[TW suicidal thoughts] Fucking hate home life

Lottie5433

I hate everything about being at home.

• I hate my siblings - constantly doing things that know annoy me or sticking their noses into my business and life.
• I hate my parents (mainly my mum)
• i hate not having my own space
• i don't feel it can be me
• i feel watched constantly - having my past haunt me when im trying to bury it
• it doesnt feel safe enough to cry or let any emotions out - must be numb or happy all day everyday
• no ine listens to my feelings
• my parents say they are "caring" and "supportive" and care if im "safe" but all they do 'care' about is that they look like good parents. When actually they make me feel like im defective (well i am) and just keep bring up past history of my mental health as abreast to keep me confined to the house at certain hours - dont allow me to have a life because they are "worried". I call bullshit

I just dont know how much longer I can cope with everything, i want everything to end, be quiet and be engulfed in darkness.

But can't do anything of that because then I'd be a failure and I'd be selfish.

• then my parents would regret how they treat me because they didn't see the signs

I can't seem to get anything right so why was I actually put here - taking a valuable life from someone who would have done so much more in this world than what i can do

Just going to cry and shrivel up and hope i die
I dont give a shit about life anymore- I just fuck it up for everyone around me. If im not here they can actually enjoy life and not "worry" about me.

Redemption

Lottie5433 wrote: »

I hate everything about being at home.

• I hate my siblings - constantly doing things that know annoy me or sticking their noses into my business and life.
• I hate my parents (mainly my mum)
• i hate not having my own space
• i don't feel it can be me
• i feel watched constantly - having my past haunt me when im trying to bury it
• it doesnt feel safe enough to cry or let any emotions out - must be numb or happy all day everyday
• no ine listens to my feelings
• my parents say they are "caring" and "supportive" and care if im "safe" but all they do 'care' about is that they look like good parents. When actually they make me feel like im defective (well i am) and just keep bring up past history of my mental health as abreast to keep me confined to the house at certain hours - dont allow me to have a life because they are "worried". I call bullshit

I just dont know how much longer I can cope with everything, i want everything to end, be quiet and be engulfed in darkness.

But can't do anything of that because then I'd be a failure and I'd be selfish.

• then my parents would regret how they treat me because they didn't see the signs

I can't seem to get anything right so why was I actually put here - taking a valuable life from someone who would have done so much more in this world than what i can do

Just going to cry and shrivel up and hope i die
I dont give a shit about life anymore- I just fuck it up for everyone around me. If im not here they can actually enjoy life and not "worry" about me.

@Lottie5433 I'm so so sorry with what you're going through right now, it all does sound extremely tough. I hope you're safe. Not make it about me but I relate to some of this. A lot or even everything might feel dark now but it will get better. We are all going to be here for you. I'm here as always too, I know pms have gone now but I can talk to you here on boards, chat sessions etc if you need a chat. It's so upsetting to hear the rough time you're going through ❤️. Please stay strong. It will get better.

Lottie5433

Im at work and its dont want to go home. But I have to take my sister back home.
If i go back home I just going cause issues like I already am.
I want and escape from everyone and everything.

i have everything i need to make an escape forever. Might as well do it that way i can fail eveeyone all a tthe same time. There would be no greif what so ever so

No one in my house actually cares about me they just pretend because that's their 'job'.

I want to run away, im an adult so its fine I can "survive" on my own
Just remove myself from every possible equation

eylah

are you safe? pls reach out if youre feeling unsafe. we care abt you so much.

shannon_164

hey @Lottie5433 - i really do hear how difficult everything is for you right now and how you’re feeling is so valid. are you currently safe? it’s important that you reach out for support if not, you’re so deserving of support!

if you feel able to, here are some helplines:

childline (24/7) - call 08001111

shout (24/7) - text ‘shout’ to 85258

samaritans (24/7) - call 116123

lifeline (24/7) - call 08088088000

papyrus (24/7) - call 08000684141

inspire wellbeing (24/7) - call 08081890036

community advice and listening line (24/7) - call 0800132737

knus (24/7) - whatsapp 07700165687

mind (9am-6pm) - call 03001233393

rethink mental illness (9:30am-4pm) - call 03005000927

kooth (12pm-10pm) - webchat on website

saneline (4pm-10pm) - call 03003047000

calm (5pm-12am) - call 0800585858

suicide prevention uk (6pm-12am) - call 08005870800

kelly’s heroes (6pm-11pm) - webchat on website

sos (8pm-12am) - call 08001151505

and remember, if you’re in danger you can call 111 / 999 or go to a&e!!

we’re all here for you

Lottie5433

Ive semi ran from home.
Not told anyone where im too
Turnt my location off
Don't want to go home
I just want to keep driving - im an hour away from home.
Can I keep going and just not go back
No one will care

Then I also have other things I can do but I cant say anymore coz it will cause issues and raise concern

But right now i not home

shannon_164

hey @Lottie5433 - its been a little while since you shared this, how are you feeling now?

please do reach out for support if you’re feeling unsafe, you are so deserving of support! i know it might not feel this way, but so many people care about you - things can get better

Redemption

Lottie5433 wrote: »

Ive semi ran from home.
Not told anyone where im too
Turnt my location off
Don't want to go home
I just want to keep driving - im an hour away from home.
Can I keep going and just not go back
No one will care

Then I also have other things I can do but I cant say anymore coz it will cause issues and raise concern

But right now i not home

Hope you're ok @Lottie5433 please let us know you're ok ❤️. We all really care about you

Lottie5433

I went back home
Not that I want to be here
I felt I had to go back despite everything
I do wish I carried on driving away or that maybe that something happened to me.

Just need to try and sleep sand get through the night

Leyla

@Lottie5433 Thank you for reaching out - we will DM you and continue this chat to see how we can support you at this time

Lottie5433

Okay @Leyla I did have a dm yesterday about it