If you need urgent support, call 999 or go to your nearest A&E. To contact our Crisis Messenger (open 24/7) text THEMIX to 85258.
Read the community guidelines before posting ✨
Options
Is my doctor crazy?
JJLemon18
Community Champion Posts: 1,945 Extreme Poster
The title of this thread is pretty much a rhetorical question lol, but this is something that I just really want to share.
Note: Do be warned theres pretty strong language in this post, and trigger warning too I guess, just in case. Its also really long...
Some backstory first. I decided to try a different doctor at my gp practice, because the one I was going to hasn't been too helpful, and I also found it really difficult to understand what she was saying or what she wanted from me. Basically we didn't get far. I also wanted to finally get some diagnoses to know exactly what I need to focus on in terms of mental health and stuff. So I got a visit booked with a doctor I last been to 10 years ago. And this is the story of how that went...
There is so much that happened that I cannot be bothered reciting this all again, instead I'll just copy and paste what I've written in my diary immediately after the visit. Sorry it is a bit messy.
And one last thing, I forgot to mention in the diary that the first thing he said to me was to talk to each other as friends, where I know the best about myself and he (as the doctor) knows about doctor-stuff, so we could work things out this way.
But anyway, here is the passage from my diary:
Yup... I am not making any of this up. Though maybe the way I'm phrasing some of it it may seem worse than it actually was, but still.
This was almost a month ago now, and I've had a lot to think about and process since. More and more I'm realising how incredibly MESSED UP this all is!! But I'm torn between two sides, because he also did seem really friendly (and he made me laugh a LOT during the visit haha)... when he said "fuck you" it didn't feel like he was saying it in a mean way, more in a jokeish way, as if he couldn't believe me. Kind of like "no way, you don't have a girlfriend??" for example. Greatest ego boost ever lmao... yay? xD
Also when he said about my family and uni, I assume he was trying to make me more careless and be less worried about stuff? Kind of like 'screw all that, focus on yourself' kind of way? But still, really horrible how he did that.
And before I could process everything about this, I had another visit with him booked, because he told me to make a list of all the things I struggle with and bring it to him so he knows what to help me with. So I gave him another chance, and told myelf if he behaves the same way I will report him. But surprising he was much different this time, which could be because of the list I gave him, so now he knows me and how much I'm really struggling. The only weird thing he told me this time is that maybe I 'need more alcohol' in my body to be more confident and all, which I dunno why he would ever suggest that to anyone! But I'm not gonna listen to him regardless. After reading my list he immediatly gave me paperwork for me to fill out to get a diagnosis for autism and/or adhd I believe. So I finally got what I wanted... yay?
But with all that said, I am aware he acted very unprofessionally and was really insensitive. He surely is a specimen to behold xD
I wonder what some of you might think about all this. And sorry i've written soo much
Note: Do be warned theres pretty strong language in this post, and trigger warning too I guess, just in case. Its also really long...
Some backstory first. I decided to try a different doctor at my gp practice, because the one I was going to hasn't been too helpful, and I also found it really difficult to understand what she was saying or what she wanted from me. Basically we didn't get far. I also wanted to finally get some diagnoses to know exactly what I need to focus on in terms of mental health and stuff. So I got a visit booked with a doctor I last been to 10 years ago. And this is the story of how that went...
There is so much that happened that I cannot be bothered reciting this all again, instead I'll just copy and paste what I've written in my diary immediately after the visit. Sorry it is a bit messy.
And one last thing, I forgot to mention in the diary that the first thing he said to me was to talk to each other as friends, where I know the best about myself and he (as the doctor) knows about doctor-stuff, so we could work things out this way.
But anyway, here is the passage from my diary:
Just left from a gp I've always been to when I was little. He was so honest and realistic. But I literally feel like crying right now.
He said how he remembers me when I was little. He said how handsome I am. And how I should be out with the girls partying, going to clubs, pubs etc.
