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Best Of
Can't win... don't want to go in yet cry when i don't
It's like I cabt win..
Let week when I didnt go work because i was ill I was crying that I wanted to try and go in, routine broke now when it comes to going in tomorrow I don't want to! The anxiety is draining me!
My managers in he'll be like how are you as soon as he sees me seeing he's not seen me for a while his been off,ill prob end up giving him that "go away look" which he thinks is my fustrated/overwhelmed look. And I don't want him to think I'm weak! If I need tone to regulate when I go into work after 1hr travel 2 buses, is that being weak?? Consider I work as a young people wellbeing mentor... so does this mean I'm weak?? How can I mentor others when i need regulate time?? Several have said that. His hinted at this as well but also says uts oksy and has been allowing me regulate time.
He'll also be on me for ticking off my probation targets which I know needs doing but like I know I'm going to fail, so dont set the point, its overwhelming or confusing to know how to ask team can you shoe me this? That?? or ill pass it but still won't be confident doing certain things independently.
Only thing I can think of is like 1 week he looked at it and said today focus on this this and get this person to show you, they're doing it now. Ahd like that helped because it was very clear to me! Telling me tick off probabatoon checklist is like "whst? How? When?" People don't understand when you have autism you need to know when to ask, how yo ask, whst to say, plan whst they'll respond, how they'll respond etc... and thst is so stressful so I just put it off!
Let week when I didnt go work because i was ill I was crying that I wanted to try and go in, routine broke now when it comes to going in tomorrow I don't want to! The anxiety is draining me!
My managers in he'll be like how are you as soon as he sees me seeing he's not seen me for a while his been off,ill prob end up giving him that "go away look" which he thinks is my fustrated/overwhelmed look. And I don't want him to think I'm weak! If I need tone to regulate when I go into work after 1hr travel 2 buses, is that being weak?? Consider I work as a young people wellbeing mentor... so does this mean I'm weak?? How can I mentor others when i need regulate time?? Several have said that. His hinted at this as well but also says uts oksy and has been allowing me regulate time.
He'll also be on me for ticking off my probation targets which I know needs doing but like I know I'm going to fail, so dont set the point, its overwhelming or confusing to know how to ask team can you shoe me this? That?? or ill pass it but still won't be confident doing certain things independently.
Only thing I can think of is like 1 week he looked at it and said today focus on this this and get this person to show you, they're doing it now. Ahd like that helped because it was very clear to me! Telling me tick off probabatoon checklist is like "whst? How? When?" People don't understand when you have autism you need to know when to ask, how yo ask, whst to say, plan whst they'll respond, how they'll respond etc... and thst is so stressful so I just put it off!
Re: Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? W/C 07.07.25
im waiting for my isagi (blue lock) merch to come. its coming on the 14-16th of july so i gotta wait. i wish they had a sooner delivery option but oh well.
Re: Mmhmm
@Sian321 im safe physically but nothing feels safe mentally anymore, the coping mechanisms that normally is used which not saying the words because it makes me want to throw up after the situation so now yeah 
I’ve lost everybodyyyyyyy, what is a friend ✌🏻

I’ve lost everybodyyyyyyy, what is a friend ✌🏻

2
Re: donating blood
Hey @toffuna101 - it's amazing to see that you're looking into blood donation. From a fellow donor, thank you for signing up for this, at a time when donations are in high demand!
I hear that you're excited but also nervous about the appointment, and that's a valid and common feeling to have going into this. I can't speak for all venues, but for all the ones I've been to, the staff are really welcoming and helpful especially for people donating for the first time.
Wish you all the best for your first session! Do let us know how you find the appointment once you attend!
thank you. i actually signed up in february (and by that i mean registering) so its great that im thinking ahead.
11 days left until my blood donation
Re: Feeling alone
Hey @Redemption thank you for sharing this and I just want to say your feelings are totally valid. I feel like in this day and age there's such a rush to have everything figured out and to be in these really serious relationships from quite a young age, but I just want to say that you've still got so much time ahead of you to find your person.
I wonder whether you could reach out to a close friend when your feeling lonely? Or even open up to a friend about how your feeling, as they may be able to offer some advise or they may even be in a similar position.
Or if you don't feel comfortable doing that, maybe you could try a group activity or course, for example maybe a pottery class or if your more into sport you could join a run club or a gym class. This may be a great way of meeting new people and fulfilling this sense of connection with others it sounds like your seeking.
And don't worry it doesn't sound rude at all. Not everyone you meet will end up being a romantic connection, even if that was your initial intention and that doesn't say anything about you or the other person, just that they're not meant for you.

