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Comments
@Lottie5433 I completely understand, you don't have to share anything you don't want to. Thanks for opening up about drinking, would you say you are using alcohol to help better cope with emotions or/and is it more in social settings?
I’d say more so to cope with the emotions and thoughts @Verity
I hear you @Lottie5433 emotions and thoughts can feel so disruptive and uncontrolable at times, it sounds like drinking brings some ease to these thoughts and emotions for you, would you agree?
yeah at the moment the alcohol numbs out the thoughts @Verity
@Lottie5433 You have a good plan here to so far to
a) discuss the letter and the last few days you've been struggling with N on Wednesday
b) Speak with J and go for a swim tomorrow
c) potentially reach out to N in the meantime via email (I know you said you're uncomfortable sending the entire letter but you don't have to do this to reach out to N, you can just share the other thoughts/feelings you've been having the last few days)
I can see how hard you're trying, Lottie, and you are doing amazing. I'm sure it doesn't feel like it, with everything you're going through and dealing with on a daily basis. You are a valued member of this community, and you deserve to have to peace. Can you tell me more about what other plans you have / things you are willing to try (no matter how small!) to keep yourself safe until you've had a chance to share everything with N on Wednesday?
I’m not really sure what to try @Sabah loke there are some things that I’ve been told about in DBT like TIPP skills but I honestly don’t know what to do right now
Hey @Lottie5433 how are you feeling today? there's so much to take in about DBT and TIPP, I completely get how it might feel like a lot to proccess, do you want to share some of the things you do know and we could discuss them together?
hey @Verity im not sure how I feel today really 🤔- N said I need to challenge myself and name emotions and not be scared of them (this was said in session on Wednesday). To be honest I just feel numb, exhausted and tired.
well I haven’t learnt many skills in DBT yet like at the moment I’m learning about “what” skills, this basically means I have to observe, describe and participate (all to do with mindfulness), then it’s like we’ve spoke about “wise mind” which means your suppose to find the middle path between rational and emotional mind, this can be done through breathing exercises and purposeful focus on the thoughts and letting them just be thoughts it. That’s all I’ve learnt at the moment. However me and N have spoke about how the TIPP skills might be beneficial as change in temperature helps bring me back to reality I suppose. We’ve also spoke about physical grounding so standing outside without my shoes or socks on. And then breathing work, but I’ve said this doesn’t help me.
To be honest going for a walk or swim or being active helps more.
At the moment I’m just filling out my diary card that I got sent and I know I need to be honest on it but part of me doesn’t want to write that I did SH and that I was suicidal and that. Even though it will help N support me the most.
I don’t think I’ll be seeing J today or going for a swim there
Hey @Lottie5433 it makes sense that some of the DBT skills might not feel helpful yet. A lot of them take time and practise before they start to feel natural, and sometimes certain ones just don't work for everyone in the same way. It's interesting that you've noticed walking, swimming or being active helps more, that's a really valuable insight about what is supporting you in the moment. Being honest about what you have been struggling with is easier than it sounds, so I completely understand how you are relectant to write it down in your diary card, it sounds like part of you knows that it could help N understand and support you better but taking that step to write it down is a conflict?
I'm really glad you have posted here and letting us know how you are feeling, just doing that and getting through the day is enough righ now.
hi @Verity yeah N did say that it takes time for skills to work which is why you do DBT for a year total.
yeah part of me knows that if I write it down in my diary card N will know and better understand me and what is going on for me/has been going on. This is a conflict for me because I just don’t like talking and I know if I do put it on my diary card I’m likely going to have to talk about it which is why I don’t want to happen.
Hey @Lottie5433 It's completely normal for DBT skills to take some time to work as N said, but I get that can be so frustrating. I'm curious, how long have you been doing DBT with N for now?
It also makes sense that you're feeling unsure about writing everything down as you're not sure on talking about it, that's normal to experience. Is there anything you feel you could write down, even if that's something small that might help N understand even just a small part of how you're feeling maybe?
You are doing a brilliant job working with us through this. How are you feeling tonight? What could you do tonight to make sure you can stay safe?
yeah I know that they take time it’s just frustrating I guess in a way. I’ve been working with N since January 8th but I didn’t start actually work of DBT until 25/3/26 all before was pre treatment of getting to know what DBT is and about. Then I’ve only started group skills this week.
