[TW suicidal thoughts] Fucking hate home life

Comments

• Redemption Community Connector Posts: 4,071 Community Veteran

  May 20

  Lottie5433 wrote: »

  I hate everything about being at home.
  

  • I hate my siblings - constantly doing things that know annoy me or sticking their noses into my business and life.
  • I hate my parents (mainly my mum)
  • i hate not having my own space
  • i don't feel it can be me
  • i feel watched constantly - having my past haunt me when im trying to bury it
  • it doesnt feel safe enough to cry or let any emotions out - must be numb or happy all day everyday
  • no ine listens to my feelings
  • my parents say they are "caring" and "supportive" and care if im "safe" but all they do 'care' about is that they look like good parents. When actually they make me feel like im defective (well i am) and just keep bring up past history of my mental health as abreast to keep me confined to the house at certain hours - dont allow me to have a life because they are "worried". I call bullshit

  
  I just dont know how much longer I can cope with everything, i want everything to end, be quiet and be engulfed in darkness.
  
  But can't do anything of that because then I'd be a failure and I'd be selfish.

  • then my parents would regret how they treat me because they didn't see the signs

  I can't seem to get anything right so why was I actually put here - taking a valuable life from someone who would have done so much more in this world than what i can do
  
  Just going to cry and shrivel up and hope i die
  I dont give a shit about life anymore- I just fuck it up for everyone around me. If im not here they can actually enjoy life and not "worry" about me.

  
  @Lottie5433 I'm so so sorry with what you're going through right now, it all does sound extremely tough. I hope you're safe. Not make it about me but I relate to some of this. A lot or even everything might feel dark now but it will get better. We are all going to be here for you. I'm here as always too, I know pms have gone now but I can talk to you here on boards, chat sessions etc if you need a chat. It's so upsetting to hear the rough time you're going through ❤️. Please stay strong. It will get better.

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• Lottie5433 Community Connector Posts: 802 Part of The Mix Family

  May 20

  Im at work and its dont want to go home. But I have to take my sister back home.
  If i go back home I just going cause issues like I already am.
  I want and escape from everyone and everything.

  i have everything i need to make an escape forever. Might as well do it that way i can fail eveeyone all a tthe same time. There would be no greif what so ever so

  No one in my house actually cares about me they just pretend because that's their 'job'.
  
  I want to run away, im an adult so its fine I can "survive" on my own
  Just remove myself from every possible equation

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• eylah Posts: 7,303 Master Poster

  May 20

  are you safe? pls reach out if youre feeling unsafe. we care abt you so much.

  ppl dont always need advice. sometimes all they rly need is a hand to hold. an ear to listen. and a heart to understand them. 🧸

  3
• shannon_164 Community Connector Posts: 1,870 Extreme Poster

  May 20

  hey @Lottie5433 - i really do hear how difficult everything is for you right now and how you’re feeling is so valid. are you currently safe? it’s important that you reach out for support if not, you’re so deserving of support!
  
  if you feel able to, here are some helplines:

  childline (24/7) - call 08001111
  
  shout (24/7) - text ‘shout’ to 85258
  
  samaritans (24/7) - call 116123
  
  lifeline (24/7) - call 08088088000
  
  papyrus (24/7) - call 08000684141
  
  inspire wellbeing (24/7) - call 08081890036
  
  community advice and listening line (24/7) - call 0800132737
  
  knus (24/7) - whatsapp 07700165687
  
  mind (9am-6pm) - call 03001233393
  
  rethink mental illness (9:30am-4pm) - call 03005000927
  
  kooth (12pm-10pm) - webchat on website
  
  saneline (4pm-10pm) - call 03003047000
  
  calm (5pm-12am) - call 0800585858
  
  suicide prevention uk (6pm-12am) - call 08005870800
  
  kelly’s heroes (6pm-11pm) - webchat on website
  
  sos (8pm-12am) - call 08001151505

  
  and remember, if you’re in danger you can call 111 / 999 or go to a&e!!
  
  we’re all here for you

  1
• Lottie5433 Community Connector Posts: 802 Part of The Mix Family

  May 20

  Ive semi ran from home.
  Not told anyone where im too
  Turnt my location off
  Don't want to go home
  I just want to keep driving - im an hour away from home.
  Can I keep going and just not go back
  No one will care
  
  Then I also have other things I can do but I cant say anymore coz it will cause issues and raise concern
  
  But right now i not home

  2
• shannon_164 Community Connector Posts: 1,870 Extreme Poster

  May 20

  hey @Lottie5433 - its been a little while since you shared this, how are you feeling now?
  
  please do reach out for support if you’re feeling unsafe, you are so deserving of support! i know it might not feel this way, but so many people care about you - things can get better

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• Redemption Community Connector Posts: 4,071 Community Veteran

  12:06AM

  Lottie5433 wrote: »

  Ive semi ran from home.
  Not told anyone where im too
  Turnt my location off
  Don't want to go home
  I just want to keep driving - im an hour away from home.
  Can I keep going and just not go back
  No one will care
  
  Then I also have other things I can do but I cant say anymore coz it will cause issues and raise concern
  
  But right now i not home

  
  Hope you're ok @Lottie5433 please let us know you're ok ❤️. We all really care about you

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• Lottie5433 Community Connector Posts: 802 Part of The Mix Family

  12:20AM

  I went back home
  Not that I want to be here
  I felt I had to go back despite everything
  I do wish I carried on driving away or that maybe that something happened to me.
  
  Just need to try and sleep sand get through the night

  2
• Leyla Community Manager Posts: 181 Helping Hand

  9:24AM

  @Lottie5433 Thank you for reaching out - we will DM you and continue this chat to see how we can support you at this time

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• Lottie5433 Community Connector Posts: 802 Part of The Mix Family

  9:26AM

  Okay @Leyla I did have a dm yesterday about it

  1
• Redemption Community Connector Posts: 4,071 Community Veteran

  7:17PM

  Lottie5433 wrote: »

  Okay I did have a dm yesterday about it

  
  Hope you're feeling better now @Lottie5433

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