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Comments
@Cutelivejazz none of your problems are stupid at all. Anything that is bothering you, or causing you stress or worry, or anxiety or any kind of difficulty is a completely valid problem. Your not playing the victim for getting yelled at. Getting yelled at and treated that way for a reasonable discussion is wrong, and you have every right to be upset about it.
Just for reference, I truly hate the online safety act too. The online safety act isn't just ID needed for adult sites, which is what most of the public thinks it is. That's maybe 1/10th of the act. I'm a tech nerd and spoke a lot with my uni lecturer about it. it's one of the most poorly written, technically illiterate, and arguably evil (given the true intention of it) pieces of law ever signed in the UK, and it isn't even remotely close, that uses "online safety" as an excuse for what it does, whilst actually doing nothing for online safety. Reading the act in full, i can tell you that it's the most egregious attempt in my opinion at mass surveillance and mass censorship, ever attempted in the UK, so much so that the British government had to bin entire sections of it after the US got involved and made clear it would actively prevent the British government from being able to enforce it, and did for a moment it's rumoured consider sanctions against British legislators and Ofcom for it, and rightfully so. (They demanded access to all US citizens private data as part of the act, i can explain how if your interested).
@Cutelivejazz I know this might not make a huge difference, but i want to tell you, you could be on the mix 24/7, put out 100 posts a day, and there would be no issue with it. In fact, i have nearly 2000 posts, in the span of 4 months, and 2 of those months i wasn't on here much. There's no such thing as using the site too much.
And you aren't a burden at all. This is a place where you can come and get support for whatever your struggling with. You wouldn't think a patient in the waiting room at the doctors is a burden, would you, for seeking help? Of course not. The same goes here. Nobody is a burden for reaching out for support here.
And you don't have to offer others support on here when you are in need of support yourself. You wouldn't think that unless a patient at the doctors helped other patients, that there a leech would you? Of course not. You don't have to offer others support whilst your in need of support, you're not being a burden and you're not being a leech. Not being sure how to help, what to say, that's okay. I didn't for the first few weeks i was here, and even now, i sometimes say the wrong thing, and sometimes am not sure what to say.
You are entitled to support on here. You don't have to support others in order to get it. You don't have to earn it. It's what your entitled to.
@toffuna101 hey toffuna. I know it's a really scary experience first starting college, and it really is nerve wracking, especially the build up to it, but i just want to let you know that we're all on here to offer you all the support and best wishes we can. I hope everything goes amazingly for you. And sorry i'm late with a reply to you.
its ok, thank you
@Cutelivejazz Anxiety is completely understandable. Anxiety spikes whenever it's close to a major event happening, especially something new and scary, in this case sixth form. This might not be much help, but it's 50 different strategies for dealing with anxiety. They might be worth a quick look and try. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/in-practice/201503/50-strategies-beat-anxiety
It's a big leap from everything. But the thing is, maybe you might not have your best friend with you the whole time, but you might also meet new friends. Remember, there will be all sorts of people who will be new to sixth form too, and just as anxious as you are. People from schools that didn't have sixth forms for example, moving to schools that do have them, like yours, will be nervous and friendless too. What i'm trying to say is that there will be many people who are new, who might be looking to try and make friends and whilst it might be difficult at first for you, there is always a good chance you'll meet close friends over your time there. It might seem scary, the idea that you might not, but the thing is, you don't know unless you try.
But about your mum looking through your phone, and deciding she wants to talk and understand you better, whilst it does seem like an invasion of privacy, that really does sound like a positive development potentially. It might be that she's starting to see you're anxieties and mental health struggles laid out, and how you feel you can't talk to her about it, and she may have decided to extend an olive branch to try and understand you more, and those struggles. This could be a good sign.
@Cutelivejazz Don't worry. It's not rude at all. I'd rather know that i had got it wrong and am mistaken about it, then have everyone pretend it's all okay and you not actually get the support you deserve here. I promise there's nothing rude, ungrateful or disrespectful about it. Honesty is always best, and never feel like you need to apologise for being honest.