The only thing I’m thinking about writing down is how close I’ve come to ☠️ myself and about the continuous relapse with with self harm. But then the positive is that I flushed my stock pile of meds - which N was concerned about me having.
I’m feeling tired, stressed, angry, numb, exhausted, and annoyed. I’m not sure I’ve been wanting to go out for a drive to a point where my car keys are by my bed, but when I said about going a drive my partner said he’d call the police and when I asked why he said “I’m not getting in this conversation with you again, just drop it” this just show how much I annoy him amongst other things
Hey @Lottie5433 how are you feeling this morning, if you like to go through how last night looked for you, we're here to listen. I just want to say flushing the meds was a really important and positive decision, it shows you had a lot of awareness and care for your own safety in that momentm, and that's amazing, did doing so make you feel stronger?
It sounds like you are really new to the DBT process, starting something so intense must take a lot out of you, although it's for good, it's okay to not feel the benefits straight away.
The situation was your partner sounds very difficult, if writing things down helps, this could be something really helpful to include in your notes, how that moment felt, what you wished would have happened instead. It sounds like it caused a big affect and it makes complete sense as it is with someone so close to you. This could be something really helpful to share with N if you feel comfortable doing so.
hi @Verity im feeling exhausted to be honest and still numb to the world but putting on a front around people. Flushing the meds didn’t make me feel stronger, it just made my brain more active in trying to figure out a plan on how I’d now ☠️ myself.
yeah I am very new to the DBT process, and it does take a lot out of me. Especially so when I go to work after a session, like I do on Wednesday (only to attend a meeting) and then on Monday I go to work before and after the 2hr session.
Yeah I’ll think about writing all this down and sharing it with N
I hear you @Lottie5433 it's okay that it didn't bring you strength, what does make you feel strong?
I’m not sure what makes me feel stronger in all honesty
@Lottie5433 That's okay, it's normal to not be sure about what makes you feel strong. You said about maybe writing it down about the situation with your partner to share with N, I'm wondering if that's something you've managed to do today?
hi @Callum no I haven’t wrote anything down to talk to N, like she might realise something was up because my diary card reflects that it was a bad day, with like my urges etc and giving into them
@Lottie5433 It makes sense you haven't wrote down these thoughts and feelings for N, that's absolutely fine as I know that can be so overwhelming to do. You mentioned that the diary card reflects that it was a bad day, how are you feeling now I wonder? Are the urges strong tonight? What could you do tonight to help you get some rest?
yeah the diary card reflects the day based on the ratings I’ve gave the 5 emotions and then rating my life threatening behaviours. Still feeling all over the place not really sure what I’m feeling. The urges have been strong and brought some stuff so I can SH if I need to. Well I played uno liars with my family, then walked my dog, then watched a film with my partner but yeah not much time to get any rest.
Now just stressing about group skills again and waiting for N to email me back about moving our Wednesday session online
Hey @Lottie5433 thanks for sharing this with us on here, you're doing a brilliant job being honest as always. You mentioned buying stuff so that you can harm yourself, do you still have that stuff with you at the moment? Are you currently self-harming, and do you feel safe right now?
It sounds like you managed to find some time to relax tonight with spending time with family, walking the dog and watching a film. How are you feeling today after that I wonder?
It makes sense you're stressing about the group skills and waiting for N to get back to you. I'm curious, what's stressing you the most about group skills at the moment?
@Lottie5433 emailing N to move the meeting online sounds like a good idea, especially if it will make you feel more comfortable opening up. Playing Uno, the walk, and watching a film all sound like lovely ways to spend the day. Just wanted to check in with you - how did you manage the urges last night? How are you doing today? Have you felt able yet to start gathering some thoughts, writing them down, to share with N on Wednesday? Of course, only share what you feel comfortable doing.
So I do still have the stuff I can hurt myself with @Callum , when I wrote it I did hurt myself afterwards, but I felt able to keep myself safe.
I’m feeling okay today, bit tired because it’s been an awful week.
I think I’m only stressing about group because I knew I’d have to go straight after work then go to work afterwards. I knew I hadn’t done a lot of the homework practice stuff just with how stressful work and life has been. But in the end it was all okay.