His first question was literally if I have a girlfriend. And when I said I dont even have friends he said "fuck you". (No Im not making this up) I told him I'm struggling with uni courseworks and also struggling with family stuff cause my parents have been crying a lot, but I want to be there and support them. He said "fuck your family", and that "every time I see your mum even I want to cry"...
He told me to "fuck uni" and to get out and start living life... and by 'living life' he meant moving out from my "depressing" family, going to pubs to drink, and "fucking around" with girls... He told me to make a frickin tinder account!! I couldn't believe I was hearing all this from my own doctor...
He was truly and utterly ignoring and invalidating all my thoughts and feelings, all my struggles, and everything I had to say. He made it all sound so easy and like I was just making all my struggles up. And he even got angry at me for not wanting to take medications. He said the entire world is on medications so theres no excuse for me not being on them too. He was just so angry at me with everything, and he made me feel so bad for not being like 'everyone else'.
This was definitely an experience, and nothing like what I expected. I was uncomfortable as hell. He swore more times than he said the word 'the'. And I wonder if he behaved like this because he just didn't know anything about me beforehand (tho he did mention he remembers me already being very quiet when I was little) and he just tried to be relatable and 'cool' to what he assumed was just your average young male...
Beside all of this, he did genuinely seem like he tried to be helpful, and he did say it was so sad to see me come in depressed after so many years. But in the end he just stressed me out and made me more uncomfortable than I've been in a long time...
I dunno what to think of all this...
Yup... I am not making any of this up. Though maybe the way I'm phrasing some of it it may seem worse than it actually was, but still.
This was almost a month ago now, and I've had a lot to think about and process since. More and more I'm realising how incredibly MESSED UP this all is!! But I'm torn between two sides, because he also did seem really friendly (and he made me laugh a LOT during the visit haha)... when he said "fuck you" it didn't feel like he was saying it in a mean way, more in a jokeish way, as if he couldn't believe me. Kind of like "no way, you don't have a girlfriend??" for example. Greatest ego boost ever lmao... yay? xD
Also when he said about my family and uni, I assume he was trying to make me more careless and be less worried about stuff? Kind of like 'screw all that, focus on yourself' kind of way? But still, really horrible how he did that.
And before I could process everything about this, I had another visit with him booked, because he told me to make a list of all the things I struggle with and bring it to him so he knows what to help me with. So I gave him another chance, and told myelf if he behaves the same way I will report him. But surprising he was much different this time, which could be because of the list I gave him, so now he knows me and how much I'm really struggling. The only weird thing he told me this time is that maybe I 'need more alcohol' in my body to be more confident and all, which I dunno why he would ever suggest that to anyone! But I'm not gonna listen to him regardless. After reading my list he immediatly gave me paperwork for me to fill out to get a diagnosis for autism and/or adhd I believe. So I finally got what I wanted... yay?
But with all that said, I am aware he acted very unprofessionally and was really insensitive. He surely is a specimen to behold xD
I wonder what some of you might think about all this. And sorry i've written soo much
Believe in me - who believes in you
3
Comments
It sounds like he has really stereotypical views, like he has this idea of how someone your age is ‘supposed’ to be. He sounds really dismissive.
I feel like somebody senior at your GP surgery needs to know about this, to be honest. Luckily you’re in a position to know that what he said about alcohol especially just isn’t right. But someone else might not be. And how are you supposed to trust any advice he gives if he comes out with so much rubbish? I know maybe he doesn’t mean any harm, but that doesn’t make it okay.
Also, I feel like you should know what the paperwork was about? Like he should’ve explained it all to you, but it sounds like you’ve just had to guess what it was for.
There’s just so much he’s done wrong, I keep looking back and finding more. He shouldn’t be angry with you for not wanting to take medication. Doctors are supposed to respect your decision, and it’s not like you said something outlandish. Plenty of people don’t want to go down the medication route. “No excuse” for you not being on them??! That’s mad. Medication is generally supposed to be a last resort, especially when you’re young, so that’s not right at all.
You don’t have to be ‘like everyone else’. I’m not, so.. 😂
Side note: I think it’s so brave that you went to the GP and shared all that stuff, so well done for that. I’m sorry he was so awful.