Best Of

Oh @eylah that sounds terrifying. I don’t know what to say. Maybe you should ask your doctor about it so they can let you know what they think at this point?
You said ‘one of the requested tests’ so I’m assuming they’re testing for multiple things. Maybe ovarian cancer is the least likely possibility and they just threw it in as a bonus because why not test for it if they’re testing for other things too. I’m not sure. I hope they don’t take a long time to give you the results, and I really hope it’s nothing serious. We’re here for you if you want to talk about it 🫂🫂

Hi @eylah im so sorry to hear your dad has been treating you so badly today. It’s not pathetic - maybe your dad is lol but you’re not. You are loved and cared about and you’re important to us. I promise the problem is your dad’s and not yours. Nobody deserves to be treated like that, and you’re a really lovely person too. I hope he’s better to you tomorrow 🫂

jesus christ your dad is so toxic. i hope you get to move out someday to get away from him @eylah

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way @Rose113, and I'm grateful that you shared what you're going through, even though it must be hard to put it into words. It sounds like you're carrying so much pain and exhaustion, and it’s weighing you down in ways that feel unbearable.

I hear you when you say it's easier to tell people you're fine than to try and explain what’s really going on, especially when it feels like no one really cares or understands. That feeling of being ignored or left alone after opening up is so painful, and it makes sense why you'd want to just retreat and go silent. It’s like trying to protect yourself from more hurt.

I've often felt that saying, “everything happens for a reason” doesn't resonate when you're going through so much. It’s like, how could there be a reason for all the pain and struggle you've endured? It’s normal to question that, especially when it feels like life has just been one thing after another. You didn't do anything to deserve the pain you've experienced. Sometimes, things happen that are just cruel and unfair, and trying to find a reason for them can feel impossible. It's okay to feel angry and hurt about that - those feelings are valid.

The idea that there's a purpose behind suffering might bring comfort to some, but it doesn't change the fact that it hurts deeply and that it's exhausting to keep pushing through. You shouldn’t have to justify or find meaning in what you’ve gone through. It's okay to just acknowledge that it was painful, and that you're still here despite it all - that in itself is a testament to your strength.

You’ve survived so much, and even though it doesn’t feel like it, that says something about your resilience. It's okay to be angry at the unfairness of it all, and it's okay to not see the reason in it. Sometimes, just getting through the day is enough, and that’s perfectly okay.

Reaching 41 days harm-free is a huge achievement, even if it doesn’t feel like it. I know you mentioned struggling with the thought of relapse, and that must be weighing on you too. I'm assuming you mean self-harm when you talk about relapsing?

Can I ask what makes you feel as though you may relapse after you birthday? How have you managed to stay clean this long? Are there things that have helped, even a little, to keep you going?

We can’t pretend to have all the answers or to know exactly how you're feeling, but we do care about what you’re going through, @Rose113. We're here to listen.