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Direct Messaging (DMs)

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  • toffuna101toffuna101 Posts: 2,301 Boards Champion
    im gonna join side by side on my 18th birthday because why not
  • independent_independent_ Community Connector Posts: 9,504 Supreme Poster
    edited May 8
    I don’t think I can even DM the staff anymore, though I shall check and edit this after I post it. I have a lot of concerns about the use of email to communicate with members anyway, primarily confidentiality. Previously if someone was concerned about the anonymity of their email account they could switch off all email notifications and could be satisfied they would never get an email from the mix. But some of the things the staff need to contact us about can be quite personal, which is really not good if someone else then sees that email. If it was all done on the boards it would at least mean a member could keep that separate from their emails if they wanted to.

    It’s also incredibly easy to miss an email - I don’t know about others but I get a steady stream of emails throughout the day, many of them are from here through notifications. They all come from the same email account.

    But yes, it would be strange for staff to still recommend using DMs, though I recognise it may be habit.

    Edit: right enough, i can’t even start a DM conversation with the staff anymore, though I could reply if they sent me one.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Connector Posts: 3,368 Boards Guru
    I guess now we have to do a post to the mix asking for them to message us 😂
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • OwenOwen Community Manager Posts: 2 Newbie
    Hey everyone, just to let you know we have updated the original post with FAQs following all your valuable feedback and discussion. Thank you, Owen
  • independent_independent_ Community Connector Posts: 9,504 Supreme Poster
    This still doesn’t answer the question of why some people can still PM and why we can all still reply to PMs.

    @TheMix, I can’t DM you, there’s no button on your profile or new message button either.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • Jayn21Jayn21 Posts: 34 Boards Initiate
    @independent_ whereas I could start a conversation
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Connector Posts: 1,748 Extreme Poster
    ok not being funny but we were originally advised of the fact that we weren’t told prior to this happening as the community team were unaware but in the post that @Owen edited, it states “We understand that more notice would have been helpful. However, we were concerned that doing so might lead to a surge in direct messages, including the sharing of personal contact details—something we strongly advise against, as it can move conversations outside of our moderated and safe spaces” which kinda implies that this was known information, we just weren’t told as a way to ensure that we then weren’t aware of it and sharing person contact info…? this situation is a complete joke!!
  • independent_independent_ Community Connector Posts: 9,504 Supreme Poster
    edited May 8
    I actually hadn’t spotted that at first. Which is it?

    Also, if people want to share their details, they were going to do it regardless. That is my choice.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • independent_independent_ Community Connector Posts: 9,504 Supreme Poster
    edited May 8
    It is all implying that DMs are always a bad thing. They’re not. I’ve been here a long time, and I can count on one hand the number of dodgy DMs I have had. I’ve had more dodgy comments from people in chat tbh. On the odd occasions someone has sent me something undesirable, I asked the staff to have a look or added them into the convo. One time the staff even added themselves in before I got a chance to raise it. DMs on here can be, and were it seems by previous staff teams, moderated.

    Is there a link to this guidance anywhere? I could google, but I feel it should be linked.

    Edited to add that my old conversations with the staff team are also gone. Maybe the staff should make a normal members account to see what we see, because I’m not seeing half of it - I can’t DM the staff, I don’t have my old DMs with them, and I can still reply to others DMs.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • independent_independent_ Community Connector Posts: 9,504 Supreme Poster
    edited May 8
    What I don’t understand also is. In the old post about over 25s (the one posted in 2021) it states that accounts with an age over 30 wouldn’t be able to DM. How was this possible but at the same time it’s not possible to control DMs based on age?

    Edit: conveniently that post has now been deleted, I did try to find the link to prove it says this.
    “Sometimes the people around you won’t understand your journey. They don’t need to, it’s not for them.”
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Connector Posts: 1,748 Extreme Poster
    What I don’t understand also is. In the old post about over 25s (the one posted in 2021) it states that accounts with an age over 30 wouldn’t be able to DM. How was this possible but at the same time it’s not possible to control DMs based on age?

    Edit: conveniently that post has now been deleted, I did try to find the link to prove it says this.

    very good point @independent_ i remember exactly what post you mean!! it very clearly is possible then and we, once again, are just being lied to…
  • AnonymousToeAnonymousToe Posts: 2,642 Boards Guru
    It just keeps getting more ridiculous
  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 5,180 Part of The Furniture
    Millie2787 wrote: »
    I know I’ve technically left but after getting this in part of an email today, that I know won’t go to everyone ….. I can’t leave you all to be lied to. Whoever this higher up is who’s telling staff to withhold information needs to seriously give there head a wobble. So many of us here have trust issues and a place that was meant to be a safe space is slowly becoming not !

