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Best Of
Re: A female version of me wouldn't want me
Why do you think someone is bound to get 'richer, taller, happier, more athletic, more handsome' etc partners just by being female?I get that you want to bring attention to underrepresented issues that men face and I understand that, but a lot of your statements seem to be massive generalisations with no source given for the information other than your own experience.
@sputnik raises a good point here @David that I'd really urge you to reflect on.David wrote:It's not merely my experience. Many male acquaintances of mine have said similar things.
You said above that you and your male acquaintances have had this experience, therefore that is how society operates as a whole. You've projected your experience and those of your male aquaintances on to the general population, and on to your own future experiences.
Can you see the massive leap you're making?
Everyone does this to a degree but I think what other people are trying to tell you is that this projection is getting in the way of you challenging your own preconceptions, and therefore your ability to solve the problem you've been saying you're unable to solve.
As long as you uphold your own subjective experiences as undeniable, whole truths of the world, you're not allowing your perspective to be challenged, so you're not seeing the ways out of the situation you're stuck in. These might be your truths, but they're not the whole truth.
It's like you're in an escape room, looking through a cardboard tube, and people are saying 'hey, maybe you'll find the way out faster if you remove that tube' and you're keeping it on because you think what's visible through the tube is all there is.
I want to ask you: you've been challenged a few times on your view of dating and women. Do you think the people challenging you are genuinely just wrong and that you're right?
It might also be worth considering whether your view of women is impacting the way they treat you. You judgementally talk about 'Miss Averages' and then say that men (in your experience) are judged harshly - do you think there might be a connection between those two things?
Like, do you think the way women treat you might also be influenced by how you treat them? Or do you think women behave how they do towards you purely based on their own whims?
JustV
7
Re: TW- abuse in care
I've been through similar, I was abused abt a year ago but its still there. here if you wanna talk. 
Re: TW- abuse in care
The impact means I have random flash backs and issues trusting authority figures
I also have massive panic attacks when I door gets stuck and I don't like people closing doors on exit when I'm the the only person left in the room (unless I closed the door before they entered the room really specific I know)
I also have massive panic attacks when I door gets stuck and I don't like people closing doors on exit when I'm the the only person left in the room (unless I closed the door before they entered the room really specific I know)
BensonE
5
Having a parent who hoards
My mum has been a hoarder for as long as I can remember, and it only gets worse over time. I’m really really struggling with it now, and I’m not even allowed to tell anyone about it. “Don’t tell anyone at school otherwise you’ll never see Mummy and Daddy again.” - the threat of my childhood. I even had nightmares about being taken from them.
I don’t think I’m in danger (it’s not toxic waste like the stuff you might see on TV lol), my parents are just very anxious people.
Now it’s got to a point where… it’s just BAD. My mum sits on the sofa pretty much permanently (she even sleeps there), just surrounded by stuff. There are pathways through the rooms. For meals, my dad sits on a chair in the kitchen, my sister at the table (most of the table is covered with stuff but there’s enough clear space for one person to sit), my mum on the sofa of course and I sit on the floor, leaning against the door. It’s been like that for years now, so I forget it’s probably kind of bad.
The worst part is how it makes me feel. My mum blames me for it. Not entirely, but she says my stuff is the reason it’s as bad as it is. I told her I have no control over the environment I live in. She just said she doesn’t have control over it either. I mean ok maybe she can’t help the hoarding, but she doesn’t have to dismiss everything I say!! She brought it up just now so I responded, and then she told me to leave her alone. I just don’t get it. She won’t let anyone help her, she won’t throw anything away and we’re just stuck in this house we can barely move in.
I’m terrified for the future. I’m planning on going to university soon but who knows how bad the house will be when I get back. I’m guessing my bedroom will be slowly consumed as well. But then I think about long-term stuff like properly leaving home - it’ll take ages to earn the money for that. In the meantime I’ll be stuck in this stupid house. I don’t know how it can possibly get any worse than this, but I know it will. It always does. My mum can’t see how bad it is, she can’t see that it’s HER problem and not ours collectively. Me and my sister both have too much stuff so she always uses that as her argument, but she bought most of it!! It’s hard to know what’s normal when you’ve never experienced normal, and she has rules about what we’re allowed to get rid of. I really want to live in a house where there’s space to do things and I get to sit on a chair. I’m sick of sitting here watching the world around me collapse. It’s so hard to be hopeful about the future when the state of my parents and my life at home only ever gets worse.
