you. I'd like to reassure you that you never, ever have to apologise for mentioning her here. She was the most important person in your life, and you want to share about her with us - that's an honour, @eylah , and I'm very grateful you do. Your connection genuinely sounds beautiful. And living with the absence of her daily just sounds like the greatest ache. You never have to quiet that grief for us here. It can be loud, and wild-feeling, and we want to listen and to know how things truly feel for you.
Thank you for letting us know you're physically safe. I'm reassured to hear this, though, I hear that the suicidal thoughts are still very loud, and in your message I could almost hear anger or frustration towards them when you said, 'give me a break'. That is so, so valid, @eylah , and feels like a powerful part of you speaking there, saying, let me breathe. Would that be fair to say? I've coped with long-term suicidal thoughts myself at times in the past, and honestly, it was excrutiating. I really want to echo what @TheNightmare has said about just how much energy it takes to get through each day when you've got thoughts of suicide racing round your mind. Living in that life-or-death state of mind constantly sounds beyond draining, and so much strain for your body to be dealing with. So the fact that you're hear opening up, and surviving each day is a huge testament to the effort you're putting in. Everything you're doing is more than enough. You're here, you're surviving. That's huge.
You mentioned that last time you went to hospital the staff there talked to you about a possible section, and this sounds really hard, because I can hear it's left you wary of seeking help from hospital again. That's such a tricky position to be in, esspecially when you're wanting support. Can I ask what those conversations about sectioning looked like at the time, and whether any alternative support options were discussed? May I also ask whether you're still in touch with these staff / that support team at this time?
I also wanted to get back to the part of your message where you talked about struggling with confidence, and in particular, feeling awful about the advice or answers you're giving others. That just sounds so painful, @eylah , because I know how much you care about helping, and how much time and effort you put towards that. These boards make that so, so clear!
I suppose I wanted to say that I can honestly relate to what you were saying here - esspecially amongst my friends sometimes when I'm struggling myself, I can become so inhibited and unsure of what to say. It's like my mind goes blank, and then I can feel a bit embarassed for not being more 'helpful'! But I think in those moments its often a sign that I'm really needing some care myself, you know? That I'm needing to be the 'talker' that day rather than the 'listener', or that I can't necessarily hold space for someone else until I've tended to me. And that's totally okay. Your messages of support are always so beautiful to see, and at the same time, if sometimes you don't have capacity, that's so real and human. How does that sound?I know there other parts of your message I haven't necessarily responded to here, but I just wanted to share those pieces first. Keep us updated if you wish, @eylah . We're here. We're listening. We care
Sian321
1
Re: sat here crying. tw/
im physically and mentally fed up from this world i feel like i dont fit in i hate myself i hate everything abt me im no gd to anyone or anything. my sisters best mate he kept telling me to be confident bc im ‘pretty’ and shouldnt feel so rubbish abt myself but thats made everything worse bc noone understands how hard it is to be in the mindset and body that i hate so much. crying rn isnt doing anything for me im feeling so empty i rly am. im trying my best to support ppl but i feel so shit bc i feel like i give such awful advice and answers that’s making me feel even more shit rn. i relapsed again and thats making everything worse. crying feels so exhausting to bc it doesn’t release anything for me anymore im rly tired. i wish i was a better person someone who could be there for ppl often someone who didnt feel so shy or awkward etc but im never gonna be that. im feeling So much rn so much i dont know how to explain it bc im just so puzzled from everything 💔 i am rly struggling to bc its christmas so soon and i have noone im gonna be in my flat alone and doing nothing which is breaking me more and idk how to cope with that i rly dont. everything is a mess im a mess. i want to be out of this constant pain with the endometriosis its rly impacting me my appt in jan cant come sooner. im struggling daily with suicidal thoughts like why wont they go 💔. i am tired of living with those thoughts constantly telling me to die like give me a break. im trying my best i rly am like it might not seem it but im waking up each day even though i wish i didnt ( im safe ). im exhausted mentally and physically i am in constant pain im rly wishing everything would stop bc im so frustrated that i am not doing enough for myself. when will this end 💔😔. ( im safe ). no active plans im okay. 💔
@eylah I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, but please know we all care about you deeply, and you’re not alone in this. I promise your advice is not awful; it is thoughtful, kind, and helps more than you realize, and the fact that you try so hard to support others shows how compassionate and strong you are. I know people telling you to be confident can feel overwhelming because they don’t understand how hard it is to be in a mindset and body you’re struggling with, but your feelings are valid, and you’re doing better than you think. Waking up each day, even when it is hard, shows your strength, and though Christmas might feel lonely, please remember we’re here for you. Those thoughts don’t define you, they are lies told by your pain, not the truth of your worth. You are definately enough, and you deserve so much better than what you’re feeling now ❤️
Re: Mildly worried
bignosegirly0 wrote: »@eylah it was a little figure of a mother penguin with her child
thats so cute 🥰 how are you now? ❤️
eylah
1
Re: NOOOOOOOO IVE RIPPED OUT MY LASHES 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
your eyes are rly pretty ❤️ hope your feeling better ❤️
eylah
2
Re: Mildly worried
hey im sry you been put down abt your looks but everyone who has put you down is probably not happy with themselves bc they probably insecure abt themselves. your a beautiful human inside and out and you shouldnt let anyone put you down bc you are beautiful! remember that ❤️ what prize did you get? hugs 🫂
eylah
2
Re: Where Am I Now
Hey @Millie2787 - it sounds like you've had quite a year and lots of things to juggle, well done for managing it all! You're doing the best you can, and I hope you get some more good news about your health soon as that sounds like it's been a challenge. Wishing you all the best with your last placement, and well done on getting the positive feedback for the current one! It sounds like some long shifts are coming up, but you've done them before and I'm sure you'll get into the swing of things in time! 2025 is your year!
