Is my doctor crazy?

The title of this thread is pretty much a rhetorical question lol, but this is something that I just really want to share.

Note: Do be warned theres pretty strong language in this post, and trigger warning too I guess, just in case. Its also really long...

Some backstory first. I decided to try a different doctor at my gp practice, because the one I was going to hasn't been too helpful, and I also found it really difficult to understand what she was saying or what she wanted from me. Basically we didn't get far. I also wanted to finally get some diagnoses to know exactly what I need to focus on in terms of mental health and stuff. So I got a visit booked with a doctor I last been to 10 years ago. And this is the story of how that went...

There is so much that happened that I cannot be bothered reciting this all again, instead I'll just copy and paste what I've written in my diary immediately after the visit. Sorry it is a bit messy.

And one last thing, I forgot to mention in the diary that the first thing he said to me was to talk to each other as friends, where I know the best about myself and he (as the doctor) knows about doctor-stuff, so we could work things out this way.

But anyway, here is the passage from my diary:

Just left from a gp I've always been to when I was little. He was so honest and realistic. But I literally feel like crying right now.

He said how he remembers me when I was little. He said how handsome I am. And how I should be out with the girls partying, going to clubs, pubs etc.
His first question was literally if I have a girlfriend. And when I said I dont even have friends he said "fuck you". (No Im not making this up) I told him I'm struggling with uni courseworks and also struggling with family stuff cause my parents have been crying a lot, but I want to be there and support them. He said "fuck your family", and that "every time I see your mum even I want to cry"...
He told me to "fuck uni" and to get out and start living life... and by 'living life' he meant moving out from my "depressing" family, going to pubs to drink, and "fucking around" with girls... He told me to make a frickin tinder account!! I couldn't believe I was hearing all this from my own doctor...

He was truly and utterly ignoring and invalidating all my thoughts and feelings, all my struggles, and everything I had to say. He made it all sound so easy and like I was just making all my struggles up. And he even got angry at me for not wanting to take medications. He said the entire world is on medications so theres no excuse for me not being on them too. He was just so angry at me with everything, and he made me feel so bad for not being like 'everyone else'.

This was definitely an experience, and nothing like what I expected. I was uncomfortable as hell. He swore more times than he said the word 'the'. And I wonder if he behaved like this because he just didn't know anything about me beforehand (tho he did mention he remembers me already being very quiet when I was little) and he just tried to be relatable and 'cool' to what he assumed was just your average young male...

Beside all of this, he did genuinely seem like he tried to be helpful, and he did say it was so sad to see me come in depressed after so many years. But in the end he just stressed me out and made me more uncomfortable than I've been in a long time...

I dunno what to think of all this...

Yup... I am not making any of this up. Though maybe the way I'm phrasing some of it it may seem worse than it actually was, but still.

This was almost a month ago now, and I've had a lot to think about and process since. More and more I'm realising how incredibly MESSED UP this all is!! But I'm torn between two sides, because he also did seem really friendly (and he made me laugh a LOT during the visit haha)... when he said "fuck you" it didn't feel like he was saying it in a mean way, more in a jokeish way, as if he couldn't believe me. Kind of like "no way, you don't have a girlfriend??" for example. Greatest ego boost ever lmao... yay? xD
Also when he said about my family and uni, I assume he was trying to make me more careless and be less worried about stuff? Kind of like 'screw all that, focus on yourself' kind of way? But still, really horrible how he did that.

And before I could process everything about this, I had another visit with him booked, because he told me to make a list of all the things I struggle with and bring it to him so he knows what to help me with. So I gave him another chance, and told myelf if he behaves the same way I will report him. But surprising he was much different this time, which could be because of the list I gave him, so now he knows me and how much I'm really struggling. The only weird thing he told me this time is that maybe I 'need more alcohol' in my body to be more confident and all, which I dunno why he would ever suggest that to anyone! But I'm not gonna listen to him regardless. After reading my list he immediatly gave me paperwork for me to fill out to get a diagnosis for autism and/or adhd I believe. So I finally got what I wanted... yay?

But with all that said, I am aware he acted very unprofessionally and was really insensitive. He surely is a specimen to behold xD

I wonder what some of you might think about all this. And sorry i've written soo much

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AnonymousToe

JJLemon18 wrote: »

Note: Do be warned theres pretty strong language in this post, and trigger warning too I guess, just in case.

^ The fact that you’ve had to include this, when you’re literally just sharing what your doctor said to you, says a lot.

It sounds like he has really stereotypical views, like he has this idea of how someone your age is ‘supposed’ to be. He sounds really dismissive.

I feel like somebody senior at your GP surgery needs to know about this, to be honest. Luckily you’re in a position to know that what he said about alcohol especially just isn’t right. But someone else might not be. And how are you supposed to trust any advice he gives if he comes out with so much rubbish? I know maybe he doesn’t mean any harm, but that doesn’t make it okay.

Also, I feel like you should know what the paperwork was about? Like he should’ve explained it all to you, but it sounds like you’ve just had to guess what it was for.