I’m safe. Please. If anyone finds out about this I will probably be kicked out of the house. I love my parents but I just wish SO MUCH that they cared enough to do something about the house. It never ever gets better. And I know one day I’ll be the one to have to deal with it when my parents are dead. I’m sick of it already. I don’t know anyone else in the same position and I really really want my mum to get some help. Except if I initiate that she’ll probably hate me forever.
I’m not sure how much longer I can live like this. I’m safe. Just terrified for my hopeless future in this fucking hoarder home.
I don’t think I’m in danger (it’s not toxic waste like the stuff you might see on TV lol), my parents are just very anxious people.
Now it’s got to a point where… it’s just BAD. My mum sits on the sofa pretty much permanently (she even sleeps there), just surrounded by stuff. There are pathways through the rooms. For meals, my dad sits on a chair in the kitchen, my sister at the table (most of the table is covered with stuff but there’s enough clear space for one person to sit), my mum on the sofa of course and I sit on the floor, leaning against the door. It’s been like that for years now, so I forget it’s probably kind of bad.
The worst part is how it makes me feel. My mum blames me for it. Not entirely, but she says my stuff is the reason it’s as bad as it is. I told her I have no control over the environment I live in. She just said she doesn’t have control over it either. I mean ok maybe she can’t help the hoarding, but she doesn’t have to dismiss everything I say!! She brought it up just now so I responded, and then she told me to leave her alone. I just don’t get it. She won’t let anyone help her, she won’t throw anything away and we’re just stuck in this house we can barely move in.
I’m terrified for the future. I’m planning on going to university soon but who knows how bad the house will be when I get back. I’m guessing my bedroom will be slowly consumed as well. But then I think about long-term stuff like properly leaving home - it’ll take ages to earn the money for that. In the meantime I’ll be stuck in this stupid house. I don’t know how it can possibly get any worse than this, but I know it will. It always does. My mum can’t see how bad it is, she can’t see that it’s HER problem and not ours collectively. Me and my sister both have too much stuff so she always uses that as her argument, but she bought most of it!! It’s hard to know what’s normal when you’ve never experienced normal, and she has rules about what we’re allowed to get rid of. I really want to live in a house where there’s space to do things and I get to sit on a chair. I’m sick of sitting here watching the world around me collapse. It’s so hard to be hopeful about the future when the state of my parents and my life at home only ever gets worse.
I’m safe. Please. If anyone finds out about this I will probably be kicked out of the house. I love my parents but I just wish SO MUCH that they cared enough to do something about the house. It never ever gets better. And I know one day I’ll be the one to have to deal with it when my parents are dead. I’m sick of it already. I don’t know anyone else in the same position and I really really want my mum to get some help. Except if I initiate that she’ll probably hate me forever.
I’m not sure how much longer I can live like this. I’m safe. Just terrified for my hopeless future in this fucking hoarder home.
AnonymousToe
12
How do you embrace being alone? 💛 (& quotes from The Mix staff)
❗️TW: Domestic violence❗️
It’s really normal to feel lonely in January, but learning to embrace our alone time can make periods of loneliness a little bit easier and feel very empowering. 💛
The Mix have put together a guide below with quotes from staff at The Mix on how they enjoy their own company!
We've heard from staff, now we want to hear from you! How do you like to spend your alone time? Let us know below 👇
I personally find it quite difficult to fully switch off in my alone time so I'm looking forward to any tips people might have 🌟
Alt text spoilered:
You can also view the post over on our Instagram page - https://www.instagram.com/themixuk
It’s really normal to feel lonely in January, but learning to embrace our alone time can make periods of loneliness a little bit easier and feel very empowering. 💛
The Mix have put together a guide below with quotes from staff at The Mix on how they enjoy their own company!
We've heard from staff, now we want to hear from you! How do you like to spend your alone time? Let us know below 👇
I personally find it quite difficult to fully switch off in my alone time so I'm looking forward to any tips people might have 🌟
Alt text spoilered:
Embracing being alone - from The Mix staff!
