Idk what to do anymore (TW- mention of SH/SI and ED)

Lottie5433

Hi @Sian321

 there was a few things that were going unsaid and assumptions being made - like I told him that certain things don’t help. For example - sometimes I will run my knuckles against a wall or hit a wall, when he sees me doing this he just goes and hits a wall too bit harder, and he thinks this will make me stop but it just makes me breakdown and think he has to 1-up me - I explained this to him and he just said “fine I’ll sit back and watch you hurt yourself” and just turned over so I started to silently cry because I had fucked up telling him all this that night. I feel more close to him when he just sits and listens and doesn’t interrupt me and that but also when he surprises me with cute messages or gifts - like he sent me a message after I made an attempt (I was subtly doing it at work and he found out) and it was heartfelt and made me cry and that made me feel close to him more because he didn’t judge he just wanted to understand what I was going through - (also then told me he had to tell J because he couldn’t stop thinking about it and how I went back to normal of going to work, then said J had to tell M my general manager about what happened because it happened on works grounds and police were called out)

Thank you @Sian321

 it is great that I passed, just need an induction on my site before I can do anything. I didn’t get a breather I had one day off which was Friday to which I was working in the garden, and the been at work since so not much of a breather

Lottie5433

I’m so stressed about everything.
im anxious about group tomorrow i dont want to go or join - hoping i can have my camera off as I will have jut come back from work.

Feel like im messing everything up with

Work

Mental health

Physical health

Relationship

Just everything

I don’t know what to do. I’m so done with like everything right now

Sabah

Hi @Lottie5433 I know things have been rough for a while now, and it can be overwhelming trying to juggle all those things at once. It is impossible to be perfect at everything, and we can see how hard you are trying in all areas of your life. What is stopping you from wanting to join group tomorrow?

I'm hearing how frustrated and down you are, and I want to also check in with how you're dealing with it? Do you have a plan in place to keep yourself safe when things get too much like right now?

Lottie5433

https://community.themix.org.uk/discussion/comment/3821973#Comment_3821973

hi @Sabah , what’s stopping me going group is that I don’t like the idea of it - like yes it’s learning different DBT skills but it’s the thought of it being as a group instead of individual. The only benefit is that it’s online.

not really dealing with it, trying to bottle it down so it doesn’t show as much. I don’t have a plan to stay safe really, don’t care really if I’m safe tbh. I just know I have various SH items dotted around the house and also some in the car so I’ve got those “safety nets”. At the moment just had dinner with my partner and his family but then got to go home which idk what I’m gonna do