Hi @Sabah so going online won’t make it easier to talk about things it’s just easier for me as I’m having to cover a shift at work, so my other team member can go on mandatory training.
I didn’t manage the urges very well last night to be fair.
move gathered a few things I want to talk to N about, and like my partner said “did you talk about anything in therapy today” but I said that’s not what happens on Monday I said that’s why me and N will talk about, and how rough the last few days have been, my partner wasn’t too happy that I might talk about him in my session and said “I don’t want you to talk about me because N will just say I should talk to someone on”. So with all this I kinda don’t know what to tell N now
Hey @Lottie5433 It sounds like writing everything down was overwhelming and you felt strong urges to hurt yourself, which makes sense with the difficult emotions you're exploring. Did you need any medical attention to your wounds I wonder? It's good to hear you were able to keep yourself safe though, that's important to us. I'm wondering if you've been acting on those urges to hurt yourself today?
I'm hearing that going to group straight from work and then going back to work afterwards is something you don't particularly like, which is understandable. Would you like to share more about what might be the reason for that? I'm glad to hear it went okay though despite going during work and not doing the homework. Did you find the session helpful?
You also mentioned there that there's been confusion from your partner in terms of the difference between your sessions with N and the group sessions you have, which is normal. It sounds like he's feeling unsure about you talking about him in your appointment with N, which is understandable, but must feel so frustrating if you want to talk about him more. You shouldn't feel guilty for being so honest about everything with N, and she will keep that confidential (unless, of course, you're at any sort of risk). I'm curious, what might you like to talk to N about regarding your partner? And how are you feeling about tomorrows session with N? Did you manage to get that moved to online?
hi @Callum sorry for the late response.
I don’t need any medical attention after the self harming - although I never seek help even if I think i need it. I have acted on the urges today and hurt myself.
I just don’t like having to switch my brain off from work mode and back into like “me time” and then back to work again, and it’s like I miss 2hrs out of a work day when I go. This session was a bit more helpful we’ve moved onto emotional regulation so are working on what our emotions mean etc.
Well if just like to talk about what happened the other night and the following days after, and like how I tried telling him about how everything makes me feel and how sometimes what he says and does doesn’t help.
im sort of feeling okay, a little nervous just with sending her my diary card and talking about it. I did get the session moved online
@Lottie5433 No worries about a late response! You said you acted on the self-harm urges and hurt yourself yesterday, do you feel able to keep yourself safe today? Are those urges still strong today?
It makes sense you don't particularly like switching out of work mode and then back into work mode after the group session, that can take a lot of effort to do. You said that the session was more focused on emotional regulation and what your emotions mean, do you feel that helped you to navigate these emotions I wonder?
You deserve a space ti talk about your thoughts and feelings in the situation with your partner, that's not a bad thing at all, in fact it shows that you're aware of what's happening and how that's making you feel. Do you think you might share more about that with N today during your online session?
hi @Callum
I do feel somewhat able to keep myself safe today although the others are still strong.
the group session did start to help me make more sense of my emotions, just need to learn skills to navigate them and manage them.
I might share more with N about what happened and how it made me feel but I’m unsure completely. She will know something went on as my diary card reflects my emotions and urges etc
edit: this is what my diary card shows currently
@Lottie5433 It's good to hear you can keep yourself safe today despite some of the urges being strong. What could you do this evening and tonight to help manage those urges?
You are doing a brilliant job at the group sessions by the sounds of it, learning skills to navigate them and managing them is a good step to take, and as you probably are aware can be a difficult one to find the right steps. I believe you will find the right steps for you in time!
Sharing with N sounds like a good idea, so she can help support you through that and understands more about your diary card results. Thanks for sharing the diary card with us, it looks like you were struggling more on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, but that's calmed down a bit now. How are you feeling today?
hi @Callum well I spoke to N today in session on things I can do to manage the urges so going to try those tonight.
Me and N spent the whole session going through my diary card and doing a behavioural change analysis of what happened on Thursday.
I’m still feeling exhausted and my head hurts a bit because I’ve not been drinking much. N said that after the session I seemed a lot calmer in myself