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Hi all.

I'm still struggling a lot. Every day I've been crying for hours and it's really draining me. I already deal with physical health issues that isolate me a lot, and having mental health issues on top of that is really intense and feels overwhelming to deal with.

I try what I can: tapping, deep breathing, grounding exercises. But it's still a lot. And between trauma from dealing with childhood abuse, and my physical health issues being chronic in nature, I can't visualise an end to my suffering.

It makes me not want to be here, knowing that no matter how hard I try, further suffering is inevitable. I don't want to go through more than I already have. I'm sick and tired and want it all to end.

I want to clarify that I'm not at physical risk to myself — the only reason I'm still here is because I dread the physical pain that would come with hurting myself, and because I mignt not be successful. So I'm not self-harming in any form.

Even when it comes to seeking professional help, it's always with the caveat of making sure you're not suicidal or in crisis, because any kind of work addressing trauma can be triggering, upsetting, distressing and make you feel worse at first...And I'm just not in a position where I can handle that right now. Helplines can only help so much as well in terms of recommending the same things I'm already doing.

So I'm not really sure what I want out of saying all this. I guess just an outlet to express how I feel. How I feel so helpless about all the things, physical and mental, that are plaguing me. How I struggle to see a way out. How reassurance from others that "things will get better" doesn't resonate at all, feels surface level and presumptive. Part of me feels like they just say that to make themselves feel better about my situation, because it does nothing to help me...I don't know. Maybe other people are in a similar situation and reading this makes them feel less alone. I know the loneliness is a heavy burden to carry on top of struggling as is. And I just want to be heard.

hi. i hope everyone has a gd day today. you matter. you are loved. you got this keep going .

From @Cutelivejazz just before the last thread closed:

Ive just been bawling my eyes out over a fucking book. Doesnt help rhat im feeling rly emotional recently and just idk ig I want a hug and someone to talk to but i also dont wanna bother anyone

although my 18th birthday is 8-9 months away i cant help but feel scared about becoming a legal adult. i know 18 is not much different from being 17 but from a legal standpoint it changes quite significantly. by then ill be in adult mental health services along with me dropping out of college so that i can get a job. my care coordinator says that ill most likely be in the enhanced primary care team which is sort of a middle ground between GPs and CMHTs (community mental health teams). but i dont know, i feel like being in secondary care would be better because theyll be more extensive support. thats just a matter that i have to discuss with my camhs team for now.

this is a little reminder that the light you bring to the world is needed so much more in times of darkness. pls keep sharing your generous heart without fear. there are so many ppl out there who rely on the magic you create and the kindness you spread. you could be the reason someone smiles today. the reason someone pauses and takes a deep breath. you never know who needs to be touched by a heart like yours. so pls keep spreading your light. you bring so much to this world pls keep going. you matter