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Cutting contact
Redemption
Community Connector Posts: 5,787 Part of The Furniture
I was hesitating on making this because it is personal and quite private but I wanted to vent, get it off my chest. I’ve been thinking about cutting contact with my mum after a recent issue because I just can’t handle the constant criticism anymore. My efforts are always dismissed and I’ve been told things like I’ll never get a job, which really cuts deep because job searching has already been such a tough and emotional journey for me. The hurtful comments were nonstop and I felt like a punching bag and completely unheard. I had to leave, I could have got into a car accident driving home in that state, I lrft voluntinarily but couldn't stay. I thought sleeping on it would help, but even after several days the pain hasn’t gone away. I’ve blocked her from contacting me and don’t plan to visit or talk to her again. I’m honestly grateful that my family are split up and that I don’t live with her, because during lockdown when I did, we barely spoke despite living under the same roof. I wasn’t happy with how I was treated growing up, which is why I distanced myself, though I started visiting her again after my family split. But after this weekend, being criticised constantly again, I left her house and decided I’m done.
It does hurt and I did question if I’m going too far, but I don’t think I am. I’ve struggled for so long and even though I’ve told her that and mentioned I’ve had counselling, she still kept criticising me. Hearing things like “you’ll never get a job” from someone who knows that’s my biggest fear was crushing. I don’t need that negativity in my life because it’s just not worth it. Even though there have been positive memories, they don’t excuse the pain and the way I’ve been made to feel. Parents bring us into this world, but that doesn’t mean we have to endure constant negativity. I know I can move forward and find work without her influence, and I might even be more likely to succeed without it. I’ve been trying so hard and being treated like this when I’m already struggling is horrible and unfair. I’ve never felt unsafe, but after struggling for so long and being constantly criticised, I have had some dark and low thoughts, which is why I worked on a safety plan with an organisation to keep myself safe. I won’t let it get to that point again and I’m not going to give up on finding a job. I’ll make sure I move forward and all of this will be worth it in the end. I will prove people wrong and show that I can get through this. I don’t live with her or depend on her, so there’s no reason to put up with it anymore. I’ve felt ignored, dismissed and unheard for too long and I just need peace.
It does hurt and I did question if I’m going too far, but I don’t think I am. I’ve struggled for so long and even though I’ve told her that and mentioned I’ve had counselling, she still kept criticising me. Hearing things like “you’ll never get a job” from someone who knows that’s my biggest fear was crushing. I don’t need that negativity in my life because it’s just not worth it. Even though there have been positive memories, they don’t excuse the pain and the way I’ve been made to feel. Parents bring us into this world, but that doesn’t mean we have to endure constant negativity. I know I can move forward and find work without her influence, and I might even be more likely to succeed without it. I’ve been trying so hard and being treated like this when I’m already struggling is horrible and unfair. I’ve never felt unsafe, but after struggling for so long and being constantly criticised, I have had some dark and low thoughts, which is why I worked on a safety plan with an organisation to keep myself safe. I won’t let it get to that point again and I’m not going to give up on finding a job. I’ll make sure I move forward and all of this will be worth it in the end. I will prove people wrong and show that I can get through this. I don’t live with her or depend on her, so there’s no reason to put up with it anymore. I’ve felt ignored, dismissed and unheard for too long and I just need peace.
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Comments
I can honestly relate to hearing constant negativity from a parent, and I'm sorry you feel dismissed. It isn't okay for anyone to say things like that, especially not a parent. You matter, and you deserve to be cared about and supported.
I do believe you will succeed in finding work, and I hope you find something that makes you feel happy and valued. And like I said, we don't really know each other, but I'm here if you need to vent.
It sounds like you've spent time on making this decision, and have tried to restore the relationship but that this experience has been a series that have led up to wanting to cut contact now. Well done for trying to make things work. Sometimes they don't, and it's important that you stand up for being treated fairly. You ask for peace, and I think that's a reasonable thing to want after your experiences.
You've done so much to get a job opportunity, and I'm hopeful that you'll be able to land something soon! It sounds sensible to have a safety plan in place as well, well done for reaching out to the organisation for this. We're here to keep supporting you on your journey!