It's why i used the terms "might", and "potentially" and never said anything definitively as a fact. I've never been the best at understanding everything right.
@Cutelivejazz It's completely understandable given everything you've been dealing with. I might not have the right words, or completely understand everything you're dealing with, and there may not be much that i can say that makes things better, but you are doing a good job, pushing forward despite everything. that's something you should be proud of.
@Cutelivejazz Not at all. This is a mental health support site, where you can get support. Nobody coming here for support is a burden.
@Cutelivejazz Trust me, i'm very much the same. Social anxiety is a nightmare. Prior to joining the mix myself 4 months back, i never had a single bit of socialising growing up. No friends, no anything. Just being a carer pretty much 24/7. So i was absolutely horrific when i first joined, and even now, i still worry about saying the wrong things.
If it helps put your mind at rest about it, ask away whenever your worried. There's never any harm in asking.
@Cutelivejazz of course you can, and you're not being a bother at all btw
@Cutelivejazz no worries, just writing a reply now and a few suggestions
@Cutelivejazz so, i'm just gonna say this bit first. I might get some of this wrong, or misinterpret some stuff, so please tell me if i do. I might not have advice or solutions for everything, but i'll advise where i can.
So, with the almost "panic attacks", it must be terrifying to go through that sort of thing and to struggle for breath. You mentioned it's not quite a panic attack, but i'm guessing it impacts you the same as a panic attack would, in terms of what you go through with it. The tight chest feeling and breathing difficulty. Could I just ask, do you know the difference between a panic and an anxiety attack? They both have those as a symptoms, and anxiety can get severe enough to cause physical symptoms, similar to panic attacks.
And dissociation, could i just ask, and i may be way out with this, but is it sort of like an emotional numbness, where no emotions seem to register, and everything seems disconnected?
I can see why Friday is a bit worrying. What you described definitely sounds like a scary thing. A combination of fears are at play there. Fear of being abandoned by your friend, fear of making a mistake and messing up in front of others, fear of a bad photo, and fear of being mocked for having a doctorated lanyard. And they all seem to come down to fear of what other people think of you, which is an entirely valid fear to have. But, here's the interesting thing. For one, with photo ID's, when i went to college, they let people retake the photo's. The truth is, most photo ID cards are to small to really get a good look at. There only really used to tap in to classes, and to show that the card belongs to you if ever needed. Plus, if it's like the lanyards i had, the majority of the time, it caused the card to flip to face inwards instead of outwards, so just the back of the card could be seen most of the time. Now, as for decorating your lanyards, it's something that a fair few people do now. It's something that is common, and today isn't really considered taboo, or an issue. Now, as for looking like a fool in front of others, let me put it like this. There are going to be countless people who are in need of an ice breaker too. Who are just as nervous perhaps. it's okay to be worried about it, and i'm sure you're not the only one. There isn't much advice i can give that can make that worry any better for you i'm afraid. However, with your friend who ditched you before, i'm going to be as honest as i can here, and just say, don't rely on them. If they've proven unreliable before, it's best not to rely on them once again and prepare emotionally, just in case. I know how scary it is being alone. Heck, I went on stage at my graduation and went to the after event of it entirely alone because none of my family stayed for long. Before i even got on stage they left me alone. it's scary, but i would have been much better prepared for it had i thought there was a chance it would happen and prepared emotionally.
And, you have every right to be angry that further maths may not be an option. I recall you said you loved maths as a subject, so it must be crushing to not have it open to you. There isn't anything i can suggest about that i'm afraid, but, i will say, don't let any passion you have die out for it. It might be something that you could possibly revisit in future if you get the chance, or even try to take at a different institution online perhaps. But as you said, that's still just a maybe. there is every chance they will still keep it as an option open for you.
@Cutelivejazz Don't worry, you're not bothering me. I was just taking a while to write it. i ended up rewriting sections of it. Sorry about that.