"I adore being alone - there's no pressure to keep up with people! Make a playlist because no matter what the occasion is, music is always a welcomed accompaniment and fills any silence you might be anxious about. Wear comfy shoes - solo trips to nearby town or museums will require a lot of walking and you wanna feel like you're walking on a cloud." - Lauren
"When I left my abusive first husband I found solace in fresh air. I re-found my love of horses. I parked up in a car park one day, walked to a stud and offered to help. I never looks back. That's where my love of horses started. I saw the whole process of bringing foals into the world. I would encourage people to talk. I'm 53 and a survivor of domestic violence."
"I find it difficult being alone but it's something I've been working on more the last year. Saying yes to more things that push you out your comfort zone helps me, trying new hobbies on your own or with a group of people you've never met before. Also listening to podcasts - Emma Chamberlain is one of my favourites, and just knowing that you can spend your day however you like."
"I have found games that I can play alone (computer games, board games and role play games) that I find music to match. I enjoy the different experience that brings playing with friends." - Joe
"I like spending time alone on my sofa with a good book and mug of tea. It's nice to get lost in a good book from time to time."
"I find being alone grounding and I really do need a lot of it, especially if I've done something social. But I do get bored easily. Having music on in the background helps me to appreciate my alone time more - whether I'm gardening, painting, writing... having music on in the background stops being alone from feeling oppressive and turns it into a lovely bubble of rejuvenating calm."
"I cherish alone time and have learned to love my own company. One of my favourite things to do is to take a book or journal to a cafe, order a hot chocolate and spend a couple of hours processing my thoughts or reading. I also love listening to audiobooks with my headphones on because it creates a cosy little bubble of alone time wherever you are." - Holly
"I do love and need alone time each week. I feel it's especially important when you live with people to take time for yourself, to recover and rest. For me, it's painting with noise cancelling headphones, listening to music, podcasts or youtube. I enjoy painting because it's a rewarding way to spend my alone time, whether the painting is for myself or someone else, I can feel like I've achieved something."
"I'm very independent and relatively introverted. I've travelled around countries and attending festivals on my own and loved it. I love having the freedom of choice to make friends with people if I want to or go about my day without anyone, only doing activities that I want to. I also journal regularly, I think the best parts of it can be taking that time to really get to know and like yourself."
"I adore being alone - there's no pressure to keep up with people! Make a playlist because no matter what the occasion is, music is always a welcomed accompaniment and fills any silence you might be anxious about. Wear comfy shoes - solo trips to nearby town or museums will require a lot of walking and you wanna feel like you're walking on a cloud." - Lauren
"When I left my abusive first husband I found solace in fresh air. I re-found my love of horses. I parked up in a car park one day, walked to a stud and offered to help. I never looks back. That's where my love of horses started. I saw the whole process of bringing foals into the world. I would encourage people to talk. I'm 53 and a survivor of domestic violence."
"I find it difficult being alone but it's something I've been working on more the last year. Saying yes to more things that push you out your comfort zone helps me, trying new hobbies on your own or with a group of people you've never met before. Also listening to podcasts - Emma Chamberlain is one of my favourites, and just knowing that you can spend your day however you like."
"I have found games that I can play alone (computer games, board games and role play games) that I find music to match. I enjoy the different experience that brings playing with friends." - Joe
"I like spending time alone on my sofa with a good book and mug of tea. It's nice to get lost in a good book from time to time."
"I find being alone grounding and I really do need a lot of it, especially if I've done something social. But I do get bored easily. Having music on in the background helps me to appreciate my alone time more - whether I'm gardening, painting, writing... having music on in the background stops being alone from feeling oppressive and turns it into a lovely bubble of rejuvenating calm."
"I cherish alone time and have learned to love my own company. One of my favourite things to do is to take a book or journal to a cafe, order a hot chocolate and spend a couple of hours processing my thoughts or reading. I also love listening to audiobooks with my headphones on because it creates a cosy little bubble of alone time wherever you are." - Holly
"I do love and need alone time each week. I feel it's especially important when you live with people to take time for yourself, to recover and rest. For me, it's painting with noise cancelling headphones, listening to music, podcasts or youtube. I enjoy painting because it's a rewarding way to spend my alone time, whether the painting is for myself or someone else, I can feel like I've achieved something."
"I'm very independent and relatively introverted. I've travelled around countries and attending festivals on my own and loved it. I love having the freedom of choice to make friends with people if I want to or go about my day without anyone, only doing activities that I want to. I also journal regularly, I think the best parts of it can be taking that time to really get to know and like yourself."
You can also view the post over on our Instagram page - https://www.instagram.com/themixuk
Gemma
8