Azziman
2
Re: I might have to block someone and I feel horrible
Hey @JMMV2005, thank you for sharing this experience with us here. You're not bothering anyone by posting on here - that's what the forum is for, and we're here to listen to you!
It sounds like a really difficult position you're in. On the one hand, you're trying to look out for this person. You're worried about them, you're being supportive and communicative, and you're concerned about their wellbeing. On the other hand, it does sound like this is taking its toll on you - not feeling like your help is being accepted, unsure that you know or even trust them, not feeling that you can have a proper conversation, and uncertain about where you stand with each other.
From what you've said, it sounds like these latter points were frustrating for you, and despite trying to address this beforehand, it led to a point where you had enough and made your feelings clear. To feel like a friendship is becoming stressful, hurtful and damaging your own wellbeing is not a good position to be in, and it sounds like you've taken steps to try and address this several times before this stage.
While friendships do have some give or take, feeling the way that you mentioned in that last message may be a sign that this friendship might not be healthy for you to keep. It's great that you want to help others, but it's also important that you look after yourself too. You can help someone, but you're not ultimately responsible for this person's wellbeing - you're responsible for your own. I think you've recognised that this person might need more professional help and tried to suggest this. While it's great to help those we care about, it's also important to recognise when someone needs more help than we can offer, and when trying to help someone is actually causing us harm.
Having a friendship can be nice because we interact and connect with others, but it's worth asking in this situation if maintaining this friendship is worth the pain that it is causing you. It might be worth assessing what this friendship means to you, and whether the impact on you is worth it on balance. If you decide to keep it, you'll be aware of that balance and that you're willing to maintain it. I know that you've mentioned that you don't have many friends, but you can and do deserve a friendship that is mutually beneficial and add to your life.
Since you've posted this a couple of days ago, you might have had more time to reflect on the situation. How do you feel about the friendship and what's happened? We're here to listen to you and support you through this
It sounds like a really difficult position you're in. On the one hand, you're trying to look out for this person. You're worried about them, you're being supportive and communicative, and you're concerned about their wellbeing. On the other hand, it does sound like this is taking its toll on you - not feeling like your help is being accepted, unsure that you know or even trust them, not feeling that you can have a proper conversation, and uncertain about where you stand with each other.
From what you've said, it sounds like these latter points were frustrating for you, and despite trying to address this beforehand, it led to a point where you had enough and made your feelings clear. To feel like a friendship is becoming stressful, hurtful and damaging your own wellbeing is not a good position to be in, and it sounds like you've taken steps to try and address this several times before this stage.
While friendships do have some give or take, feeling the way that you mentioned in that last message may be a sign that this friendship might not be healthy for you to keep. It's great that you want to help others, but it's also important that you look after yourself too. You can help someone, but you're not ultimately responsible for this person's wellbeing - you're responsible for your own. I think you've recognised that this person might need more professional help and tried to suggest this. While it's great to help those we care about, it's also important to recognise when someone needs more help than we can offer, and when trying to help someone is actually causing us harm.
Having a friendship can be nice because we interact and connect with others, but it's worth asking in this situation if maintaining this friendship is worth the pain that it is causing you. It might be worth assessing what this friendship means to you, and whether the impact on you is worth it on balance. If you decide to keep it, you'll be aware of that balance and that you're willing to maintain it. I know that you've mentioned that you don't have many friends, but you can and do deserve a friendship that is mutually beneficial and add to your life.
Since you've posted this a couple of days ago, you might have had more time to reflect on the situation. How do you feel about the friendship and what's happened? We're here to listen to you and support you through this
Azziman
1