    1x355sjfyzn6.jpeg

    I'm glad you have shared eventhough I don't know how long it will be until they delete it because they like things to be hush hush sadly. The biggest bombshell has dropped, the users deserve to know the truth about being lied to. The higher ups and staff clearly knew what was going on but never bothered to tell us when they could have. Wasn't the whole point of the mix user based so any new decisions would be put to users to say their say so. It's like we don't matter anymore to them sadly. The place that was built on trust has become untrustworthy quite sadly ish. I hate having to post this too but someone needs to speak up for everyone.
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 5,180 Part of The Furniture
    edited May 9
    JJLemon18 wrote: »
    In response to the FAQ,.

    I should not be making this post, and I doubt I will get through to anyone with a soul in their body but I just can't help it. The community deserves to be informed of the truth, which you constantly fail to provide. Honesty has always been my most important value ever since I joined these boards, and it will stay that way. I feel like people need to see this is not a safe space anymore and finally move on, unfortunately. Its such a shame.
    We know that the vast majority of direct messages will be 100% safe and within Guidelines. However, even with positive use, there’s still a level of risk that comes with any space we do not routinely moderate unless an issue is brought to our attention.
    Yes, there are also risks with literally everything else on the internet! With this thinking you should've closed down the entire organisation by now.
    ...which recommends limiting private messaging in open online communities to reduce risk for children and young people.
    Do you know what the words 'recommends', 'limiting' and 'reduce' mean? It definitely doesn't mean 'remove completely and suddenly without any prior warning'.
    We understand that more notice would have been helpful. However, we were concerned that doing so might lead to a surge in direct messages, including the sharing of personal contact details—something we strongly advise against, as it can move conversations outside of our moderated and safe spaces.
    That's the WHOLE FUCKING POINT of you informing us in advance!! I have a friend I trust here, how do I stay in contact with them now?? You want me to instead share my contact here for the entire boards to see??? Its not for you to decide who I make friends with or not, we're more responsible than you think.

    Admit, you were scared of people discussing this change behind your backs without your control over it. You were scared of people leaving the mix for good. Cause if they made friends here they can't leave with them now, and are stuck here with whatever bullshit you are planning to feed them. That isn't fair.

    Oh and if they did leave. They would move to websites and apps that do have the "technology, resources, and legal obligations" that you seemingly don't. They will finally talk to each other in a place that actually is safe. Isn't that what you'd want if you can't provide that yourself?

    I won't even mention what was already said about the conflicting info that this change was 'sudden' for you too. Lies. You all knew in advance. Just like all the mods already knew stuff long before we did, and were slowly leaving this place one by one so we didn't suspect anything. But we're not as stupid as you think.
    We know this change may have felt sudden, and we truly hear the hurt, shock, and confusion it’s caused.
    Meaningless words.
    Yes, unfortunately, previous private messages are no longer accessible (except for DMs with the Staff Team).
    That is incredibly irresponsible to just suddenly delete so much data at once without prior notice. Unless they aren't completely inaccessible and this is another one of your lies...
    We know this may feel like a significant and deeply upsetting loss. Those conversations often carried real meaning, friendship, comfort, and support — and we don’t take that lightly. We’re truly sorry for the sadness or frustration this has caused, and we fully acknowledge how important those connections were to many of you.
    We’d gently encourage you to continue nurturing supportive relationships through our public spaces — like the Discussion Boards and Group Chats — where valuable connections are still very much possible. We remain committed to helping you find friendship, shared understanding, and community in these safe, moderated spaces.
    So many meaningless words...
    Big social media platforms have access to advanced AI moderation tools that allow them to automatically scan private messages for harmful or risky content (like grooming, bullying, or abuse) and are able to efficiently flag concerning conversations for human review.
    I don't believe that. They don't all have 'advanced AI moderation tools'. If they do, it's still not 100% effective (doesn't mean they delete the option to chat though do they).

    And you say you don't have the technology huh? Aren't you already using AI though for age verification? And what about the article you sent me some time ago about the Prince of Wales visiting you and you discussing the use of AI?

    Link to that article:
    https://giveusashout.org/latest/prince-of-wales-visit-marks-new-chapter-for-shout-and-mental-health-innovations/
    Please know this change isn’t about limiting connection - it’s about making sure that connection happens in spaces where we can help keep everyone safe.
    Yeah yeah, where you can monitor everything we talk about.

    You know, if it is so difficult to allow DMs just for over 18s, how is it that it's allowed just for messaging mods? I thought you kept reiterating that its strictly a platform-wide change, then how have you specifically chosen to keep it working for messaging the mix?