There’s just so much he’s done wrong, I keep looking back and finding more. He shouldn’t be angry with you for not wanting to take medication. Doctors are supposed to respect your decision, and it’s not like you said something outlandish. Plenty of people don’t want to go down the medication route. “No excuse” for you not being on them??! That’s mad. Medication is generally supposed to be a last resort, especially when you’re young, so that’s not right at all.

You don’t have to be ‘like everyone else’. I’m not, so.. 😂

Side note: I think it’s so brave that you went to the GP and shared all that stuff, so well done for that. I’m sorry he was so awful.

JJLemon18

Oh god, I completely forgot to reply to this

oops...

Thank you so much for the reply @AnonymousToe

AnonymousToe wrote: »

I feel like somebody senior at your GP surgery needs to know about this, to be honest.

Ah, right... I'm pretty sure he is the owner of the surgery

AnonymousToe wrote: »

Luckily you’re in a position to know that what he said about alcohol especially just isn’t right. But someone else might not be. And how are you supposed to trust any advice he gives if he comes out with so much rubbish? I know maybe he doesn’t mean any harm, but that doesn’t make it okay.

Yea, that's honestly my biggest worry with him. Cause I am able to tell what's right or wrong from what he's saying, but someone else might not, and they'll blindly follow through with everything he might tell them, which is NOT good.

AnonymousToe wrote: »

Also, I feel like you should know what the paperwork was about? Like he should’ve explained it all to you, but it sounds like you’ve just had to guess what it was for.

Nah thats just me being clueless as usual lol. Have been leaving the paperwork off to later cause it seems really long and I've been busy with other stuff in the meantime. Will have to do it soon though, the sooner the better.

AnonymousToe wrote: »

He shouldn’t be angry with you for not wanting to take medication. Doctors are supposed to respect your decision, and it’s not like you said something outlandish. Plenty of people don’t want to go down the medication route. “No excuse” for you not being on them??! That’s mad. Medication is generally supposed to be a last resort, especially when you’re young, so that’s not right at all.

That's also what I've been told. This honestly pissed me off so much.

I think he wasnt taking me seriously at all, as if he thought I was making up all my symptoms. Which would explain his jokish and careless attitude towards me... but whatever.

I went to him again (regarding some physical symptoms I'm having) and he immediately managed to figure out what was the problem, and apparently it was something 'difficult to tell'. So he seems like a good doctor... but maybe just a little crazy xD

AnonymousToe

@JJLemon18

He’s the owner of the surgery?! Omg.

If I’m honest, he sounds… old. Like he doesn’t have a clue about mental health. I haven’t really ever spoken to a doctor about that kind of thing so i dont know how universal that is. Maybe the whole thing made him uncomfortable and that’s why he was making jokes? I’d forgotten how bad it was, he can’t be excused. I dont know how it works but it might be an idea to ask to see a different doctor if it’s for mental health stuff especially, but i dont know how he’d react to that if he owns the place. If it was me, I’d ask for a different doctor or potentially even try to change to a different surgery.

Azziman

Hey @JJLemon18, thank you for sharing this experience here with us, I can imagine it's not an easy experience to share. In short, you're right - this sounds unprofessional and insensitive. Talking about going clubbing, giving you advice on dating apps and alcohol are topics I certainly wouldn't expect a doctor to be talking to me about!

Whether it was coming from a good place or not, the interaction with them made you feel uncomfortable. I should make this clear - there are topics that we can feel uncomfortable to talk about. But feeling uncomfortable because of the doctor is a different issue here.

I'd agree with @AnonymousToe here - if you don't feel comfortable talking to them, you can request to speak to another doctor at the GP - it's a normal procedure that happens for many reasons. It doesn't necessarily mean they're a bad doctor, but maybe not the right match for what you're looking for. Ultimately, you need to be comfortable enough with the doctor seeing you to speak about an issue that's on your mind.

How do you feel about the situation? What do you think you'd like to do next here? We're here to support you

Anonymous55

@JJLemon18
Ngl, your doctor seems like a git. An A-class one too. Who the hell tells their patient that there's no excuse to not be on meds? It's completely up to you, and he's invalidating that.

JJLemon18

Azziman wrote: »

How do you feel about the situation? What do you think you'd like to do next here?

Well, I don't feel too weird about it. I kinda processed it all now, and talking to a lot of people (including you all) about it has helped me a lot in seeing the whole situation clearer.

For now I think I'll stay with him, he seems slighly more helpful than my previous doctor (for the most part) and I think I've gotten good at distinguishing actual advice, from all his bullsh*t xD
He is on my 'naughty list' now tho lol, so anything weird and I'll just report him straight up and ask to change doctors.

Anonymous55 wrote: »

@JJLemon18
Ngl, your doctor seems like a git. An A-class one too. Who the hell tells their patient that there's no excuse to not be on meds? It's completely up to you, and he's invalidating that.

Lol. But yea, now I know this. So even if he tries telling me that I 'must' be on meds, I can tell him that its my choice, and that I first want to try other options.
He said he wont refer me to a psychiatrist before trying everything with him (which he said includes meds) but next visit he refered me for asd/adhd diagnosis without any questions. Like he realised more of the context behind my situation. if that makes sense.