Best Of

Yesterday I posted a story on Instagram asking if anyone else could relate to how I was feeling. In that story I shared a post which read "the people who love you would rather hear your struggles than see you in a casket", and then talked about how I find it difficult to open up even when I'm doing very badly mental health wise because I'm so worried my trauma will affect others and I don't want to overwhelm them. Also that I feel like I'm living a double life not talking to anyone about my mental health where no one knows that I'm struggling.

I posted that story with the hope that at least one person would reach out and offer their support or affirm that what the post was saying was true. But not a single person did. Two people hearted the story but that's about it.

I feel so alone in what I'm going through. Like no one in my life cares enough to actually talk to me about this. And I built up how scary it was to reach out to anyone in my head with so much fear for so long, finally did the scary thing as I reached a new low only for none of it to make a difference or actually matter.

I don't know what to do. I just want people in my life who feel like a safe space where I can talk about my trauma and not hold back for once. Who are willing to listen and understand. I do counselling sessions but only having that very brief time once a week to offload everything I've been going through? Not having any ongoing support throughout the week, feeling incredibly lonely with no support system outside of my sessions and no friends to talk about this with? It's hard. I'm struggling a lot.

Are relationships the only way to not be lonely