    I am a dev myself. This is not hard to implement. Plus you have literally already done it lol.
    We know it might feel tempting to continue conversations elsewhere, but we strongly discourage connecting 1:1 outside of The Mix. When conversations move to other platforms, we’re no longer able to help if something goes wrong.
    Again, why is it that bad if those platforms have the technology to keep people safe that you don't?


    If you really cared about people and making friendships, there are a million better ways you could've gone about this.

    Why not teach people about internet safety instead of removing the problem entirely? Do you not understand that limiting people in such ways will literally cause them more harm as they will find other even less safe ways to communicate on the internet.

    If you put the fire out you can save a kid from burning themselves... until they come across another flame when you're not there. Teach them that fire burns, and they will never hurt themselves again.

    Why not add info to the DMs teaching people how to stay safe, and how to reach out to help whenever they feel like there is anything wrong.


    I apologise for my language in this post. If I sound pissed its because I am. I have been hurt by life enough, and I wouldn't want anyone to be left without the support they deserve. I should be sleeping now ahead of another difficult and painful day. But instead I'm here trying to argue with myself hoping that maybe some soul sees this and actually decides to listen for real once instead of constantly pretending they do. I wouldn't be here if I still had hope in this community.

    This place means a lot - don't waste it.

    Well said 👏 I totally agree with you, we the users are getting tired of it all now and these changes are doing more harm than necessary.
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • Rose113Rose113 Community Connector Posts: 3,368 Boards Guru
    Completely agree @Lili5Bet <3
    Sometimes when the people most like you don't love you, it is a hurt that can cause the greatest pain, and this pain can lead you to hate everything.
  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 5,180 Part of The Furniture
    Millie2787 wrote: »
    Interesting to see how several staff members and the Mix account have been active over the last 24hrs but have chosen to ignore the concerns that have been raised in here, not even an acknowledgement to say they’ve seen the concerns.…. How are we meant to trust what is meant to be a mental health charity when we either get No response, get a response in 20 years time or get our concerns edited

    It'll be Christmas before they give us a response to be fair 😂
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • shannon_164shannon_164 Community Connector Posts: 1,748 Extreme Poster
    Amy22 wrote: »
    Millie2787 wrote: »
    Interesting to see how several staff members and the Mix account have been active over the last 24hrs but have chosen to ignore the concerns that have been raised in here, not even an acknowledgement to say they’ve seen the concerns.…. How are we meant to trust what is meant to be a mental health charity when we either get No response, get a response in 20 years time or get our concerns edited

    It'll be Christmas before they give us a response to be fair 😂

    christmas 2057, not even christmas 2025🤣
  • Amy22Amy22 Posts: 5,180 Part of The Furniture
    Amy22 wrote: »
    Millie2787 wrote: »
    Interesting to see how several staff members and the Mix account have been active over the last 24hrs but have chosen to ignore the concerns that have been raised in here, not even an acknowledgement to say they’ve seen the concerns.…. How are we meant to trust what is meant to be a mental health charity when we either get No response, get a response in 20 years time or get our concerns edited

    It'll be Christmas before they give us a response to be fair 😂

    christmas 2057, not even christmas 2025🤣

    I'll be ancient then i don't how old wait let me get my calculator out *pulls out calculator* (yes I had to use the calculator app on my phone because I'm bad at maths 🤣).

    I'll be.... *drumroll*

    55 years old and probably kicked off the mix because I'll be over 26 then 😂 😂 unless...nah
    Just a person who likes pop culture and films
  • RedemptionRedemption Posts: 3,978 Community Veteran
    Amy22 wrote: »
    Millie2787 wrote: »
    Interesting to see how several staff members and the Mix account have been active over the last 24hrs but have chosen to ignore the concerns that have been raised in here, not even an acknowledgement to say they’ve seen the concerns.…. How are we meant to trust what is meant to be a mental health charity when we either get No response, get a response in 20 years time or get our concerns edited

    It'll be Christmas before they give us a response to be fair 😂

    I guess it will be a good Christmas present kinda, might be my only one lool
  • Lili5BetLili5Bet Posts: 159 Helping Hand
    edited May 10
    :joy::joy: Well, I think with the issues that has been raised, it would take time for the team to reflect and go forward from here. I would understand and agree, that it would be nice for acknowledgment of the issues we’ve raised and to know that this will be taken seriously with active steps in place.
  • Millie2787Millie2787 Community Connector Posts: 5,220 Part of The Furniture
    Oh definitely @Lili5Bet im not expecting a full reply , but lately since all the changes we barely even get an acknowledgment until like 5 days later when we raise concerns…. It was never like this before so I don’t understand what’s changed.
    Sometimes all you need is one person to believe in you , for you to begin to believe in yourself.
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