I wonder whether you could reach out to a close friend when your feeling lonely? Or even open up to a friend about how your feeling, as they may be able to offer some advise or they may even be in a similar position.
Or if you don't feel comfortable doing that, maybe you could try a group activity or course, for example maybe a pottery class or if your more into sport you could join a run club or a gym class. This may be a great way of meeting new people and fulfilling this sense of connection with others it sounds like your seeking.
Redemption wrote: »A few months ago I didn’t even speak to any females on social media but now I do through a group chat for my course. They’re more just friends though, not really my type and I don’t feel that spark, which I hope doesn’t sound rude. It’s just hard sometimes, trying to get a job, find a relationship and move forward in life.
And don't worry it doesn't sound rude at all. Not everyone you meet will end up being a romantic connection, even if that was your initial intention and that doesn't say anything about you or the other person, just that they're not meant for you.

Re: Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? (Triggering stuff edition) W/C 07.07.25
There phoning my doctor 🥲 to tell them that I want to sign one because I’m sick of life which tbf dr M wouldn’t allow it anyway she sees right through me, I walk into her room and she goes “more thoughts hun”
If I can’t end my life then why can’t I sign one, it’s not like I’ll do anything that it has to come into effect it’s just there for if natural causes happen and I get my opportunity…is it really so bad?
If I can’t end my life then why can’t I sign one, it’s not like I’ll do anything that it has to come into effect it’s just there for if natural causes happen and I get my opportunity…is it really so bad?

2
Re: Taking small steps forward
hey @Redemption I don't know if this helps at all but I often worry about being behind too and I really find that social media can make it so much worse, especially when it feels like everyone one is posting these amazing accomplishments or experiences like travelling the world. I recently had a conversation with my friend about it and I found her view really helped me deal with these feelings so I just thought I'd share what she said to me below.
She basically said that people are always going to share when something goes right or when they reach a goal, but no-one really shares when they don't get the job they want or whilst their in the process of reaching a goal. You mainly just get to see peoples final destination and not all the time they spent getting there or when thing weren't quite going as they hoped.
Basically what I'm trying to say is this can make it look like everyone is racing ahead in life achieving all these goals but there are actually so many of us that are haven't reached all these 'milestones' or even got a plan for our life and we just don't really talk about it. This can make it easy to forget that there are many others around us that haven't got everything sorted and that it is actually completely normal to not have everything figured out.
@Blue_lily thank you for all of that, I agree with what you're saying, Im glad your friend helped you. It is so true, we only hear what's going right in people's lives and not wrong, your friend is right. Thanks so much for your reply ❤️
Re: Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? W/C 07.07.25

1
Re: Anybody want to vent or chat about anything? W/C 07.07.25
Something inside of me is broken and can never be fixed and maybe just maybe all i have to do is believe that things wont get better because I’m tired of running in circles (metaphorically). When people come into my life they don’t know me then they get to know me and they just leave. I wish I could crawl into hiding and not have to talk or say anything because how do I explain that I want to leave or that I’m sorry I’m difficult, I’m sorry I’m not the person people think I am. When was the last time I was actually happy?…I don’t know
@River I know how hard things are for you right now, and i wish i had the words to make things better, but you aren't broken and unfixable river. You're still the same kind hearted person you've always been, despite all the hell you've endured. That isn't brokenness. That's strength.
Feeling trauma's effects does have a way of making us broken, it's true, and it does have a way of changing us, but the fact is, your still the same kind hearted person you've always been, and for what it's worth, I ain't going anywhere friend.
Being exhausted and unhappy for so long and being pushed to breaking point is entirely understandable, and i might not have the right words to make things better, but i want you to know that we aren't going anywhere, and that your still an amazing person who didn't deserve any of this.